Advice On How To Introduce A 2nd Person To Feral......

[crazeaboutcats]

Hello everyone, thanks in advance for any advice you can offer......I recently trapped a small tigerstriped male for TNR and thought that he was young enough that I could socialize him so I kept him in my garage and starting working with him. He proved to be smart, affectionate, engaging and loving with the help of some of your suggestions and watching some videos on how to tame feral kittens. Baby food was a big help. Anyway I found two really lovely people who were willing to adopt him and continue the process and willing to follow some guidelines to encourage him to be social.
Question is, first he excepted and loved me with the help of the Baby Food and now heis in his new home, only a week now and he has transfered that to one of his new caretakers the other one staying completely out of the way to allow him to get used to one of them. Question is, can a Feral cat be tolerant of a 2nd person and how do I tell them to expedite it. I know from our personal experience that ferals to to bond to one person and barely learn to tolerate another. What do you think? In suggestions?

 

[shadowsrescue]

I would have the other person come in the room with the person he is comfortable with. Then have this new person offer the baby food or another special treat. When I have brought feral cats into my home, I usually have my DH do the feeding time. It helps the cat to get used to his presence and look forward to him coming.

My former feral cats are all bonded with me, but they do well with my DH too. He had to find his own way to bond with them. Yet I find that food rewards often work the best!

 

[crazeaboutcats]

Yes, they tried that and he hid.....I suggested they do exactly as you directed but even slower....with just standing at the door..... just wanted to know what peoples general thoughts on Feral cats with more than one caretaker....or something different!

 

[shadowsrescue]

It may take him quite awhile. Make sure they are not standing. Cats often don't like it when humans loom over them. Sitting down the floor quietly and tossing a treat. Even if he doesn't take the treat, he will learn that this person brings something yummy.

It seems like time and patience are needed. Feral cats move at a different pace, often one step forward and two steps back. Establishing a daily routine may help. Sitting quietly and even having the other person just sit in the room and read aloud or just sit and be present.

 

[kittychick]

The advice shadowsrescue gave you is almost exactly what I'd suggest. A week isn't long at all - - especially in the world of a fairly newly socialized kitty (it just feels that way for all of the humans wanting to be loved right away - - - waiting is HARD!). Yeah for you for working so much with him, and big applause for the people who agreed to give him a forever home, especially knowing they would need to be patient and do things more on the little one's timeline then their own. Not many adopters are willing to do so - - so that's fantastic!

Everyone has different experiences. So I'm certainly not discounting your (or anyone's!) experience that's different as far as bonding. I've (well, we've - hubby helps alot too) had alot of foster experience (we think we're nearing the 140/150 mark?) and every single one has been different. Some have been ferals that required alot of socialization, some were not even remotely feral yet terrified so they also required alot of socialization. And we've also sadly dealt with alot of abuse cases. And in my experience (although to every rule there's an exception!) - - virtually the only ones I've that I can say almost always bond to a single person are the ones who have been abused, and they often will initially bond only with the socializer who is the opposite sex of their abuser. But even those kitties often come around to loving the other guardian(s) in the house. It just (just - hah! right? ) takes lots of gentle, undemanding love and patience, lots and lots of time, and often lots of motivation with whatever they REALLY dig - - -for some it's love, for some it's treats, for some it's play, for some it's all of the above!

We have a feral (I've written about her often on this site -"Flick") who was part of a colony we've been TNRing for awhile now. Hubby had said that he really thought she was special, but said "no more kitties for awhile" - which I understood (at that point we had 6 permanent indoor residents, multiple TNR ferals we fed/sheltered, and a large line of fosters passing through). Long story short, she started following him around when he gardened, etc. and, unbeknownst to me, he started talking to her while he worked, and eventually started tossing little pieces of chicken, etc. to her. After months of this, I came home one night to a pink cat bed on the back steps. Sleeping in it was Flick. Sitting next to the bed and Flick was my hubby, complete with sheepish look (hubby, not Flick). She had already fallen for him and vice versa - although she wasn't digging me NEARLY as much. Then we learned that a neighbor was starting to poison some of the neighborhood "*$?#@ feral cats" so we brought her right in. We slowly introduced her (and we're talking weeks/months!) to our indoor clan, and I tried the whole time to get her to warm up to me like she had my hubby. And with lots of "Kitty Crack" (baby food), lots of turkey and chicken bits hand fed, and lots of lying on the floor talking to her gently, she became the lap cat I've always wanted (but never had in 30 years of working with kitties!)!!!!! And now that she realizes that humans are pretty cool - she's even become the life of the party when anyone's over. We throw a Kentucky Derby party every year, and this year she sat right on someone's lap in the middle of the 40 or so people screaming at the race on tv - - now THAT'S a socialization success story!!!!! (ok - - I'll pat myself slightly on the back for doing alot of work with her - - -but I know it's also part of her personality that was there all along, we just had to make her comfortable enough to let it out!).

