My boyfriend chases, teased, and "plays" rough with my cats. Roscow and Jack, he likes to chase them around the house and belittle them saying what are you gonna do about it your in my house when he doesn't even live there. Then wonders why they won't come downstairs and then he wants to go up in there space to bring them down. I finally had enough when he chased them last week Jack has always been shy and and he came down from upstairs when he was getting ready to leave and he saw him and of course he can't just leave them alone. He scared Jack so much he ran into the refrigerator trying to run away, and he thought it was funny. He chased Roscow the other day also, he acts so childish and doesn't respect my pets, and says i baby them too much. Then proceeds to say there just cats I don't need them to like me. Yesterday I sent him a message saying can you please not chase the cats anymore. He said yeah I can. I'll believe it when I see it.
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My Boyfriend is constantly Chasing and teasing my cats, what should I do.
- Thread starter StephR
- Start Date
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StephR
, first off I would like to Welcome you to TCS!
I am so very sorry your boyfriend is behaving like that with your cats and I find it very worrisome that he won't respect you or your cats. Has this been an ongoing problem with the cats? If it has been, you need to be more strict with requests that he doesn't continue this behavior. IMO if he doesn't stop his behavior, he shouldn't be welcome in your home at all.
If he exhibits similar behavior to you or your friends, I would consider rethinking your relationship.
I am so very sorry your boyfriend is behaving like that with your cats and I find it very worrisome that he won't respect you or your cats. Has this been an ongoing problem with the cats? If it has been, you need to be more strict with requests that he doesn't continue this behavior. IMO if he doesn't stop his behavior, he shouldn't be welcome in your home at all.
If he exhibits similar behavior to you or your friends, I would consider rethinking your relationship.
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- #3
Hello, yes I wouldn't say he's been doing it like the first time he came over, but not long after and when he got comfortable he did. Last week when he chased Jack and ran upstairs I told him to stop and leave him alone. He said he's fine. He's just a cat you baby them too much. I said they're the last cats I have before my mom passed away.
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- #4
He always says we should get a dog, dogs are a better companion and more loyal. He's really immature but he is 20 almost 21 but that still doesn't give him the right to disrespect my pets. I'm 26
Uhm, this probably isn't going to sound very proper and possibly harsh, but here goes.
Cats are like infants or toddlers. They are next to completely defenseless, especially when it comes humans. They can't stop a human from harassing or hurting them, and as you're their parent, it's up to you to protect them. That's your job.
First off, that sure sounds like a red flag to me, that he actually goes after them, purposefully scaring them, going to get them just to harass them, doesn't think anything of them, but here toys & their for his entertainment.
None of that sounds good. I say this as a mother who's seem her adult daughter stay with a lot of guys who were no good and plenty of warning signs but she never seemed to see.
Aside from that, I'd say notes or texts. You need to sit down with him and explain this is NOT the way to treat cats, and your cats need to feel safe where they live. No asking for him to stop or being mean. Apparently you need to just tell him this is NOT the way want to live with them being on edge and afraid 24/7.
I can't imagine what that must feel like for them. Probably exactly like in an abusive relationship.
Good luck
Cats are like infants or toddlers. They are next to completely defenseless, especially when it comes humans. They can't stop a human from harassing or hurting them, and as you're their parent, it's up to you to protect them. That's your job.
First off, that sure sounds like a red flag to me, that he actually goes after them, purposefully scaring them, going to get them just to harass them, doesn't think anything of them, but here toys & their for his entertainment.
None of that sounds good. I say this as a mother who's seem her adult daughter stay with a lot of guys who were no good and plenty of warning signs but she never seemed to see.
Aside from that, I'd say notes or texts. You need to sit down with him and explain this is NOT the way to treat cats, and your cats need to feel safe where they live. No asking for him to stop or being mean. Apparently you need to just tell him this is NOT the way want to live with them being on edge and afraid 24/7.
I can't imagine what that must feel like for them. Probably exactly like in an abusive relationship.
Good luck
Do NOT let him get a dog with you.
Guaranteed he will also teach that dog to do these same things to the cats he finds amusing
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- #7
He said they don't play rough like dogs do. Dogs like to play rough.
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- #8
he's nice to his parents dog, but i don't really want a dog right now, my cats probably wouldn't like it either
I am right there with DeesCats. My feeling is that these things do not tend to get better, they get worse. Let him know his actions are unacceptable. If you do not see an improvement in his behavior SOON........ You may need exit the relationship.My concern is that this could really escalate for your cats and you.
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- #10
Thank You, i sent him a text yesterday saying can you please stop chasing the cats. He said Yeah I can. But i will believe it when he starts treating them better and not chasing and scaring them. They're my babies I've had then for 6 years. and honestly if he would ever make me pick between him or the cats, I'd pick my cats hands down no question. Not saying he's done that but if he ever did.
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StephR
, it's your home, your rules so do what you want for you and your cat family. He sounds very immature, maybe he'll grow out of it but then again ..... who knows.
I don't recommend getting a dog because he wants one. I don't recommend doing anything that HE wants if it's something that YOU do not want just so you can get along or to please him.
How long have the two of you been together?
I don't recommend getting a dog because he wants one. I don't recommend doing anything that HE wants if it's something that YOU do not want just so you can get along or to please him.
How long have the two of you been together?
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- #12
6 months, hopefully he will do as I say after i told him to please leave them alone and not to chase them anymore. Eventually I do want a dog I don't think he wants one like right away but he does want one and I do too eventually.
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- #13
ya i hope he grows out of it too, a lot of 20 year old are still immature and grow out of it.
No dog not now. Right now you need rules and boundaries......see if he follows those.
Oh and. There are other fish in the sea ( so to speak)
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- #15
ya he said agrees with not getting a dog right now
I'm going to add that, as you've asked him to stop, and hes also not respecting YOU. Huge huge huge red flag.
I'm glad your cat was okay after hitting the fridge. That could have damaged his neck, or spine or caused brain injury.
Full stop I would tell him 0 chasing or out of my home.
I'm glad your cat was okay after hitting the fridge. That could have damaged his neck, or spine or caused brain injury.
Full stop I would tell him 0 chasing or out of my home.
Its not very "manly" but there actually is a way to chase cats & get them to chase you as well that many of them enjoy. But its a lot more like you'd play with a toddler. A fast toddler. But yeah, lets not go there, he doesn't sound like someone that would go for that.
If he won't respect your wishes . . . I agree that is a huge red flag.
If he won't respect your wishes . . . I agree that is a huge red flag.
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This is bullying behavior. It's not okay! It's not going to get any better with a dog. And if he treats your cats like this, do you really think he won't treat a dog this way? Or you? Or kids? This is a major red flag. I would break this off before this behavior escalates towards you. If you have asked him to stop and he continues to do it, that's all you should need to know that he doesn't respect you.
Sorry this was bugging me to the point of coming back and commenting again.
He IS doing that with his actions though. Most people don't actually ask people to choose between one or the other with their words. He's terrorizing your pets and undermining their confidence and thinking it's funny. And then trying to manipulate you by saying YOU are in the wrong by asking him to stop.
He doesn't know that a dog would want to wrestle either. Dogs have different personalities too.
From your statements, he's acting like your apartment is his apartment already. You said in one comment that it isn't. If that's true, then statements like "he agrees on not getting a dog right now," are moot. He doesn't have input on pets in your home and you can't get a joint pet if you don't live together.
He's old enough to know how to follow boundaries, and I'd he isn't, then he isn't emotionally mature enough to date anyone.
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- #20
I live in a house, he has an apartment.
