This made me chuckle!! I can totally see that happening. Ahh, cats.
Good advice, btw.
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Impossible Cat
- Thread starter susieqz
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Good advice, btw.
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I was hoping that you would continue to train her, so that you could give me tips about how to make Maggie stop swatting. Maggie is a wonderful little cat to hang out with as long as I don't touch her. I hope it's not true that you are no longer interested in Drifter and no longer like her. I love my cats unconditionally and nothing they could do would make me stop loving them, they are my babies.
As long as you keep putting some food and fresh water out for her regularly, Drifter will be there for you when you feel like cuddling again.
You may be being a bit unrealistic, and also you seem to be more used to dogs than cats. I have had my kitty for about a year now. I have no idea her history, but she was about a year when I got her. She was very scared when I got her. She has turned into a very loving cat... at her own pace. She sleeps on top of me when I'm reading in bed, sleeps on the bed when she isn't hunting at night, asks to be petted constantly and loves being brushed. Being picked up? Not so much. I work on it casually. Pick her up. wait 'til she calms down, let her down. Some progress, but I'm pretty certain this is never going to be a favorite of hers. I just want her to have some comfort with it so if she needs to be picked up for health or safety reasons it won't be a complete shitshow. Give your cat lots and lots of time and don't force anything. In my experience, trying to get a cat to do something actually sets the process back.
Cats are generally not hierarchical, so your alphaness is not something she will understand as a dog would. Cats aren't herd/pack animals, their survival doesn't depend on the leader or the group. Dogs seek approval from alphas, in part for survival, which is part of what makes them easily trained. Cats don't seek or need approval from you or anybody, they could not care less, so your approval cannot be used in training. Food and attention is what trains the cat!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #626
k, guys. sorry for the negative post.
i have too much work invested in her to quit now.
my problem is i take posts i read here to heart.
before my last post, there was a series of posts telling me that that's how cats are.
that means i can't change her.
they also said i should change for the cat.
that doesn't work here.
a pet changes for me, not vice versa.
i will work with her outside today, but i don't know
if outdoor training does much. she is fine outdoors.
she only has an attitude problem indoors.
it looks like shouting at her may have a negative impact,
but i will continue using a loud voice for inappropriate behavior,
to see if she can adjust.
mag n orange, i need your posts to keep me balanced.
i have too much work invested in her to quit now.
my problem is i take posts i read here to heart.
before my last post, there was a series of posts telling me that that's how cats are.
that means i can't change her.
they also said i should change for the cat.
that doesn't work here.
a pet changes for me, not vice versa.
i will work with her outside today, but i don't know
if outdoor training does much. she is fine outdoors.
she only has an attitude problem indoors.
it looks like shouting at her may have a negative impact,
but i will continue using a loud voice for inappropriate behavior,
to see if she can adjust.
mag n orange, i need your posts to keep me balanced.
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Good, glad to see that you will continue working with Drifter. Of course their behavior can be changed. I don't know how to do it yet, but I know it can be done because mother cats teach their kittens not to swat & scratch. That's really my cats' only faults, but they didn't have a mother to teach them. I have to teach them, so I'm looking forward to seeing what works with Drifter.
Once a night for eight months, I have pulled Farrell on top of me and given her one hug. This is after I'm in bed during our nightly game of fetch the rubber band. I've hugged her and immediately removed my arms and she has quickly gotten off me. I have tried to train her that I would like it for her to snuggle on top of me.
Over the last week to ten days, she has awakened me by crawling up on my chest and licking my chin.
That was eight months of a little bit of pleasurable work every evening, hugging the cat. After all that progress, I'm not going to try to teach her that 3am-5am is not my preferred time for cuddles.
She's a cat. Maggie's a cat. Drifter's a cat. 
Over the last week to ten days, she has awakened me by crawling up on my chest and licking my chin.
That was eight months of a little bit of pleasurable work every evening, hugging the cat. After all that progress, I'm not going to try to teach her that 3am-5am is not my preferred time for cuddles.
