Am I A Terrible Cat Mom ?

[chillingwithcharlie]

Okay so I’ll try not to make this too long... I have a 3 year old cat named Charlie. I’ve had him since he was about 8 weeks old. When I got him o basically saved his life. The lady who was giving away kittens said that they had all been dewormed and had not fleas or issues. She lied. My little 8 week old little was covered in fleas. I got him all cleaned up and flea free within a few days. I’ve always just attributed any “bad “ or rough behavior to him not being able to bond with his litter mates because they were too busy fighting off fleas.

He’s always been very rough. I’ve never played with him rough or let him bite me but I’ve always never redirected him. He’s just always been a rough playing cat. But he also has always randomly attacked me. I’ll juat be walking by or standing there minding my own business and he will suddenly launch at me biting me where ever he can. Mostly the backs of my legs. I have scars all over my calves. It’s so annoying but I’ve never really thought much of it. I scream when he does it and he’ll run away. But it’s like he knows I don’t like it. I have read article after article and I don’t think it’s simply okay aggression he is actually trying to hurt me.
Some times I’ll be sitting there minding my own business and notice him out of the corner of my eye , eyes fully dilated waiting to pounce , I’ll pick up a pillow and try to push him away or distract him and sometimes it works but sometimes he’ll attack the pillow and try to throw it aside to get to me. He’s relentless when he’s in his “moods”.

We moved into a new apartment about 6 months ago it took him a couple of weeks to adjust but now he’s back to the same old thing. Just attacking me all the time. At least 3-4 times a day. For no reason. Unprovoked. And I feel like it’s getting worse.
The other night I was laying in bed and he got in to cuddle with me (as he always does) I was petting him and felt him moved away, I couldn’t see him because it was dark and the next think I know he latched onto my forearm bit me as hard as he could and ran away.
This is where I ask my self , am I terrible cat mom ? Because I don’t know what else’s to do! I hate myself because I feel like I’m starting to hate him. My cat is my baby but lately I’ve been thinking about getting rid of him. I can’t take it any more.
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even really know whg I’m asking.... I’m scared no one will love him how I love and scared that I will feel super guilty. I can’t send him to a shelter, I know they’ll put him down. It makes me sad but I don’t know what to do. I can’t let these attacks continue because he is going to end up hurting me really bad. Would I be terrible person if I got rid of him ? and where would I bring him ? I don’t know what to do....... I feel like I’m in a domestic violence relationship with my damn cat. He hurts me but “it’s because he loves me”. Smh. Someone just tell me thy I’m not crazy for putting up with it and help me figure out what I should do.

 

[Elphaba09]

Have you spoken to your vet? Sometimes medical issues can be the root of aggression. Usually, if that is the case, it could be as simple as giving him medication. Have you tried calming spray or a calming collar? Behavior modification treatment?

This may be helpful.
Behavioral Help for Your Pet

This may sound strange, but are you ill? Sometimes pets can sense illness in a person and will occasionally act aggressively. My Tara has pancreatitis. A few days before it starts to act up, one of our other cats will act aggressively towards her. Also, my neighbor's husband was diagnosed with liver cancer five years ago. One of their cats behaved differently towards him and would sometimes bite him shortly before the diagnosis. When he had treatments, that particular cat had to be kept away from him. (He was 41 when he died last year.) Certainly, I am not saying you have cancer, but if you have some illness, it could possibly cause aggression.

 

[kittyluv387]

Is he neutered?

 

[Etarre]

Do you play with Charlie often in ways that will tire him out? It sounds like he's trying to initiate play in a way that's too rough. You might try watching a few episodes of Jackson Galaxy's Animal Planet show...a lot deal with this type of aggressive behavior, and there are some good tips about how to redirect a cat and keep their energy at manageable levels.

 

[KarenKat]

Sounds like some very good suggestions were already shared, so I’ll answer your question with: No, you are not a terrible cat Mom. In fact I’d say you are doing really good. When pets become aggressive, especially when it can’t be explained yet, it’s very human of us to feel betrayed, offended and fearful. You are obviously feeling some of this because you are human. But I can also tell by your post that you aren’t blaming him for his behavior, instead you are researching and asking for advice. This makes you wonderful IMO. Too often do I see posts about how a cat is mean, and how dare it bite the owner when the owner obviously plays with it and feeds it. So I say take a deep breath and understand that you are doing the right thing in finding a solution.

Hopefully some of the suggestions here will help, because you obviously don’t deserve to be injured. Sometimes rejoining is necessary, but hopefully it doesn’t come down to that.

What about any animals, noises or smells from outside the new apartment? If he hears another cat, maybe he is redirecting his aggression towards you. There are some over the counter calming products like Feliway, Sentry calming collars and others that can really calm a cat down if it’s general stress.

