Hi everyone,
I am back again with another weird situation. Asking questions here always gives me such a variety of answers, from people from all backgrounds and I really treasure the responses.
As you may remember, my father passed on March 20, and my mother has been in a nursing home. I had to handle all of the final arrangements. As it was, my father had prepared a handwritten copy of his requests for how his body was to be handled following his death. He'd done the paper in 1994 and it was on file at the funeral home that handled his body.
He was VERY clear: No obituary, no embalming, no service, no marker. He wanted his body cremated and scattered on the ranch he purchased and lived on since the 1960's. It was clear--crystal clear--and I'd even heard him talk about it, and know the place he wanted to be scattered. I had the body cremated.
My mom, from the beginning, has refused to honor the rest of his wishes. They had a horrible marriage and this is her chance to "stick it to him." She has now decided she wants to have a religious service, burial of remains and a gravestone placed in a beautiful old country cemetery. When I asked if that's where she wants to be placed as well, she shook her head emphatically "No!"
I've only discussed this with my dh and best friend, who is an attorney. We all agree that my father's wishes should be carried out--that it's the "right thing to do." My father was abusive to me, and yet I feel it's very important to do as he asked. I feel so strongly that I am considering not attending the "service" my mom wants me to plan. My mom had gone against my brother's wishes and had a religious service when he passed in 2004 and I still feel revolted when I think about it. In that case, however, I had possession of the remains and scattered them in the Rocky Mountains, in a place that was very meaningful to my brother.
What do you all think? Any and all opinions are welcomed. Thanks for your input.
C
I am back again with another weird situation. Asking questions here always gives me such a variety of answers, from people from all backgrounds and I really treasure the responses.
As you may remember, my father passed on March 20, and my mother has been in a nursing home. I had to handle all of the final arrangements. As it was, my father had prepared a handwritten copy of his requests for how his body was to be handled following his death. He'd done the paper in 1994 and it was on file at the funeral home that handled his body.
He was VERY clear: No obituary, no embalming, no service, no marker. He wanted his body cremated and scattered on the ranch he purchased and lived on since the 1960's. It was clear--crystal clear--and I'd even heard him talk about it, and know the place he wanted to be scattered. I had the body cremated.
My mom, from the beginning, has refused to honor the rest of his wishes. They had a horrible marriage and this is her chance to "stick it to him." She has now decided she wants to have a religious service, burial of remains and a gravestone placed in a beautiful old country cemetery. When I asked if that's where she wants to be placed as well, she shook her head emphatically "No!"
I've only discussed this with my dh and best friend, who is an attorney. We all agree that my father's wishes should be carried out--that it's the "right thing to do." My father was abusive to me, and yet I feel it's very important to do as he asked. I feel so strongly that I am considering not attending the "service" my mom wants me to plan. My mom had gone against my brother's wishes and had a religious service when he passed in 2004 and I still feel revolted when I think about it. In that case, however, I had possession of the remains and scattered them in the Rocky Mountains, in a place that was very meaningful to my brother.
What do you all think? Any and all opinions are welcomed. Thanks for your input.
C