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I wanted to share this short story which I wrote as a way of coping with the loss of Sphinx to leukemia in May of 2020.
I woke up and mum was laying in bed beside me. I moved my head over a little so I can give her some good morning kisses. She gave me a smile but I could see sadness in her eyes. I didn't understand why. I know I haven't been feeling well for the last few days, but the day before mum got me some medication. It helped to make me feel a little better even though I am still very tired for some reason.
Mum carefully got up trying not to disturb me. She went to the kitchen. I didn't like that! I'm still sick, was she getting ready for work? Was she going to leave me here alone and frightened for hours? I have to stop her!
I'm weak but I can walk... sort of. By the time I reach the end of the hallway my legs couldn't hold me up anymore and I fell. Mum! Help!
I was so relieved when she came around the corner and took me in her arms. She knows I'm scared. She tells me that I am also brave, and assures me that she's not leaving me. I let myself relax... maybe a little too much... and I had an accident. Mum grabbed the roll of paper-towel and began to dry me off. I'm trying not to be embarrassed because I didn't mean to do it. I'm just not feeling very well today.
Soon after we're in her car. I'm not in a carrier this time. I'm wrapped in a soft red blanket. Mum is petting me in between shifting gears and at red lights. She's telling me not to cry, that I'm going home soon. I don't really understand what she means because we just left home, but I trust her so I sit calmly while enjoying her gentle pets on my head and neck.
Next, mum is taking me out of the car and carrying me inside a building. I know this building, I was just here yesterday. This is where the nice man gave me some medication to make me feel a little better.
We are taken to a room and mum sits down with me in her arms, still wrapped in that nice warm blanket. I know mum is very sad now. She's got tears in her eyes and she is trying not to let them fall. But she can't hide it from me. I don't just see that she is sad, I can feel it too.
She is telling me that she loves me and to not be scared, I'm going home now.
After a few more minutes a nurse comes into the room. She says that she is going to give me a needle, just a little prick. I'm so tired that I barely felt it. The nurse called me a good girl and told me that I was brave.
Mum put her head down and kissed me again, then whispered, "I told you that you were brave."
Those are the last words I heard mum say.
I fell asleep and woke up somewhere else. As I opened my eyes, I could see my big brother! I had missed him so much!!
"You made it!" Beck says to me.
"Where are we?" I ask.
"We're at the meadows. It's perfect here, you'll love it!"
I look around. "Where's mum?"
"Mum isn't here yet," he explains. "We have to wait for her."
I didn't understand. How did I get all the way out here if she hadn't come with me?
Beck lovingly explained that mum had made the difficult decision to let me go so I wouldn't have to be in pain. I remembered her tears and her sadness before I left earth and finally, I understood. She had saved me from pain but in exchange now she was the one who was left feeling pain. That didn't seem fair at all!
"She'll be fine, she will just need some time to grieve. Now it's our job to look out for her like she did for us all those years. She might not see us but she can feel us. I promise." Beck assured me. "She knows we're here waiting for her. We'll see her when it's her time to come home."
Sphinx and her big brother Beck
I woke up and mum was laying in bed beside me. I moved my head over a little so I can give her some good morning kisses. She gave me a smile but I could see sadness in her eyes. I didn't understand why. I know I haven't been feeling well for the last few days, but the day before mum got me some medication. It helped to make me feel a little better even though I am still very tired for some reason.
Mum carefully got up trying not to disturb me. She went to the kitchen. I didn't like that! I'm still sick, was she getting ready for work? Was she going to leave me here alone and frightened for hours? I have to stop her!
I'm weak but I can walk... sort of. By the time I reach the end of the hallway my legs couldn't hold me up anymore and I fell. Mum! Help!
I was so relieved when she came around the corner and took me in her arms. She knows I'm scared. She tells me that I am also brave, and assures me that she's not leaving me. I let myself relax... maybe a little too much... and I had an accident. Mum grabbed the roll of paper-towel and began to dry me off. I'm trying not to be embarrassed because I didn't mean to do it. I'm just not feeling very well today.
Soon after we're in her car. I'm not in a carrier this time. I'm wrapped in a soft red blanket. Mum is petting me in between shifting gears and at red lights. She's telling me not to cry, that I'm going home soon. I don't really understand what she means because we just left home, but I trust her so I sit calmly while enjoying her gentle pets on my head and neck.
Next, mum is taking me out of the car and carrying me inside a building. I know this building, I was just here yesterday. This is where the nice man gave me some medication to make me feel a little better.
We are taken to a room and mum sits down with me in her arms, still wrapped in that nice warm blanket. I know mum is very sad now. She's got tears in her eyes and she is trying not to let them fall. But she can't hide it from me. I don't just see that she is sad, I can feel it too.
She is telling me that she loves me and to not be scared, I'm going home now.
After a few more minutes a nurse comes into the room. She says that she is going to give me a needle, just a little prick. I'm so tired that I barely felt it. The nurse called me a good girl and told me that I was brave.
Mum put her head down and kissed me again, then whispered, "I told you that you were brave."
Those are the last words I heard mum say.
I fell asleep and woke up somewhere else. As I opened my eyes, I could see my big brother! I had missed him so much!!
"You made it!" Beck says to me.
"Where are we?" I ask.
"We're at the meadows. It's perfect here, you'll love it!"
I look around. "Where's mum?"
"Mum isn't here yet," he explains. "We have to wait for her."
I didn't understand. How did I get all the way out here if she hadn't come with me?
Beck lovingly explained that mum had made the difficult decision to let me go so I wouldn't have to be in pain. I remembered her tears and her sadness before I left earth and finally, I understood. She had saved me from pain but in exchange now she was the one who was left feeling pain. That didn't seem fair at all!
"She'll be fine, she will just need some time to grieve. Now it's our job to look out for her like she did for us all those years. She might not see us but she can feel us. I promise." Beck assured me. "She knows we're here waiting for her. We'll see her when it's her time to come home."
Sphinx and her big brother Beck
