Bizarre behavior and getting worse!

[lizi59]

First, I'm a newbie to this forum. I've tried to keep this as short as possible, but I apologize up front for the length of this post.

I've always had at least two cats all my life - and we're talking a LOT of years here - but I've never come across anything like this! Right now we have 4 cats ages 5 through 10. They get along fine with only the usual occasional squabbles. All are indoor cats.

The one I'm writing about, Clyde, is a 10 year old black and white tuxedo cat. As a kitten he attached to me, which I've heard is not uncommon for these cats. Over the years, though, he's gradually become more and more attached, and it's gotten to the point that I feel like I'm being stalked

He follows me everywhere, not an uncommon behavior. But this goes way beyond that. No matter what room I'm in he's right there, watching me. If I'm sitting on the couch he'll sit on the coffee table right in front of me and stare at me. If he's in my lap and I need to get up, he puts all his weight against me so I can't move him. If he falls asleep and I happen to leave that room, when he wakes up he goes through the house meowing/crying. Of course he's right up against me when I'm in bed. I always get up once or twice during the night. He used to stay in bed, but now he gets up and follows me. He'll position himself in a spot where he can see me no matter which route I take back to the bedroom. AND if I'm in bed he either waits until I get up to go eat or use the box. If he can't wait, he'll look very closely at my face to make sure I'm asleep, run down the hall to do one or both, and race back. I woke up one night last week but didn't move, just opened my eyes, and instead of sleeping in his usual "right up against me" position, he was sitting there staring at me!

Today he added a new one. I'm out of work and tend to stay up late which of course means I sometimes sleep a little late.

If I'm lying in bed, awake or not, he's right there with me. BUT if I sit up, or get up and move around in the room, he stands in the doorway so he won't miss it if I leave the room.

I'm in my "workroom" right now which is my college student daughter's bedroom. Clyde is on the bed directly across from where I'm sitting.

Over the years I've had changes in work schedules and daily routines. I worked nights for a few years and my husband said Clyde would stay on the loveseat staring at the door until he fell asleep or I came home. About a year ago he had PU surgery and was at the vet's for 5 or 6 days which was the first time he's been away from home. These things could be contributing to his behavior but I truly don't think any or all of them are causing it because he's been doing this from kittenhood. It's just getting worse as time goes by.

He's a very loving cat and very affectionate with everyone in the family, but he's only this way with me. The other 3 cats are female and he's like their mother - we call him the Nurturer. He and the next oldest cat will sleep together and he'll have his front paws around her like he's holding her.

I've tried ignoring him, giving him as much attention as possible, making a point of telling him when I'm leaving the room so he can come with me and not think I'm sneaking off, and countless other things. Nothing has made a difference. I love him with all my heart but I have to admit this is getting very annoying, not to mention creepy at times.

Anyone have or had a cat who acts like this, to this degree? Maybe he's just getting old and that's making it worse? All comments and suggestions are welcome!

 

[carolina]

I am sorry... And the problem is??

If it was me, That post wouldn't be telling a problem, but I would be bragging left and right! Sounds like your kitty loves you very much

... You are his person... That's all there is to it IMHO

 

[lizi59]

Thanks for your reply!

Please don't misunderstand me. I love my boy!! And I am proud that he chose me to be his person. But this is much more than just that. It's like an obsession with him. He has true panic attacks when he doesn't know where I am. The sounds he makes are more crying than meowing.

I know it doesn't sound extreme in just telling about it. You really have to watch him to get the full effect. This goes on 24/7. He must be in a constant state of anxiety. I am worried about him, but I was also being honest in saying it is sometimes creepy to be stared at all day and all night.

In all my years and all my cats I have never seen one act so extreme. I was only asking if anyone has experienced this type of behavior with their cat. It would ease my mind to hear there are others out there whose cat are just as obsessive.

 

[ondine]

We have a cat that acts similarly. He cries like a kitten until ones of us says "We're in here." Then he comes in and it actually looks likes he's thinking "OMG! I thought you left me!" He'll cuddle for up to an hour, then he's fine

Not as extreme, obviously but we had him on Buspar for a bit. It did help as he was a little more obsessive before. Ask your vet. He may be sick and this is his way of telling you.

Good luck...

 

[otto]

I too was going to suggest a trip to the vet.

If you think he is suffering a lot of anxiety, he might do better on a low dose of medication such as amitriptyline.

Or even start with Rescue Remedy. But since things have escalated, I suggest a trip to the vet, with a senior blood panel done, first.

It may not be he can't bear to be parted from you, it may be he is worried about you. You call him the nurturer, and he is being that, and protecting you. A little help in the way of meds might help him lose some of that feeling of responsibility and anxiety.

Welcome to TCS, and please do keep us updated on Clyde.

 

[stephanietx]

Perhaps he senses the change in routine and perhaps some change in you as well. (Maybe a bit down or something like that.) A vet check is a good place to start. Be sure to get a senior blood panel to check thyroid, kidneys, and all those other things older kitties need to have monitored. If you think he has some anxiety due to the the change in routine, try a Feliway diffuser to help calm him. Also make sure he has some 'safe places' to hang out if he's a bit stressed. The other thing to consider is that he's just not used to having you around so much so he's taking full advantage of the situation!

 

[lizi59]

I really appreciate all these responses!

