Am I Being Crazy?

[forcryinoutloud]

I lost my cat Daniel almost 20 days ago now. I have been obsessing over his brother Jack since then. I have anxiety that is almost at the point of panic attacks when I think of him possibly also having cancer, also dying far too young.

The thing is, he's eating, drinking, using the litter box normally. He will play, though he does prefer napping. There's no REAL sign of him being sick, if I am being honest, and I just had him to the vet last week and he had blood work that all looked fine, the vet thought he looked healthy, and gave me viaderm for the issue I went there for - two nipples that looked larger than I would expect on a male cat, both discolored, one with a little sore on it. She thought they looked bruised, from him over grooming them - which he has been doing.

That said, I look at him, and just start having a racing heart, feeling panicky that there is something wrong and I'm just not seeing it. Daniel had a lens luxation six days before he was diagnosed with cancer. He had blood work done that day and everything looked perfectly normal. Six days later he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and seven days after that he died in my arms.

Jack's blood work was perfectly fine, but...that honestly doesn't mean that HE is. And that freaks me right out.

When he breathes, his flanks move more than his chest does, like the area just above his back legs - so closer to his back end than his chest. It reminds me of how Daniel started breathing before I found out about the cancer. Again, Jack is not showing any other symptoms, other than snoring when he's asleep and half-asleep.

So I asked the vet tech next door to look at him tonight, and take him with her to work in the morning to have him checked, and possibly x-rayed. Our vehicle is currently out of commission and I can't get a car to take him myself - which also freaks me out, because I want to be there to ask questions and don't want him alone, don't want him to have to be away from home from 7am until possibly 10:30pm or later but more importantly, if there is something wrong, I don't want to wait to have him seen until the car is fixed because what if it's too late by that point?

But the real issue here is - am I just being crazy because I lost Daniel so quickly and suddenly? Am I seeing something wrong with Jack when there is absolutely nothing to worry about? I've already spent almost $1000 in the last five weeks at the vet, should I spend another probably $300 or possibly even more and put him through the stress of another vet visit if there really isn't anything wrong?

I don't know what to do. I know what my family would say - there's nothing wrong with him, don't spend that kind of money on unnecessary tests. But I cannot shake this feeling that there is something wrong with Jack too.

 

[stephanietx]

I'm sorry you lost your kitty. That's a very tough thing to go through. I think your remaining kitty is just fine. You might want to look into some all natural anti-anxiety treatments like Rescue Remedy to help you

 

[kashmir64]

Cancer is not contagious, so he's probably alright. That being said, I always follow my gut. If the tech takes him and x-rays come back negative, then he's o.k. and it's your grief. But if you can't shake the feeling that something's wrong, then by all means, get him tested. Better to listen to a gut feeling, than to regret it when you didn't.

 

[catwoman707]

I also agree to follow my gut instincts as they are usually correct.
However, that said, you are still in a state of disbelief from your recent experience, and the time line of how fast it all went down, your instincts are highly influenced by this now so you can't trust what you think you are feeling.
It's paranoia to be frank.
No surprise at all, and I don't know of anyone who doesn't have these same feelings for the surviving cat, and it will fade with time, you have yet to fully process your loss, so give it time that it takes to come to terms with your loss.

Meanwhile, give your kitty a break and try not to stress him with all of the tests you want to do. What will be will be, regardless.
I'm sure you have many years with your current cat, he sounds fine.

 

[forcryinoutloud]

stephanietx Thank you I still miss him like crazy.

I've never heard of the rescue remedy - will have to check it out. Would rather not have to go to the doctor for actual anxiety meds if it can be helped.

kashmir64 I know cancer isn't contagious I'm worried about the possible genetic link, since they were full brothers and it isn't totally understood why cats get cancer in the first place in many cases. Maybe there was an environmental factor or something in their food, that played a role in Daniel's cancer that I don't know about that could also be affecting my other furbabies. It's just such a huge unknown.

I am sitting here staring at him breathing beside one of my others, and they both seem to be breathing the same way for the most part. Jack does seem to almost be holding his breath for a few seconds before taking a big inhalation (he's sleeping). I will most likely go ahead with the testing, specifically for my own peace of mind and just hope that it's simply my grief over losing Daniel that is making me paranoid about Jack.

 

[mazie]

I agree with what the other are saying 100 %. You have not yet processed within yourself the loss of your other sick kitty. This kitty is NOT sick, and you need to come to terms with that. Like catwoman707 said, coming to terms with the loss of a loved one is a process and you have to allow yourself to go through the process and ACCEPT what is. By being nervous and upset is not doing you any good nor your sweet kitty that is still with you. You are not being fair to him in not being yourself. Life is for the living and you and your kitty are VERY MUCH ALIVE, now go out there, and live!!!

