Introduction Anxiety

[Lindanyc]

We have been trying to introduce our new 4 year old, 7 pound female to our 11 year old, 13 pound female. We have been going slowly for 7 weeks now. They eat on either side of a gate peacefully and we can get them to take treats in the same room. Anything beyond that has ended with the little newbie chasing resident lady ending in hissing, so we haven t proceeded beyond that. I don’t feel the newbie is trying to play. I am developing extreme anxiety about the possibility of them injuring each other. Nothing very physical has ever happened, but the little seems to be the more assertive of the two. Can she really injure my resident kitty who is twice her size? My husband and I are always right there with them monitoring, but my anxiety has really gotten out of hand. Thanks so much for listening.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi! Try loving on your older kitty a lot and playing with each of them, together and separately, to build her confidence and to wear out some of the energy of your new baby, over several days, and then continue to do this. Let them together. They'll work it out.

 

[cat nap]

...I don’t feel the newbie is trying to play. I am developing extreme anxiety about the possibility of them injuring each other. Nothing very physical has ever happened, but the little seems to be the more assertive of the two. Can she really injure my resident kitty who is twice her size? My husband and I are always right there with them monitoring, but my anxiety has really gotten out of hand. Thanks so much for listening.

Hi Lindanyc ....why is it that you think the newbie is not trying to play?

I doubt that the newbie can injure the resident who is twice her size,...but she can intimidate, and chase, and bother,....so I would also suggest....like Furballsmom mentioned....that you Play with each cat independently, but in view of each other, behind the gate.
At the end of every good Play session, give out treats/food,....to associate only good things with the other cat.

Have a pillow, cat blanket, or cardboard handy...so that when the newbie does focus on the resident cat....that you or your husband can intervene, and either step in front...to block the line of sight....or that you can distract, distract, distract....the newbie from chasing the resident. Even using wand toys, or saying "hey, hey, hey" may get your newbie to momentarily pause, and stop,...so that she can become distracted and not chase the resident. (Just remember to do this safely, without the newbie getting scared or aggressive with you. The goal is to distract, but not frighten the newbie.)

Also continue to do very many 'site swaps' and 'scent soaks'....so that both cats get so used to each other's Scents, and become both secure and confident, in all areas of the home.

PS...What are your cats' names? and can you post any photos?

 

[Lindanyc]

This is the newbie, Trudie

 

[Lindanyc]

This is the resident kitty, Charmin.

 

[Lindanyc]

I guess it’s just the fact that she seems to stalk rather than approach that gives me the feeling that Trudie is not playing.

 

[Furballsmom]

They're gorgeous cats!

As long as her ears don't go back/flat, and there's no really nasty growling they should be ok. Try the things above, and as mentioned, you can intervene if there's actual fur flying. But they do need the opportunity to start working things out between themselves

 

[cat nap]

I guess it’s just the fact that she seems to stalk rather than approach that gives me the feeling that Trudie is not playing.

Your Trudie and Charmin are both gorgeous cats.

Ahh, okay...so it's the way that Trudie stalks that looks aggressive and not like play.
What is difficult in cat-to-cat introductions, is that it often takes such a long time....for both cats to feel safe, secure and confident around each other.
Another difficulty is when one cat wants to play rough, but the other cat does not.

Because Trudie is only 4 years, she may want to play much more than Charmin, and what you are seeing is either rough-playing, or like you mentioned, ...it is Trudie trying to assert herself in the new home.
Often cat-intros take anywhere from 4-6 months, and sometimes 9-12 months,...since it does depend on slow exposure and getting each cat feeling good, about having to share territory with another cat.
But by doing the cat-intro process slowly, you allow each cat's instincts and automatic reactions to lessen, and gradually decrease each cat's own anxiety levels. By using gradual exposure, you are lessening each cat's 'flight or fight' responses.

Think of it from each cat's perspective. The new cat has to learn to adjust to the new area, new people, new animals and new routines.
The resident cat has to learn to adjust to the newcomer on their territory, adjusting to sharing their food, space, and their humans, too.
It's basically a lot of adjusting for both cats.
That's why doing the intros slowly lessens each cat's own anxiety and stress responses, to a level where they can make gradual adjustments.