 

[littlecatt]

You are not a terrible cat mom, and in fact you're a fantastic one for coming to get help. Behavioral problems like this are incredibly common and a lot of adopted kittens get dumped when they get older and are still biting. Eight weeks is very early for a kitten to leave its family. Coupled with the fact these poor kittens were all unhealthy, it's no wonder that Charlie never learned how to properly play.

It hurts and it's scary when your cat attacks you, even if it's play aggression. One time I was sitting on the couch when my year-old cat suddenly pounced and attacked my hair and head, clawing my face in the process. I couldn't walk around my own house without him attacking my legs, especially if I was wearing loose pants. That sort of thing really shakes you when it comes from your loving pet! You shouldn't feel bad at all, you're clearly trying to to best by your cat but remember your well-being is important too.

Echoing some of the suggestions here. I honestly don't think Charlie is trying to hurt you, it sounds like he just has a lot of energy and he's playing through the bad manners he picked up as a kitten. I've never been in a situation where I've been attacked by a cat but in a lot of threads I've read on here the cat would latch on, not let go, bite multiple times, hiss and hide, etc. Charlie doesn't seem like he's scared of you — he lets you pet him and cuddle with him. It sounds like he's being a rambunctious asshole and he needs to stop. Calming collars and Feliway are absolutely worth a shot, as is trying to wear him out. Wand toys like Da Bird are my favorite, when Finn was a little menace I had him doing backflips for Da Bird until he was panting.

But if I'm being honest, it wasn't enough and just trying to tire him out didn't help. I couldn't always be ready with a toy when I was walking through my house. The one thing that helped was getting a younger cat — and seriously, it was a miracle worker. I got a 10 week old kitten and she and my bitey cat bonded right away. They wrestle and chase each other around, and Finn immediately stopped attacking my ankles or biting when I moved my arm when we were snuggling. He'll do it occasionally but it's once in a blue moon which I can definitely live with! My kitten spoke his language and could wear him out better than I ever could. If you're able to get another cat, I'd really recommend it. Two cats aren't much more expensive then one and some cats just need a playmate in the house, just like some cats need to be only cats. It's really repaired my relationship with my kitty, now he's the snugglebug I know and love without all of the feisty biting.

 

[maggiedemi]

What's his diet like? Is he getting enough canned food? Also, has he been de-wormed?

 

[1 bruce 1]

I'll second what everyone else has said and no, you're not terrible.
When you got him at 8 weeks it doesn't sound like the person who had him was exactly the "best" owner, so I wonder if the Mother cat was even in the picture, or if he and the others were too covered in fleas (and no energy) to play.
This could very well be aggression from stress, illness, or just "him", but a lot of cats with serious aggression issues that need the help of a professional wouldn't run away if you shout. He sounds like he's stalking you, and being stealthy, and it's gotten out of hand.
I'd get him vet checked. Don't settle for a "check up" that includes looking in their ears, listening to their heart and declaring them healthy. Tell the vet what he's doing and demand a good full work up.

 

[crackers!]

You can get his claws clipped for starters. I have a cat who follows me everywhere and twists himself around my ankles. He will bat at me and act aggressive. For him, I say a sharp No and clap my hands loudly. You can also get a can and put coins in it and shake it when he attacks.

You can also isolate him when he attacks. If you're consistent with a couple of these things, he might change. Another cat might help, too. And a vet eval is necessary, I think.

 

[sargon]

I'm assuming that Charlie receives regular vet checkups, so, while it doesn't hurt to be sure, I think it may be behavioral not illness related, especially with the history.

You aren't a bad caretaker for Charlie, you're just frustrated, because aggression is a really difficult issue. On the plus side, I suspect that the problem isn't quite as bad as you fear, because, while he sound like he has play or even status aggression, I don't believe your cat is genuinely trying to injure you, mostly because you arent' sure, and if he was, you'd know it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Anyhow here are some suggestions..


#1 is to make sure that, in addition to being healthy, that Charlie gets to play with you regularly (a wand toy is ideal), and has some vertical space. (that can be a window shelf, a cat tree, or even a cardboard box on a chair that is "his."

#2 is that you might try some clicker training. There may be a bit of status aggression going on, and training a cat helps the cat to view you as dominant in a way that strengthens rather than damages your bond.

#3 you might try a 4 or so minute timeout when your cat is aggressive (in a safe room that isn't where the litter is kept.)

#4 you might want to check for possible sources of stress for charlie like a feral cat that wanders in your yard.

#5 if you've tried everything else, you may wish to talk to your vet or a feline behaviorist about trying psychiatric medication for your cat. "Kitty prozac" can often help with aggression in cats who don't respond to behavioral training. My cat is on it and it made a big difference, but I only suggest exploring it if you've tried all the more common behavioral and environmental fixes, since, in addition to being a healtheir and more natural option (and one that usually works), they're a lot less expense and hassle than medicating a cat (especially since you still need to do the behavioral work, even with the kitty prozac.)