Baffled By Resident Kitty's Behaviour Towards New Kitty

[amaruuk]

Hello again, oh wise and sage cat-people.

I saw something this morning that absolutely baffled me, and thought maybe one of you have encountered this before. Google is turning up nothing useful.

The scenario:
- 8yr old spayed female (Petunia) intro to 2 yr old neutered male (tentatively Cricket).
- 13 days into intro
- only protest coming from Petunia. Cricket's friendly and eager to play.
- eating on either side of baby gate in full view. very little hissing.
- regular playtime/treat-time of up to 30min at a time in same room, separate toys. Some hissing and growling and walking away, no fights yet.
- both will lay 18"+ away from each other in same room and chill for up to 5min.
- Cricket locks onto her to play, usually when I have to separate as her ears go flat and she starts growling, hissing, spitting, lashing out long before he gets to her.

The baffling part this morning:

They're on either side of the gate, able to see each other. Cricket desperately wants to play with her so I have him playing with his favorite toy near the gate and her. I have her favorite toy on the other side of the gate at the same time so she can play too.

Only she doesn't play.
She rolls over onto her back, her side pressed up against the gate.
Cricket can touch her, and does gently. She's hissing and growling at him unenthusiastically, but not moving away.
She claws at the carpet and the gate to get through it, pushing her head down into the floor so she's looking at him upside down, and then starts purring.
While hissing and growling.
And taking swipes at him under the gate.

I am so confused.

I ended up letting her into the living room with Cricket and I, and though there were treats again and attempted distraction through play, the growling and hissing continued at a low level whenever he gets too close.

To his credit, as long as I tire him out before an encounter, he'll back off and lay down a few feet from her, or head into the bedroom. He routinely rolls over close to her and offers up his belly. He's very friendly with her, though he desperately wants to play and starts 'stalking' her. When she keeps growling, his tail starts swishing and I'll separate them before he pounces.

Why is ms Petunia showing her belly and purring and hissing and growling, while trying to get through the gate but at the same time avoiding him when she does?

Is it still a defensive move? Does she actually want his company or just mine and is getting tired of not being in the same room all the time with me 24/7?
Is this her begrudgingly getting used to him and is a step in the right direction, or is she gearing up for a full on war from her back?

The purring while hissing on her back made me laugh out loud this morning but absolutely confused me. I know basically how to read kitty body language but it seemed like she was having an existential crisis this morning throwing all of them out at once. Her pupils were relaxed, not huge or constricted, ears weren't flat while behind the gate and her tail wasn't flicking around either.

Color me 8 shades of baffled by this girl.

(the pic is from 4 days ago at mealtime)

 

[amaruuk]

Mostly I want to determine if I need to take the introduction back a step to avoid a full on fight, or keep pushing Petunia's comfort line bit by bit.

I'd hate for this new behaviour to mean 'piss off entirely or I will END you', and end up undoing all the progress I've made so far.

 

[Hellenww]

It sounds like she does want him around and is in the process of teaching him what kind of interactions she wants. "Come close, hey did I say that close" Have they gotten to the point of play wrestling or chasing.

Does he listen and back off when she hisses? If he does, maybe don't separate before the pounce and let her tell him to stop.

 

[amaruuk]

He doesn't chase her, but he'll sit really intently staring at her, tail going wild.

He did sneak up on her once too fast which resulted 4 days ago in her spinning, ears flat hissing spitting growling then screaming as they tumbled together, paws flying. No one was hurt in the small scuffle, but he came out of it with spit all over him lol. It's the closest to a 'fight' they've had yet, something I'm trying to prevent so she can associate him with good things.

It took her 3 days initially to not exhibit outright fear at his scent; she's a nervous girl. The last cat she had an experience with bullied her. That her hair finally stopped standing on end, I took as a very good sign.

He doesn't always listen and back off. If I can distract him, he will, but when he gets this laser focus on her and starts stalking her from across the room, nothing stops that boy short of me standing between them.

I know she *can* bond with another kitty, I just want to do it at Petunia's pace so she doesn't take steps backwards. It's stressful enough right now as it is.