My Boyfriend is constantly Chasing and teasing my cats, what should I do.

[Kris107]

I'm going to echo everyone else, even though it might fall on deaf ears... Move on from this guy. Anyone who thinks it's okay and funny to terrorize ANY animal is not a good person to be with - especially because you said it isn't okay with you. #1 in a partner is that he respects you. If there isn't that, it isn't a healthy relationship. It sounds like you're both young, but there are people more mature than this guy.

 

[Hellenww]

It sounds like you want to keep this relationship and hope he matures and learns to understand what he's doing.
You could try the angle "I care for (or love if you're at that point) you. When you chase and terrorize my cats it hurts me too. They are my babies, when they are scared and upset so am I."
When you're calm enough, write out a set of "House Rules" Include how not to play with or treat the cats, as well as proper ways to play. Be clear that if he purposely scares the cats he has to leave immediately.
No matter the results we are here to support you.

 

[Alldara]

I live in a house, he has an apartment.

Sorry I misunderstood that part.

So, not together and the point remains...he doesn't make rules for your house. He makes rules for his apartment.

Your cats live there. Their home should be their safe place

 

[StephR]

It sounds like you want to keep this relationship and hope he matures and learns to understand what he's doing.
You could try the angle "I care for (or love if you're at that point) you. When you chase and terrorize my cats it hurts me too. They are my babies, when they are scared and upset so am I."
When you're calm enough, write out a set of "House Rules" Include how not to play with or treat the cats, as well as proper ways to play. Be clear that if he purposely scares the cats he has to leave immediately.
No matter the results we are here to support you.

Thank You

 

[IndyJones]

He said they don't play rough like dogs do. Dogs like to play rough.

Not all dogs do. Some are even more delicate than cats.

I don't know your relationship with this man but please be careful not just for the cats sake either. People often start with animals and move on to domestic violence/abuse.

 

[iPappy]

I'm going to add that, as you've asked him to stop, and hes also not respecting YOU. Huge huge huge red flag.

I'm glad your cat was okay after hitting the fridge. That could have damaged his neck, or spine or caused brain injury.

Full stop I would tell him 0 chasing or out of my home.

I dumped a guy like a hot potato when he made some comments about my pets. Disrespectful to them, and to me. I also was young at the time and had to think if this was someone I would be willing to share my life with, or have children with.
The older I get the less tolerant I am of things like that. If he starts in again, I would firmly tell (not ask, TELL) him to stop it, immediately....

 

[Biomehanika]

As others have said already, if he doesn’t respect your cats, he doesn’t respect you. It really is that plain and simple. Not only that, but, (and I’m sorry if this sounds harsh) but he might not even like you very much, nor take your relationship seriously, because if he truly loved and valued you he wouldn’t do unnecessary things to cause conflict that could put your relationship in jeopardy. That’s just common sense. If you really like/love someone you typically want to stay in their good graces and not do things to piss them off and make them second guess the relationship because it’s not worth the risk. He may be young but he’s still an adult, not a toddler, so he does know better and at the very least should be able to practice basic impulse control. As others have said, I would seriously reevaluate why you are with this manchild if he doesn’t stop this behaviour immediately. If he can’t do better for you and your cats, you can and will do better without him.

 

[Margot Lane]

Cats yes boyfriend no.

 

[Biomehanika]

Cats yes boyfriend no.

Literally my life’s motto LOL.

Five years ago I was seeing this dude, it went from zero to one hundred pretty fast, spending a lot of time together, ect. Lots of red flags looking back now but oh well, anyways. I still remember the first night he stayed over. He said “no cats in the bedroom”. Like he thought he could come to MY HOUSE and tell me MY CATS aren’t allowed to sleep in MY bed. He was so arrogant about it like “that’s what I want so that’s how it’s gonna be” — I ended things with him like two days later (for more than just that but it was definitely a big contributing factor, basically I realized he was super controlling and I wasn’t about to get into a relationship with someone like that)… anyways, he was all upset and said “The cats can sleep in the bedroom!!” lmao too late bucko you’re done

 

[Kwik]

I'm really sorry you crossed paths with this BOY-Im not sure what attracts you to him as he's got some serious issues,abusing animals is no joke and never stops there- I only wish he visited my house to chase my ex- feral Timmy,he'd get what he deserves

I'm sorry to be so blunt,you obviously like the guy for who knows what reason but it sounds like you are reluctant to really confront him,texts,,notes? Dear,you have to have a face to face imo,something like this " You either treat my cats like they are royalty or don't ever set foot in THEIR home again"!

