2 Year Old Cat Still Scared...

[mytwoblackcats]

Hi all,
So I have a 2 year old black domestic short hair male named Bailey. I adopted him from the local shelter when he was 9 months old; 7 months of his life was spent in the shelter as no one wanted the poor thing but I knew immediately he was the one!

From the very beginning, we could see he was a terribly scared cat. We couldn’t hold him without him struggling to break free, he would run under beds when we walked in - just any sight of humans freaked him out.

Fast forward to today, he has made some improvements. He follows me around to the bathroom and to be fed & he will come up on the bed if I’m lying very still and just sit by my feet. The one issue we are still having is he absolutely will not let us hold him, sometimes even pet him, because he gets scared and runs off. I’ve tried kissing the little guy’s head but he is so afraid of our faces up close - you guessed it, he runs. When he hears someone come up the stairs, he jumps off the bed and hides. He does not bite or scratch us when we try to hold him which I suppose is a good thing, but he does struggle until he can leap free from our touch.

As a cat lover, it makes me so sad to see him terrified of noises and even us humans. I am really hoping to hear of any suggestions someone may have to help rehabilitate him in a sense where he doesn’t have to fear us. It can be terribly frustrating for me as well when I see him do loving things near me but then when I want to give back affection he runs from it. It seems as if he wants human attention but then when we try to give it, he runs from us. I don’t know what to do to help my little guy...

Please help!!!

 

[Furballsmom]

when we try to give it, he runs from us

What you need to do is stop trying to give it, in the very literal sense. No ifs, ands or buts.

He has come such an enormous way forward. What you need to wait for, and be very patient about, is for him to make the choice. He will, but you need to help him make those last few steps to complete trust, by allowing him the emotional space to do so at his pace

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. I agree with Furballsmom . More time, lots of more time. Here are some TCS articles that might have some ideas for you to try to help bring him out of his shell more.

10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat – Cat Articles
How To Get A Cat To Come Out Of Hiding? – Cat Articles
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats – Cat Articles
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me – Cat Articles

 

[Hellenww]

Our 12yr, Sqeeker, doesn't care for humans either. He was born and raised with his cat family in a foster home until 7mts when we adopted him. He is very bonded to 14yr Yoshi and gets plenty of cuddles and wrestles there. There are plenty of birds and squirrels to watch. Sqeeker lets me know when they need to be fed. If I sit still he will get toys from the basket and play. A few yrs ago he started playing with a Cat Dancer when I held it and will now play with any string/lure toy with me. First thing in the morning he wants brushing and petting, no cuddling and not any other time.

The hardest lesson I had to learn was to not even think about cuddling him. He could hear it and run away. He has taught me great patience. I do talk to him when I come into a room but don't approach.

Sqeeker has a full happy life with minimal human interaction. I'm not sure I could say this if he didn't have Yoshi to depend on.

 

[ArtNJ]

He currently thinks your safest on the bed. That is a normal thing, because you are quiet and still there. My strategy is for you to work with that. Next time he comes into bed at your feet like you mentioned, make a call noise and give him a treat in a low key way -- toss it gently towards him. You may have to do this a few times over days/weeks for the next part to work. Step two is using the call noise, assuming the position, and getting him to come to the bed at your feet when you aren't sleepy - vary the time in other words, do it more than once a day. Step three would be maybe switching position a little, try sitting up on the bed and using the call noise. Step four would be doing all that and putting the treat on the leg of your lap. Step five would be using the call noise to get him to come to the couch. Once you have achieved all that, try gently touching/stroking the back/side of his head with one finger while he is eating the treat. Gradual expansion.

And yeah, while doing the gradual expansion strategy, dont force affection on him. We are letting the kitty be the boss, but have a plan so gradual he won't know we are creeping on him, lol. He *will* be your bestie if you are patient, I promise! (Well, maybe I shouldn't promise, but I've seen gradual expansion work and had at least one other forum user thank me when it worked for them too!) But patience as in weeks. Don't expect instant results from my plan. Please check back and let us know how its going!

