Anxiety with New People

[sirius1]

Hi guys, 

Looking for a little advice about my kitten's extreme anxiety around new people. Whenever someone comes in through the front door, he runs as fast as he can to the sofa and tries to hide. Then for the next hour whenever anyone comes anywhere near him, his back goes up and he starts hissing. Once he's experienced the person, he's as friendly as can be - wanting to play, sitting on laps and purring. But I don't know how to get him past this extreme reaction when people come in through the door. I've had him almost three weeks now, and during that time he has met several new people: my flatmate, friends, boyfriend, and had the same initial reaction to all of them despite never having a negative experience. Everyone who has come to play with him has been nothing but gentle with him. 

 

[mservant]

It is not uncommon for kittens and cats to be wary and defensive towards people who come in to their home.  Hopefully this is something you can support him with and help him to feel more confident and relaxed about those who do come in.

Generally it is always best to let a cat decide when and if they wish to be in someone's company or to hide away, or simply skirt about a room and watch.  It can be quite overwhelming for young cats and kittens when everyone wants to come and meet them and play - as we do!

One thing I have found helps is to allow my kittens / cats to get to understand the front door and how people come in and out of it. Let them experience the door when no one is there, either me holding them or with them on leash, allowing them to go over the doorway in their own time and to go in and out.  They have all been indoor cats but as the door is the week point in their territory I have always felt it necessary that they understand and know what happens there, and what is on the other side of it.  I give them a safe place, box or hiding place they can use close to the door if they want to as well.

If they start to show any interest in someone coming in and just hide a little way back from the door but looking on, if they will tolerate me holding them, I lift them up when someone they have met before comes in the door. I get the person to arrive quietly, to minimize any anxiety from doorbells or loud knocking as well.  I talk to the cat in a happy and anticipatory voice, like offering them a treat or something, and telling them someone is at the door and who I think it is. When I open the door my cat is then at an equal height with the person coming in and can feel more able to see what is going on and more equal with the big scary person they are meeting.

When someone has come in that my cat's are not familiar with, I also encourage them to offer my cat one of their treats, not necessarily going up close, but to put on the floor or to throw for them like a game.  Anything that gives a sense of people coming in as friendly, not threatening.

I am very lucky with my current boy who loves to be involved in anyone coming in, and regularly meets people at face level up in my arms as I open the door, but one of my previous girls spent many years watching and listening from the safety of the bedroom door until she knew who was there.  She would eventually introduce herself to people in her own good time.

 

[pinkdagger]

A lot of cats I know actually act this way, and it makes sense because most cats are naturally wary. I've only known three cats who were very open to meeting and greeting new people in their home (one of them is my boyfriend's), and I think part of it has to do with their personality and the other, the environment they're raised in. If you frequently have people over and the cat has to adjust to all their new smells and such, but the people are calm and don't pressure the cat to come out and be social, chances are higher they'll grow up feeling more confident new people won't be a threat.

I'm preparing to face this myself with our newer cat, who is painfully shy and hisses. She's never aggressive, and she's a total sweetheart, but even visiting her in the foster home where she lived with her family for a year, she hid away from us and could only be coaxed out with play after we were there for an hour (I felt bad for the foster family having us there so long!).

I would say just ensure new people entering the home are calm and quiet - avoiding loud voices and stompy feet, that they don't approach the cat too quickly, and have a plan to coax him out with, as MServant suggested, a favourite treat or a toy.

 

[mycatwasthebest]

 
Hi guys, 

Looking for a little advice about my kitten's extreme anxiety around new people. Whenever someone comes in through the front door, he runs as fast as he can to the sofa and tries to hide. Then for the next hour whenever anyone comes anywhere near him, his back goes up and he starts hissing. Once he's experienced the person, he's as friendly as can be - wanting to play, sitting on laps and purring. But I don't know how to get him past this extreme reaction when people come in through the door. I've had him almost three weeks now, and during that time he has met several new people: my flatmate, friends, boyfriend, and had the same initial reaction to all of them despite never having a negative experience. Everyone who has come to play with him has been nothing but gentle with him. 

from what u said in your first post on the site (hi there) your kitten was separated from his mother WAY too young so he is only now at a point where he wouldn't be clinging to his mother all the time. So, imo, there is nothing abnormal in his initial reaction to people entering his space, and the above posters both gave great advice but I would wait a few weeks before putting that much pressure on him. Are u a stayathome(fur)mom?

 

[sirius1]

Thanks guys it is good advice. He is even a bit afraid of people he's already met until he susses it out that it is indeed them. He does seem to be getting a little better now though, as he approaches 12 weeks. The reactions aren't quite as extreme! I've been allowing him to stay in the kitchen with the door only open a crack, and then come in to greet the visitors on his own terms. This seems to be working much better, and he gets so curious after a few minutes that he has to creep in to see what the fuss is about. 

No. I work from home most of the time as I am a PhD student in the last stages of writing up my thesis, but I am away two days a week teaching at the university. 

 

[mservant]

If you are at home with him most of the time, he should have time to familiarise at feel safe with you, and get used to people coming and going while you are there.  If you allow him to take his own time coming through, and make sure your visitors understand not to crowd him and let him come over to investigate when he feels ready there is every chance your little guy will start to come out of his shell.  He just needs time to get to know he is safe in his new home and once he does he will start to feel a bit braver about investigating the strange people who come and go.

 

[mycatwasthebest]

is he still limping? what happened with that?

 

[sirius1]

No, he's not still limping. He was walking totally normally by the time I woke up the next morning