I lost the love of my life a few weeks ago and I am still a mess. Does this get any easier?
I rescued Bea fourteen years ago. Her family had moved and abandoned her. I was in my early twenties when I found her. Bea was all mine and I was all hers. She was there with me through three breakups, a bout of depression, the death of two family members and the final episode of the Sopranos
I used to call her mama because she would look out for me like I was her kitten. She would run over to groom me every time I cried and she was there exactly 5 minutes after I went to bed each night to crawl under the covers with me. She was polite and she would tap my leg if she wanted mashed potatoes anytime I was eating them and she would tap my shoulder in the morning to wake me up. She was weird, she would make yodeling sounds at other cats outside our window and she was good. She was just pure and sweet and good. She was my best friend.
This summer Bea started to get skinnier, which I thought was because we had her on weight control food(she was quite hefty once upon a time) It was such a busy summer for me. I got married, my 6 year old step son came to live with us, we had family and friends in and out of our home and I can't get over the guilt of not noticing sooner that she was fading away. My husband and my step son got up early on August 12th to fly to South Carolina and by noon, I had Bea in her carrier and at the vet. I ended up going to a different vet than her usual one because this was an emergency trip. The vet said she had some small spots on her lungs and then sent us home with her pumped full of asthma medication and other stuff to the tune of almost $700 dollars. He said she would be fine. We came home and snuggled together for the rest of the evening and went to bed as normal. I woke up the next morning and knew sometihng wasn't right. I called in sick at work(luckily my boss is an animal lover so she understood how much Bea meant to me...how much a pet can mean to their owner)
Bea collapsed and I wrapped her in some blankets and sang to her with her little head in my hand and within 45 minutes she passed away. I continued to lay there with her on the floor for hours. I even slept there with her overnight until I could get her cremated the next day. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever been through. I still feel as if I should've done something more. Does that feeling ever go away?
The head of the vet clinic refunded some of the vet bill which we donated to a local no -kill shelter which was nice but didn''t bring Bea back.
I have cried every night since it happened.
Just a couple of weeks ago, i went to the SPCA and adopted a cat who needed me as I much as I needed her. I told her that we were going to save each other. She's a giant loveable cat who was shot 7 times with a bb gun(and still has the bb's deep in her chest. the vet says they cause her no pain). I still cry at night but our new cat Alvy, is a wonderful addition to our home. She's funny and silly and has a lot of baggage. I'm going to help her get over that just like she's helping me get over the loss of Bea.
Has anyone else adopted a new cat shortly after losing one? At first I felt horrible, like I was trying to replace Bea but i know I never could. Alvy is completely different than Bea. She's wonderful in an entirely different way.
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