Resident cat won't stop fighting/playing with new cat

[Qili]

My resident cat is 2 years 3 months old and we adopted him when he was only 3 months. I adopted a 2nd cat, about 1 year old female, 3 weeks ago and did a slow-ish intro where the new cat was living in her own room and we didn't let them physically meet until 4-5 days in when the new cat was totally comfortable with her surroundings. The intro seemed to go really well and both cats seemed open to each other and didn't display any acts of aggression. I was optimistic that I got super lucky and the 2 cats would be friends rather quickly.

Fast forward to this week, my resident cat has been almost nonstop chasing the new cat throughout the day, and while I know it's *mostly play*, I also know the new cat is stressed out and has been hiding/shrinking whenever she feels his presence. I suspect the resident cat is asserting his dominance and wanting her to know who's boss, so I'm unsure where to go from here. I've tried all sorts of distractions when he gets fixated on her, but nothing has helped, yet! Google search is telling me to separate the 2 cats and re-intro slowly, but I'm unsure if that will help if the issue is stemming from the resident cat wanting to assert dominance? For context, the resident cat hasn't been around around other cats since he was a kitten, so I think he's socially awkward with other cats. The new kitty has been around many cats, new and old, at her last foster house, and has an great temperament/super playful. Any advice would be greatly appreciated - feeling a little helpless as there hasn't been any progress... (I know time will help, but I hate that the new kitty is so miserable!!)

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi, she needs a break, maybe a long one, from being chased all the time. That sort of stress is hard on a cat.

Google's correct, I think

 

[ArtNJ]

Play isn't always equal. Its pretty common for one cat to have more of a play drive, or to be bigger. In those situations, the other cat will sometimes make protests noises and seek to disengage.

Here are the 3 key questions:

(1) does the cat that disengages act afraid of the other cat most of the time, or only when rough play is actually happening?

(2) Or does the cat that disengages come back in a few minutes after running off and act like nothing happened?

(3) Does the cat that disengages ever initiate play?

If the answer to the first question is "no" and the second two are "yes" (maybe just the second question) then everything is fine and and things will improve on their own in time. The third question probably isn't essential, but if its "yes" thats powerful evidence. Otherwise, I agree with backing up.

 

[Qili]

1) I believe she acts afraid most of the time, but when the bigger residential cat is calm, they coexist fine and would lie next to each other. It’s actual sweet when the resident cat isn’t fixated on her & just want to pounce/swat on her

2) most of the time, she stays hiding under a couch or kitchen island, but the times when she does come out from under hiding, she appears to be fine but hyper sensitive of where the resident cat is, and does NOT go in that direction.

3) I believe she initiated chasing maybe TWICE that I observed, other than that, it’s always the resident cat who initiates.

How would you suggest backing up? I find it a little encouraging when the resident cat isn’t excited, and they seem to coexist fine, but the issue always stems from the resident cat engaging her in rough play. Would lengthy separation help this type of dynamic?

 

[Alldara]

I would back up the introductions.

Your cats are learning one another's languages (body and vocal) and she needs time to become comfortable with him before she initiated play.

The fascination with her and wanting to play is normal and healthy. But it doesn't mean the other cat is ready for it! It's not usually dominance; cats do not have hierarchy like dogs can. Usually the cat most confident in the situation becomes the leader. In some homes that's the same cat for most situations, and in other homes that's a different cat depending on the situation. Often, cats will look to the more confident cats to see what the situation is.

For example, yesterday my new cat met a family member. Cal loves this family member and Magnus is weary of people, but especially this person who needs guidance with our cats. Ghost looked to Calcifer and made slow attempts at socializing due to Calcifer's confidence but was nervous because Magnus was nervous. The previous visitors are two experienced cat owners and neither Magnus nor Calcifer were nervous of them, so neither was Ghost. Ghost is new, so he relies on the other cats to tell him the goings on around here.

Once with a new electronic toy, Magnus was scared. My now late cat Nobel went up to the toy to show him it was safe and Magnus immediately played with it after. Likewise, Magnus fighting (playfully) the vacuum allowed Nobel to be less fearful of it.


I would go back to gated until either he can be distracted or she gains confidence to start playing.

 

[Qili]

Ok. Will try that. My hubby and I have both been sleepless and overwhelmed. We knew introducing kitties wouldn’t be a piece of cake, but dang it’s soooo rough and we’re both getting super frustrated. Feeling like bad parents.

 

[Qili]

Also thanks for everyone’s advice! Really appreciate the awesome community here. Feels great that I’m not alone!

 

[Alldara]

Ok. Will try that. My hubby and I have both been sleepless and overwhelmed. We knew introducing kitties wouldn’t be a piece of cake, but dang it’s soooo rough and we’re both getting super frustrated. Feeling like bad parents.

It's a really exhausting process.
She's still hiding a lot so that says she wasn't ready to be out of her safe room. Two weeks is considered the minimum time for an introduction, not including the quarentine time in the safe room first.

That being said, two weeks is really not the goal nor time average timeframe.

Some things that may help are:

- cat calming music - check streaming services (also just any music if that's not possible, as it helps lower the instances of being too tense at any noise)

-Feliway. Especially feliway Multicat

-slowly increasing the space available to new cat, rather than opening up the whole house at once. (Such as slowly moving the gate to the hallway, etc) this allows NC to build familiarity rather than be overwhelmed. A cat confident in its space is more likely to be confident with other creatures.

- having the cats watch one another play through a gate

- giving high-reward treats at the same time.