And honestly,I'm being as diplomatic as I possibly could here becsuse you sound like a sweet young lady...... I could not tolerate anyone even speaking an unkind word regarding my furbabies- his chase would come to abrupt halt met by me swinging a fist !!!!

You deserve better -someone who truly cares about you would respect you,your home,your family and your pets.......I'm glad you are here,welcome to TCS,we are here to support you and everyone is in agreement- get rid of this guy,If you're 20 yrs old look at it this way ( my Mom used to tell it to me)

You didn't even know this person existed for 19 1/2 yrs and you were just fine without him in it!!!!,You'll be fine without him

 

[dmb216]

I get the feeling you only make this thread asking this question if you kind of know the answer already. There is a reason this entire thread is in agreement and I can't imagine it is a shock. I saw that you had posted in an older thread about a similar topic. It's worth noting that if you look in her post history she dumped that asshole.

You said: "He scared Jack so much he ran into the refrigerator trying to run away, and he thought it was funny." Who the hell sees a cat in distress and thinks it's funny?

When someone tells you what they are you need to listen.

This kid is bad news. Best case scenario he is still an underdeveloped child. Worst case he is a sociopath. I can't think of a redder flag for an SO than mistreating pets.

 

[Cat McCannon]

S StephR , dump the guy and do it now. He is thoughtless and cruel. Life is too short to put up with an abusive relationship. Stand up for yourself and your cats. When your cats are happy and well behaved, you’re treating them right and so what if you’re “babying” them. He’s gaslighting you. He’s endangering you and your cats and things will only get worse. You deserve better.

 

[KittyCat_chitchat]

to all of the above. None of this is acceptable behaviour and trying to be reasonable with people like that will not make things better. In both your own interests AND THOSE OF YOUR CATS, you need to end this relationship before things escalate.

 

[Kopanova]

As someone who has a boyfriend whom did this at the beginning of my relationship...

My boyfriend already had 2 cats when I came into the relationship with my 6 year old German Shepherd. For the first idk... 2 days? The cats ran from my girl like crazy, no matter how hard I tried to keep them separate, the cats did everything in their power to be free. I came home one day from work and there was Luna passed out on the couch with Kovu and Kopa literally using her as their personal lounge chair. (And I mean full on, turned upside down, mouths open snoring type of lounge).

Can a Dog be good for cats? yes they CAN be. However, before I even took the CHANCE at bringing my dog into an already Cat owned territory, I refused for about a month. I came over everyday, and would rotate spending the night here and spending the night at my own place. I got a pack of brand new microfiber cloths (the ones you can use for your car) and I would bring a new cloth EVERY DAY covered in Lunas scent, and I would leave it on the floor, the couch, a chair, next to their scratching post and I watched for ANY signs that they wouldn't accept her. (Ie. Hissing, growling, avoiding the cloth, hiding) and when I finally did bring her over I wouldn't let her off the lead, unless she was in her kennel. Was it hard and tasking? ABSOLUTELY! But I put in the effort and it paid off. But it could have gone the POLAR opposite.

Now as far as your boyfriend goes, SIT HIS @$$ DOWN AND TELL HIM STRAIGHT UP!!!
Your cats are YOUR PETS THEY ARE NOT HIS CHILDISH PLAYTHINGS AND HE EITHER RESPECTS IT OR THERES THE DOOR!!!

He is NOT to chase them, he is NOT to make excuses. He either respects the rules in your house or he needs to go somewhere else. I did the same thing with my guy when we got our new girl Vitanni. He didn't chase her mind you but he tried to force the relationship farther than she wanted it to go, which made her start biting scratching and running away, which frustrated him but regardless, when I finally sat him down and told him it's either My Way or I'm moving out he finally opened his eyes to the realization that he WAS NOT helping the situation. And within a couple of days, she's now happily laying on his chest and runs to him everytime her gets off work and DEMANDS he baby her. (Mom doesn't baby her, but she's 100% Daddys little princess now)

Side Note*** Ngl though, Had my boyfriend ever CHASED any of the animals (his included) he knows it would be WW3, with his rear on a chopping block no if ands or buts. Not Cool Dude NOT COOL!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

and honestly if he would ever make me pick between him or the cats, I'd pick my cats hands down no question. Not saying he's done that but if he ever did.