We also several years ago fostered a pair of semi-feral brothers that a wonderful couple adopted - even though neither would come out from under the bed for them to meet their prospective adopters. But as the adopters lay on the floor - peering under our bed - - they said they just knew they were meant to take the two boys home. And even after two years or so - - both are still quite skittish, and both have bonded more with one of the couple - as in one likes the husband best, and one likes the wife a little better. But the boys do love BOTH of their adoptive parents - -- it's just they each like one a tad better than the other. Again though - - this couple spent lots of time and patience (and Kitty Crack!) to earn their trust.

So - - - very long way to say, I think that if the adopters are willing to take things slowly there's a great chance that the little one will eventually bond with both. Question - - is the little one bonded already more to a female adult vs a male adult? (I don't know if the 2 people are a man and woman) If so - - and it's the female he's showing comfort with a little more - urge the man to speak in very quiet, higher-pitched tones. I always tell my adopters of more skittish/feral kittens that they may feel a little dopey at first, but cats often are less threatened by female voices, and so a man who raises his voice to almost "baby talk" often has better results in building an initial bond.

And keep reading articles, doing some digging, checking with people here(!), and passing info along to the couple. I have a feeling - since it seems like this little one - who has so many people vested in him, will do just fine, and will eventually love both of his new guardians!

Keep us posted!! (and sorry SO long!!!)

 

[kittychick]

(Good lord - - looking at that above after I posted it - - I know I often get going and end up writing novels -- but think this one might be a record - - sorry!)

 

[crazeaboutcats]

Thank you Kittychick, I have copied and sent your comments to them and I am sure they will take them to heart....it's amazing through this process with the particular kitty how much I learned and was able to pass on regarding cats in general but specifically semi and feral kitties. I was explaining to them that cats are very much like men (no insults here)...they are single minded and compartmentalize their instincts. Their instincts occur one at a time, kind of like the game rock, paper, scissors. When there is fear it trumps the others, curiosity, playfulness and contentment. Only hunger overrides fear, so a cat cannot be playful if it is fearful, but it will overcome fear to eat. So the way to a kittys heart is through their stomach (just like men?). And babyfood is definatly kitty heroin, you can overcome so much with using it optimally! Lots of other tricks up my sleeve, but I am forever learning and what you said is so true, Cats are truly individualists.

 

[kittychick]

I meant to check this thread earlier -- - I'm glad that you were able to pass my comments along - - and hopefully some may help!

It's so hard to explain - even to cat lovers (and sometimes even HARDER to explain to cat lovers/guardians about how ferals react, and what they react to). I feel like a large portion of people who've had at least one cat in their lives often feel like they know just what to do with EVERY cat - - and I feel like I often get the polite "smile and nod but don't really listen" when I'm trying to explain to someone adopting a cat that has been feral, semi-feral, or even just very timid that cats like these are different. I try to explain that what they're upset with at times with their new kitty - their fear, their hiding, their lashing out, their shrinking back from touch....it's what's truly kept them alive outside! As you put it - - that engrained fear trumps everything else. It's survival. And trying to break what's been so deeply ingrained from birth is a process, one that both human and cat have to move slowly through. And I loved how you put that (I'm going to borrow that next time I'm talking to a possible adopter!) - - that about the only thing that can trump fear is hunger!

I too feel like I keep learning. It really is what's taught me more patience in life. It's funny - I couldn't figure out why one of the 4 TNR ferals that now call our garage/yard/etc. their home were steadily improving as far as trusting me - - -but that every now and then, they were suddenly far more fearful. Instead of the gathering around me and weaving in and out of my legs, looking for affection or treats or pets (not in that order I'm sure). After months of trying to figure out what these moments had in common...it was my purse! I've got a decent-sized black purse that's full of WAY too much stuff so it's very heavy, and if my arms are full, it sways back and forth occasionally bumping my side, or one of our cars -- about 2 feet above their heads. It hit me that what they saw was this big black "thing" that moved in a strange, threatening way! I started carrying my purse in my hands when going from garage (where their insulated heated shelters are) to house, and it stopped the mysterious "run for the hills!" I'd been getting.

Even funny little things I feel like I know - and have passed along with hubby - but we forget occasionally. Like a few months ago he confessed he was jealous - they're all willing to let me approach them and 99% of the time pet, give chin scratches and ear rubs. But my husband just can't seem to break through quite as much with 2 of the 4. We split feedings - I do evenings, he does morning - so they have virtually the same amount of exposure to both of us. And he's learned the slow movements, the baby talk, etc. - - but he's still frustrated he's behind "my curve." Then the other day I watched him - - when he fed and tried to pet, it was always from either a standing/bending over position, or from a semi-squatting position. And then when he'd go to pet before he came inside, same thing - - always either squatting or bending over. I had to go through the whole thing - - about how threatening he can appear (after 3 years with these 4, I STILL feed only after I sit down with them, on their level). He started doing that and SHOCK! They're leaps and bounds better with him in just a few weeks!

