Am I wrong for bringing my cat back to the shelter?

[alysker]

Hey guys I'm new here and looking for some advice. I grew up with cats and love them, even have tattoos of my childhood cats. Recently my gf and I moved in together. Last week we adopted a cat from a shelter. They said he is around 3 years old but he seems a lot younger to us. we instantly fell in love the first time we met him. We knew he could be spicy but I'm used to cats that are not too cuddly. The first two days he would lay on our lap and cuddle. He however in a week has showed some aggressive behavior during playtime and while we try to eat. He was sick in the shelter so at first I thought he just had to get a bunch of energy out. But after a week all he is focussed on is hunting. He will bite our hands and feet and won't let go. He destroys his toys as if they're prey. We play with him all day but yet he's still energetic in the end. I already love him and am so attached. But together we made the decision that we will return him because he gives us so much stress we feel like we don't want to be at home and we don't feel safe. We really think he should live somewhere he could fo outside to hunt. I feel like I've failed. What if he won't find new good owners? I just know I will think about him every day and in years I will still be wondering about how he is and if we shouldn't have stuck trough it to see if he would get less hyperactive since it's only been a week. I've been crying for hours now and I just feel defeated. I want my life back without stress but I also don't want to fail this precious animal. Any advice on how to deal with these feelings and if it is okay that we made this choice are appreciated

 

[ArtNJ]

You know you did the right thing, its just that sometimes the right thing is very very hard. If he is in a no kill shelter, he will eventually find a more suitable home. And, in time, when your ready, you can adopt a better fit.

Its somewhat uncommon for cat to still be filled with unlimited energy at 3, but it does happen. It sounds like his prior owners did a bad job at teaching boundaries. That is a seriously problematic combination. Maybe if you spent two months you could have taught him boundaries, but those two months could have been very costly in terms of stress and unhappiness. And like you said, there is surely a better fit out there.

 

[GenCat]

As someone who brought home a sick kitten who has thrown up 1-3 times a day for two months I totally understand being stressed and not knowing if you can keep at it. It's also difficult since the boy you adopted was already grown enough to be fairly set in his ways but not old enough to be a chill lazy adult. I wouldn't feel too bad because you knew you couldn't handle it and chose the only option you really have, you did your best which is more than I can say for a lot of people who bring home bite-y and energetic cats (too many stories about people just yeeting them out the door). Hopefully he can find someone who needs a good barn cat and can live out his days chasing mice (I have one that was like this too, he actually refused to stay indoors and I feel some cats just aren't happy inside).

Give yourself some time to sort through your feelings, but I encourage you to try again. You sound like a wonderful person who deserves to feel better and adopt another sweet furry baby that fits your lives better. Consider finding a shelter that either lets you foster to adopt to see how the cat fits in your life, or someplace that will let you sit with them to get to know each other first. Ask lots of questions about their personality.

I also highly recommend finding a rescue that is volunteer ran and interacts with their cats and fosters them out. They can give you further insight into the cats behavior and how to curb any bad habits they may have gently and safely.

 

[neely]

Consider finding a shelter that either lets you foster to adopt to see how the cat fits in your life

This is an excellent idea!

Welcome to TCS! I'm glad you joined the site and came here for advice. Please don't feel guilty, everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for another especially when it comes to a cat's temperament.

Your experience reminds me of when we adopted our last cat, Neely, the cat in my avatar. She was an owner surrender which should have been our first clue. She acted very similar to the cat you adopted and was close in age, i.e. 2 - 3 years old. We were sure she must have been let outdoors and since we have always kept our cats indoors that was the first issue we had with her. In addition, she would nip or bite, keep us up all hours of the night, bait our dog, etc. Our children were very fearful of her. They had grown up with cats from the time they were babies and loved them but Neely was like no other cat we had ever had before. She also liked to hunt and would go into our youngest child's bookshelf, pull out small toys then destroy or hide them. She developed a serious URI four days after we adopted her and I was the only one who could medicate her. She trusted me and eventually became very attached to me. But this didn't happen overnight. She definitely was feisty and full of spunk. A torbie, part tabby/part tortie, with an attitude but in time she mellowed out. I'm not trying to tell you to give it time if you feel uncomfortable or this is not the right cat for you. I'm just describing our experience. I wish you the best of luck in your decision and hope you will keep us updated.

