After one cat dies how do I help It’s bonded mate?

[WhitnieC]

Hello, I am hoping you all can help me help my remaining fur baby. I have a bonded pair of littermates that are roughly 2. Yesterday one of the brothers was having trouble breathing suddenly and I rushed to emergency vet, where he sadly passed. Needless to say I am heartbroken. But I am so worried about his brother and how to help him adjust. They’ve never been apart, aside from 1 vet stay. When I got home from the vet he sniffed the empty carrier and stayed pretty close to my side all day/evening. He’s always been a snuggler but he was even more so-which I completely welcomed. We slept on the couch so I could monitor food/water intake (moved it all to living room) and he did eat/drink/use litter box and play some surf toys. This morning though, he’s walking through the house mewing and trying to open doors-I think looking for his brother. (Which obviously made me burst into tears again). Other than show lots of love and monitor food/water intake…what else can I do to help him? To add another layer to this…I travel for work 1-2 weeks a month. I always have people coming to check on/feed daily, but I always felt better about leaving because they had each other. my next work trip is 2.5 weeks away thankfully so I can spend time with my boy, but what are your suggestions on helping him through that? I mean even leaving to go run errands is making me feel guilty right now…on top of the other what/if items I’m beating myself up over on if I could have done anything different yesterday to not have this outcome .

sorry for the long post. To summarize…
1) how do I help a remaining litter mate/bonded pair adjust when their partner suddenly passes. Cat is 2yo.
2) I feel guilty leaving my remaining boy to even run basic errands…let along travel for work. What are your suggestions on helping that…or am I just projecting human emotions because I’m sad?

thank you!

 

[rubysmama]

Condolences on the sudden loss of your kitty.
RIP sweet boy.

As for how to help your remaining kitty deal with the loss, TCS has this short article that might be helpful:
Do Cats Mourn? – TheCatSite Articles

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello, I'm so sorry

Time will eventually help, but in the meanwhile try a heartbeat toy, a purr toy, a self-warming bed or even a half heated bed/mat, and also cat music. There's RelaxMyCat, Musicforcats and Spotify and other sources have harp music for cats and some music has purrs in it

danteshuman wrote this post;
However the vet telling me it was time once I stressed, I wanted him to feel comfortable, and the vets words helped. Think of it like having a 3-5 year old child who speaks another language then you (and will never learn your language.) How much would you put that child through to extend their life? My personal answer is not much if they are going to die anyways (like cancer.) In my beloved Dante’s case he was having trouble breathing and didn’t know why. He also had pancritus. I’m so sorry for your loss!

I think this poem expresses it:

 

[susanm9006]

I am so sorry for your loss. I once had one pass at that age from heart failure and it is shocking to lose one that young. As far as your remaining cat, he is fortunately a young cat who will likely adapt well to having a new playmate. I would give it some time, a month or so, and then look for a younger cat, kitten to one or so. While you do need to do an introduction period, usually at this age it is shorter.

 

[susanm9006]

To answer the second part of your question, he will be fine with normal cat sitter. He will follow his usual routine and be okay. Yes, probably projecting some of your sadness on to him. Not that he isn’t missing his brother but comforting himself by following his usual routines, as should you. If he doesn’t have an enclosed cat bed with some fuzzy blanket in it, that might be something that would help him.

If it helps you on your trip set up a video cam of him so that you can check on him throughout your trip.

 

[OopsyDaisy]

I'm so sorry, this breaks my heart. Mine are also 20 month old littermates and have never been separated. When one went for surgery, the other one had a really hard time. I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost one of them. My heart goes out to you. There's nothing that you could have done differently, things just happen. I would just give as much love as possble and carry on as best you can. Try to keep everything normal because they like routine. Maybe down the road a little, you might think about getting a companion. It will get better with time. Again, I'm so sorry.

 

[Alldara]

When you're ready, another cat friend for him would do him some good.

If you have a friend or family member who could come stay with him or he could go visit them that might be best.

When Lily passed, Nobel would cuddle the door if we so much as went for a 15 min walk. it was heartbreaking (this is why we got Magnus). You'll need to use an old phone or camera to see how he is when you leave.

I ready before that cats can mourn for 6 months. Just keep an eye out for what he needs during that time.

 

[BoaztheAdventureCat]

Aww, that's so sad! I'm so sorry for your loss. I would suggest you adopt another young adult cat, a kitten, or a pair of kittens and slowly introduce them to your remaining cat.

 

[spookzilla]

I’m so sorry for your loss . I recently lost my 15 year old Madeline and her 5 year old brother Malachi (who had known her since he was 6 months old) stopped eating and became very withdrawn. With the help of the wonderful people here and a terrific vet, we got him eating again. When he was grieving I made sure to give him lots of attention and also used a Feliway diffuser to help with his stress. He recovered but spent most of his day sleeping and seemed very bored and sad. I had a long talk with my vet and we decided that a buddy would be good for Malachi. After a month we brought home a calm, non dominant 6 month old kitten we’ve named Mirabel. After a period of isolation and slow introductions they are now pretty much integrated. Mira gets on his nerves sometimes and he lets her know but Malachi seems to be enjoying life more and is more active and alert. I always make a point to still give him lots of attention and prioritize him when it comes to things like feeding or lap space so he doesn’t feel threatened or left out.