I think you definitely hit the single-minded thing right on the head.

Hope you can keep us posted on how you hear things are going in the new little one's home!!!!

 

[crazeaboutcats]

So all is well with the Kitten they named him Chris for Christmas....He has quite the heart, overcoming his fear of humans with bountiful purrs and foot stomping....they are taking it slow......yes the purse thing....with my husband it's "the Hat".....whenever he wheres it our ferals take cover.....with most kitties it's feet, specifically shoes that constantly change looks and colors and more scary....sounds.
Yes, I think intuitively women get along better with cats as we are natural caretakers, stooping to a small things level, soft-spoken, gentle touch, patient where men are loud with big gestures and large movements.
I have a theory....my husband loves cats, most men don't. They like something they can tell what to do....obedience....explainable as throughout history dogs served certian roles, working as hunters, fetchers, defenders companions.....cats though, except for killing vermin are independent spirits that actually are more loyal to humans than dogs. Because of my personality I prefer to be around a cat loving man, knowing he is comfortable being around someone who isn't necesarily going to do what he says and is okay with that.
I read somewhere that domesticated (ha) cats through living with us are living life as a adolescent teenager never having to grow up (are they Mellinuals?). They don't need their instincts, we groom them (petting), shelter them safely, provide them food and play while a feral or wild kitty has to rely on their insticts in the outside and there is little room for safety and play.
That is one thing that I find really works with feral young cats and kittens and that is to take on the role of Mama cat.....the feeding, holding close, murmuring, petting....People don't realized that petting and stroking them reminds them of getting baths from Mama, probably the first and last time they felt safe. I maul them to death, chin, forehead, ears, inside front arms, rear end, chest, neck, all short strokes like a Mother cat......for some feral cats the human touch can actually be painful for them.......my really feral now just loves to be touched and petted....in fact much for so than our normal shelter adopted kitties.....

 

[crazeaboutcats]

For those who don't know, I forgot to clarify....hunger in a feral cat's mind stays with them even when they are well fed.....When as a kitten or young cat a kitty is feral, they are starving surviving on whatever hunting skills they have managed to figure out or scrounging around trash and back porches, their one driving force to survive is looking for their next meal. So, when socializing a feral kitty regardless of age, food represents a huge amount of influence to encourage for them to come out from hiding, endure and accept being petted and talked to. Introducing play and pet time on a full stomach is much more palatable to kitties. Food equals contentment and good and you become good when equated with food. In feral cat math Food is Good, you bring food equals you are good too. That equasion continues on in their mind as they grow and socialized and even being well fed they still respond the that equation!

 

[kittychick]

Well put! (I think in my mind "food is good" was my problem over the holidays)

My hubby was a complete and total dog guy. Kind to cats, but that's as far as it went. I love dogs too - have had several I loved deeply. But I loved fostering SO much, and the shelters I eventually ended up working/volunteering/fostering for were cat only, so I ended up heading down that road. (I've done wildlife too - which I really loved - my favorite being baby raccoons - but that was deemed illegal even for licensed wildlife rehabilitators in Ohio due to the possibility of rabies about 15-20 years ago I think. It was also tough bc the mortality rate was so high)

When I met hubby, he kept saying "just these 2 kitties, right? Then a dog?" Then he caught the foster bug, AND learned that kitties have personalities. He said to me once "I always thought cats were all alike - aloof furry things that didn't care who was in the house with them!" Needless to say, he definitely knows better now! I dare say - - I'd even call him a cat guy. I've told this before too -- -but I knew he was a TRUE cat lover when I came downstairs one day (he didn't hear me), and he had Flick in his arms, the little feral girl we'd TNR'd the year before and then he basically socialized her outside w/o me knowing it. She has a light case of Cerebellar Hypoplasia, as did one of her sisters, Cody, and both were basically ostracized by their family group (part of which are now our 4 TNR ferals who live largely in our garage!). Anyway - I stood there as he cradled Flick - both looking out at the backyard, and I could hear him whisper to her "I want you to know you're totally safe now....and you'll never have to be hungry, or scared, or cold, or sleep with one eye open...we'll take care of you and love you forever." I'm not exaggerating when I say a tear rolled down my face - - when he realized I was there - - he had one rolling down his face too! So I definitely think I ended up with the sweetest converted cat guy. And the sweetest "converted" feral.

 

[Avery]

What a sweet story! You need to clone that great guy! And BABY RACCOONS!? They are so adorable!