- Joined
- Jun 5, 2019
- Messages
- 61
- Purraise
- 127
I've had my cat since he was a kitten. I am not sure whether I got him when I was 10 or 11, but I was a little kid. He was either 19,5 or 20,5 years old at this point, I am 30.
My cat has lived his whole life inside a flat, never went out. We had to move 2,5 years ago from my mother's flat and he was quite shocked about it, but I stayed at our new home with him most of the time (I tried to never go out for more than 1 hour) and so he was calm. He would have been happier living at the place we were living before, but I could not live there as there relationship with my mom was not good and I felt like if I can't be happy, I can not make my cat happy. So decision was made and we moved.
I decided to put him to sleep yesterday. He stopped eating and he was only drinking milk. He became very skinny in a few days and I knew that his body could be approaching some sort of break down. His pupils were diluted. His stomach was painful - his hind paw was tilting to the side when he walked, probably not to push against his stomach, causing pain. His hearing was impaired, and sometimes so was his sight. I work from home and I had an office chair I used to sit on. He liked the chair so he took it. It was funny, because I had to sit there and I sometimes had to apologize to him lovingly that I am taking him from the chair to a different place he liked - my backpack - and when I went to the toilet he did not hesitate to jump back on the chair to take it again. Eventually, I bought a second office chair and we were sitting next to each other.
There were more loving situations like this. I basically cuddled him every day. I made sure he has everything he needs and wants. There were also situations which cause me pain when I remember them. Like when I used to have an anger problem, I would sometimes leash out on him. We came from a family where there were issues, I was running from home, and I was sometimes encouraged to hit my beloved cats so that they don't pee on blankets and other stuff. Being a stupid kid with no opinion, I sometimes did. As I grew up with my cat, I realized how stupid it was, hurting a loved one. I even found a way to make my boy not pee outside. I can say this: My cat's love has forever changed my view on life and healed me from bad habits that I've been thought to do. I am still terribly sorry. He was my best friend and my master, teaching me how to become a better person.
Interesting thing is that I believe cats can understand words. I was talking to my cat regularly about important things and he knew exactly what I was talking about. I apologized to him and through the connection we had, I knew he knew what I am talking about.
His life was full of purrs, good food, fresh water, cuddles and love, but he also had to endure a few bad moments, as we came from an environment full of conflicts between my parents and bad emotions.
I am devastated about how the session with the vet went. It was anything except what I expected. I imagined it to be a sting of a needle taking him to sleep and then a second one, putting his heart to stop. In reality, it went different:
He drank fresh cool milk and then went to the toilet, which I have changed a few hours before, so the toilet was clean. I watched his tail elevated as he went out from the litter box and I knew he was feeling good about it! I was relieved. Good moments before saying goodbye at a place he knows, not at the clinic, I thought. In a few minutes after that, my vet rings the bell and comes to my flat. She is talking to me about what is going to happen, saying she will give him a first shot of a sedative, then she will apply a cannula to his vein and it will be over.
In reality my boy got the first shot and when the sedative began to have effect on him, he panicked and jumped from his chair. He was searching for a place to hide for a moment, but he only had litter boxes in front of him and decided to stay outside. He was feeling like he was going to vomit, but he did not. He was afraid. I started calming him down and his nervous system sometimes shook. He gradually calmed down as he became more sedated and his head dropped and he lied his hind paws to the side, but his front paws were meant to remain stable, so he was half lying from the bottom down. I looked at him and felt like his right paw must be pressed wrong. I was afraid to touch him. I asked the vet if I can reposition him and she said yes, so I did. She then asked me to take him and put him on a blanket in the middle of the room. I did so and she said she needs to shave his paw so she can put in the cannula. At this point I think my boy was paralyzed, but his consciousness was not completely out. The vet was not able to connect the cannula to the vein, because the vein was too narrow, and I watched my cat taking a heavy breath as a response to the pain and the psychological stress. I ask my vet to give him another sedating shot as I thought he is still semi-conscious. She said she needs to connect the cannula first, so she takes out the machine and shaves the other paw and tries to connect the cannula again. My boy takes a deep tortured breath again when she's connecting it, and then another one when she's pushing water through it to make sure that the fluid being injected is going into his vein correctly. Then she quickly applies another dose of a sedative. Then the final dose and my boy's breath stops. She listens to his heart and says there are no signs of life. I thank her and she leaves.
I come to my boy and sing him a song. Then I put my ear on his heart and hear a heartbeat. Could my song brought him back to life? I call the vet and she drives back again to me to check the heart. She even let's me hear it through the stethoscope and explains that it's the air from the lungs.
I am devastated and forever changed by this. I've never ever wanted it this way. I believe it was a good decision to put him down, because his health was declining rapidly and he could have been in huge amount of pain and distress had I decided to wait another day, but I just can not cope with how painful and stressful his exit was for him.
I feel like a terribly stupid person, because 5 years ago I was with him at the vet and we had to sedate him because we needed to take an outgrowth from his paw. He would not be completely asleep from the first shot, so the vet took some herb and combined it with the shot of the sedative. I should have told my vet about this situation, but I would have never though that him being this old and weak could resist the shot of a sedative in a such a way not to become fully unconscious. Perhaps she would have given him a stronger shot.
