Sister Moving On After Husband Passing

[terestrife]

My older sister has always been the type to make extreme choices. She kept taking back her second husband even tho he was cheating and doing illegal things. He finally met great guy and was married for a third time for a few years. I was happy for her. He was an amazing man. But he passed a year ago of cancer.

We recently found out that her first marriage (she was born in Cuba and she got married as a teenager and believed she was divorced).


Turned out she found him in Facebook and they aren't divorced after all. They video chat daily and all she talks about is him. The entire situation gives me a bad feeling. After two weeks he was commenting online that they are married. I told her that was weird and she got aggressive saying she wasn't going to lie to the world.

She got offended when i wouldnt say hi to him on chat while i was in my pjs. She refused to answer my texts and call during the day and only spoke to me once i got home.

Its been a few weeks and she's renewing her vows and adding him to the family chat.

I don't know if im meant to be happy she's moving on, or worried?

 

[neely]

I understand your apprehension but your sister is a grown woman. All you can do is diplomatically make her aware of your feelings and talk to her rationally. You are being objective and looking out for her best interest but after that there is an old saying which applies for her, "you made your bed, now lie in it." In the end I hope this doesn't affect your relationship with her.

 

[Kieka]

Some people fall in and out of love very hard and fast. I have a friend who is in her early thirties and she's already been married (and divorced) six times (that I know of). She also has three kids ages 12 to 4 (two with boyfriends and the youngest with her husband two husband's ago). She's also dated women a few times, some very seriously.

Everytime she's found "the one" and is happy, we are happy for her. When she's in the relationship he is her world and her kids live him. The moment he's gone, it's like he never existed in her life. It's probably a roller coaster for her emotions but it's what she chooses.

Sometimes you have to just be there for someone as best you can. If you can't see them hurt themselves, it is okay to step back from their lives. We can't fix anyone else and we can't convince anyone of something they don't want to hear

 

[maggiedemi]

I don't know if im meant to be happy she's moving on, or worried?

What's he like? Is he a nice guy?

 

[terestrife]

I understand your apprehension but your sister is a grown woman. All you can do is diplomatically make her aware of your feelings and talk to her rationally. You are being objective and looking out for her best interest but after that there is an old saying which applies for her, "you made your bed, now lie in it." In the end I hope this doesn't affect your relationship with her.

Don't worry. I've learned to keep my opinions to myself. Which Is why im here. I haven't commented my feelings to anyone in the family. Lol I'll do my best to not let this affect my relationship with her.

Some people fall in and out of love very hard and fast. I have a friend who is in her early thirties and she's already been married (and divorced) six times (that I know of). She also has three kids ages 12 to 4 (two with boyfriends and the youngest with her husband two husband's ago). She's also dated women a few times, some very seriously.

Everytime she's found "the one" and is happy, we are happy for her. When she's in the relationship he is her world and her kids live him. The moment he's gone, it's like he never existed in her life. It's probably a roller coaster for her emotions but it's what she chooses.

Sometimes you have to just be there for someone as best you can. If you can't see them hurt themselves, it is okay to step back from their lives. We can't fix anyone else and we can't convince anyone of something they don't want to hear

I know. It's just hard because im worried. But I'll do my best to respect her and her choices. My sister tends to hate people getting involved in her choices anyway. I will do my best to be there for her as you say.

I need to learn to not judge situations based on how i would act. It just seems so out there to be jumping from one situation to the next. Her daughter has been jumping from relationship to relationship and ended up pregnant by a guy she's constantly fighting with. I just don't get the point of being so unstable.

What's he like? Is he a nice guy?

I haven't had a chance to meet him. They just started talking like 2 to 3 weeks ago.


Thank you to everyone that responded. I feel better after posting my comment. I've posted before that I've been trying to move out of my sister's home. But can't been able to find a better paying job. I've been to interviews. But haven't been chosen yet.

 

[kittyluv387]

Don't worry. I've learned to keep my opinions to myself. Which Is why im here. I haven't commented my feelings to anyone in the family. Lol I'll do my best to not let this affect my relationship with her.

I know. It's just hard because im worried. But I'll do my best to respect her and her choices. My sister tends to hate people getting involved in her choices anyway. I will do my best to be there for her as you say.

I need to learn to not judge situations based on how i would act. It just seems so out there to be jumping from one situation to the next. Her daughter has been jumping from relationship to relationship and ended up pregnant by a guy she's constantly fighting with. I just don't get the point of being so unstable.




I haven't had a chance to meet him. They just started talking like 2 to 3 weeks ago.


Thank you to everyone that responded. I feel better after posting my comment. I've posted before that I've been trying to move out of my sister's home. But can't been able to find a better paying job. I've been to interviews. But haven't been chosen yet.

Just keep trying with the jobs. It's a numbers game.

 

[terestrife]

Just keep trying with the jobs. It's a numbers game.

I will. I've been applying everywhere i could think of. I'm not giving up.

 

[neely]

I've been applying everywhere i could think of. I'm not giving up.

Good for you, the right job will come along if you're patient.

 

[terestrife]

just an update, i decided to leave things as they are and didnt talk to my sister. while i am living here, i was to avoid having issues. regardless its her life. im going to put my focus on my future. i have my mothers faults and tend to worry too much about others decisions.

it still takes me back that people know someone for 2-3 weeks and are randomly in love and getting rid of things of their past spouse. Shes been hiding pictures and invited this guy to stay over for a week to renew their vows. She was telling her daughter she was going to give this guy her facebook login information.

shes my sister and i want her to be happy. but it feels weird knowing a stranger will be staying over. Im not sure what she is planning since he lives a bit far away. I am praying shes not insane enough to have him leave his job to move down here. She insisted on her previous spouse working until he became sick. But with my sister you never know.

im looking into finding a weekend part time job to save up more money.

i have a job interview this week for a full time job, im praying something comes up soon so i can move out.

 

[neely]

i have a job interview this week for a full time job, im praying something comes up soon so i can move out.

Thanks for the update! Fingers and paws crossed the job interview goes well.