Adding 3rd Cat (stray Cat We Took In)

[Threecatsandme]

We began caring for a stray cat who wandered into our yard on Halloween. He's a sweet cat who we named Simba. Couldn't find an owner, we think he was dumped.

We had him fixed and cared for at the vet. They said he is a year old. He was kept in a separate room apart from our two resident cats - Ari and Tootsie (females). He currently has moved to longer supervised time in the main house.

We tried gradual introductions/treats/play through the door. He was initially kept in a finished room in our lower level. We have since graduated, now 3+ months later, to him being in a room upstairs in the hopes that he would learn more the schedule/noises of our home and help integrate him in our home with our other two cats. He gets supervised visits in the main house whenever we can, but at night and while at work he goes in his room, because of the below. He has had 12+ hours in the main house on our days off.

Main issues:
1) He stalks our other cats - I can't quite figure out if it's just play, but Ari doesn't like it and growls at him, but she doesn't leave and hide. He goes after her quite often and tries to bite her in the neck - so I'm not sure if it's sexual aggression instead of play, or some combination of both. We can't get him to stop. The weird thing is that Ari doesn't run to hide, she will often stay and watch him (somewhat hiding under a chair, in a cubby, etc.) and if she runs away, will immediately come back to watch, but she doesn't appear to like playing with him at all. They have also taken naps within a foot of each other. I've witnessed Simba try to curl up next to her (I think he needs/wants a companion, but she wouldn't have anything to do with that - so he returns to sleeping next to her).

2) Tootsie recently went through i131 treatment (end of December - I know, this all came at HORRIBLE timing). She's generally not very social and has always just barely tolerated Ari (they've been together 5+ years - we adopted both of them from another owner). Tootsie is sweet and our lap cat, but only on her terms. She now tends to stay in her favorite room and ventures into the main house once in a while and mostly in the morning and at night for lap time when we go to bed and then early in the morning before we leave for work. When Simba is out, she growls and hisses at him. He also stalks her - he will sit and just stare at her and sometimes prepares to pounce, but we always stop it before he can make a move. He is more hesitant with her because she is more vocal in her unhappiness with him. Tootsie has become even more grumpy and now even less tolerant of Ari. She growls and swats at us more often than usual (but still requests lap time). The weird thing with Tootsie is that she now will immediately go into HIS room when the door is open because she loves his water dish (even though she has her own water dish AND a water fountain to choose from).

We are not sure what to do anymore to make progress. Although we have always wanted another cat, we have never added one because we knew that Tootsie has a lot of catitude and would like not accept. I

We've initially thought of trying to adopt Simba out, but I just can't bring myself to it yet, although in reality it's been just over 3 months. Not sure if it would be better for our cats, but also for him as he is having a hard time going into his room for work days and evenings. My husband thinks that it could be contributing to his high level of hyperactivity (he loves being out in the main house - and other than the issues with our other cats, does pretty well).

Our vet recommended clicker training and trying Prozac. I don't want to medicate him.
I've started clicker training and have charged the clicker with him and it's working; however, when he is in the mood to fixate his attention on one of the other cats, I can't break his attention with treats/clicker training.

Any advice on how we can get him to be less interested in our other cats and leave them alone? Any advice on what we should do? I feel like a horrible cat parent and a complete failure with all three of them at this point.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi - I have a couple thoughts - to break his attention, throw your keys, rattle a can filled with coins, clap your hands and HISS. Just like his mama would do.
You are SO NOT horrible or a failure. He's a cat, they're weird, stubborn, smart and driven by feline gremlins in those little feline heads. Taking naps within bare feet of each other is HUGE, and drinking out of his water dish (see? weird LOL) is also a good thing, or could be she's just trying to act out a dominance thing, ...?
Seriously, are you giving him major play time to wear him out? Interactive toys, toys for him to kick and bat around, cat trees, catnip, a couple scratchers, harness/leash train him and get him out for walks if you can - he's only a year old so some of this should mellow a bit over time. (There are calming treats - one of them is called Composure which has a little bit different approach to its ingredients that you might feel more comfortable with).
There are other people here who will weigh in, and also there are articles that you might find helpful, look up at the red bar, click on articles and you'll find a lot of info including for other issues.
This is the best place you could come to and we're glad you're here.
Hang in there and let us know how things are going!

 

[Threecatsandme]

Hi - I have a couple thoughts - to break his attention, throw your keys, rattle a can filled with coins, clap your hands and HISS. Just like his mama would do.
You are SO NOT horrible or a failure. He's a cat, they're weird, stubborn, smart and driven by feline gremlins in those little feline heads. Taking naps within bare feet of each other is HUGE, and drinking out of his water dish (see? weird LOL) is also a good thing, or could be she's just trying to act out a dominance thing, ...?
Seriously, are you giving him major play time to wear him out? Interactive toys, toys for him to kick and bat around, cat trees, catnip, a couple scratchers, harness/leash train him and get him out for walks if you can - he's only a year old so some of this should mellow a bit over time. (There are calming treats - one of them is called Composure which has a little bit different approach to its ingredients that you might feel more comfortable with).
There are other people here who will weigh in, and also there are articles that you might find helpful, look up at the red bar, click on articles and you'll find a lot of info including for other issues.
This is the best place you could come to and we're glad you're here.
Hang in there and let us know how things are going!