She's a cat. Maggie's a cat. Drifter's a cat. - Joined
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Orange, what does Farrell look like, what color is she? Demi used to wake me up before my alarm. But he hates being called Bad Boy. After a few times of me calling him Bad Boy, he waits for my alarm to go off. Maggie's pretty quiet, so I don't have to worry about her. I think cats are really smart and they can learn.
Farrell is a blue and cream tabby (blue on top/cream on the bottom). She's very beautiful with her fluffy medium-length coat (although I prefer short-haired cats for maintenance and allergies). That's ok. I don't mind sneezing and cat fur everywhere for the next two decades. 
She's got a squatty-body with short-ish little legs. Her birthday was Oct 1st; she's 9 pounds.
I won't dare scold her for wanting to snuggle in the middle of the night after 8 months teaching her that climbing on me was a good thing. She wakes me and I love being able to snuggle her. What's that old saying, "There will be plenty of time to sleep after I'm dead."
She's got a squatty-body with short-ish little legs. Her birthday was Oct 1st; she's 9 pounds.I won't dare scold her for wanting to snuggle in the middle of the night after 8 months teaching her that climbing on me was a good thing. She wakes me and I love being able to snuggle her. What's that old saying, "There will be plenty of time to sleep after I'm dead."
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Yeah, If Maggie ever wanted to cuddle with me in the middle of the night, I would be too happy to scold her! But I think they are smart enough to learn things. Demi no longer wakes me before my alarm when I used "Bad Boy", both cats no longer mess with electrical cords after I used the horn. I just have to figure out the swatting & scratching thing and they will be the perfect cats. 
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Honeybee loves night time snuggles...she sleeps on my chest and licks my face if she's hungry..most of the time I ignore her-I am hard to wake up..usually she stuffs herself into my armpit sleeping on her back paws up-and swats me if I touch the tumtum. I wait until she's dead asleep-touch the tumtum/paws-watch the tail-it twitches and warns me I have mere seconds before the claws from hell come out.
Susie-I used to have a chocolate tortie cat-she was brown with mixture of colors. Anyways she was my outdoor kitty-and near the end of her life-I used to sit in the woods in October on a blanket on my lap and she would climb up and sleep. I couldn't EVER get her to cuddle on me in the house...but outside was a different story...I remember 2012 and it was a cold fall day...I set up a lawn chair near the brook with my blanket and winter coat-and a cushion for her on my lap-she slept there for an hour..purring away...maybe try sitting outside and see if she snuggles on your lap. Some cats are weird...you can keep her indoors overnight-I bet she will sleep with you. If she's already snuggling-she most likely will snuggle on the bed-put some shirts you wore the day before on the areas you want her to snuggle-cats live by smell-when she recognizes your smell-she will stick around.
I know it's crazy to use day old laundry to train her-but they are scent driven...when she is in your house do you see her rubbing her cheek on the door edges/furniture edges? That's her "marking" your home as HERS. Cats have scent glands in their cheeks-when they rub on an edge of object with cheek-they are marking it to smell like them.
I think you guys will get along just fine this winter. The nice thing about cats-they don't mind having a few hours to curl up and sleep and let you do what you need...did you know cats sleep 16+ hours a day?
Susie-I used to have a chocolate tortie cat-she was brown with mixture of colors. Anyways she was my outdoor kitty-and near the end of her life-I used to sit in the woods in October on a blanket on my lap and she would climb up and sleep. I couldn't EVER get her to cuddle on me in the house...but outside was a different story...I remember 2012 and it was a cold fall day...I set up a lawn chair near the brook with my blanket and winter coat-and a cushion for her on my lap-she slept there for an hour..purring away...maybe try sitting outside and see if she snuggles on your lap. Some cats are weird...you can keep her indoors overnight-I bet she will sleep with you. If she's already snuggling-she most likely will snuggle on the bed-put some shirts you wore the day before on the areas you want her to snuggle-cats live by smell-when she recognizes your smell-she will stick around.
