Two Hundred Sixty One Days

[StephMo]

It's been two hundred sixty one days since I had to say goodbye to Mouse. Before that day, we'd spent four thousand four hundred sixty one days together. I still cry my eyeballs out. Today is especially hard .........for no reason whatsoever. I've lost a lot of things in my life. Relationships have failed, possessions have been lost, goals failed to be achieved, a few humans have passed away - but none of those pain points come close to the grieving I'm still in the middle of. I just can't see the end. It's as if I'm lost at sea.

I'm not the same person anymore because he was such an important part of my life, and such an emotionally supportive influence. I'm starting to realize that his loss has changed how I perceive the world, how I handle challenges, and how I interact with people - especially new people who never met him. I'm still getting to know who I am now. I still break down in tears in the middle of the day in my office at work. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. I still beg God to send me a dream where I can see Mouse 'on the other side' and say hello ~ if only in my subconscious imagination state. I can't belly laugh anymore. Joy isn't as sweet anymore. Funny movies aren't funny anymore. The best day has a shadow cast across it - and I don't imagine that will ever change. My soul buddy died, and he took an enormous part of my heart with him - arguably the best part.

 

[Tobermory]

Mouse had the most endearing face. I’m sorry that your grief remains so fresh…but I also understand completely. We’re here for you.

 

[Mighty Orange]

Ever consider saving another feline?

 

[catdad61]

My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Mouse. Our previous cat Tiger crossed the bridge Oct. 11, 2022 and the loss is as raw today as it was then. My wife and I have had cats the entirety of our over 25 years together and I've had pets the majority of my 61 years of life but nothing compares to the loss of Tiger. He was my soul buddy as you so accurately described.
A cats love is one of the most precious gifts a person can receive. They love you because they choose to, not because because they feel obligated to. It's a love you have to earn.
It's difficult to put into words but I think that Tiger, looking back over the bridge, saw how much I was suffering without him and it made him sad so he brought Lunar into my life. And I think it brings him comfort and happiness to know that there is another cats love to fill my days until we meet again.

 

[Margot Lane]

To me Mouse is telling you not to grieve forever. Miss him, yes, but even Mouse would not want you to suffer. Your love for each other is eternal, goes beyond physicality, into the heart. Mouse IS here with you, right now, b/c you changed each other during the course of your lives crossing. Allow your love of this unique animal to be a diving board into all thing “Mouse.” Grief is SO hard, but I guess it’s a part of what love is.

 

[marshmallow2013]

I am very sorry for your loss and sadness. I feel your terrible pain. I lost my soulcat last October 2022, and he took my heart with him.

 

[Furrywurrypurry]

Deepest condolences. There is very little that helps but take comfort in knowing you’re not alone in the way you feel.I lost my boy on Feb 8th of this year. The whole process of him being diagnosed terminal last October, providing palliative care, finally having him put to sleep, burying him with my own hands (because I felt he deserved that) and then the emptiness left behind in the house, it has changed me fundamentally as a person. Like you I feel that there is a part of me that is no longer here. There are days when I have to wrap my arms around myself in order to try to physically pull the hole in my chest together because I feel as though I will break in two.

Like others have stated, I’ve had other cats all my life, nothing compares to the relationship I had with smeagol and I’m not sure anything ever will. He was like a child to me, he was me 14 years, I was 26 when he came to me and had just turned 41 when he left.

I chose to get a kitten soon after sme passed, because well there was a sign that was too difficult to ignore, even for my husband who isn’t as cat crazy as I. Has he taken away the grief, no, But he has provided a welcome distraction, he has taken up some of the vast, lonely hours. And there are times when he looks at me, like I am the centre of the universe and my heart feels like it could burst.
Will I ever form the bond or have the relationship I had with smeagol with him? Who knows, I haven’t with my girl who is still with me and has been with me 13 years. But I certainly hope to try, I wouldn’t like to live the rest of my life knowing that I’ll never love or be loved, in that capacity by a cat again.
I think if you ever decide to try, any cat/kitten would be lucky to be loved by you. Don’t let the grief hold you back, because after all, the reason it hurts so very much is because of what they bring to our lives.

 

[di and bob]

Mouse's love can never be replaced, it is spiritual, so eternal, and forever a part of your very soul. He would never want you to be sad for long, he loves you too much. Try to think how you would want him to be if you were the first to go. Would you want him to spend the rest of his life in misery? Of course not. because love wants only the best for those you share your heart with.
Your bond is strong. He will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. He lives on through you now. He left you a wonderful legacy of a cat's love and would like nothing better than for you to share it. any love would reside right next to his and help it to grow even stronger, even deeper.
He is at peace, because he carries your love. your pain is as deep as your love, so no wonder it hurts so very much. I was very much the same as you. I let the pain of grief rob me of all joy in life, it took over my world and ruled everything in it. there is no time limit on how long you grieve, it is what it is. Your love is unique to you and him alone. No one in the whole world loves him as you do, so no one else can completely understand what you are going through. but we have stood where you are standing now and have survived. we can empathize.
Time is the only thing that truly helps. It dulls the sharp edges and one day life will demand that you join the living again, and find beauty in peace in the world once more. It takes at least two years to even begin this stage. One day you will realize he is still in your heart, that love really never dies. It lives on.
For him the time will pass in the blink of an eye. It is you who must suffer the passing of time. Try to find things to occupy your mind. Do not dwell on your loss, it changes nothing and brings only pain and more grief. You can never change the past, the future is not ours to see. so leave it where it is and concentrate on the now. Like cats do. Get through each day, and take that first step into tomorrow. Form a new life order for yourself asking Mouse to help you. Fill that empty hole in your life with new love. Don't resent any new love that tries to enter your heart. It is entirely separate from Mouse. You will always have his. Just get through each new day, and look at the sun coming up as a new start, a brand new day. the world goes on with or without us. One day at a time.........RIP precious Mouse. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Mouse, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

This is the deepest truth I know...that love never dies. It is translated and purified into Love, and continues on. Mouse, from his home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, sends his Love back to you to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always forever, Love abides.