For cats, I think that their anxiety and adrenaline rush causes the 'flight or fight' response, and it's so fast and automatic and instinctual, to survive.
(But for us humans, if we could learn to lessen our own anxiety, or think of it like an RPM gauge or speedometer on a car,... not let it go into the 'red zone'...keep it in the green zone or yellow zones...though yellow might be too slow)... then it also helps our cats to not pick up on our fearful or upset emotions. Cats really do pick up on our emotions, so if we could do anything to make ourselves feel more confident, by worrying less, taking deep breaths, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, watching comedies, going for walks,...even writing the worries down on paper....then we're helping our cats out, too, by not transferring our feelings onto them. I know it's easier said, than done, though. And sometimes our reactions seem so automatic, but we do have the advantage of learning how to respond versus react, and also using different methods to lessen our anxiety when it does happen. Some people drink a nice cup of herbal tea, or play music, ...so whatever works for you will help.)

Getting back to your cat intros:

• Try using extra Play for now, as Furballsmom mentioned, and make it into a routine, or plan, where each cat gets individual play and then treats.
• Continue with the 'Site swaps' so that each cat can scent-mark all the areas of the home, and get so used to each other's scent that they become bored.
• Place items of clothing, cat beds, cat toys, cat blankets, ... with the other cat's scent on it, near the opposite cat and watch their reactions.

When Trudie focuses on Charmin, try to distract her with toy wands, words, or treats. Anything to get Trudie not to chase or stalk Charmin.
Charmin is a senior, and Trudie is still young...so using distraction will help...and Trudie will learn to respect what Charmin is telling her, so hissing or growling are okay.

 

[Lindanyc]

Thanks so much for the advice! I know my anxiety is definitely playing into things. I’ll try what you recommended and keep up the play time.

 

[cat nap]

I forgot to thank you for posting the photos. Us Cat Site people really appreciate cat photos. I just enjoy how each cat is so unique and different.

I was going to mention that it's good to look through your home, and have plenty of either 'high places' like side tables, dressers or chairs, sofas, cat trees,...so that each cat can 'escape and run up to' in case there is a chase.
But then I noticed that Trudie, in one of the photos was already on a dresser...so I guess you already have things in place for the cats to climb or jump to. Having many 'escape routes' around the home, helps so that no one cat feels cornered.
Some cats like to be on the ground, so having cat beds there, and boxes, and cat blankets may help with that, too.

Your Charmin looks like a big fluffy pillow, so I take it that she enjoys good naps and laying about with her humans. Very sweet photos.

Play time will definitely help in getting each cat to adjust.
The other biggest factor is really Time, because our cats can only adjust at the pace that they set.
The cats improve and adjust every day, but it seems ever so slowly.

I think having anxiety when doing cat-intros is very natural. If people didn't have any, then I'd think they were robots.
It's because we only want what is best for our cats, and probably because we want to see quick results.
The thing is that our cats move in predictable ways if we really pay attention to their body language, and unpredictable ways when they do things that we don't expect.

(Sometimes I just wish we can sit them down, and talk with them, and that they would listen.)
(But no, I have two 5 year old sibling cats, male and female, and they always have to get into certain moods, at various time in the month, where they chase each other, wrestle, play-fight, vocalize and then hold grudges for awhile. They still get along, but I'm always telling them to 'play nice'...when I happen to catch them before an actual chase. I think they do this to keep me on my toes, and figure that I need more practice in how to respond. They act nicer to the dog, than they act with each other at times. )

Not sure if this will help, but sometimes reading other threads or Articles, where you know the outcome was good in the cat-intros, may give you encouragement that your two cats will also get along.
This one by Twylasmom called Introducing Cats - Logistics Questions.
is really very good, in that you'll notice that her cats are also different ages, with one being 11 years and the other being younger than yours, but at the beginning there was also slow, steady progress, and a lot of effort being done with playing, using different toys, and having safe spaces for each cat, to give them added time to relax and adjust. Once they started interacting then a lot of supervision still happened, but if you skip to near the end of the thread, ...you see two cats who really like each other, and enjoy being together.

Yours will get there, too.

 

[Lindanyc]

Thanks so much for the advice! I know my anxiety is definitely playing into things. I’ll try what you recommended and keep up the play time.

I forgot to thank you for posting the photos. Us Cat Site people really appreciate cat photos. I just enjoy how each cat is so unique and different.

I was going to mention that it's good to look through your home, and have plenty of either 'high places' like side tables, dressers or chairs, sofas, cat trees,...so that each cat can 'escape and run up to' in case there is a chase.
But then I noticed that Trudie, in one of the photos was already on a dresser...so I guess you already have things in place for the cats to climb or jump to. Having many 'escape routes' around the home, helps so that no one cat feels cornered.
Some cats like to be on the ground, so having cat beds there, and boxes, and cat blankets may help with that, too.

