7 month litter mates not acting like it??

[Hway10]

Adopted L(male tux) and R(female gray) Over a month ago. Both were rescues found as strays with their litter and no momma. They are approx 7 months old and fixed at 6 months. It took L 2 weeks to come out of hiding and R 1 day. R was very confident and independent off the bat which threw us for a surprise because when meeting her she was very shy and L wanted all the attention.

Now that everyone is settled in I have been noticing changes in behavior between L and R. L is much more dominant and started to groom R but more against her will holding her down and biting her neck if she resists and tries to leave. Nothing that leaves marks or blood but she definitely just stops and gives in and looks uncomfy. How do I help this situation? They also don’t cuddle ever or anything very affectionate to eachother which is confusing as well. They do play with each other at night zooming but that is about it. They are both super vocal and always have been from the start. Also love their humans and demand attention from us quiet a bit.

Just want to make sure as they grow to adults that nothing goes bad or gets worse. Wish they would cuddle eachother

 

[ArtNJ]

6 months x 7 to translate into human years is 3 and a 1/2 years. Toddlers! Toddlers don't cuddle each other, even if they may cuddle up to mom (i.e. the humans) at times. My current 7 month old and 5 year old are good friends but don't really cuddle. I've had pairs of kittens, they often like to be very near each other, but actual cuddling is not a common thing.

Yes, yes, the x7 to translate into human years is a stupid oversimplification, but there is a sufficient element of truth there for this to be worth doing for illustration purposes. These are rambunctious toddlers. Not cuddling is normal.

One wanting to groom the other, a lot, is just one of those random things. My 7 month old will lick my hand for a long time if he is in the mood and I let him.

Most importantly, I wouldn't worry about any of this. These guys sound like friends, and kittens of this age essentially always are. If you have problems, it will be later, and its not worthwhile to look for warning signs this early. How cat relationships change is hard to predict.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. L is probably trying to establish the dominant role between the two, and this particular behavior will likely stop as they age. If R gets too uncomfortable when L does this, or it goes on too long for your comfort level, you can always take a toy and distract him.

When they get into adulthood, they will probably calm down some and could easily become more cuddly with each other. They are just too young at this point to know for sure what the dynamic will be between them later on. But kittens generally would prefer to play with each other over cuddling together.

 

[cat nap]

L is much more dominant and started to groom R but more against her will holding her down and biting her neck if she resists and tries to leave. Nothing that leaves marks or blood but she definitely just stops and gives in and looks uncomfy. How do I help this situation?

Does L bite the top of R's neck, or does he go for the jugular...the front, below the chin?

Either way, I would also do what FeebysOwner suggested and Distract L with a toy placed in his mouth,...and Play with him individually, too.

Playing with both cats individually also builds their Confidence up.
Confidence will help to prevent either cat from feeling bullied.
But it's true, they are both young, so their dynamics will change over time, as they grow.

If R gets too uncomfortable when L does this, or it goes on too long for your comfort level, you can always take a toy and distract him.

What you want to teach your cats, by Distracting and Playing with them, ...is that certain behaviours are not appreciated, and Distracting them onto ones you want will interrupt their unwanted behaviour.
You can also use Food/Treats after the toys, and good Play sessions, to end on Positive interactions.

Also, when you are Distracting, use a calm voice, too, ...so as not to startle or cause any added fear to either cat.
In time, you'll be able to Distract, just by using your voice.
And it will help in the future, when they get into more rougher play.

Both L and R are gorgeous, btw.
There seems to be a size difference, unless that's just the photo, ...so if you start some Distracting now, ...it will help for the future.

Mostly, though, kittens do figure things out....and grow into expressing what they like and don't like...with each other...so loud vocalizing, as long as one is not being hurt is okay.
It just helps, from time to time, if the human steps in to establish the 'house rules', and protect the smaller one.
Though she may grow to 'boss him around' when she's older, too.

 

[danteshuman]

It sounds like littermates to me!!!

The forced grooming is an affection & dominance thing. Think of it like a noogie. Also the brothers love to wrestle/ pretend to fight. Sometimes Jackie takes it to far. I call him & if he continues I gently break them up. Then distract Zjack with play while cuddling Nick. It is a tight rope though because I don’t want to play referee & Nick (black) ussually mood the floor with Jackie (lynx.)



Meanwhile Both boys pick on their sister Cami (fluffy Tortie), given half a chance. She wants to play, just not so rough!!! So like I said it sounds like littermates to me! (I took the laundry pictures today. Has pet usual the boys are together & Csmi is off to side watching them.) Part of this may be a boy/girl thing. The ‘minions’ are 18 months old & the boys have played rough since they were babies! I’m just glad they stopped biting each other’s balls while rough housing!



I would let theM groom but also give them lots of playtime. They need to hunt. It is better that he ‘hunt’ birds then his sister. Do a bird watching window or harness time (plus some feeders.)

