- Joined
- Jan 7, 2018
- Messages
- 4
- Purraise
- 4
I honestly struggled to write this for a while. This is my fifth draft and I'm still unsure what I really want from this post. My mind has been through a lot of emotions lately but I think in the end I just need some closure. I miss him deeply and wish I could be hugging my cat right now and spending time with him but instead he's gone and I'll be writing about all the mistakes that were made. It's very likely only a handful of people will ever see this before it gets lost. But maybe, just maybe, someone will take a look and perhaps learn from my experience and not repeat the same mistakes. I apologize if this turns out to be a long post. It's also going to be a very pessimistic viewpoint but only because I feel that we made some serious mistakes with a cat that deserved so much more from life.
No I did not abandon Chester but it very much feels like I did. He disappeared in late May this year and hasn't been seen since. I still am searching 2 months later because I don't want to give up on him but I think it's just denial now. Following his disappearance there was an influx of coyote sightings. Other cats went missing too. And to be honest there were signs before for years and nobody bothered to change the routine with his outdoor access. Why? Because this family never made good decisions when it came to owning pets.
If you read my previous thread from 2018, I mentioned that my family had lost four cats outside and now Chester has become number five. I don't want to sit here and just blame my parents for the deaths. I wasn't any better myself but they insisted from the beginning on letting them out. I was against it after I got older and started to understand the consequences. They are good people at heart but their idea of cat ownership was to let them be "free and independent." In other words they wanted the outdoors to be the babysitter.
Unfortunately, we didn't learn from any of the deaths. Two were hit by cars and passed away at very young ages. The next two were then taken by coyotes. Both didn't get far either in terms of age. All of them were perfect cats. We always had a skill for choosing the best ones and then ruin them. I started to realize what we were doing was completely wrong. I kept thinking we were some bad omen and every kitten we adopted from the shelter would ultimately lead a short life with a painful death. It was unfair for them. So I told my mom to stop adopting. It didn't matter. She still went ahead and brought Chester home from the shelter.
This one was different. We got him as a kitten and he refused to go down. He stayed with us for 14 years. Long enough to be exposed to our other defects. Character flaws that I'm ashamed to admit would result in us not giving him the attention or respect he deserved. It's painful to admit but we just never made him a priority. We were always busy doing other things (work, school, hobbies, etc.) and he just sort of stayed in the background. Either roaming outside or sleeping in his favorite spot. That was the routine that was established long ago and unfortunately never broken. But to say we completely ignored him would be wrong. We always fed him and gave him water. We gave him proper vet care. They were all treated well in this regard. It was impossible to go 14 years without developing some kind of a bond with him. I did love him. I petted him, played with him, relaxed with him, etc. He was without a doubt much more affectionate in the past. I like to think there were some good memories with him.
But it clearly wasn't enough. Or perhaps I was doing it wrong? He started to feel withdrawn and uninterested in spending time with us. He even looked bored inside and outside when he relaxed in our backyard. This started some time after we moved to our current home about 8 years ago. Unfortunately, it only got worse as he got older. It was pretty clear we never developed a very strong bond and he adjusted to his situation accordingly. His routine was to go outside and only come back for food or sleep (usually before 11PM). All our interactions happened mostly around his feeding area by the backdoor. This is where we let him out too. We would give him a quick pet or pick him up for a quick hug. Otherwise, most other interactions were done in the backyard. He didn't show much interest in playing so we basically stopped or rarely got involved. Within the house, he honestly showed more interest in his sleeping spot than anything else. The house was never really cat friendly and had nothing to offer him so I'm not surprised he wanted to go outside all the time. It was the one thing that gave him stimulation.
In fact I created the original thread to ask for advice about how to deal with this. I wanted to know if I could somehow salvage this situation. Some users responded in kind and I thank them for that. The general response was that he actually seemed satisfied with his situation. His life was comfortable and he didn't need anything more. Some mentioned it was a personality thing and to not attach human emotions to him. Others pointed out he was old and just wanted to spend time alone. Perhaps this is true and his experience wasn't all too bad but I still believe I didn't do enough for him. I keep thinking our negligence is what changed him since he was more friendly in the past.
