OK, I have already explained the recent episodes involving both of my ex-girlfriends plans to leave their husbands. Kathy (in S.C.) has because of his physical and emotional abuse. I have no interest in being with Kathy anymore anyway, for she is far too brainwashed by "religion" and I simply don't share her beliefs, per se, any longer, mostly because of the rigidity and conformity of the die hard, women aren't allowed to wear pants southern baptist views (I apologize if I offend anyone here, but if you were there to experience what I have you might think as I do presently). Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe in God and my faith is all my own, but...
OK, now there's Helen, who has become my best friend in that we can read one another SO well, that we can anticipate one another so completely that we can speak entire scentences to each other with just one look or a single word. When she and I first met I started to "fall for her" and she told me that she believed that was only possible if two people became friends first, because the love and passion of a friendship ran far deeper than with that of a lover. I thought she was crazy at the time, but since our break up in late 97', we have indeed become the best of friends and her point-of-view as such is now confirmed and I believe that she was and is right. Best friends do make the best lovers.
Well, in the interim that we weren't speaking after our break up (about a month or a little more), she met Allen and moved in with him and they became engaged and she and I started to become real friends, but deep inside me I still longed for more. I was and still am very attracted to her as is she with me, but, afterall, she did get married (though, only 6 months before they married, she was seriously considering leaving him until they, apparently, worked things out). So, I accepted our friendship for what it was and was very happy with it.
Now, I like Allen, but he is overly posessive and he doesn't "listen" to her when she talks and these were the primary reasons (of about 6 reasons) that she was putting the preperations in place to leave him as soon as she was ready. She even planned to give him half her paycheck so that, in conjunction with their roomates (one of which is her very own brother), he would be able to handle the bills, while she would take a part time job on top of her full time one and move in with a girl - friend of hers.
Of course she confided to her girl - friend Patty and me, her best friend, of her plans and Patty said "Yes, your doing the right thing", etc. It was two weeks ago that she confided her feelings and thoughts to me and, until this past Saturday, I simply lent my ear and listened. And, for the first time in years now, during this two week period, the thought of another window of opportunity opening for us to possibly take our relationship to the next level presented itself, albiet, it was, perhaps, a year - if not a little more - away, until things had played itself out with Allen, but still, after so long with that part of my life unfulfilled, even the slightest inclination at such was enormously uplifting. Now, I know that since we have achieved the level of deep friendship that she first spoke of wanting before a romantic commitment, that we could indeed make the perfect couple and a lifetime commitment (something which she has admitted as well).
But, after mulling over her predicament for several weeks, this past Saturday I sat her down and asked her to list me the problems that she had with Allen that made her plan on leaving him and she told me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. She cited his difficulties, but none of her own.
So, my next logical, sound statement to her was "It takes two to tango" and the question "Have you even looked into the mirror to ask yourself of your own contributions to the problems in your marriage"?
Well, that did it. She hadn't taken this into consideration at all and no thought of her own mistakes had occoured to her until I posed this advice/statement/question.
Now, after 5 days of thinking about it she has wrestled with her own mistakes and decided to stay with him for an agreed upon trial to see if they could work things out and, tonight, they had a very long, indepth conversation concerning their problems and ways to overcome them. She is giving it 3 months instead of just packing up and leaving, because of my advice and suggestions.
So, I sacraficed the inkling of potential that my heart felt for what I thought would be best for her, because I knew how much turmoil she was feeling emotianally. How could I be her best friend and not voice sound thoughts and advice that could possibly save her marriage? By my own ethics I simply had to. I could not have lived with myself had I not.
So, I ask you: Was this the ultimate sacrafice or devotion of respect and love to her?
I'm unsure of why I am opening up this VERY intimate and emotional inner world at the moment, only that, perhaps, it is so that I can get the words out and SEE them. And, in that, I value all of your opinions.
[Edited by MeowMan on 05-03-2001 at 01:20 AM]
OK, now there's Helen, who has become my best friend in that we can read one another SO well, that we can anticipate one another so completely that we can speak entire scentences to each other with just one look or a single word. When she and I first met I started to "fall for her" and she told me that she believed that was only possible if two people became friends first, because the love and passion of a friendship ran far deeper than with that of a lover. I thought she was crazy at the time, but since our break up in late 97', we have indeed become the best of friends and her point-of-view as such is now confirmed and I believe that she was and is right. Best friends do make the best lovers.
Well, in the interim that we weren't speaking after our break up (about a month or a little more), she met Allen and moved in with him and they became engaged and she and I started to become real friends, but deep inside me I still longed for more. I was and still am very attracted to her as is she with me, but, afterall, she did get married (though, only 6 months before they married, she was seriously considering leaving him until they, apparently, worked things out). So, I accepted our friendship for what it was and was very happy with it.
Now, I like Allen, but he is overly posessive and he doesn't "listen" to her when she talks and these were the primary reasons (of about 6 reasons) that she was putting the preperations in place to leave him as soon as she was ready. She even planned to give him half her paycheck so that, in conjunction with their roomates (one of which is her very own brother), he would be able to handle the bills, while she would take a part time job on top of her full time one and move in with a girl - friend of hers.
Of course she confided to her girl - friend Patty and me, her best friend, of her plans and Patty said "Yes, your doing the right thing", etc. It was two weeks ago that she confided her feelings and thoughts to me and, until this past Saturday, I simply lent my ear and listened. And, for the first time in years now, during this two week period, the thought of another window of opportunity opening for us to possibly take our relationship to the next level presented itself, albiet, it was, perhaps, a year - if not a little more - away, until things had played itself out with Allen, but still, after so long with that part of my life unfulfilled, even the slightest inclination at such was enormously uplifting. Now, I know that since we have achieved the level of deep friendship that she first spoke of wanting before a romantic commitment, that we could indeed make the perfect couple and a lifetime commitment (something which she has admitted as well).
But, after mulling over her predicament for several weeks, this past Saturday I sat her down and asked her to list me the problems that she had with Allen that made her plan on leaving him and she told me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. She cited his difficulties, but none of her own.
So, my next logical, sound statement to her was "It takes two to tango" and the question "Have you even looked into the mirror to ask yourself of your own contributions to the problems in your marriage"?
Well, that did it. She hadn't taken this into consideration at all and no thought of her own mistakes had occoured to her until I posed this advice/statement/question.
Now, after 5 days of thinking about it she has wrestled with her own mistakes and decided to stay with him for an agreed upon trial to see if they could work things out and, tonight, they had a very long, indepth conversation concerning their problems and ways to overcome them. She is giving it 3 months instead of just packing up and leaving, because of my advice and suggestions.
So, I sacraficed the inkling of potential that my heart felt for what I thought would be best for her, because I knew how much turmoil she was feeling emotianally. How could I be her best friend and not voice sound thoughts and advice that could possibly save her marriage? By my own ethics I simply had to. I could not have lived with myself had I not.
So, I ask you: Was this the ultimate sacrafice or devotion of respect and love to her?
I'm unsure of why I am opening up this VERY intimate and emotional inner world at the moment, only that, perhaps, it is so that I can get the words out and SEE them. And, in that, I value all of your opinions.
[Edited by MeowMan on 05-03-2001 at 01:20 AM]