 

[Hway10]

Does L bite the top of R's neck, or does he go for the jugular...the front, below the chin?

Either way, I would also do what FeebysOwner suggested and Distract L with a toy placed in his mouth,...and Play with him individually, too.

Playing with both cats individually also builds their Confidence up.
Confidence will help to prevent either cat from feeling bullied.
But it's true, they are both young, so their dynamics will change over time, as they grow.

What you want to teach your cats, by Distracting and Playing with them, ...is that certain behaviours are not appreciated, and Distracting them onto ones you want will interrupt their unwanted behaviour.
You can also use Food/Treats after the toys, and good Play sessions, to end on Positive interactions.

Also, when you are Distracting, use a calm voice, too, ...so as not to startle or cause any added fear to either cat.
In time, you'll be able to Distract, just by using your voice.
And it will help in the future, when they get into more rougher play.

Both L and R are gorgeous, btw.
There seems to be a size difference, unless that's just the photo, ...so if you start some Distracting now, ...it will help for the future.

Mostly, though, kittens do figure things out....and grow into expressing what they like and don't like...with each other...so loud vocalizing, as long as one is not being hurt is okay.
It just helps, from time to time, if the human steps in to establish the 'house rules', and protect the smaller one.
Though she may grow to 'boss him around' when she's older, too.

Hi I think it has to do with the dominance as well because I am noticing when we play with strings with R her brother L steps in to take over and she’s done playing but wants to and only watches from afar . I try to do 2 strings at once in each hand and sometimes it works but he wants whatever she has.... as for grooming he goes for the side if her neck only when she resists and holds his mouth there until she stops moving. When we first got them she was the queen while he hid and didn’t play and I hope as they get older... that comes back out . Also yes he is bigger than her... he is 7 lbs and she is 5.5 lbs. littermates found as strays with 3 other litter mates.

 

[cat nap]

Hi I think it has to do with the dominance as well because I am noticing when we play with strings with R her brother L steps in to take over and she’s done playing but wants to and only watches from afar . I try to do 2 strings at once in each hand and sometimes it works but he wants whatever she has.... as for grooming he goes for the side if her neck only when she resists and holds his mouth there until she stops moving. When we first got them she was the queen while he hid and didn’t play and I hope as they get older... that comes back out . Also yes he is bigger than her... he is 7 lbs and she is 5.5 lbs. littermates found as strays with 3 other litter mates.

The reason I asked about the neck biting is because I wondered how much is Play, Dominance, and Instinct.
I guess it's all of those, since most of the places where I've read about neck biting from the top of the neck, is a male cat on top of a female, and not where the female is on top of the male, and pinning him down. That to me would be instinct, even when neutered.
Although, if they are laying side-by-side, then it seems to be more dominance, 'play hunting', 'scenting', or holding the other cat in place

(Interestingly female mom cats hold their kittens by the scruff of their necks, and groom, and groom, so I'm not sure why female neutered cats would not try to repeat the holding the scruff of the necks of other cats.) Perhaps because the other cats are now larger and stronger.

(Mostly my female cat, now 5 years old, does all the grooming, and licking, ...and always has. She grooms her litter mate brother, and also the dog. Especially the ears, and sides of face...so I figure that is hard-wired into her, her personality, and she wants the other animals to smell like her scent, too.) I have seen her bite at the jugular and figure she is both exerting dominance, and also simulating the 'kill bite' from hunting instincts, too.

As they grow, you will see a lot of changes in both your cats.
I do think that R will become more bossy, and fed up with some of L's play tactics.
But it's still good that you help them out, by Distracting, Playing and more playing.

It burns off their excess energy, and allows them to learn how to Play with other things, and people, so that when they are grown, they don't carry on any bad habits from kitten hood.
Plus the Bonding with your cats is amazing, and they all Respect you more.

What you are doing with the String Play is really good.
It is tough when L wants to take over, and pushes R out of the game.

What you can do then...is either have some sort of toy, where you toss it, and L will chase it, like a ping pong ball or kickaroo...or let the game continue, while the other cat watches...and then be sure to give an individual game of the same thing...behind a closed door...for a little while...so that R does not feel left out, and also gets her confidence up while playing.

Eventually, as they both grow and mature,...you'll just be able to Play with them in front of each other, because their awake and wanting-to-Play-times....will be different.
One cat will want to Play, ...while the other cat will not.

If you get those long fishing rods, with strings and various toys at the ends, then it will be easier on you, since you won't have to move so much, but make the toy move more. I think the other member mentioned "da bird" which is a good one, for active play.

Would it be okay to ask for their full names? And do they go with their personalities?
(If it's a matter of privacy, then that's okay. I was just curious how names fit cats.)
Could we see a few more photos, too, when you get the chance.
Kitten photos are the best.