Regardless of how he actually felt, I still failed him in his last moments as an owner and I'm completely devastated. He looked to me for support and safety and I failed to provide any of them. He remained loyal to us after all that time, for whatever reason, and we just didn't care. This absolutely kills me on the inside. It feels like I betrayed him. I fell into the same routine that I had criticized and never took the initiative to save him. The coyotes were always there and occasionally leaving signs and yet nothing was done. Nothing clicked in our minds to stop him despite losing two cats in a similar way. We thought he was invincible considering how far he had come. He was 14 years old and had no business being outside. He should have transitioned to indoor years ago.
He went out a horrible way and I seriously feel like we discarded him in the end. Like we threw him out to die. That was our "thank you" for the 14 years. I know it wasn't intentional but it could have been easily avoidable. We started as terrible owners and somehow never improved. It was unfair for him to be stuck with us. He deserved so much more. He was an amazing cat. Never gave us any problems. He was calm and patient. Barely made any noise but did purr loudly and you didn't even have to touch him. Your presence close to him would get him started. He even enjoyed kneading. It was something he carried into old age. He did it to me some time shortly before his disappearance. I remember the experience well. It was pleasant even if it lasted a few minutes. He wasn't a lap cat but did enjoy resting up against your side. This didn't happen very often unfortunately. He also would put his paw on me when he was seeking attention. And I always responded but the interactions were mostly short. One thing I'll regret forever was not letting him sleep in my room. He stayed with my parents at night but he would try sometimes to come into my room. I would close the door in his face as I went to bed. He cried outside on some occasions but eventually would stop. Later he would stay outside seeking permission as I closed the door but it never came. Towards the end he stopped trying altogether. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I was thinking in these moments. I had him sleep inside on a few occasions and enjoyed it. It's a terrible habit that I could never drop and for that I'm ashamed. Yes, I had terrible sleep issues but I should have worked through them.
Sometimes I think the others were spared and he was burdened with living this life with us. And I can't even say full. The vet said he was perfectly healthy and had great muscle mass for his age. He probably could have lived till 20 or more. We robbed this from him. And I think he could have been a very affectionate cat. He was probably craving companionship but never got a chance to fully develope/ experience it. We robbed this from him too.
I am deeply sorry my friend. You deserved so much more from life and I wasn't able to provide it. I hope you were at the very least content with us. And perhaps, in some way, also did find a small measure of happiness. Whether it was with us or from exploring your little kingdom. Rest easy now and perhaps we'll meet again sometime.
No I did not abandon Chester but it very much feels like I did. He disappeared in late May this year and hasn't been seen since. I still am searching 2 months later because I don't want to give up on him but I think it's just denial now. Following his disappearance there was an influx of coyote sightings. Other cats went missing too. And to be honest there were signs before for years and nobody bothered to change the routine with his outdoor access. Why? Because this family never made good decisions when it came to owning pets.
If you read my previous thread from 2018, I mentioned that my family had lost four cats outside and now Chester has become number five. I don't want to sit here and just blame my parents for the deaths. I wasn't any better myself but they insisted from the beginning on letting them out. I was against it after I got older and started to understand the consequences. They are good people at heart but their idea of cat ownership was to let them be "free and independent." In other words they wanted the outdoors to be the babysitter.
Unfortunately, we didn't learn from any of the deaths. Two were hit by cars and passed away at very young ages. The next two were then taken by coyotes. Both didn't get far either in terms of age. All of them were perfect cats. We always had a skill for choosing the best ones and then ruin them. I started to realize what we were doing was completely wrong. I kept thinking we were some bad omen and every kitten we adopted from the shelter would ultimately lead a short life with a painful death. It was unfair for them. So I told my mom to stop adopting. It didn't matter. She still went ahead and brought Chester home from the shelter.
This one was different. We got him as a kitten and he refused to go down. He stayed with us for 14 years. Long enough to be exposed to our other defects. Character flaws that I'm ashamed to admit would result in us not giving him the attention or respect he deserved. It's painful to admit but we just never made him a priority. We were always busy doing other things (work, school, hobbies, etc.) and he just sort of stayed in the background. Either roaming outside or sleeping in his favorite spot. That was the routine that was established long ago and unfortunately never broken. But to say we completely ignored him would be wrong. We always fed him and gave him water. We gave him proper vet care. They were all treated well in this regard. It was impossible to go 14 years without developing some kind of a bond with him. I did love him. I petted him, played with him, relaxed with him, etc. He was without a doubt much more affectionate in the past. I like to think there were some good memories with him.