I know it's crazy to use day old laundry to train her-but they are scent driven...when she is in your house do you see her rubbing her cheek on the door edges/furniture edges? That's her "marking" your home as HERS. Cats have scent glands in their cheeks-when they rub on an edge of object with cheek-they are marking it to smell like them.
I think you guys will get along just fine this winter. The nice thing about cats-they don't mind having a few hours to curl up and sleep and let you do what you need...did you know cats sleep 16+ hours a day?
I think Farrell is still uncomfortable crawling up on me when I'm awake. She's probably decided I'm no threat when I'm snoring.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #634
well, i now know how to train drifter.
yesterday, i ignored her, mostly because was tired of her,
but partly, to see what happened.
she's always nice outside, so i expected good behavior anyway.
so, i went out to read n pick tomatoes.
i called her to breakfast, but i heard nothing for 10 minutes.
finally, i heard her 'i'm coming' call. a few minutes later
she was eating n getting stroked.
after that there was constant meows, which i didn't understand, but she kept coming to me. every time i looked up from my book, she was there.
so, she was insecure n uncomfortable without me.
i can now correct her by withdrawing myself.
this means, if she comes in the house for winter, i'll be able to train her the old fashioned way.
if she misbehaves, she gets tossed out the door, to ponder her sins.
i will do this over n over. she will eventually connect the bad behavior to the unpleasant feeling of being alone.
many here will disagree with this, but i don't care.
this will work for sure.
she no longer depends on me just for food.
she depends upon me for love.
yesterday, i ignored her, mostly because was tired of her,
but partly, to see what happened.
she's always nice outside, so i expected good behavior anyway.
so, i went out to read n pick tomatoes.
i called her to breakfast, but i heard nothing for 10 minutes.
finally, i heard her 'i'm coming' call. a few minutes later
she was eating n getting stroked.
after that there was constant meows, which i didn't understand, but she kept coming to me. every time i looked up from my book, she was there.
so, she was insecure n uncomfortable without me.
i can now correct her by withdrawing myself.
this means, if she comes in the house for winter, i'll be able to train her the old fashioned way.
if she misbehaves, she gets tossed out the door, to ponder her sins.
i will do this over n over. she will eventually connect the bad behavior to the unpleasant feeling of being alone.
many here will disagree with this, but i don't care.
this will work for sure.
she no longer depends on me just for food.
she depends upon me for love.
I think we all agree that cats can be trained by "attention". What other members tried to point out is that "Alpha female" status means nothing to cats because they are not dogs or lions, they don't have a pack hierarchy in their DNA. They do have mothers, however, and if you become a "mother" for them, then they will do anything for attention.
As I said, It is easier and faster to achieve good results if you make Drifter stay inside with you for a whole week.
If you don't feel comfortable with this, is you feel atacked by any means by my advice, then I shall leave this thread to avoid causing you (and, therefore Softer) more stress.
As I said, It is easier and faster to achieve good results if you make Drifter stay inside with you for a whole week.
If you don't feel comfortable with this, is you feel atacked by any means by my advice, then I shall leave this thread to avoid causing you (and, therefore Softer) more stress.
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Yes I have trained Honeybee with toufh love. She no longer bites me hard. The last time she did that I stomped my foot and yelled NO! And ignored her for the day. It was really hard to do it. But now when she chomps on me its a love bite and not hard. Same with claws. She knows NO! And understrands I'm upset with her when she jumps up and i get up and leave the room. Basicly removing myself from her space. Like I said. It didnt come easily. I hated to be away from my kitty but she needed to learn no claws and no biting.
Of course she bites when we groom her. I wear welding gloves. It's expected. She bit me three times and was shocked I didnt yell at her. I just remember her facial expression as she looked at me wondering why I wasnt mad...i was laughing at her...she is so cute... I know she hates the groomers..the howling and spitting but 15 minutes of pissed off kitty is so worth 3 months of no tangled hair that she gets a free bite mommy pass during that time. Lol.
So yes they are trainable...have to use mind blankery with them.
