I was hoping you guys could lend some thoughts on a very strange situation that's been happening to me at work. It's going to take awhile to explain & I hope I can make sense in telling it.
I work at a sheetmetal fabrication shop, along with my fiancee, Mike. (I've been there for over 5 years & work out in the shop.) The 3rd person in what has become a bizarre triangle is a guy I'll call "E".
E still lives with his Mom & has anger issues & emotional problems. I think his age is around 30-ish. He likes to bully certain people, especially Mike, who is pretty laid back & just wants to do his job & be left alone. There have been many times that E has ruined Mike's day just by being a jerk. I would tell Mike that E is having one of his insecurity attacks & has to bring people down to make himself feel bigger. E has been a jerk to me, too, but I don't work as close to him, don't have to deal with him as much, I was able to get mad at him walk away from him & ignore him until he apologized. And he alays did. I tried to understand him & his anger issues, tried to still be his friend. We would all sit together in his area at breaks & BS & read the paper. It hasn't always been peaceful, but we've done it for a long time.
And then E started taking Paxil.
At first it was okay. His doctor supposedly told him something about experimenting with the dosage to see what worked best for him, E was pretty open to me about it, I was curious about it.
The bizarre behavior began with Mike. He wanted to talk to Mike during a lunch break before our vacation Nov 11 & apologized for treating him badly, he wants to be friends now, stuff like that. Mike was kind of uncomfortable about it, like how men can be. As time goes on Mike was always telling me something different on the ride home from work, how E was getting paranoid if Mike wasn't talking to him or saying good morning. before it really started to escalate, E offered to take/pick us up at the local airport when we went on vacation last month.
Shortly after that at the break table, it was after a crazy Sunday of football. E was giving me a hard time about the Steelers, but he was really picking on Mike about the Browns squeaking out a win, he kept calling it a scab win & just kept doing it, I was thinking jeez, alright already, shut up. I told him he was sure in fine form today. I could see the look on his face, the malicious look, like he really wanted to get to Mike. I got up & walked away & made the decision not to deal with him anymore. Life is too short to deal with jerks & abusive people, I've given him enough chances to be decent to us over the course of 5 years, I was done with him & his crap. His angry moods. His malicious attacks.
Well my absence at the break table seemed to stress him out. I walk by him a dozen times a day if not more(i have to, unfortunately) & just ignore him. After years of picking on Mike, now he's all paranoid about Mike being his friend! Mike finally snapped & yelled at him, like "get the F away from me, leave me the F alone" sort of thing. E quiets down. For awhile. More or less. Mike works nearby to him & is still uncomfortable.
Last week I was working in another area of the shop & E saw me there & called me out "to talk" outside, next to the building. (there is a door right there) The lady that always works there walked off, it was if he was waiting. I'm thinking "oh great, my turn" He admitted to liking me. He kept getting too close to me. You know how you hate it when people get too close when they talk to you? I didn't like it at all, and he is a big boy, he is around 6'2" & is built pretty strong, too. But the conversation is extremely awkward for me, he asked me what my feeling were for him! I did get to tell him I didn't appreciate being picked on, I wasted 6 years of my life on a verbally abusive man & i don't like him picking on Mike, either. E told me it was because he resents Mike for being with me. Which is a bunch of crap. Mike says he picked on him before I came along. Anyway I kept backing up & mentioned it a few times, he was getting too close, I didn't like it. I kept feeling like he was going to grab me & kiss me or something! The final time I mentioned it, he was like "oh what if I keep doing it" & I just walked away then. I got the heck away from that, I was done, conversation over.
This week it has really escalated. I'm sorry this is so long, I'm actually trying to keep it short, but also have to do some background for you guys.
Anyway, on the ride home from work the other day, Mike told me E approached him again to talk, Mike gave him a "what now" look & E goes into apologetic mode, but there is something he needs to get off his chest. He told Mike he's been in love with me!!!!!!!
Now when Mike told me this, I had to laugh, I had to, it was too much. But it's really not funny, it's getting creepier all along, & now it's stressing us both out. In the meantime, I'm still ignoring E completely.