But it clearly wasn't enough. Or perhaps I was doing it wrong? He started to feel withdrawn and uninterested in spending time with us. He even looked bored inside and outside when he relaxed in our backyard. This started some time after we moved to our current home about 8 years ago. Unfortunately, it only got worse as he got older. It was pretty clear we never developed a very strong bond and he adjusted to his situation accordingly. His routine was to go outside and only come back for food or sleep (usually before 11PM). All our interactions happened mostly around his feeding area by the backdoor. This is where we let him out too. We would give him a quick pet or pick him up for a quick hug. Otherwise, most other interactions were done in the backyard. He didn't show much interest in playing so we basically stopped or rarely got involved. Within the house, he honestly showed more interest in his sleeping spot than anything else. The house was never really cat friendly and had nothing to offer him so I'm not surprised he wanted to go outside all the time. It was the one thing that gave him stimulation.
In fact I created the original thread to ask for advice about how to deal with this. I wanted to know if I could somehow salvage this situation. Some users responded in kind and I thank them for that. The general response was that he actually seemed satisfied with his situation. His life was comfortable and he didn't need anything more. Some mentioned it was a personality thing and to not attach human emotions to him. Others pointed out he was old and just wanted to spend time alone. Perhaps this is true and his experience wasn't all too bad but I still believe I didn't do enough for him. I keep thinking our negligence is what changed him since he was more friendly in the past.
Regardless of how he actually felt, I still failed him in his last moments as an owner and I'm completely devastated. He looked to me for support and safety and I failed to provide any of them. He remained loyal to us after all that time, for whatever reason, and we just didn't care. This absolutely kills me on the inside. It feels like I betrayed him. I fell into the same routine that I had criticized and never took the initiative to save him. The coyotes were always there and occasionally leaving signs and yet nothing was done. Nothing clicked in our minds to stop him despite losing two cats in a similar way. We thought he was invincible considering how far he had come. He was 14 years old and had no business being outside. He should have transitioned to indoor years ago.
He went out a horrible way and I seriously feel like we discarded him in the end. Like we threw him out to die. That was our "thank you" for the 14 years. I know it wasn't intentional but it could have been easily avoidable. We started as terrible owners and somehow never improved. It was unfair for him to be stuck with us. He deserved so much more. He was an amazing cat. Never gave us any problems. He was calm and patient. Barely made any noise but did purr loudly and you didn't even have to touch him. Your presence close to him would get him started. He even enjoyed kneading. It was something he carried into old age. He did it to me some time shortly before his disappearance. I remember the experience well. It was pleasant even if it lasted a few minutes. He wasn't a lap cat but did enjoy resting up against your side. This didn't happen very often unfortunately. He also would put his paw on me when he was seeking attention. And I always responded but the interactions were mostly short. One thing I'll regret forever was not letting him sleep in my room. He stayed with my parents at night but he would try sometimes to come into my room. I would close the door in his face as I went to bed. He cried outside on some occasions but eventually would stop. Later he would stay outside seeking permission as I closed the door but it never came. Towards the end he stopped trying altogether. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I was thinking in these moments. I had him sleep inside on a few occasions and enjoyed it. It's a terrible habit that I could never drop and for that I'm ashamed. Yes, I had terrible sleep issues but I should have worked through them.
Sometimes I think the others were spared and he was burdened with living this life with us. And I can't even say full. The vet said he was perfectly healthy and had great muscle mass for his age. He probably could have lived till 20 or more. We robbed this from him. And I think he could have been a very affectionate cat. He was probably craving companionship but never got a chance to fully develope/ experience it. We robbed this from him too.
I am deeply sorry my friend. You deserved so much more from life and I wasn't able to provide it. I hope you were at the very least content with us. And perhaps, in some way, also did find a small measure of happiness. Whether it was with us or from exploring your little kingdom. Rest easy now and perhaps we'll meet again sometime.