- humans taking some time to approach the situation with calmness. Such as taking 5 minutes to follow a guided meditation or go for a jog. Whatever helps you.

 

[Alldara]

Oh. And of course, also you and your husband spending time in new cat's space to get new cat familiar to you and your voice, sounds etc.

Don't underestimate using familiar words to narrate what's happening to the cats. Keep words consistent between the two of you.

For example, "Wow X is playing." And so on.

 

[ellen m]

I don't know if this will apply to your case, but a long time ago I consulted a cat behaviorist when two of my cats weren't getting along. She advised giving them time out from each other every so often, like in a different but adjoining room, so they could sniff each other under the door, and giving them both treats at the same time so they could see they were both getting the treats.

Good luck! I'm sure they will get along eventually. :-)

 

[Qili]

Oh. And of course, also you and your husband spending time in new cat's space to get new cat familiar to you and your voice, sounds etc.

Don't underestimate using familiar words to narrate what's happening to the cats. Keep words consistent between the two of you.

For example, "Wow X is playing." And so on.

Sounds like a great idea! Will try that. I got a screen door so I can keep NC in the safe space for a while until I can figure out how to distract RC better and for her to be more comfortable.

 

[Alldara]

Sounds like a great idea! Will try that. I got a screen door so I can keep NC in the safe space for a while until I can figure out how to distract RC better and for her to be more comfortable.

You've got this. Be patient with yourself and with the cats.

Spending time in the room with new cat doing one of your hobbies will help build back up rest too.

 

[Qili]

I don't know if this will apply to your case, but a long time ago I consulted a cat behaviorist when two of my cats weren't getting along. She advised giving them time out from each other every so often, like in a different but adjoining room, so they could sniff each other under the door, and giving them both treats at the same time so they could see they were both getting the treats.

Good luck! I'm sure they will get along eventually. :-)

Will try this as well! Thank you!

 

[ArtNJ]

I agree backing up is a reasonable choice. Those answers to the three key questions were definitely more middle of the road then usual. So definitely not bad, and I think continuing would also be reasonable -- but not great either, and I cant really argue against backing up.

Of course, it could be that you'll have similar difficulties when you get to this point again, even after backing up -- if its unequal play drive, that isn't going away. Ideally, backing up will make the less play-focused cat less nervous about the other so the play will be better received, but sometimes when one is just so over-eager, there will always be some difficulties for a while.

 

[Qili]

It's a really exhausting process.
She's still hiding a lot so that says she wasn't ready to be out of her safe room. Two weeks is considered the minimum time for an introduction, not including the quarentine time in the safe room first.

That being said, two weeks is really not the goal nor time average timeframe.

Some things that may help are:

- cat calming music - check streaming services (also just any music if that's not possible, as it helps lower the instances of being too tense at any noise)

-Feliway. Especially feliway Multicat

-slowly increasing the space available to new cat, rather than opening up the whole house at once. (Such as slowly moving the gate to the hallway, etc) this allows NC to build familiarity rather than be overwhelmed. A cat confident in its space is more likely to be confident with other creatures.

- having the cats watch one another play through a gate

- giving high-reward treats at the same time.

- humans taking some time to approach the situation with calmness. Such as taking 5 minutes to follow a guided meditation or go for a jog. Whatever helps you.

Just want to clarify she's usually chilling in the open, and she only goes into hiding when the resident cat plays/attacks her. she usually comes out from hiding a few minutes after the incident.

They JUST fought/played, and i separated the two cats into 2 different rooms, and she immediate went to the door to put her paw under the door. Cats... don't understand them.. I thought she would be more scare of him?! haha

 

[Qili]

 

[ellen m]

This is the perfect opportunity to put some treats under the door for both of them! When I started doing that, per my cat behaviorist's advice, it turned everything around. I think they each thought the other one was bringing the treats! They'd see each other, and instead of a fight, it was like, "Oh, SHE's here! It's party time!"

Ellen

 

[Alldara]

Just want to clarify she's usually chilling in the open, and she only goes into hiding when the resident cat plays/attacks her. she usually comes out from hiding a few minutes after the incident.

They JUST fought/played, and i separated the two cats into 2 different rooms, and she immediate went to the door to put her paw under the door. Cats... don't understand them.. I thought she would be more scare of him?! haha

Guess she wanted to play that time!

Play fighting is how cats play. If she's not hiding, then it's play.

Or, just that playing feeties under the door is a level of play that she's comfortable with. Try not to separate before she hides. Just try distracting or seeing if he will change his focus.

Keep nails trimmed as well to avoid any accidental injuries during play.

 

[Qili]

I haven't separated the two cats just get as I'm waiting for the to screen cover our doorway to arrive (today), but I did notice a pattern today and want to know if this is resolvable/if there is anything I can do to help:

When we gave RC lunch earlier, the NC came over and RC puffed up huge (he usually does not exhibit this type of behavior). He finally calmed down when we pushed her away, and he ate out of my hand. Then later, RC was being needy and brought me a toy. I played with him, but the NC barged in and RC's demeanor immediately changed and then grew disinterested in playing. While NC was playing with the toy, he charged up and just charged at her. We then put NC in the bathroom, and IMMEDIATELY noticed that RC was playing just like he used to. We were worried that his behavior has been changing since NC came into the picture, but it seems like it's our full attention that he really wants and is afraid of being taken away.

Is there anything we can do to assure him that the NC isn't taking anything away from him and that we love him JUST the same as before?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi, keep playing with him and giving him special attention. This is going to take time, but eventually, hopefully you'll be able to play with the both of them while they are in the same room.