 

[IndyJones]

I don't think it was wrong, he sounds like he would be happier as a barn cat imo.

 

[alysker]

We are calling the shelter in a bit to tell them about our decision and of course he is being so cute and cuddly now I don't know what to do. What if I'm giving up too easily? What if he's still just younger than expected and he will grow out of it? I am truly in shambles

 

[alysker]

And a different question I guess would be: would it be selfish to try to keep him and see if he changes in behavior? It's normal for cats to go outside in my country so it wouldn't be weird or anything. I want to give him a shot at being happy here but on the other hand wouldn't it be better for him to go outside to hunt?

 

[IndyJones]

Outside on a leash or in a cato would be ok but do not let him run loose or he will end up being killed by a car.

 

[neely]

I want to give him a shot at being happy here but on the other hand wouldn't it be better for him to go outside to hunt?

In addition to what the above poster mentioned I would be concerned that he may run away completely and not find his was back to your house especially since he hasn't been living with you very long, i.e. adopted him last week.

It just occurred to me, has he been neutered? If not that may be adding to his energy levels. Therefore, having him neutered would not only be safer but calm him down somewhat.

Here are two TCS Articles that discuss and explain the importance of having your cat neutered:
When To Spay Or Neuter A Cat?—Your Questions Answered - TheCatSite
Why You Should Spay And Neuter Your Cats - A Complete Guide - TheCatSite

 

[alysker]

Outside on a leash or in a cato would be ok but do not let him run loose or he will end up being killed by a car.

That doesn't happen where I live fortunately. Almost all cats in my country are allowed to go outside. It's not that dangerous here

 

[alysker]

In addition to what the above poster mentioned I would be concerned that he may run away completely and not find his was back to your house especially since he hasn't been living with you very long, i.e. adopted him last week.

It just occurred to me, has he been neutered? If not that may be adding to his energy levels. Therefore, having him neutered would not only be safer but calm him down somewhat.

Here are two TCS Articles that discuss and explain the importance of having your cat neutered:
When To Spay Or Neuter A Cat?—Your Questions Answered - TheCatSite
Why You Should Spay And Neuter Your Cats - A Complete Guide - TheCatSite

Yeah he has been neutered for a while. I think his behaviour comes from living on the street. We called the shelter we got him from and decided together that he would be better off in a home where he has more space. He also attacked me quite unprovoked today so I really think he just has too much energy for us.
I am gutted though. I can't stop crying and feeling like I've failed

 

[neely]

I really think he just has too much energy for us. I am gutted though. I can't stop crying and feeling like I've failed

You did your best and that's all one can ask for so please don't blame yourself or feel guilty. I understand the crying but in time you will look back and know you did what was best for both him and you.

 

[Hellenww]

There are plenty of people who have indoor outdoor cats. One of the things I've heard is that you should keep them indoors for the first 4-6wks. This solidify where home is.

If you're not already, free feed and add a wet meal. High energy cats need more. There is also a small chance a full belly will calm him a little.

You have to do what feels right. Either way you'll get support.

 

[alysker]

There are plenty of people who have indoor outdoor cats. One of the things I've heard is that you should keep them indoors for the first 4-6wks. This solidify where home is.

If you're not already, free feed and add a wet meal. High energy cats need more. There is also a small chance a full belly will calm him a little.

You have to do what feels right. Either way you'll get support.

Yeah sadly we can't let him go outside here because we live in a flat. He also had bad teeth so he can't have wet food. It will be better for him to move. We're bringing him back this afternoon