Yesterday, he came into my work area, which is a closed in room, kind of off by itself. I am instantly in defense mode & angry by now. He sees my body language or something & goes into apologetic mode, but he wanted to give me a letter, & there is a picture with it. I told him in a not so nice way that I'm done with this whole thing, its really freaking me out! he put the letter on one of my tables that i'm standing behind with the picture underneath it & began to back away & I'm in yelling mode by now, the dam has broken & I've had enough. "No more!!!" I yell, then, "I'm sick of this!! NO MORE!" And he leaves. I left the letter there for a long time, not even looking at it. Curious about the picture, but afraid to look. What if it's something nasty? So I finally looked at it about an hour later & see what looks to be a picture of his cat & I started crying. He knows I love cats & we both have kittens from the shop (Shop Cats!) & the sadness of it all just hit me. It took me longer to read the letter, I read a little bit of it & saved the rest for home. But shortly after that episode i went out looking for Mike & he looked at me like he knew what was going on. E had actually asked for permission to give me a letter! It turned out to be a 4 page love letter pouring out his feelings & talking between the lines about me leaving Mike for him!!!!!!!!!
Today I completely ignored him, like I have been doing, not doing anything at all to trigger anykind of episode from E. Mike told me that E looked at him like he wants to kill him & we are actually getting creeped out enough to worry about our personal safety. Like I said, E has had anger/emotional issues & now is on a mind altering drug that has really affected his behavior-we don't know what to expect. I can sense something building, like I did before. Thank God today was friday, but I think that Monday(we work 1/2 a day)something will happen. Holidays can put strange pressures on people that are already unstable, plus our shop is shutting down till the 2nd.
I haven't gone to management. Yet. If I get another episode, I will go to the floor boss. I have 4 pages of hard evidence now. The owner just had major bypass surgery & has been away But there is kind of a problem there. E is very good at what he does, & it's extremely hard to find someone to replace him. The owners love him. But I think the owner's wife knows he is on meds.
Mike & I have been together on this all the way, completely honest with each other about it. I even asked him if he wanted to read the letter, but he doesn't. At least not yet. We both agree that I need to find another job. He also wants to leave, but won't quit & leave me there with E. He is worried about me. I've told 2 other coworkers about it that I am close to. One said he will keep an eye out for me & watch my back, & the other is going to bring in some good job info for me on Monday.(he has also said that my story explains some strange behavior that he has also noticed with E)
Okay...sigh..I hope you guys are still with me, cuz I'd like to hear your thoughts & advice, you're all pretty good at helping with a different perspective!
And thank you for listening!
I work at a sheetmetal fabrication shop, along with my fiancee, Mike. (I've been there for over 5 years & work out in the shop.) The 3rd person in what has become a bizarre triangle is a guy I'll call "E".
E still lives with his Mom & has anger issues & emotional problems. I think his age is around 30-ish. He likes to bully certain people, especially Mike, who is pretty laid back & just wants to do his job & be left alone. There have been many times that E has ruined Mike's day just by being a jerk. I would tell Mike that E is having one of his insecurity attacks & has to bring people down to make himself feel bigger. E has been a jerk to me, too, but I don't work as close to him, don't have to deal with him as much, I was able to get mad at him walk away from him & ignore him until he apologized. And he alays did. I tried to understand him & his anger issues, tried to still be his friend. We would all sit together in his area at breaks & BS & read the paper. It hasn't always been peaceful, but we've done it for a long time.
And then E started taking Paxil.
At first it was okay. His doctor supposedly told him something about experimenting with the dosage to see what worked best for him, E was pretty open to me about it, I was curious about it.
The bizarre behavior began with Mike. He wanted to talk to Mike during a lunch break before our vacation Nov 11 & apologized for treating him badly, he wants to be friends now, stuff like that. Mike was kind of uncomfortable about it, like how men can be. As time goes on Mike was always telling me something different on the ride home from work, how E was getting paranoid if Mike wasn't talking to him or saying good morning. before it really started to escalate, E offered to take/pick us up at the local airport when we went on vacation last month.
Shortly after that at the break table, it was after a crazy Sunday of football. E was giving me a hard time about the Steelers, but he was really picking on Mike about the Browns squeaking out a win, he kept calling it a scab win & just kept doing it, I was thinking jeez, alright already, shut up. I told him he was sure in fine form today. I could see the look on his face, the malicious look, like he really wanted to get to Mike. I got up & walked away & made the decision not to deal with him anymore. Life is too short to deal with jerks & abusive people, I've given him enough chances to be decent to us over the course of 5 years, I was done with him & his crap. His angry moods. His malicious attacks.