 

[Hway10]

The reason I asked about the neck biting is because I wondered how much is Play, Dominance, and Instinct.
I guess it's all of those, since most of the places where I've read about neck biting from the top of the neck, is a male cat on top of a female, and not where the female is on top of the male, and pinning him down. That to me would be instinct, even when neutered.
Although, if they are laying side-by-side, then it seems to be more dominance, 'play hunting', 'scenting', or holding the other cat in place

(Interestingly female mom cats hold their kittens by the scruff of their necks, and groom, and groom, so I'm not sure why female neutered cats would not try to repeat the holding the scruff of the necks of other cats.) Perhaps because the other cats are now larger and stronger.

(Mostly my female cat, now 5 years old, does all the grooming, and licking, ...and always has. She grooms her litter mate brother, and also the dog. Especially the ears, and sides of face...so I figure that is hard-wired into her, her personality, and she wants the other animals to smell like her scent, too.) I have seen her bite at the jugular and figure she is both exerting dominance, and also simulating the 'kill bite' from hunting instincts, too.

As they grow, you will see a lot of changes in both your cats.
I do think that R will become more bossy, and fed up with some of L's play tactics.
But it's still good that you help them out, by Distracting, Playing and more playing.

It burns off their excess energy, and allows them to learn how to Play with other things, and people, so that when they are grown, they don't carry on any bad habits from kitten hood.
Plus the Bonding with your cats is amazing, and they all Respect you more.

What you are doing with the String Play is really good.
It is tough when L wants to take over, and pushes R out of the game.

What you can do then...is either have some sort of toy, where you toss it, and L will chase it, like a ping pong ball or kickaroo...or let the game continue, while the other cat watches...and then be sure to give an individual game of the same thing...behind a closed door...for a little while...so that R does not feel left out, and also gets her confidence up while playing.

Eventually, as they both grow and mature,...you'll just be able to Play with them in front of each other, because their awake and wanting-to-Play-times....will be different.
One cat will want to Play, ...while the other cat will not.

If you get those long fishing rods, with strings and various toys at the ends, then it will be easier on you, since you won't have to move so much, but make the toy move more. I think the other member mentioned "da bird" which is a good one, for active play.

Would it be okay to ask for their full names? And do they go with their personalities?
(If it's a matter of privacy, then that's okay. I was just curious how names fit cats.)
Could we see a few more photos, too, when you get the chance.
Kitten photos are the best.

Thank you for all the tips!! I really appreciate it. I only did R and L because I figured it would be typing their names quite a bit. Plus come from my nannying side when parents would say the first initial of kids name to me haha. Their names are Louie(he’s alittle clumsy/tubby/and has funny faces) and Ruby(she’s our treasure as we weren’t supposed to get her). I posted in the behavior category about their crying as well if you have any insight on that... if not it’s is totally okay! Just new to this rescue and kittens thing . It’s titled “Crying crying crying cats” otherwise I put some pictures in .

 

[cat nap]

Thank you for all the tips!! I really appreciate it. I only did R and L because I figured it would be typing their names quite a bit. Plus come from my nannying side when parents would say the first initial of kids name to me haha. Their names are Louie(he’s alittle clumsy/tubby/and has funny faces) and Ruby(she’s our treasure as we weren’t supposed to get her). I posted in the behavior category about their crying as well if you have any insight on that... if not it’s is totally okay! Just new to this rescue and kittens thing . It’s titled “Crying crying crying cats” otherwise I put some pictures in .

Yeah, I guess typing out their names does take more time. I never thought about that. haha.

Louie and Ruby's photos are adorable.
(Not sure why some are on the side, but no worries.)

Your names are great. Ruby and Louie sound perfect for their personalities.
And I'm glad you got two. It makes it easier on both kittens and easier on you, too. They will have each other for life, even when they are annoying each other, or mellowing out as they grow up.

The last three sleeping kitten shots are the best. They look so happy, and satisfied.
The first two makes their paws look huge..lol. I really enjoy different angled photos and cat expressions.

(Yes, I'll take a look at that other thread. Not sure if I could offer suggestions, but I'll try.)

 

[danteshuman]

I had a toy hog. So I started saying their names when it was their turn. If my punk went for it, I took the toy away and play stopped for 5-10 minutes. Cats are smart & trainable. I would also give your girl 1 on 1 playtime with you & not let him steal your lap from you (or the famous slow push stealing of laps ) Louie probably needs one on one energetic play from you. If you can get a partner to play with the other cat in the other room, that would work. I bent the cat dancer In half so 2 kitties could hunt ‘bugs’ at once. It worked! I have perfected my flying bug wiggle for them.

Dante (my beloved punk) loved your jump on his brother & nite him right between the shoulder blades. His grooming always ended with neck nips. Nick is Jackie’s litter mate and he ends his lick fest with neck nips .... which usually ends with a wrestling match. However when the boys pounce their sister Cami they bite her scruff. Here is Jackie photobombing his sister when they was around 4-5 months old.