How soon is too soon

[walfie]

As some of you may know my little girl smoak was put down on Wednesday, leaving her 6 month brother behind.

Hes already passed the stage where he searches for her and cries, he seems to be at the depressed acceptance stage. He is eating and playing, but not as much as before, and he has gone from sitting on my lap to sitting on my feet (randomly). I know that now is too soon to get him a new companion, we are all still in mourning, but it is something we want to do.

Question is around timescales. If we leave it too long I worry he'll get too used to being the only cat here, but too soon and I run the risk of resentment. Is there an average I can go by, or is it more a feeling?

 

[Columbine]

I think it's a feeling. If you feel ready to start the search for a new addition, then do so. You can always make a scent cloth to take home for your boy to smell. His reaction to that should give a pretty good indication as to whether he's open to accepting a new cat in his life.

I don't think you need worry about him getting used to being an only cat though. We thought Shadow was enjoying being an only after his brother passed. Then we found a stray/semiferal in desperate need of some TLC and a loving home. It took a few months of careful, gradual introductions, but they're now great friends and have mad games together every day. Shadow clearly adores having another cat around again.

I'm so sorry you lost Smoak - especially at such a young age. Give yourself as much time to mourn as you need. The important thing is that, in YOUR mind, any new cat comes in absolutely as themselves, rather than as a Smoak 'replacement'. You have to be ready to get to know a cat on his or her own terms. Constantly comparing him or her to Smoak would be a recipe for disaster. There's no rush here. You have all the time in the world

 

[cat nap]

I agree that it is more of a feeling, except I see it a little differently.  I don't see choosing to get another cat or kitten as taking away from your mourning or grief.  In fact, I see it as honouring the cat that you lost, and that your Smoak would want you to move through the grief stages and be able to share the abundant love you have for her with another cat, too.

As for the young kitten you still have with you, I think he would benefit by having a new playmate, and getting into more mischief and shenanigans like kittens do.

  Kittens grow up so quickly, and get into so much around the house, learning new things everyday, that having another cat around would help him socialize, bond, interact, have fun, and play.

I've done both, where I have quickly went looking for another animal, and also where I have left it for very long, half a year or more, and I can honestly tell you that in both cases the sadness and grief for the animal that I lost was still with me, but I had other animals around me, to lessen the grief, and to get me to focus on day to day events.

I cannot really tell you what is best for you, but I don't believe in an average time frame, or 'too soon' or 'just wait', because it is so personal.  I often think that by giving a new cat a forever home, you'd be continuing to honour the cat that you lost.  I am so sorry for you losing Smoak, at such a young age, and from such a routine procedure. I think any medical procedure has risks, and we know it could happen, but hope it never will.

Whatever you choose to do, know that it is the right choice for you.