 

[verna davies]

I understand what you are experiencing. I lost one of my cats to cancer. Just 6 days after finding out he had it to to him dying. Like you I watched every movement my other cat made, imagining things wrong with her . This anxiety will pass . Just try to relax, give yourself a chance to grieve for the friend you lost but enjoy the ones you still have.

 

[kashmir64]

I've been thinking on this (I know, thinking can be dangerous). But, this is lung cancer. forcryinoutloud do you smoke? If so, do or did you smoke around the cats? I've smoked for 37 years and know how hard it is to not smoke in the house. Do you know where/how they lived prior to you? Were they in an old house with asbestos, or black mold or something similar?

 

[forcryinoutloud]

kashmir64 I don't smoke, no one in the house does. The closest would be relatives that come who have the smell of smoke on their clothes, but no one is allowed to smoke in the house.

All of them came to us as kittens, with the exception of our two females. Both lived outside for a time - one came with an injured leg at about 5 or 6 months old, the other was a semi-feral that lived under our house until she had kittens. I managed to catch the kittens and find them a home (all three went to my uncle and aunt) before finally catching the mother cat. I had her spayed, and planned to find her a home but no one wants adult cats sadly. She was about two or a little older by the time I caught her. My senior boys (Daniel and Jack) came from a racetrack at about 4 weeks old. Their mother was likely caught by a coyote or hit by a car. I nursed them with a syringe for two weeks before they were old enough to start trying solid food.

That said, my mother loves air spray and plugins and all manner of horrid things like that. I've tried getting her to stop using them, but it's impossible. I worry that might have been the cause.

---

I know that there is a good chance that Jack is fine, that I am projecting, but because things happened SO fast with Daniel, even if it is my grief talking, if something actually is wrong with Jack and I put it off as me having not yet processed Daniel's death (which, yes, 100% true), I'd never forgive myself. I will always, always wonder if Daniel could have been saved if I had just taken him in and had him checked out a month, two months, three months before I did. I don't want to sit here and say, Jack is fine until he isn't. If he comes back totally fine and I know 100% it's clearly my grief over losing Daniel, then I will proceed to deal with my own medical issues, but I just don't think I could even remotely get my anxiety under control until I have Jack completely looked over.

At the very least, he'll have on file the full CBC and comprehensive blood work I had done on him at the last visit, and a set of x-rays should anything need to be compared down the road.

 

[kashmir64]

I am going to go against everyone else, and say get the x-rays. At the very least, it will put your mind at ease. Then, and only then, will you be able to deal with your grief and anxiety. But, I've noticed with friends, that the cancer gene follows families. Being born in a racetrack and having sprays around them, I would visit the vet. Probably grief, but what if.....

 

[red top rescue]

It is understandable that while you are only three weeks into grieving for Daniel, you find yourself worrying about his brother Jack also. I certainly understand you wanting to get him a full scan, and worrying that the nipple irritation and the fact that he is excessively grooming that area might mean he too has cancer. I can understand why you wouldn't be comforted by the fact his blood work was normal when Daniel's cancer came out of nowhere, and within another week he was gone. Daniel's passing was something you could not control, and even if you had known about it sooner, feline lung cancer is difficult to treat and has a very low survival rate. Daniel got to spend his final days at home, with people he loved, and he passed quickly. Hopefully Jack is cancer free and his scans will show nothing. You will still worry, of course, because we all know that these cats we love can slip across to the Rainbow Bridge in an instant, leaving us to lick our emotional wounds and try to heal as best we can. Having Jack checked at this point will make you feel better, knowing you have done all you can do. If his scans all come back negative, then for now you should be able to let it go, concentrate on giving him the best life possible one day at a time, in health just as you would in sickness.

I do understand the worrying but you are just going to have to turn some things over to The Cat Goddess because we humans just can't control it all. I'm very sorry for your loss of Daniel and hope Jack continues to live a long life. They are both lucky to have such a loving guardian.

 

[mingsmongols]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Our minds work in overdrive after a loss and you might very well be noticing some minor issues with Jack because your focusing on him more in the wake of Daniels death. Jack himself might be greaving in his own way and picking up on your anxiety which could cause excessive grooming. Does your Jack happen to be overweight?

 

[forcryinoutloud]

I think too that since I live in the cancer capital of my province, where going down one street we could name 14 households touched by cancer (and that is just one street!). Cancer is massively prevalent here - and I honestly don't know what it is, is it genetic, are we all just predisposed to it, is it something in the air, in the water, in the food? Who knows. Which of course can easily pass on to animals, I am sure. My father is currently awaiting a test on a second lump found - the first was removed in time, but he was told it was starting to turn, and hopefully the second will have been caught in time but he has a huge instance of cancer in his family, as does my mother so it being a genetic thing is certainly in my mind when I think of my cats, now that Daniel has passed from cancer and Jack being his full brother.

I certainly don't want to pass on my anxiety and stress to my furbabies by any means, but I really do feel like having him checked over, especially since he's had several wet congested sounding sneezes in the past hour or so, will either put my mind at ease, or I will find out he is sick and possibly be able to do something about it.

