Big Girls Don't Cry.

[swampwitch]

I cry over deaths, and if I was close to the animal or human, I cry whenever I want and I don't care what others think. I don't hold it back and I don't lose control.

Other things, I try to deal with logically and reasonably. If I'm not allowed to do that, I get angry. But that usually scares people.

 

[belongstoevie]

I cry over deaths- whether my grandmother or my mouse- but pretend to be tough. Which makes it difficult because the other thing I cry over is when I get angry! When I'm mad, I cry. Some people yell, or punch things... I cry! It's embarassing...

But as everyone has said, each person feels and expresses emotions in their own ways. No one's "right", we're all just ourselves.

 

[carolpetunia]

You sound reasonably normal to me! Sometimes when the hit is just too big to handle, our minds protect us from it by throwing up that "denial" thing as long as possible, and then the "okay it happened let's move on" thing that follows. It's a coping mechanism, and a pretty good one, as coping mechanisms go. It works with big things and little things alike.

Example of a Little Thing:
A couple of years ago while my brother and I were making a bunch of pizzas from scratch (part of a little family ritual we've had since childhood), I took a perfect, bubbling cheese pizza out of the oven and showed it to him: "Is that beautiful or what?" Then I lost my grip and dropped it upside down on the floor.

While my brother stomped and cussed and pitched a fit, I just calmly scooped the mess into the trash can and started making another pizza. It did no good to get upset... why waste the energy?

That sounds to me like something you might do, and I think that's very healthy.

Example of a Big Thing:
About ten years ago, I was in love. I'd been in love for exactly one week, with someone I'd met on the internet a couple of months earlier. We were planning to meet in a month or so. But then one day on the phone, we started talking about our appearance, and I admitted to him that I was overweight. "By how much?" he asked. I was actually about 35 pounds overweight at that time, but I fudged and told him, "I need to lose about 30 pounds."

He was so aghast that he could not conceal his horror. "Thirty pounds? That much, really?" He couldn't figure out what to say, so he hemmed and hawed, and finally he said, "I wish I could tell you it doesn't matter to me, but... thirty pounds... I've got to think about this, okay? Let me get used to this idea." Click.

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I slid out of the chair onto my knees and sobbed aloud for twenty minutes. I kept waiting for it to pass, waiting to get control... but I was just completely grief-stricken.

I knew if I didn't get a grip, I'd slide down into deep depression again, fall apart, lose my job... it would all go to pieces, and I couldn't afford that. So I thought, "What's a more constructive way to deal with this awful feeling? What do other people do when they feel like this?"

And the first thought that came to mind was, "They write blues songs!" So that's what I did. I grabbed my guitar and started to play in the time-honored key of E, and sure enough, a song happened. And to my surprise, it was not a mournful song, but a wry little lyric that put his over-reaction into perspective and actually made me smile. And after that, I was able to go on with life.

Anyway, it sounds to me like you're doing fine. It would be good, though, if you had at least one person you could pour it all out to... I'm lucky enough to have that, and it really helps sometimes.

You do have us, though!

 

[cococat]

I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I don't cry over little things often at all. In my teen years crying felt good, it just felt good, like a release. But as an adult I don't cry that much. But I will go ahead and cry whenever the mood strikes me if I am driving alone or at my home. I try not to dwell on the really bad/sad things, but sometimes you will see or hear something that will cause tears.

I went to a funeral recently, it was a lot for me to take in, on one hand it was a celebration of life, the service was very well done with lots of caring and love. The person was a wonderful person, had a long life, lots of loved ones, and was a good person.

On the other hand it really blew my mind to see life going on as usual that day, people visiting, people laughing, kids running around and playing, just life in general. I felt like the world should stop, but it never did. It amazed me how well people in general moved on or at least appeared to be. Personally, I am still trying to sort it all out. It might take awhile.

 

[kaylacat]

I cry very easily at sad TV shows or movies...or watching things like animal miracles on animal planet.

I cry reading a sad or moving poem or story....I am a big cry baby!

When something happens like someone dies or a pet dies sometimes I cry like a baby right away....sometimes I go numb at first and break down crying later when I am alone.

 

[asecretk]

I will cry at a song on the radio or a scene in a movie but never in front of people. I get upset about bills/money issues but again never in front of anyone.

I have been upset for weeks since I lost my Jasper but my BF nor my daughter have seen me cry about it even though I have many many times. I have not even told anyone at work because I don't want to talk about it. I guess that is my way of dealing. I keep things inside and then let them out when no one else is around.

I have been to many funerals but only cried at two of them.

One was my brother and the other my grandfather.

I sometimes feel very hard inside at times that I don't get upset about things that others do.

I guess that is one thing that makes us all different.

 

[jenny1124]

Originally Posted by Kaylacat

I cry very easily at sad TV shows or movies...or watching things like animal miracles on animal planet.

I cry reading a sad or moving poem or story....I am a big cry baby!

When something happens like someone dies or a pet dies sometimes I cry like a baby right away....sometimes I go numb at first and break down crying later when I am alone.

I'm a lot like this. I cry during movies (more so when I'm alone). I cried when I dropped Princess off at the vet for her spay. I can't read the forum where people post when their pet has passed away without bawling. I cried when I watched the news unfold during 9/11...

But during funerals, I break down at some points and at other points, like the viewing, I am just fine.

Basically I'm a big baby

 

[lookingglass]

At funerals and things I have this horrible tenancy to laugh. That's just how I grieve. I'll cry in private but laugh when it comes to the public moments. I think it's because it's so emotional to me I just shut down and can't deal with the raw pain anymore.