Darlin, he's already making you pick between them. Every time he chases them, or gets rough with them, and your response is, "please don't do that," you are choosing him over your cats. I hate this, but it is true. The next step should be, "If you do not stop this right now, you know where the door is." And if you choose to do this, and he stays, be very watchful of him hurting the cats on the sly. That's such a real possibility as to be a probability. My best advice is for you to simply end the relationship. As an abuse survivor, I see a whole lot of red flags on this relationship, so I worry not only for your cats, but for you. You are certainly enduring emotional abuse right now, in that he does not respect you in the least, but it could so quickly move into physical abuse against you, not just your cats. And make no mistake, he IS being physically abusive toward them.

 

[iPappy]

Darlin, he's already making you pick between them. Every time he chases them, or gets rough with them, and your response is, "please don't do that," you are choosing him over your cats. I hate this, but it is true. The next step should be, "If you do not stop this right now, you know where the door is." And if you choose to do this, and he stays, be very watchful of him hurting the cats on the sly. That's such a real possibility as to be a probability. My best advice is for you to simply end the relationship. As an abuse survivor, I see a whole lot of red flags on this relationship, so I worry not only for your cats, but for you. You are certainly enduring emotional abuse right now, in that he does not respect you in the least, but it could so quickly move into physical abuse against you, not just your cats. And make no mistake, he IS being physically abusive toward them.

I have unfortunately, thorough my job, seen and heard of situations where the SO gets mad at the pet owner and when the pet owner is out at work or wherever, "something" happens to the pets as a way to get back at the pet owner. Either they're dumped, abandoned, taken to a kill shelter or worse. It's unfortunate but, in today's world, being overly cautious is much more wise than assuming all is well when it's not.
Your house, your cats, your rules, your choice. I hope whatever happens, you and your cats have long, happy lives together.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Uhm, this probably isn't going to sound very proper and possibly harsh, but here goes.
Cats are like infants or toddlers. They are next to completely defenseless, especially when it comes humans. They can't stop a human from harassing or hurting them, and as you're their parent, it's up to you to protect them. That's your job.
First off, that sure sounds like a red flag to me, that he actually goes after them, purposefully scaring them, going to get them just to harass them, doesn't think anything of them, but here toys & their for his entertainment.
None of that sounds good. I say this as a mother who's seem her adult daughter stay with a lot of guys who were no good and plenty of warning signs but she never seemed to see.
Aside from that, I'd say notes or texts. You need to sit down with him and explain this is NOT the way to treat cats, and your cats need to feel safe where they live. No asking for him to stop or being mean. Apparently you need to just tell him this is NOT the way want to live with them being on edge and afraid 24/7.
I can't imagine what that must feel like for them. Probably exactly like in an abusive relationship.
Good luck

Exactly. It's abuse, and a red flag for escalation - he won't stay content to abuse the cats. Even if he did, that's way over the line. Get rid of him.

 

[Jabzilla]

As folks have said, break up with him. He doesn’t respect your boundaries or your cats. His behaviour towards them is very abusive and the fact that he continues engaging in it despite you having told him to stop multiple times is a MAJOR red flag. There is absolutely no reason to have to put up with such behaviour. It isn’t fair to your cats to have them terrorized like that, and it isn’t fair to you to have to keep telling him to stop. He has shown you who he is. Your cats depend on you and need you. There are plenty of people out there who love and respect cats, this guy is very clearly not one of them and had no business being around yours.

Break up with him. Abuse is a major, MAJOR red flag.

 

[DeesCats]

S StephR how have things been going?

 

[alysker]

As someone with experience with an ex boyfriend who acts immature at that age and as someone who's been to uni for youth psychology, this is a major red flag. I know I can't see into your life but I'd personally run and never look back. As someone said before, acting this way around animals is usually a sign of how someone will be with children.
Most abusers start with abusing animals and that's honestly what it looks like to me.
As to his age, yes men do mature later than women do but usually the disrespectful phase towards others (and that's not even animals because that is not a normal phase!!) stops after about 18 years if it's just a puberty thing.
6 months is also not too long yet, I left after 4 years and it was hard but life got so much better when I found someone who fully respects me. Because I think if he truly respects you he would not be treating your beloved cats this way. I believe in second chances but not necessarily when it comes to animal abuse because sadly that behavior rarely changes for the better.
I hope you and your cats are safe and you make the choice that feels best for you!