Of course she bites when we groom her. I wear welding gloves. It's expected. She bit me three times and was shocked I didnt yell at her. I just remember her facial expression as she looked at me wondering why I wasnt mad...i was laughing at her...she is so cute... I know she hates the groomers..the howling and spitting but 15 minutes of pissed off kitty is so worth 3 months of no tangled hair that she gets a free bite mommy pass during that time. Lol.
So yes they are trainable...have to use mind blankery with them.
She'll ponder her sins if you just ignore her, whether that's tossing her outside or just reading a book inside or going about any other business where you aren't paying attention to her. If you're paying a lot of attention to a cat for a long period, the cat can get an attitude like, "You're trying too hard. I'm leaving now." When you start ignoring them they start thinking, "Wait a minute. You're supposed to be focused on Me, Me Me."
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #638
i see no difference between mother n alpha female.
i'm not her mother, but i'm in charge here.
tossing her out the door not only gives her time to think, it protects her from me.
after supper, i packed up my things n dragged everything in the house. she had had plenty of cuddling, but i asked if she wanted to come in.
she trotted in behind me so she knows all is forgiven.
today, outside, she flopped down on her back, down by my knees.
she wanted her belly rubbed but that gets the paws waving.
i was tempted to mess around to see if claws were involved.
but if they were, i'd have to correct her.
today was not the right time for any correction.
i do need to know if she puts out claws.
i'm rethinking my position.
if she batts around but never has claws out, that might be innocent play, don't you think?
so far, i have no proof of her using claws, ever, but claws might have been. involved.
she jumped onto the couch by my feet n i was teasing her, pointing a finger at her.
she whacked my finger with a paw. there were no claws but i spoke sternly. but not angrily or loudly.
i need to figure out how to handle no claw batting.
there will be roars if there are claws.
i'm not her mother, but i'm in charge here.
tossing her out the door not only gives her time to think, it protects her from me.
after supper, i packed up my things n dragged everything in the house. she had had plenty of cuddling, but i asked if she wanted to come in.
she trotted in behind me so she knows all is forgiven.
today, outside, she flopped down on her back, down by my knees.
she wanted her belly rubbed but that gets the paws waving.
i was tempted to mess around to see if claws were involved.
but if they were, i'd have to correct her.
today was not the right time for any correction.
i do need to know if she puts out claws.
i'm rethinking my position.
if she batts around but never has claws out, that might be innocent play, don't you think?
so far, i have no proof of her using claws, ever, but claws might have been. involved.
she jumped onto the couch by my feet n i was teasing her, pointing a finger at her.
she whacked my finger with a paw. there were no claws but i spoke sternly. but not angrily or loudly.
i need to figure out how to handle no claw batting.
there will be roars if there are claws.
No claws out means she is playing, unless you see "that look" on her face that she's had enough. Even then, Drifter seems to be a nice girl who already knows not to claw you. My kitten is ticklish on her tummy. She sometimes enjoys if I put my hand on her belly without moving my hand around, but I think petting tickles her and she'll grab my hand and wrist (no claws), bite and start bunny thumping with her back legs. Farrell is also a very polite girl; no claws and a soft bite.
If you get "that look", you definitely want to back off or "freeze" all motion and ignore the cat. "That look" indicates the cat is considering two options, fight or flight. Best to let them flee.
If you get "that look", you definitely want to back off or "freeze" all motion and ignore the cat. "That look" indicates the cat is considering two options, fight or flight. Best to let them flee.
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- #640
thanks, orange, but i'm not sure about me backing off.
she must learn it's NEVER allowed to claw me.
i should be able to provoke her without retaliation.
i'd be real surprised if fight or flight ever kicked in with me.
i do things she may not like but it's been months since i saw fear.
if she really thot of fight or flight, i've been wasting my time.
i've worked very hard to get past that n i think i have.
she must learn it's NEVER allowed to claw me.
i should be able to provoke her without retaliation.
i'd be real surprised if fight or flight ever kicked in with me.
i do things she may not like but it's been months since i saw fear.
if she really thot of fight or flight, i've been wasting my time.
i've worked very hard to get past that n i think i have.
