1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries
are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present, yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport,
and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!!!!!
1. We don't remember dates.
Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.
What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing
which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle.
We are going to look anyway;
it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done - not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.
Get over it.
And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors,
like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind reading ability is NOT proof of
how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
*smiles*
Ken
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries
are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present, yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport,
and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!!!!!
1. We don't remember dates.
Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.
What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing
which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle.
We are going to look anyway;
it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done - not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.
Get over it.
And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors,
like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind reading ability is NOT proof of
how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
*smiles*
Ken