I agree that a visit to the vet is a good idea. Unfortunately, for now that will have to wait since with me being unemployed our finances are in dire shape. Of course, if it becomes an emergency situation, that's a different matter!

Reading these replies made me think of something I hadn't considered and which makes perfect sense. I have Bipolar Disorder which has progressively gotten worse (hence the job loss) and it does seem that he is at his worst right before I have a "meltdown".

My poor baby!

I feel bad that I'm probably the cause of his anxiety. I'll give him as much love and attention as I possibly can and maybe that will help ease his mind. In a way he's helping me, too - he'll be my advance warning signal so I can try to ward off or minimize my situation.

Thanks so much, everyone! I knew talking to other "cat people" would help! I'll let everyone know how he's doing.

 

[strange_wings]

You're kitty has been with you a long time. Chances are he can read you fairly well know and feels like he needs to stay close to you because your behavior.

When you do get him in to see the vet, have his eyes and hearing checked. Maybe one or the other isn't as sharp as it used to be and that's adding to his clinging.


I have one that's clingy - but no where near as bad as yours. (she just does the keep me in sight as much as possible and/or sit on me for hours thing and gets possessive) She still functions on her own, but she does have anxiety issues that are making me consider medication for her.

 

[stephanietx]

Superb! He's warning you of an upcoming "meltdown". That's amazing and a wonderful thing for you so that the effects can be minimized or avoided. Maybe you should call him your "head's up kitty" since he gives you a head's up on the meltdowns.

It's funny how in tune with us our cats become. Another endearing character for them.

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by stephanietx

Superb! He's warning you of an upcoming "meltdown". That's amazing and a wonderful thing for you so that the effects can be minimized or avoided. Maybe you should call him your "head's up kitty" since he gives you a head's up on the meltdowns.

I'm not sure if they can be avoided. Not if it's a regular thing that happens every few weeks or months (it would be like a woman with PMS trying to avoid getting PMS - it's still going to happen even if she knows about it). Except for drugging them away all the cat can do is give her a heads up that it might be good to warn others.

 

[momofmany]

I too have had cats for many, many years and one thing that I've noticed about my "nurturing" cats (I call them the house ambassadors), is that those are the ones that tend to want to be in the same room with me all the time. And as they age, they are nearly always with me. My biggest nurturer used to sleep on my hair at night, and cry when he wasn't in the room with me. I'd just call his name, he'd let out a meowl, then come running.

When you have the resource, he's at the right age to have a full geriatric panel done on him. Cats can get overly clingy when they aren't feeling well, as your presence can bring comfort to them.

 

[lizi59]

It's true that most of the time the 'meltdowns' or 'hypergear' can't be avoided, but I can sometimes lessen the intensity of the mood swing if I know it's on its way. It's like a hurricane - you batten down the hatches and prepare for it as best as you can, but you sure can't stop it. Good point about warning my family, though!

Off-topic: We actually had four generations of females - Casey, a Tortoise Shell, gave birth to Penny (aka Princess Penelope), a Ragdoll, who gave birth to Isabel, a light grey 'mixed' shorthair, who gave birth to Charley, a dark grey mixed shorthair. Clyde fathered none of them. The connection is that Isabel and Charley were named after hurricanes that happened around the time they were born. We recently lost Penny, but that's another story for another time.

Thanks for everyone's comments!

 

[mira's_mommy]

This may not help any but my sister's 4 year old tuxedo cat is the same way. He is super clingy, past the point of creepiness. He won't even eat unless she sits next to the bowl. Same with the litter box. It's like taking a dog outside, except she has to take the cat to the litterbox. He even sleeps on her face at night (yes, ON her face and he's 20+ pounds) so that she can't get up without waking him. My parents had to install a shelf next to the stand-up shower so that he can see over the top and watch her bathe, otherwise he will insist on getting in with her or scream loud enough to wake the neighbors until she finishes. His health is a-okay so it must be he's just a weird cat.

 

[stephanietx]

My DH suffers from depression (but not bi-polar) and it is cyclical in nature. There are also certain triggers for him. There are times when it just hits him from out of the blue, but we've developed a keyword when he's unaware that he's on the slippery slope. There are also certain behavior patterns that I've noticed he exhibits when he's depressed. Often all I have to do is ask the key question and it helps him focus on the situation and take the steps to get back on track.

Over the past 10 years, he's made great strides in the severity of his depression and the length the periods of depression lasts. So I understand that the meltdowns can't be totally avoided, but they can be greatly lessened in length and severity.

 

[lizi59]

mira's_mommy, I feel so much better!! It must be something with these cats. Before I got Clyde, I had a friend who had a female tuxedo kitten. Layla attached to my friend's then boyfriend, who wasn't even there much since they lived some distance apart. They've since married and unfortunately I've lost touch with them, but last I heard Layla is still bonded to her man

(off-topic) stephanie - I know how difficult it is for the spouse, family members, and anyone close to someone with a mental illness. It truly amazes me that my DH is still with me and still so devoted to me, after everything I've (unintentionally) put him through.

It's hard to be objective about changes in yourself, reactions or side effects of medications, or triggers, not to mention the whole denial thing. If my DH notices anything different he tells me what he's seeing and sometimes that allows me to be proactive instead of reactive.

I truly don't know who suffers more - the person with the illness or his/her loved ones. But I do know that having someone at your side fighting along with you makes a huge difference. Hang in there!