A "second" Introduction..need Help With Anxious/mean Kitty

[teejay89]

Hello! Not sure how to start this, but I have a almost 3 year old cat named Iris. She loves people, seems to hate other cats. We got her when she was really tiny, and we got her by herself without a litter mate. We think this is where issues started, because she grew up a totally solitary cat. Moving on,

Me and my boyfriend adopted a kitten around a year ago and I tried to slowly introduce them to each other. (Which realistically now that I look back, might not have been as "slow" as I thought.) The new cat Oliver is a super sweet, loving clumsy little thing. Iris of course, did not approve. Normally super sweet towards me, she grew temperamental and at the time I had anxiety issues. BAD. So lets just say I couldn't mentally handle the situation and two weeks passed before little Oliver went to my dad's house, which luckily he had a kitten about the same age and they got along very well. Well, the cat my dad originally had just passed, leaving Oliver all alone. I am stuck with the situation of do I try to re-introduce them again? Iris had her run of the house except the bathroom where Oliver was. (At the time in a super small apartment that's all he had) Now that we've moved he would have an entire bedroom which should be better for him and mentally for me, as I hated locking him up in a small bathroom.

I got anxiety medicine, which has helped me a TON to where I think I will be a million times better about the situation. I was so bad before that if Iris didn't sleep on her usual spot on my pillow with me at night because she was upset about the new kitty, I would cry myself to sleep. Iris is extremely attached to me, she follows me everywhere I go and cries as soon as I leave the house, even if it's for a minute. That's why I thought getting Oliver in the first place would be good for her, so he would be sort of a "distraction" when I was gone so she wouldn't be so anxious and that one they she would learn to like another cat. I am sort of stuck on what to do. I know without a doubt I can handle the situation better than before. Oliver is still a sweet, easy going boy and he had no issues with Iris, and always tried to play with her before but she would always hiss at him. She at one time when I tried to really introduce them to one another, looked like she was sort of playing with him, but was really stalking and trying to attack him. And I know truthfully that yes, it does take time for a solitary cat to get used to anther one. I am just wondering how long, because what if a year or two goes by and it doesn't get any better? Has anyone else had sort of a similar situation happen? I think more than anything, I am just trying to see possibly how long it may take for Iris to settle down and accept that he is here to stay, I just think too that there really might not be a answer to that question.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
Lowering your stress levels is awesome, good for you! And a larger place, all these things will help a lot.
Take a look at these, they aren't long and have a lot of good info;
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
You, Your Cat And Stress
Do Cats Get Jealous? (and What To Do About It When They Do)
How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction
Also, take a look into calming products for cats, there are a lot on the market and you could find that Iris is less clingy and unhappy about another cat. Feliway, Only Natural Pet, Thunderease, Vetriscience just to name a few, treats, wipes, diffusers, collars, and the different products have different ingredients.
Sending lots of good thoughts!!

 

[teejay89]

Hi!
Lowering your stress levels is awesome, good for you! And a larger place, all these things will help a lot.
Take a look at these, they aren't long and have a lot of good info;
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
You, Your Cat And Stress
Do Cats Get Jealous? (and What To Do About It When They Do)
How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction
Also, take a look into calming products for cats, there are a lot on the market and you could find that Iris is less clingy and unhappy about another cat. Feliway, Only Natural Pet, Thunderease, Vetriscience just to name a few, treats, wipes, diffusers, collars, and the different products have different ingredients.
Sending lots of good thoughts!!

Thank you! I will look at all of them, I thought about getting Feliway but didn't know if it worked good but I will give it a shot!

 

[Furballsmom]

Good luck, let us know how things go

 

[KarenKat]

Good luck! I just introduced a third cat with two others. One of them did not take it well at all, and he got very territorial. But 7 months later and they are finally starting to settle down. Once that tension between the cats is gone, it's a wonderful and magical thing. The introductions definitely increased by anxiety a lot, and there were times I would get very upset and think I was doing a terribly disruptive thing. Quite a few tears (and many pouts!) were had. Definitely take it slow (I wish I had taken it slower!) and know that even if it takes a little while, they will eventually acclimate and it will be better. In fact it will probably be awesome.

Also, do not forget to take care of yourself! Not only will it help them settle down and learn to accept each other, you need to be able to recharge and be "selfish" once in a while. We want our kitties to have the best, but sometimes that means letting them accept boundaries like a closed door, and going out and seeing a movie or getting a massage. Or just taking a break from them. If I've learned anything in 7 months it's that this could be a marathon, and you can serve their needs better if you take some time for yourself and a break from the cats. You are an awesome person for taking in Oliver, and for loving Iris.

 

[teejay89]

Good luck! I just introduced a third cat with two others. One of them did not take it well at all, and he got very territorial. But 7 months later and they are finally starting to settle down. Once that tension between the cats is gone, it's a wonderful and magical thing. The introductions definitely increased by anxiety a lot, and there were times I would get very upset and think I was doing a terribly disruptive thing. Quite a few tears (and many pouts!) were had. Definitely take it slow (I wish I had taken it slower!) and know that even if it takes a little while, they will eventually acclimate and it will be better. In fact it will probably be awesome.

Also, do not forget to take care of yourself! Not only will it help them settle down and learn to accept each other, you need to be able to recharge and be "selfish" once in a while. We want our kitties to have the best, but sometimes that means letting them accept boundaries like a closed door, and going out and seeing a movie or getting a massage. Or just taking a break from them. If I've learned anything in 7 months it's that this could be a marathon, and you can serve their needs better if you take some time for yourself and a break from the cats. You are an awesome person for taking in Oliver, and for loving Iris.

Wow, thank you so much! I know that if there's any cat out there that I should have gotten to be with Iris, it's definitely Oliver because of his demeanor. This time I know to take it a lot slower and not try to rush things with her. I'm hoping to try to bring him here within the next week or two so I can get the house prepared for him and get his room ready. "Me time" is really important, and I never used to take any time away from Iris because she was (still is) so emotionally attached to me that I felt horrible just going to the grocery store. I'm really hoping that bringing in Oliver will help with that, even if it's a good ways down the road from now.

 

[KarenKat]

I think the 7 months intro is a huge outlier ... we weren't even having major fights, just a lot of intense chases. We were also introducing an adult cat to two other adult cats. Hopefully your situation is much smoother! It sounds like you have two wonderful kitties, and I hope they will eventually get along splendidly. Good luck!