Your Charmin looks like a big fluffy pillow, so I take it that she enjoys good naps and laying about with her humans. Very sweet photos.

Play time will definitely help in getting each cat to adjust.
The other biggest factor is really Time, because our cats can only adjust at the pace that they set.
The cats improve and adjust every day, but it seems ever so slowly.

I think having anxiety when doing cat-intros is very natural. If people didn't have any, then I'd think they were robots.
It's because we only want what is best for our cats, and probably because we want to see quick results.
The thing is that our cats move in predictable ways if we really pay attention to their body language, and unpredictable ways when they do things that we don't expect.

(Sometimes I just wish we can sit them down, and talk with them, and that they would listen.)
(But no, I have two 5 year old sibling cats, male and female, and they always have to get into certain moods, at various time in the month, where they chase each other, wrestle, play-fight, vocalize and then hold grudges for awhile. They still get along, but I'm always telling them to 'play nice'...when I happen to catch them before an actual chase. I think they do this to keep me on my toes, and figure that I need more practice in how to respond. They act nicer to the dog, than they act with each other at times. )

Not sure if this will help, but sometimes reading other threads or Articles, where you know the outcome was good in the cat-intros, may give you encouragement that your two cats will also get along.
This one by Twylasmom called Introducing Cats - Logistics Questions.
is really very good, in that you'll notice that her cats are also different ages, with one being 11 years and the other being younger than yours, but at the beginning there was also slow, steady progress, and a lot of effort being done with playing, using different toys, and having safe spaces for each cat, to give them added time to relax and adjust. Once they started interacting then a lot of supervision still happened, but if you skip to near the end of the thread, ...you see two cats who really like each other, and enjoy being together.

Yours will get there, too.

I really appreciate the encouraging words. I did read that thread. It was very comforting!! We will keep trying.

 

[Furballsmom]

For your anxious feelings, try chamomile tea, or exercise, meditation, whatever might help to relax you .

You're doing great, hang in there!

 

[Hanm3]

Hey! I don’t have much to add, just a message to say I completely know how you’re feeling re anxiety! We’re on month 3 of our cat intros, and whilst some days are better than others it’s still very tough, frustrating and upsetting at times. The anxiety over it is literally keeping me up at night! So just know you’re not alone!

 

[cat nap]

I really appreciate the encouraging words. I did read that thread. It was very comforting!! We will keep trying.

Sure, anytime. Remember, too, that if you run into any problems with the cat intros, there is always someone here, on TCS, (the Cat Site) to answer any of your questions. You can always make other specific threads with more specific questions whenever you want, if you need to get others' opinions, too.

Plus you can always post photos, on the New Cats on the Block section, or in the Fur Pictures and Videos Only! sections.

(There are other threads that I can post for more encouragement, but the one other specific one that I'm thinking about is another long thread, and the cats are both female but much, much younger...around 1.5 years and 1 year or maybe a little older. The problem they are having is that the resident cat is always trying to chase the younger newbie...so it's really not similar to your situation. It's close to 4 months now, and they are almost there with both cats being able to be together, but not quite yet, because the resident still plays much more intensely then the newbie. Cat intros at a standstill)

(If you happen to read any posts by C calicosrspecial ....you'll also find tonnes of useful information about how to introduce cats, the proper way, building confidence in both cats, and using a method called "Play, Food, Height, and Love". It really works for building a strong foundation for each cat, and allowing the cats to slowly integrate.)

You've probably already seen the TCS Article about cat-intros, since you've already been doing the slow intros, but I'll post it again, just in case there are some more tips, or tricks to help out.
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles
Are My Cats Fighting Or Playing? – Cat Articles

Also, see if you can think of your anxiety as a good thing. I know that is weird to say, but for those of us that have it, I see it now as that it just makes us a bit more sensitive to things around us, and a bit more sensitive and empathetic to people, animals, health, etc.
It actually makes you a stronger person, since you're able to pick up on things faster, and if you can come to accept the times where you need to take care of yourself, and decompress, or unwind,...then perhaps slight changes in your outlook will help it lessen, too.
I know it's difficult, though, especially when you have cat-intros, and the cats are acting all upset and disruptive. (That's basically where you need to step away for a day or two, pause and recharge, and tackle it another time, when you have more energy.)

