A Rant

[icoele]

Thanks for the support, everyone. Also, what did I say that has everyone thinking that Minnow is a girl?? 

I have one adult I can confide in, and that's my English teacher from last year. We all call her Momma Hurst or Mom. I just call her bae. Sometimes she'll go to the teacher's lounge for me and get me a soda if I give her the money, and she lets me come in during lunch even though I'm not in her class any more. I plan on giving her (BUT NOT MR. K!!) a candle for Christmas this year. 

I'm 15, I'll be turning 16 on May 6th. I'm in 10th grade (sophomore). However, my school is very rigorous and one of the top rated schools in the state and USA, so we usually learn stuff way over our grade level. For example, next year in English, when I'm a junior in high school, we will be doing stuff normally suited for juniors in college. 

Again, I want to thank everyone for the support. I've been the odd one out since I was little (I'm part of the kindergarten club, and all of us have grown up together, really, since our school is the only one in the district/village) so I've dealt with being alienated for a while. However I always had Hannah, my best friend, to talk to, so now that I'm truly on my own it's very hard. I'm not sure if I want her to come back or not, because if she does, what will change?

 

[artiemom]

I think that teacher you mentioned is a very good person to have in your life! Keep her around! I am sure she is very sincere about helping and understanding what you are going through. Some teachers are very special. I was fortunate that I had 2 very good ones, and another great one for first grade.

Glad you have Momma Hurst around. Confide in her, tell her how you are feeling and what you are going through. I am sure she will not get your parents involved or do anything to hurt your parents. She seems to be an understanding person. Even ask if you could take to her after school some day. It could help a lot....

That sounds like quite the school which you are attending. Good for you. 

It is hard to feel as if you are the odd one out. It sounds so hard, but it will get easier as you get older. This just means that you know yourself and that you are not one of the 'pack'..good. That means you have your own mind. Very good!!

keep in touch with us...we want to make sure you are ok....

 

[icoele]

Will do. I'll try to talk to her after school on Monday.

There's a three-legged outdoor cat that lives here. I don't know what his name is or who is owner is, we all just call him three-legged cat. I assume it's a boy because he's a beautiful shade of orange, but I suppose it could be a rare girl.

Took a great photo of him a few minutes ago. Here it is.

IMG_1766.JPG

• icoele
• Dec 4, 2015

 

[margd]

Just checked in and am so glad you have someone you can talk to this Monday. She sounds like a very caring person - one of those once-in-a-million teachers.

Three Legged Cat is very handsome, you're right. I love ginger (or orange) tabbies! I see he has a collar so he has a home. I'd worry about letting him out - good thing he has you to pay attention to him. He has such sweet paws!

 

[icoele]

For once, a student wishing for a Monday... 

M: (singing quietly but right next to me, playing with handheld slide puzzle)

Me: Hey M, if you're gonna sing, can you move into the other room?

(ignored)

Me: M.

(ignored.)

Me: (still calm) M.

(ignored.)

Me: (still calm) M.

M: (yelling) I CAN HEAR YOU YOU KNOW!!! I JUST DON'T CARE!!!!!!!

Me: (silence)

M: (singing again)

Me: Dad? (exasperated voice) Did you hear any of that?

Dad: No, but I assume it was you freaking out about her being alive again?

a few minutes later...

Me: Dad, you don't know how hurtful it is when you say that.

Dad: Sorry, it's just the frustration.

Me: You say it everyday, though.

Dad: I'm frustrated by it every day.

Me: If you were really sorry you would stop.

 

[artiemom]

Ok---just take a deep breathe...

It seems your sister is doing her behavior because she knows it is infuriating to you. The more you respond, the more she will do it.. It also seems as if your dad is just tired of the entire thing...he has ignored her, so he feels you should also...

It is almost as if your sister is craving attention--of any type.

Be the better person and try to let it go...just hum to yourself, ignore her, go out, anything....

I know it is dark out, but could you perhaps go to the library this week-end, in order to get some peace and quiet?

Or go for a long walk during the day.. just thinking of stuff so you can have some peace....

Monday will be here before you know it...It will help to find something to do which is a distraction from your sister....

 

[icoele]

I know the thing about how she does it just to anger me. I do indeed think she wants attention. I think she's one of the people who take credit for a mastermind crime just for the fame. (I think there's a scooby doo episode about an art gallery/doll store where that happens!) 

One of my medicines is a focusing medicine and I'm on a pretty high dosage. This makes me automatically hone in on every single sound from the time I take it (usually 7 AM) to 12 hours later. 

Though I've lived here all my life, I can't navigate the village for my life, so I'd get lost very easily and it's across a busy road. My mom is paranoid and would never let me go by myself. I also hate talking walks and the outdoors in general, and lately it's been freezing. I do volunteer from 12 to 4, but M comes to pick me up and puts me in a bad mood because she automatically thinks she knows more than me EVEN THOUGH I VOLUNTEER THERE. "I'm allowed to do this, you don't know anything, you just volunteer here." Well, you don't even volunteer there, so... Who knows more?

I do think she has a problem where she feels unloved, but she's so mean to me I can't help but dislike her. The way she expresses it is so negative that it really makes people not like her. It's a vicious cycle, really.

 

[artiemom]

It is good to hear that you are volunteering. What type of place is that? and what type of work do you do there?

It kind of sounds as if your mom is interested, so take that as a positive. 

Your meds could also be making you super sensitive to things.. being a teen, all your emotions are heightened, so it is possible that you are on edge even more because of it...DO NOT, in any way, stop or decrease your medications without your doctor's permission......I mean it.. Things will become much worse then...

Sometimes, I know from myself, that if I keep focusing on something, I can make it seem to be really worse than what it really is...

Take a step back and just be....

Just thought of this: Can you start journaling? I mean write down your feelings. write down how and what happened during the day.. I know that helps me a lot when I start feeling overwhelmed.. you would be surprised....It really does help...