I am debating whether to adopt a third kitten to my house. I was wondering what gender it should be if I have one energetic, outgoing male (17 weeks) and one timid female (14 weeks). LONG story ahead, skip to the last paragraph if you don’t want to read it. 
Some back story, I fostered a litter of 5 week old kittens. I ended up adopting one of them. He was sickly when I first got him so perhaps he slept more than his littermates from the medications. He was smaller and perhaps didn’t socialize enough with proper play behavior. The two biggest kittens went back to the shelter for adoption at 9 weeks.
When I picked up my adoptef kitten from the shelter after his neuter procedure, they asked me to foster his sister for a week before her vet appointment. Turned out she had a heart murmur and they wanted to get x-rays before she could be spayed. At that point I decided I would adopt her also because I felt bad leaving her behind. After the vet appointment the shelter told me she had a grade 4 heart murmur and she would go into heart failure eventually. They wouldn’t let me adopt her and only would keep her as a forever foster and asked me if I wanted to take her fostering. I said okay...
So two siblings stayed with me and the boy I adopted was very energetic and would pounce on her and chase her. She was calmer and less energetic, perhaps due to the heart murmur, and didn’t mind too much when he pounced. But she would cry out if he hurt her, and I would move him away. Well when she was almost 12 weeks one day, she squeaked and gasped for air for about 10 seconds very loudly. Shelter told me I could bring her to the vet and I did assuming she would get medication or something. The vet took her away to the back without inviting me in the room. Then I get a text from the shelter saying they authorized her to be euthanized. Needless to say it was very traumatic and heartbreaking for me and I did not expect her to be euthanized without treatment. I paid for her cremation so I could receive her ashes back... Now my adopted kitten was alone and without a playmate.
So I went back and adopted another kitten. She is very sweet and well-behaved. She is timid and skittish though, which I did not want in a cat (been there done that with a previous cat). I didn’t even want a female, but my husband liked her at the shelter... I’m happy to have her now and would never trade her. She sleeps on my neck and face at night purring which is sweet.
However, my first kitten is constantly chasing her and trying to pounce on her when they’re in the same room. It is endless. Now she’s a little bigger and can run away or hides under furniture but often he still gets her and he bites. It’s like she has a grudge and will also chase him to bite or swat him. I know this is part of cat play, but they take it to another level and it is really endless. I’m not sure if they’re fighting for alpha or what. I have to keep them separated when I’m not home. I can’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt her or terrorize her if I left them alone. She growls and hisses and cries out when he is biting her, and I have to go break it up or separate them. He is only 3 weeks older but he is so much larger, taller, and heavier than she is. I swear she looks part munchkin breed with very short legs and a small body. I’ve had both for 4 weeks and they’re not any closer to becoming friends. We have a big house so space isn’t the issue.
Now I’m kind of wanting to get a third kitten who is more energetic/larger so he won’t pick on her so much. Is a boy better in this instance for a playmate? My worst fear is getting a boy and they fight, get territorial, and hate each other. If I get a girl, I worry that she will be angry with the male cat too and nobody gets along. In the worst case, both cats might pick on the girl I already have which is not acceptable and I want to protect her. Please, what should I do?
Some back story, I fostered a litter of 5 week old kittens. I ended up adopting one of them. He was sickly when I first got him so perhaps he slept more than his littermates from the medications. He was smaller and perhaps didn’t socialize enough with proper play behavior. The two biggest kittens went back to the shelter for adoption at 9 weeks.
When I picked up my adoptef kitten from the shelter after his neuter procedure, they asked me to foster his sister for a week before her vet appointment. Turned out she had a heart murmur and they wanted to get x-rays before she could be spayed. At that point I decided I would adopt her also because I felt bad leaving her behind. After the vet appointment the shelter told me she had a grade 4 heart murmur and she would go into heart failure eventually. They wouldn’t let me adopt her and only would keep her as a forever foster and asked me if I wanted to take her fostering. I said okay...
So two siblings stayed with me and the boy I adopted was very energetic and would pounce on her and chase her. She was calmer and less energetic, perhaps due to the heart murmur, and didn’t mind too much when he pounced. But she would cry out if he hurt her, and I would move him away. Well when she was almost 12 weeks one day, she squeaked and gasped for air for about 10 seconds very loudly. Shelter told me I could bring her to the vet and I did assuming she would get medication or something. The vet took her away to the back without inviting me in the room. Then I get a text from the shelter saying they authorized her to be euthanized. Needless to say it was very traumatic and heartbreaking for me and I did not expect her to be euthanized without treatment. I paid for her cremation so I could receive her ashes back... Now my adopted kitten was alone and without a playmate.
So I went back and adopted another kitten. She is very sweet and well-behaved. She is timid and skittish though, which I did not want in a cat (been there done that with a previous cat). I didn’t even want a female, but my husband liked her at the shelter... I’m happy to have her now and would never trade her. She sleeps on my neck and face at night purring which is sweet.
However, my first kitten is constantly chasing her and trying to pounce on her when they’re in the same room. It is endless. Now she’s a little bigger and can run away or hides under furniture but often he still gets her and he bites. It’s like she has a grudge and will also chase him to bite or swat him. I know this is part of cat play, but they take it to another level and it is really endless. I’m not sure if they’re fighting for alpha or what. I have to keep them separated when I’m not home. I can’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt her or terrorize her if I left them alone. She growls and hisses and cries out when he is biting her, and I have to go break it up or separate them. He is only 3 weeks older but he is so much larger, taller, and heavier than she is. I swear she looks part munchkin breed with very short legs and a small body. I’ve had both for 4 weeks and they’re not any closer to becoming friends. We have a big house so space isn’t the issue.
Now I’m kind of wanting to get a third kitten who is more energetic/larger so he won’t pick on her so much. Is a boy better in this instance for a playmate? My worst fear is getting a boy and they fight, get territorial, and hate each other. If I get a girl, I worry that she will be angry with the male cat too and nobody gets along. In the worst case, both cats might pick on the girl I already have which is not acceptable and I want to protect her. Please, what should I do?
