- Joined
- Dec 7, 2023
- Messages
- 79
- Purraise
- 233
Hello friends.
My dear Rory (5-year-old, neutered male) has had a great deal of loss in his life. His mother died when he and his littermates were still nursing, so they were all fostered by a lovely lady in Kentucky. She ended up keeping them all. From what I heard through talking to the original rescue, she passed away very suddenly and it may have taken a few days for her death to be noticed. The family could not take care of her cats, so they were all split up. Rory landed in a number of foster homes before being placed in a cat cafe in Western NY. I met him there, wanted to adopt him, but was too slow. Someone else adopted him first, kept him for two months, and then reached out to me (having seen my comments on the cafe's posts about Rory on Facebook) and asked if I wanted to take him, as he was too high-energy for their senior cat. I took him in August 2022, introduced him slowly to my older cat Lou, and they got on like a house on fire. I expected them to have many happy years together, but Lou suddenly and unexpectedly passed away in September of this year, so he only had him for a little over a year.
All this to say, I completely understand why he comes undone when left alone.
It's not terrible separation anxiety. He does not destroy things or urinate in inappropriate places, although I have heard those are more canine behaviors than feline. He does, however, cry. A lot. He will, in particular, pick up one of his numerous shrimp-shaped cat toys and walk around with it in his mouth, wailing, for upwards of 30 minutes. He will do this even if he wakes up in a room and nobody is in the same room; he settles immediately upon hearing one of us call out to him. I have watched him on camera when I go shopping and he will do this over and over, walking frantically from room to room. This behavior has increased in intensity and frequency now that Lou is gone; he got a lot of security and confidence from his big brother, but now I am realizing how sensitive and insecure he is.
I had hoped, so much, that having years and years with Lou and I would help him feel stable and secure. Fate had other plans. It sucks.
He will start 'shrimping', as my mom and I call it, as soon as he is left alone for a second. He does it if I go to get the mail, or take the trash out. Hell, he'll even do it if I am in the bathroom and he didn't see me go in. My heart just breaks for him.
I tried adopting a second cat to see if that would help, but it was a terrible match (not anybody's fault; the shelter didn't have him long enough to get the right read on him and the volunteer didn't realize that their notes were only a day long) and we all decided it was better for the new cat to find a different home. I am so heart sore from the experience that I am taking a long hiatus from trying again... and next time it will be a much older cat like I'd originally intended.
I used to take walks every day when Lou was around, as he and Rory kept each other good company. But a foot injury and the pressure of grief have prevented me from really continuing to do that--as well as my concern for Rory. I am starting to go on short walks of 10-20 minutes every day so Rory can see that I will come back home. I also do give him one Zylkene capsule a day and the Calming Care probiotic supplement (which I am pretty sure does nothing, but it can't hurt). Short of prescription medication (which I don't think is necessary yet) or a second cat (which is off the table for a while), what else can I do to help him feel safe and unafraid even when left alone?
I work from home so he is never left alone for more than a handful of hours at a time. My mom lives with me but she works long days. I may have to go on some work trips in the new year, though, and would like to know he's not suffering when alone. I'm not worried about his physical safety and comfort--he is trained to use an automatic wet food feeder and has tons of enrichment--but any ideas on how to help him get used to being left alone for longer periods of time without feeling so scared would be appreciated.
My dear Rory (5-year-old, neutered male) has had a great deal of loss in his life. His mother died when he and his littermates were still nursing, so they were all fostered by a lovely lady in Kentucky. She ended up keeping them all. From what I heard through talking to the original rescue, she passed away very suddenly and it may have taken a few days for her death to be noticed. The family could not take care of her cats, so they were all split up. Rory landed in a number of foster homes before being placed in a cat cafe in Western NY. I met him there, wanted to adopt him, but was too slow. Someone else adopted him first, kept him for two months, and then reached out to me (having seen my comments on the cafe's posts about Rory on Facebook) and asked if I wanted to take him, as he was too high-energy for their senior cat. I took him in August 2022, introduced him slowly to my older cat Lou, and they got on like a house on fire. I expected them to have many happy years together, but Lou suddenly and unexpectedly passed away in September of this year, so he only had him for a little over a year.
All this to say, I completely understand why he comes undone when left alone.
It's not terrible separation anxiety. He does not destroy things or urinate in inappropriate places, although I have heard those are more canine behaviors than feline. He does, however, cry. A lot. He will, in particular, pick up one of his numerous shrimp-shaped cat toys and walk around with it in his mouth, wailing, for upwards of 30 minutes. He will do this even if he wakes up in a room and nobody is in the same room; he settles immediately upon hearing one of us call out to him. I have watched him on camera when I go shopping and he will do this over and over, walking frantically from room to room. This behavior has increased in intensity and frequency now that Lou is gone; he got a lot of security and confidence from his big brother, but now I am realizing how sensitive and insecure he is.
I had hoped, so much, that having years and years with Lou and I would help him feel stable and secure. Fate had other plans. It sucks.
He will start 'shrimping', as my mom and I call it, as soon as he is left alone for a second. He does it if I go to get the mail, or take the trash out. Hell, he'll even do it if I am in the bathroom and he didn't see me go in. My heart just breaks for him.
I tried adopting a second cat to see if that would help, but it was a terrible match (not anybody's fault; the shelter didn't have him long enough to get the right read on him and the volunteer didn't realize that their notes were only a day long) and we all decided it was better for the new cat to find a different home. I am so heart sore from the experience that I am taking a long hiatus from trying again... and next time it will be a much older cat like I'd originally intended.
I used to take walks every day when Lou was around, as he and Rory kept each other good company. But a foot injury and the pressure of grief have prevented me from really continuing to do that--as well as my concern for Rory. I am starting to go on short walks of 10-20 minutes every day so Rory can see that I will come back home. I also do give him one Zylkene capsule a day and the Calming Care probiotic supplement (which I am pretty sure does nothing, but it can't hurt). Short of prescription medication (which I don't think is necessary yet) or a second cat (which is off the table for a while), what else can I do to help him feel safe and unafraid even when left alone?
I work from home so he is never left alone for more than a handful of hours at a time. My mom lives with me but she works long days. I may have to go on some work trips in the new year, though, and would like to know he's not suffering when alone. I'm not worried about his physical safety and comfort--he is trained to use an automatic wet food feeder and has tons of enrichment--but any ideas on how to help him get used to being left alone for longer periods of time without feeling so scared would be appreciated.