Its a good idea to try toys while gradual expansion plan is going on. As Hellenww correctly mentions, many scared-of-humans cats can be coaxed into play, and it has to be a good thing for the overall relationship, so give it a try. Remember, you aren't forcing anything. Don't get a toy closer than his is ok with, or make him uncomfortable. Cat Dancer, which she mentions, is a good one to try because its quite long and not intimidating compared to shorter lure toys with a sometimes sizeable thingy on the end. You can also try a laser pointer, which is another can't-be-scary toy.

 

[susanm9006]

It is really frustrating. Willow has been with me over eight years and still will not eat if I am near and hides if I move through the house too quickly. But from where she started we have seen progress, albeit tiny tiny steps year after year. This last year for example, she started sitting next to me and occasionally lets me give her a good long pet. That is just a massive step forward in trusting me.

So be patient, offer him love and affection on whatever terms he will accept it and trust that over time he may become less fearful of you and everything. But also expect that there will be setbacks, unexplainable bouts of fearfulness and occasional mistakes that you make that sets off his safety alarms. I have found that keeping a good sense of humor and not feeling guilty for not being able to “cure” them also helps.

 

[She's a witch]

I’ll just add that “attention” doesn’t necessarily mean “touch”. You can talk to him instead, or wink to him when you feel he needs or asks for attention. Or simply be next to him

 

[mytwoblackcats]

Hi. I agree with Furballsmom . More time, lots of more time. Here are some TCS articles that might have some ideas for you to try to help bring him out of his shell more.

Thank you so much, I'll be checking out these articles!

 

[mytwoblackcats]

Sqeeker has a full happy life with minimal human interaction. I'm not sure I could say this if he didn't have Yoshi to depend on.

I know how you feel. I also have another cat, a 4 year old female - I think she gives him the interaction he needs which helps me as well.

 

[mytwoblackcats]

He currently thinks your safest on the bed. That is a normal thing, because you are quiet and still there. My strategy is for you to work with that. Next time he comes into bed at your feet like you mentioned, make a call noise and give him a treat in a low key way -- toss it gently towards him. You may have to do this a few times over days/weeks for the next part to work. Step two is using the call noise, assuming the position, and getting him to come to the bed at your feet when you aren't sleepy - vary the time in other words, do it more than once a day. Step three would be maybe switching position a little, try sitting up on the bed and using the call noise. Step four would be doing all that and putting the treat on the leg of your lap. Step five would be using the call noise to get him to come to the couch. Once you have achieved all that, try gently touching/stroking the back/side of his head with one finger while he is eating the treat. Gradual expansion.

The thing is, he will come on my bed regardless if I'm sleeping or not so he does see me visibly awake / moving and that doesn't bother him. But if I'm not on the bed, and I approach him, he'll run off. He also will come visit us on the couch without us calling him, and then even let us pet him, but the moment someone moves he will run again.

It seems to us it's more of a sound fear and general environment changes that freak him out the most which is kind of hard to control in day to day life.

 

[mytwoblackcats]

It is really frustrating. Willow has been with me over eight years and still will not eat if I am near and hides if I move through the house too quickly. But from where she started we have seen progress, albeit tiny tiny steps year after year. This last year for example, she started sitting next to me and occasionally lets me give her a good long pet. That is just a massive step forward in trusting me.

So be patient, offer him love and affection on whatever terms he will accept it and trust that over time he may become less fearful of you and everything. But also expect that there will be setbacks, unexplainable bouts of fearfulness and occasional mistakes that you make that sets off his safety alarms. I have found that keeping a good sense of humor and not feeling guilty for not being able to “cure” them also helps.

Thank you, this helped me feel better about Bailey. Just have to trust that each baby step leads somewhere.

 

[mytwoblackcats]

I’ll just add that “attention” doesn’t necessarily mean “touch”. You can talk to him instead, or wink to him when you feel he needs or asks for attention. Or simply be next to him

I do all of those things. But if he rubs his head on our legs next to us which engages "touching" us, and we don't sit completely still, he gets scared.