Thank you SO much for your reply. It made me laugh..."feline gremlins in those little feline heads" is EXACTLY what I feel like we are dealing with!!

He gets a LOT of play time - we have so many toys and have invested in more electronic ones just to help because we can't play with him ALL the time when he's in the main house. We have lots of perches, trees, and added a few more. A couple very large ones in front of windows - which are his favorite places. We are in Minnesota, so I trudged out in the snow and even hung bird feeders outside the windows and sometimes that will occupy him for a good while. Despite our heat bill, I'll even open the windows for short bouts and he loves that (as does Ari).

I've wondered if our other cats are upset about the attention he gets and we try to play with them all, but Simba tends to dominate all play sessions. Tootsie won't play with him at all and in fact, she now hisses at Da Bird he uses (which use to be her favorite play toy). Once the weather gets nicer, I plan to get him outside on a leash. We also have a catio - which we are planning to expand. We haven't allowed him to go out in the catio yet - it rarely gets opened in the winter. I should probably make the step in letting him experience it, but I don't think he can go out with our other two as a fight will probably ensue or some sort of shenanigans and I can't get into the human door from outside due to snow (they access the catio through a tunnel going out of a bedroom window).

Thank you for the suggestion on treats - I will definitely be checking into those! Today, I started looking up animal behaviorists as I so want to make this work, but with Tootsie's i131 (she has her follow up echocardiogram and blood work coming up - anxious to see how she's doing), I'm not sure if we can afford to add an animal behaviorist, so am trying everything else I can first.

Also thought of trying some of Jackson Galaxy products (but I'm skeptical about if it's worth it and if they are effective). We have four Feliway diffusers throughout the house, but just recently realized I need to have the Multi cat/tension ones so those are on the way to see if that will make a difference. Feliway spray we've tried - doesn't really seem to help Tootsie other than confuse her on the sound of the spray!

Thank you again for your advice, it is so helpful!

 

[Furballsmom]

Heh

Despite our heat bill, I'll even open the windows for short bouts and he loves that

Yeah, me too LOL

 

[Furballsmom]

I'm so glad I could help, if even just a little bit and with some laughter
You could also, if you have time, take a look through some of the other discussions in the cat behavior forum - there are a couple threads going on right now with some of the same difficulties.
Honestly, I'm starting to think that 1 to 2 year old male cats are as bad as the terrible twos in human children.

 

[Timmer]

Aww...he's still a kitten really and full of vinegar. That's how they are. You've had him in your home for over three months, I think that's plenty of time. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. The fact that he's napping with the other cat is a good sign. Maybe the other cat just doesn't see the need for a third cat :-) Sometimes two females are fine with each other and don't want a boy around.
I truly think this is going well.
For whatever it's worth, I have tried the Jackson Galaxy sprays and I feel they are a waste of money. That guy is making money hand over fist on his stuff. My vet feels the Feliway products are helpful but they never worked well in my home either.
Good luck.

 

[Furballsmom]

whether they realize it or not, they are SO lucky to have you!!

 

[Threecatsandme]

Aww...he's still a kitten really and full of vinegar. That's how they are. You've had him in your home for over three months, I think that's plenty of time. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. The fact that he's napping with the other cat is a good sign. Maybe the other cat just doesn't see the need for a third cat :-) Sometimes two females are fine with each other and don't want a boy around.
I truly think this is going well.
For whatever it's worth, I have tried the Jackson Galaxy sprays and I feel they are a waste of money. That guy is making money hand over fist on his stuff. My vet feels the Feliway products are helpful but they never worked well in my home either.
Good luck.

Thank you! That is my hesitation with trying the Galaxy sprays and why I haven't gone through with purchasing them yet, maybe I'll wait just a bit, especially since the Feliway so far hasn't really been helping.

I'm just a big SUCKER and my heart breaks everything I have to put him in his room overnight - he just stares at me and does this cute wimper kitten thing letting me know he would rather stay in the main house. Then my heart breaks when Tootsie finally comes out, then realizes he's out too, gets pissed and then goes back to her room to retreat. Although she has been bravely venturing out more often - but not for long as soon as he realizes she's out and just wants to sit and watch her, waiting to pounce which REALLY ticks her off - it's like "quit staring at me already!" LOL

I was starting to get concerned about having to still put him in a separate room at night and when we are at work and how long we should keep that up without causing him any sort of harm (emotional/developmental).