Well my absence at the break table seemed to stress him out. I walk by him a dozen times a day if not more(i have to, unfortunately) & just ignore him. After years of picking on Mike, now he's all paranoid about Mike being his friend! Mike finally snapped & yelled at him, like "get the F away from me, leave me the F alone" sort of thing. E quiets down. For awhile. More or less. Mike works nearby to him & is still uncomfortable.
Last week I was working in another area of the shop & E saw me there & called me out "to talk" outside, next to the building. (there is a door right there) The lady that always works there walked off, it was if he was waiting. I'm thinking "oh great, my turn" He admitted to liking me. He kept getting too close to me. You know how you hate it when people get too close when they talk to you? I didn't like it at all, and he is a big boy, he is around 6'2" & is built pretty strong, too. But the conversation is extremely awkward for me, he asked me what my feeling were for him! I did get to tell him I didn't appreciate being picked on, I wasted 6 years of my life on a verbally abusive man & i don't like him picking on Mike, either. E told me it was because he resents Mike for being with me. Which is a bunch of crap. Mike says he picked on him before I came along. Anyway I kept backing up & mentioned it a few times, he was getting too close, I didn't like it. I kept feeling like he was going to grab me & kiss me or something! The final time I mentioned it, he was like "oh what if I keep doing it" & I just walked away then. I got the heck away from that, I was done, conversation over.
This week it has really escalated. I'm sorry this is so long, I'm actually trying to keep it short, but also have to do some background for you guys.
Anyway, on the ride home from work the other day, Mike told me E approached him again to talk, Mike gave him a "what now" look & E goes into apologetic mode, but there is something he needs to get off his chest. He told Mike he's been in love with me!!!!!!!
Yesterday, he came into my work area, which is a closed in room, kind of off by itself. I am instantly in defense mode & angry by now. He sees my body language or something & goes into apologetic mode, but he wanted to give me a letter, & there is a picture with it. I told him in a not so nice way that I'm done with this whole thing, its really freaking me out! he put the letter on one of my tables that i'm standing behind with the picture underneath it & began to back away & I'm in yelling mode by now, the dam has broken & I've had enough. "No more!!!" I yell, then, "I'm sick of this!! NO MORE!" And he leaves. I left the letter there for a long time, not even looking at it. Curious about the picture, but afraid to look. What if it's something nasty? So I finally looked at it about an hour later & see what looks to be a picture of his cat & I started crying. He knows I love cats & we both have kittens from the shop (Shop Cats!) & the sadness of it all just hit me. It took me longer to read the letter, I read a little bit of it & saved the rest for home. But shortly after that episode i went out looking for Mike & he looked at me like he knew what was going on. E had actually asked for permission to give me a letter! It turned out to be a 4 page love letter pouring out his feelings & talking between the lines about me leaving Mike for him!!!!!!!!!
Today I completely ignored him, like I have been doing, not doing anything at all to trigger anykind of episode from E. Mike told me that E looked at him like he wants to kill him & we are actually getting creeped out enough to worry about our personal safety. Like I said, E has had anger/emotional issues & now is on a mind altering drug that has really affected his behavior-we don't know what to expect. I can sense something building, like I did before. Thank God today was friday, but I think that Monday(we work 1/2 a day)something will happen. Holidays can put strange pressures on people that are already unstable, plus our shop is shutting down till the 2nd.
I haven't gone to management. Yet. If I get another episode, I will go to the floor boss. I have 4 pages of hard evidence now. The owner just had major bypass surgery & has been away But there is kind of a problem there. E is very good at what he does, & it's extremely hard to find someone to replace him. The owners love him. But I think the owner's wife knows he is on meds.
Mike & I have been together on this all the way, completely honest with each other about it. I even asked him if he wanted to read the letter, but he doesn't. At least not yet. We both agree that I need to find another job. He also wants to leave, but won't quit & leave me there with E. He is worried about me. I've told 2 other coworkers about it that I am close to. One said he will keep an eye out for me & watch my back, & the other is going to bring in some good job info for me on Monday.(he has also said that my story explains some strange behavior that he has also noticed with E)
Okay...sigh..I hope you guys are still with me, cuz I'd like to hear your thoughts & advice, you're all pretty good at helping with a different perspective!