 

[Twylasmom]

Hi! I see you read my thread, so you saw that I had similar concerns about them possibly injuring one another. To date neither one has, though fur does fly! The most important thing is to watch their body language and behavior before, during and after the encounters. If one is constantly trying to run away or hide from the other you may need to back off on the time together. But if they keep coming back and take turns chasing each other it is most likely play. Hissing and vocalizing is not necessarily bad. Twyla is often vocal when they are playing, and these two do enjoy playing rough, which took a lot of getting used to on my part! I thought about getting earplugs!

Go at the pace of your slowest cat, and a pace that is comfortable for you as well. As long as each is well cared for and has time with you for love and attention it doesn't matter how long it takes. But I know it can be stressful and exhausting, so take care of yourself, too! I still have Hooper sleep in his own room so that I can get a good night of sleep without nocturnal shenanigans. He actually knows when it is time for bed and will follow me up the stairs to his room. That way Twyla (my older cat) gets a break as well, though I think she would be fine either way.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hi,

It is totally normal for the humans to worry. Intros can take a month to over a year. What is important is the process. Trying to build positive associations and to make every encounter as positive as possible.

There has been a lot of great advice so far.

You wrote this "They eat on either side of a gate peacefully and we can get them to take treats in the same room." - This is FANTASTIC. Positive association. Our goal really is to make positive associations using food and then to try to de-sensitize them to each other. The more they are together without incident the more trust they build.

So we try to make every encounter as positive as possible and distract as needed. Anytime a negative encounter is avoiding it is a positive.

Cats struggle in intros because of several things. Cats are territorial so if they feel their territory is being "invaded" and they may not have that territory they get more anxious and some cats view a good offense (attack) is a good defense. We often see the resident cat have the most difficulty as it is their territory being "invaded". You are seeing the new cat get more defensive. When a cat lacks confidence (fear of being attacked) they can get more forceful. We build confidence via Play, Food, Height and Love. So step up play with Trudie. Really good play sessions in her territory and then feed a meal or treats after play. Give her opportunities to go high (cat tree) and also give her places she can get her scent on (scratching posts, bedding, etc). Finally, just give her love (if safe). Love can be eye kisses, staying calm and confident around her, etc. Also, a confident cat is less likely to attack or be attacked so building confidence with Charmin is also great. So do the same with Charmin.

And take it slow as mentioned by others. Try to make every encounter as positive as possible. Distract as needed to avoid negative encounters. Distract with a toy, food, etc. Anything positive. Anytime we get a cat to look away from another cat it is a positive as it shows trust. No cat would look away from a predator.

There are a lot of great people on the thread already. I am happy to help as well if needed, if you have questions. I would say you are doing great and I don't read anything that causes me concern. Everything sounds very normal and common and you are probably ahead of the timeline (so doing better) than typical intros. So I am highly confident you will succeed.

Just keep building those positive associations and positive encounters at the gate. Limit direct physical access to each other. Try to get them to look away from each other (to show trust). Build their confidence as mentioned above. Keep doing what you are doing using food to make positive associations and positive encounters.

We'll get them intro'd, don't worry. Please post anything anytime. Ask anything. We will be with you every step of the way.

Trudie and Charmin are ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!! LOVE them!!!!

 

[Lindanyc]

I really want to thank everybody who responded. Your kindness and willingness to help has really helped me feel better about things. I look forward to trying out your tips and sharing Charmin and Trudie’s journey with you.

 

[calicosrspecial]

You are very welcome.

Everything you are feeling and seeing is everything we go through. There are always ups and downs, steps forward and steps back in intros. Watching nuance (which we can help you with) is important. Watching body language, watching how they act after a negative encounter, etc. We all have done a lot of these so that experience can really help. It is a process and with effort and knowledge it is very rare that it doesn't work out.

The fact you have positives (eating together, not focusing on each other at times) tells me you will succeed. We can help you get there. We are here for you anytime.

 

[Lindanyc]

Hey! I don’t have much to add, just a message to say I completely know how you’re feeling re anxiety! We’re on month 3 of our cat intros, and whilst some days are better than others it’s still very tough, frustrating and upsetting at times. The anxiety over it is literally keeping me up at night! So just know you’re not alone!

I hope things are improving with your kitties and your nerves!

 

[Lindanyc]

We have gotten up to about 7 minutes of peaceful meal time in the same room. The cats are now eating on those licky mats which had slowed them down. I then give a few treats so stretch out the time. They seem to have no problem during meals and even have their backs turned from time to time. I’m still stuck on how I will keep Trudie from chasing without constant distraction. Will that urge ever go away? Thanks so much for all of the advice you have provided.