This forum is such a rich resource... it occurs to me that some of you here might be able to help me figure out what, if anything, I can do to help my cousin.
Without going into too much detail in this public place: my beloved cousin(let's call him David) and his wife (let's call her Karen) have been separated for few years, and a divorce will happen when money becomes available for it. Their nine-year-old son has his own room in each home and is handling the whole thing just beautifully. Let's call him Andy.
The problem is that Karen is mentally disturbed. And lest you think I'm just saying that about her because David is my cousin and I naturally want to side with him, let me add that it's not just my assessment. The psychologists and family counselors all suggest the same thing: Borderline Personality Disorder for sure, and probably bipolar as well. They always tell her they want to do further testing and start developing a medication and therapy regimen for her -- but as soon as they suggest that there's anything wrong with her, she pitches a fit and storms out.
If you aren't familiar with BPD... it's hideous. Everything I've ever read about it says something like, "If you're married to a person with BPD, get out now! Save yourself!" Karen's behavior is so controlling, so cruel, so destructive... and so completely irrational, so absolutely closed to the application of any logic at all... and so relentless... she very simply makes life a living hell for David every single day. And she does it with gleeful relish, with righteous pride, with venom beyond my powers of description.
She does turn all this ugliness on others as well, including my parents and me -- but no one receives the full force of her hatred quite like David does. And the older Andy gets, the more she clamps down on him with her controlling and manipulating techniques... and also with deception, just plain lying to him, especially about his father.
Karen also drinks too much, spends money obsessively and foolishly, and often becomes aggressive and hostile toward people in public places.
In short, this woman desperately needs help and refuses to accept it. But even with help, statistics say she will probably never change very much.
So unless something is done, my cousin will have to deal with the utter misery of this woman's constant, obsessive attacks every blessed day until Andy turns 18. Even the divorce won't help, really -- David will still have to deal with her and coordinate with her, just as he does now.
I don't think he can do it. I'm afraid the stress will give him a heart attack.
So I've been trying to think of what to do. Karen has several family members here, but she is estranged from some of them, and the others seem to have been beaten into submission. They just stay out of her way. She has just one friend, who is almost as crazy as she is. I don't see anyone in her life who could, or would, step in and try to help her see the light.
I've even thought of trying to arrange an intervention... but I can imagine how it would go. She would sling hateful epithets around the room, spin on her stiletto heel, and go looking for ways to punish us all.
So... does anyone have any ideas? I'm just lost. Is there any chance someone like this could be treated involuntarily, required to accept therapy and medication? As far as I know, that kind of thing only happens when an act of violence has occurred.
Short of that... is there anything we can do?
Thanks for listening.
Without going into too much detail in this public place: my beloved cousin(let's call him David) and his wife (let's call her Karen) have been separated for few years, and a divorce will happen when money becomes available for it. Their nine-year-old son has his own room in each home and is handling the whole thing just beautifully. Let's call him Andy.
The problem is that Karen is mentally disturbed. And lest you think I'm just saying that about her because David is my cousin and I naturally want to side with him, let me add that it's not just my assessment. The psychologists and family counselors all suggest the same thing: Borderline Personality Disorder for sure, and probably bipolar as well. They always tell her they want to do further testing and start developing a medication and therapy regimen for her -- but as soon as they suggest that there's anything wrong with her, she pitches a fit and storms out.
If you aren't familiar with BPD... it's hideous. Everything I've ever read about it says something like, "If you're married to a person with BPD, get out now! Save yourself!" Karen's behavior is so controlling, so cruel, so destructive... and so completely irrational, so absolutely closed to the application of any logic at all... and so relentless... she very simply makes life a living hell for David every single day. And she does it with gleeful relish, with righteous pride, with venom beyond my powers of description.
She does turn all this ugliness on others as well, including my parents and me -- but no one receives the full force of her hatred quite like David does. And the older Andy gets, the more she clamps down on him with her controlling and manipulating techniques... and also with deception, just plain lying to him, especially about his father.
Karen also drinks too much, spends money obsessively and foolishly, and often becomes aggressive and hostile toward people in public places.
In short, this woman desperately needs help and refuses to accept it. But even with help, statistics say she will probably never change very much.
So unless something is done, my cousin will have to deal with the utter misery of this woman's constant, obsessive attacks every blessed day until Andy turns 18. Even the divorce won't help, really -- David will still have to deal with her and coordinate with her, just as he does now.
I don't think he can do it. I'm afraid the stress will give him a heart attack.
So I've been trying to think of what to do. Karen has several family members here, but she is estranged from some of them, and the others seem to have been beaten into submission. They just stay out of her way. She has just one friend, who is almost as crazy as she is. I don't see anyone in her life who could, or would, step in and try to help her see the light.
I've even thought of trying to arrange an intervention... but I can imagine how it would go. She would sling hateful epithets around the room, spin on her stiletto heel, and go looking for ways to punish us all.
So... does anyone have any ideas? I'm just lost. Is there any chance someone like this could be treated involuntarily, required to accept therapy and medication? As far as I know, that kind of thing only happens when an act of violence has occurred.
Short of that... is there anything we can do?
Thanks for listening.