Last night, I tried letting him out for part of the night. Tootsie was on our bed sitting on my husbands chest (it's their night thing - as soon as he gets into bed, she jumps up and puts her face right in front of his and purs away). Simba came in and hopped up on the bed at his feet to curl up and sleep (he wasn't going after her). Tootsie growled, then left. Then Simba goes to try and follow her.

I'm a helicopter cat parent and my husband tells me to knock it off all the time, but I didn't sleep much last night. Simba ended up sleeping in a perch in our room until 3AM, then was up and ready to go again (caught him getting ready to bug Tootsie), so I ended up putting him in his room so I could get a few more hours of sleep!

I'm just not sure when/if we are ready for the next step and when to proceed which would be to try and leave him out at night while we sleep. It's going to be a long time before he can stay in the main house while we are both at work!!

 

[maggiedemi]

Have you tried a gate on the door?

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hi,

First off, thank you so much for welcoming a feral into your home.

I deal with ferals and all my inside cats are ferals and have done a lot of intros. I have been in your shoes so I know exactly what you are going through. Don't worry, this is very normal and we can get through this.

So I am going to try to address you concerns. Please let me know if I missed any, didn't fully answer them, or if you have any other questions.

Stalking. Stalking can be play or it can be aggression. My cats (both indoors and outdoors) like to stalk. But it is play. What is his body language? Are his ears back? Tail swishing? Hair up? Eyes dilated? What exactly happens after? Is it just biting on the back of the neck or does it actually lead to a fight? Have they ever fought? One of my male outside ferals like to do the biting thing to the other ferals. And they love each other. The fact Simba wants to cuddle and sleep near each other tells me that it will be fine. They will get along. We still want to make every encounter as positive as possible though. SO I like to distract as needed to avoid anything that the other cat might misinterpret. I use play, food, calling his name in a calm, confident, firm voice. Anything to distract and break up the potentially negative encounter to let them know that there is no real threat and to avoid any mis-perceptions.

Intros are all about building positive associations and building trust between them. So using food and trying to make every encounter as positive as possible. Letting the cats know that the other cat(s) don't mean harm. Resident cats always have the most difficult time adjusting because it is their territory being "invaded". So during intros we want to build their confidence through stepping up play and feeding after play. This replicates the "Hunt, Capture, Kill, Eat" instinct in the wild and builds confidence as it makes them feel like they are "providing" for their survival. A confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked (because they wont act like prey).

Tootsie - So there are positives. She still wants and gets lap time. She actually goes in "his" room to drink. She can't be too afraid of him. Now 3 months is short in intros so we need to continue to try to make positive associations. So keep being calm and confident around her, give her her love on her terms (as long as you can safely without being at risk of being hurt). Distract him from focusing on her etc. Just to reassure her that he doesn't mean harm. If he is around feed her treats of you can to make a positive association. Have someone feed him to distract him from focusing on her. Things like that.

As mentioned before, step up play with him to tire him out a little (though it is impossible to tire him out). Look into toys that he can play with without human interaction. Cat trees, maybe cat shelving. The more avenues cats can utilize and run around and up and down is great. Also, having the ability for your cats to look outside at Cat TV is great. Also, scratching posts and a lot of warm and comfy bedding so they can settle in and get comfortable and not have to be in each others space. It sounds like you have done a great job on this.

Also, play as much as you can with your resident cats as play build confidence as we mentioned.

The cats are just adjusting to his addition. It was "their" territory and it got "invaded" by this other cat. Cats don't like change so they are having a little trouble adjusting which is normal. I have lived through this many times. 3 months is not a long time. So building the resident cat's confidence is an important part. Play, Food, Height and Love.

Cats take on our emotions so it is very important we stay calm and confident around the cats. I work with ferals and my emotions have a huge impact on how they react. If I act like all is cool they tend to relax. It is not always easy, when a new feral comes into the colony and territorial behavior starts it is very hard to remain calm. But I have learned that if I panic I only make the situation worse. So I reassure my ferals, tell them "its ok" in a calm, confident, loving voice. I use treats to distract them knowing the feral trying to come into the colony will not attack them. And if I get them to focus on the food and look away from them we win.

Keeping Simba in his room a lot of the time to allow for the resident cats to adjust is fine. I am highly confident there will not be any negative repercussions. I have had cats with health issues that had to be sequestered for a while and cats are resilient and as long as we make their life good in that area I have never had a problem. So please don't worry. I know it is hard and heartbreaking but it will be ok. It is best for all the cats to keep access limited and as positive as possible. Supervised interactions so we can make sure it is a positive experience.

I hope I addressed some of the questions. Don't worry, I will be with you every step of the way if you like and we already have great people on this thread. I am not worried, there are a lot of positives and I have not heard anything that causes me concern about if they will get along totally. The only question is when.

Please let us know how things are going and if you have any questions. I am happy to help. We will succeed.