Older Of Two Cats Hates Strangers...and Younger Cat

[Rue&Remi]

I have a two year old cat, Rue, that was rescued when she was about 9 weeks old. She was found by the animal control in a park - feral mother. I lived alone with her for the most part up until about a year and a half ago. I always had visitors and such. She didn’t have a problem when she was little. Now, she’s awful with any visitor. She likes my boyfriend - she seems to be better with men. I’m her person first and foremost though - she loves and trusts me 100%. She hisses and hides when anyone comes over. At first it was only my nephew who was pretty little when she was small. I thought it was because he was loud and always running. Now she still hates him even though he’s older and leaves her alone. She hisses so much she looks so stressed out. I feel so bad.
We got a kitten who is now about 5 months old (Remi). He is so sweet and cuddly. He loves all visitors and always wants to play with Rue. Sometimes she allows a little play but she always starts hissing at him and running away. He takes the running as an invite to play more... then they have it out. She hisses and goes nuts. He rolls around with her he never hisses - it’s like he doesn’t recognize that she doesn’t want to play.

I don’t know what to do for her. When she’s really hissing at visitors I pick her up and take her into another room. She usually just melts into me, like it was SUCH a stressor for her, she just gets so worked up. Like I said, she NEVER hisses at me. She feels very safe.

I’ve heard about pheromones to help with stress.... I’m willing to try anything! She is miserable when it’s not just her and I or my boyfriend around.

HELP!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I'm going to throw several articles on cats and stress at you, as well as a couple on dealing with shy and/or timid cats. None of them are long, and they are easy to read, very clear and concise. They will tell you more in a minute than I can in a mile, to tell you the truth!

Six Surefire Strategies To Reduce Stress In Cats
Is Your Cat Stressed Out?
Potential Stressors In Cats - The Ultimate Checklist
You, Your Cat And Stress
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat

One thing you can try, and it will take time, is to enlist the assistance of several calm friends. Have them come over, take a food treat that she likes, let her watch them place it on the floor. They should NOT approach her, or even look at her, but should sit down and talk with you calmly and quietly for a few minutes, then leave, ignoring your older cat the entire time. Do it as often as you can manage. When she begins to tolerate one person at a time, have two at a time come over. As I said, this is slow, but it can work.

So far as the kitten goes, they seem to be doing fine. She sets boundaries, and for the most part, he doesn't push them past her ability to deal with. I know this because there isn't fur flying in the air, or blood on your floors. They may never have more than a "peaceful tolerance" for each other, but cats don't need friends the same way the humans and dogs seem to need them. Just the presence of another cat who they tolerate is more than enough for some.

One thing you can try for her stress levels is chamomile tea. German chamomile is safe for cats, so be sure to use tea bags from the coffee/tea aisle or other commercial source, as they are all German. Brew the tea and chill it in the fridge. You can give her 1-3 teaspoonsful at a time, up to 3 times a day, via syringe. It has a calming effect, and may relieve her axiety. I'm not at all surprised to hear that she is a "former" feral. They are capable of becoming very attached to a person or two, but they never lose that feral quality entirely. I do think that you can help her quite a bit, though, between the articles and my suggestions. I imagine you'll have some more ideas coming your way soon as well!