Because I'm a Man
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling
AAA
is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I
will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used
to
be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring
me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a
woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same
thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I
will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put
it
back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control
in
my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss
a
whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive
by
holding a calculator..... (applies to engin eers mainly).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking
about. The true answer is always either s**, cars, s**, sports or
s**.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for
my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
didn't....and
if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at
least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your
hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the
rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering
what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better
understand men.
My hubby is good for all of these except the remote....he would rather holler, "c'mon babe fast forward through the commercials, slacker!" to me than do it himself!
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling
AAA
is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I
will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used
to
be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring
me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a
woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same
thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I
will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put
it
back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control
in
my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss
a
whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive
by
holding a calculator..... (applies to engin eers mainly).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking
about. The true answer is always either s**, cars, s**, sports or
s**.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for
my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
didn't....and
if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at
least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your
hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the
rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering
what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better
understand men.