I take my boy and put him into a box. Fluid comes from his mouth and drops on my shirt. I don't mind. I am broken. Please help me.
My cat has lived his whole life inside a flat, never went out. We had to move 2,5 years ago from my mother's flat and he was quite shocked about it, but I stayed at our new home with him most of the time (I tried to never go out for more than 1 hour) and so he was calm. He would have been happier living at the place we were living before, but I could not live there as there relationship with my mom was not good and I felt like if I can't be happy, I can not make my cat happy. So decision was made and we moved.
I decided to put him to sleep yesterday. He stopped eating and he was only drinking milk. He became very skinny in a few days and I knew that his body could be approaching some sort of break down. His pupils were diluted. His stomach was painful - his hind paw was tilting to the side when he walked, probably not to push against his stomach, causing pain. His hearing was impaired, and sometimes so was his sight. I work from home and I had an office chair I used to sit on. He liked the chair so he took it. It was funny, because I had to sit there and I sometimes had to apologize to him lovingly that I am taking him from the chair to a different place he liked - my backpack - and when I went to the toilet he did not hesitate to jump back on the chair to take it again. Eventually, I bought a second office chair and we were sitting next to each other.
There were more loving situations like this. I basically cuddled him every day. I made sure he has everything he needs and wants. There were also situations which cause me pain when I remember them. Like when I used to have an anger problem, I would sometimes leash out on him. We came from a family where there were issues, I was running from home, and I was sometimes encouraged to hit my beloved cats so that they don't pee on blankets and other stuff. Being a stupid kid with no opinion, I sometimes did. As I grew up with my cat, I realized how stupid it was, hurting a loved one. I even found a way to make my boy not pee outside. I can say this: My cat's love has forever changed my view on life and healed me from bad habits that I've been thought to do. I am still terribly sorry. He was my best friend and my master, teaching me how to become a better person.
Interesting thing is that I believe cats can understand words. I was talking to my cat regularly about important things and he knew exactly what I was talking about. I apologized to him and through the connection we had, I knew he knew what I am talking about.
His life was full of purrs, good food, fresh water, cuddles and love, but he also had to endure a few bad moments, as we came from an environment full of conflicts between my parents and bad emotions.
I am devastated about how the session with the vet went. It was anything except what I expected. I imagined it to be a sting of a needle taking him to sleep and then a second one, putting his heart to stop. In reality, it went different:
He drank fresh cool milk and then went to the toilet, which I have changed a few hours before, so the toilet was clean. I watched his tail elevated as he went out from the litter box and I knew he was feeling good about it! I was relieved. Good moments before saying goodbye at a place he knows, not at the clinic, I thought. In a few minutes after that, my vet rings the bell and comes to my flat. She is talking to me about what is going to happen, saying she will give him a first shot of a sedative, then she will apply a cannula to his vein and it will be over.
In reality my boy got the first shot and when the sedative began to have effect on him, he panicked and jumped from his chair. He was searching for a place to hide for a moment, but he only had litter boxes in front of him and decided to stay outside. He was feeling like he was going to vomit, but he did not. He was afraid. I started calming him down and his nervous system sometimes shook. He gradually calmed down as he became more sedated and his head dropped and he lied his hind paws to the side, but his front paws were meant to remain stable, so he was half lying from the bottom down. I looked at him and felt like his right paw must be pressed wrong. I was afraid to touch him. I asked the vet if I can reposition him and she said yes, so I did. She then asked me to take him and put him on a blanket in the middle of the room. I did so and she said she needs to shave his paw so she can put in the cannula. At this point I think my boy was paralyzed, but his consciousness was not completely out. The vet was not able to connect the cannula to the vein, because the vein was too narrow, and I watched my cat taking a heavy breath as a response to the pain and the psychological stress. I ask my vet to give him another sedating shot as I thought he is still semi-conscious. She said she needs to connect the cannula first, so she takes out the machine and shaves the other paw and tries to connect the cannula again. My boy takes a deep tortured breath again when she's connecting it, and then another one when she's pushing water through it to make sure that the fluid being injected is going into his vein correctly. Then she quickly applies another dose of a sedative. Then the final dose and my boy's breath stops. She listens to his heart and says there are no signs of life. I thank her and she leaves.
I come to my boy and sing him a song. Then I put my ear on his heart and hear a heartbeat. Could my song brought him back to life? I call the vet and she drives back again to me to check the heart. She even let's me hear it through the stethoscope and explains that it's the air from the lungs.
I am devastated and forever changed by this. I've never ever wanted it this way. I believe it was a good decision to put him down, because his health was declining rapidly and he could have been in huge amount of pain and distress had I decided to wait another day, but I just can not cope with how painful and stressful his exit was for him.
I feel like a terribly stupid person, because 5 years ago I was with him at the vet and we had to sedate him because we needed to take an outgrowth from his paw. He would not be completely asleep from the first shot, so the vet took some herb and combined it with the shot of the sedative. I should have told my vet about this situation, but I would have never though that him being this old and weak could resist the shot of a sedative in a such a way not to become fully unconscious. Perhaps she would have given him a stronger shot.
I take my boy and put him into a box. Fluid comes from his mouth and drops on my shirt. I don't mind. I am broken. Please help me.