Daniel's cancer was secondary - and as I didn't have a PM done on him, we don't know where the cancer started, but the vet did not believe it started in his lungs. That's why I wonder, if I had brought him in sooner could they have caught the first instance of cancer and treated it before it metastasised into his lungs. If there is a chance that something shows up in Jack maybe that gives me the chance to have it treated before it gets worse but I am, of course, hoping that it is nothing more than paranoia from grief over losing Daniel so quickly and what feels like without warning.

M mingsmongols I do think that Jack is missing Daniel and stressed because he is no longer here and that that is part of why he is over grooming, and why he will randomly cry for no apparent reason in various rooms in the house. It's as if he's calling for Daniel.

He is about 13.5 pounds, down from about 16. He is a large cat though. He's tall and long. He doesn't look overweight at all - he looks kind of slinky, other than his belly pouch that both he and Daniel had since they were neutered - like a loose pouch of skin. If he were 10lbs he'd looking sickly.

The vet said he was a good weight, she could feel his ribs but they weren't sticking out or anything, he still has a good amount of muscle on him, with a bit of flabby skin around his front legs around the shoulder, that she thought might be a result of the weight loss. He is eating a higher protein diet now, since I switched him to the Go! Fit and Free, but because he's still quite active, I don't expect him to start gaining weight on it, but will keep an eye on that.

I wondered about allergies but he started the over grooming before I switched him to this. This food has duck in it, which he hasn't had before, and does have more fish in it than the previous one he was on had, but has less carbs and the fish is not in the first five ingredients.

 

[stephanietx]

You can't play the coulda-woulda-shoulda game or you WILL drive yourself crazy. He knew you loved him and he didn't seem to suffer. I think now is the time to love on the kitties you have left and allow their love help you heal.

Cats will pick up on our stress, too. So it could be that Jack is picking up on that and it's causing him to be more stressed than usual. Maintaining a routine will help him and also working on getting your own anxiety down will help you both. Many kitties are allergic to processed fish. It could even be an allergy to the litter you're using, if that has changed recently.

 

[forcryinoutloud]

Logically, I know that you're right. Emotionally though, I can't help but wonder and probably always will.

The litter has been the same for years - they don't do well when we change litters, going outside the box in protest. I would consider an allergy but the over grooming was going on before I switched him to this new food.

 

[desktop]

Relax.....breath........

 

[forcryinoutloud]

So last night I noticed that Jack was straining in the litter box trying to poop. He seemed kind of constipated, and when I did the dehydration test, his skin did not immediately go back to a normal state. His eyes were pouring water, clear, no mucus. He seemed to breathing more with his flanks than his chest.

I sent him with the vet tech neighbour to the clinic today. I told her that I wanted them to do whatever was necessary to make sure Jack was okay, because there is no way I could handle losing Jack so soon after Daniel. I am just waiting for her to call and let me know what they found out. They had surgeries this morning, and were going to check him this afternoon sometime.

I am getting x-rays on him just to be on the safe side, and they might put him under sedation and look to see if he's got polyps growing in his nasal passages as the vet last week mentioned that maybe that was a possibility for why he breathes so loud - almost like he is snoring while awake at times, sometimes as if he's breathing through a straw, his breathing whistle like.

I am desperately hoping that it's just my paranoia, but also terrified that it's something worse.

 

[kashmir64]

Keep us posted. My concern was when you said racetrack. They could have been exposed to a pyrithins (sp?). The sneezing could however be allergies, it is spring. Or, he's picking up on your anxiety.
Hope all is alright. But you needed to know for sure.

 

[forcryinoutloud]

kashmir64 Thank you.

As all my cats were strays that we took in, I'm always worried about what they could have been exposed to while they weren't with us. The vet suggested that yes, he could have caught something as a kitten - I forget the virus she said, but she said it was cyclic in affected cats, and that certainly does sound like what Jack goes through (the sneezing, and watering eyes etc.) but the worry with the polyps has been eating at me all week, after reading what could happen if he has them, what they could be, how they need to be identified etc. But his breathing noises have definitely been changing in the last month or so. It sounds like snoring, so I never really thought anything about it, just thought Jack snored. After Daniel got sick though, of course every thing that I could see in Jack became more worrisome, and not because I know by any means that something IS wrong, but by the mere fact that you can't know for sure unless you actually have him checked and I really would never forgive myself if I didn't do that.

--

Even if it is my paranoia, and he's fine, I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing to be SURE by having your cat checked by a vet if you're worried about changes in behaviour and changes in their bodies.

 

[kashmir64]

As long as you're not having to take out a second mortgage to do this, I see nothing wrong with having him checked out. I once spent a couple hundred to have blood work done on a foal. He kept drinking an peeing. Turned out he was just board and nothing was wrong. But I don't regret having him checked.