Diane, I completly understand where you are coming from. There are more than a couple situations like this in my extended family. It's always stressful on all involved because everyone has to pick up the slack because when there are childern involved it's very hard to say 'well you made your bed, now lie in it!'
I can tell you with my sister, my dad bent over backwards to accomodate them. Let them move into his house (he was living with his girlfriend) and only asked them to pay $200 of the $550 morgage. Long story short they ended up trashing the house, taking advantage of my dad and causing a tremendous strain in our family. They now live with his mother (they have 2 small children) and are barely sqeaking by. I tried to help all I could but I finally had to step away because it was an unhealthy situation. And you're right, you can't continue to be an inabler. They continue to take advantage of anyone who will help and don't take responsbility for their own family. My grandmother continues to help them pay the morgage, and just bought them a brand new refrigerator when theirs broke. She can't stand the thought of her granddaughter and 2 great grandchildren to not getting by. Subsequently my brother in law won't keep a job. Why should he? My sisters family bails them out everytime.
Anyway I just wanted to say I understand that it's not simply the quickness of the wedding, but the circumstances in which they are going to be living and raising a child that is troublesome.
If you ever need to talk, I'm here. Even though I haven't been in the 'mother' position, I have been there, done that. And I know only too well the toll it took on my dad. In fact to this day he and my sister don't speak.
I can tell you with my sister, my dad bent over backwards to accomodate them. Let them move into his house (he was living with his girlfriend) and only asked them to pay $200 of the $550 morgage. Long story short they ended up trashing the house, taking advantage of my dad and causing a tremendous strain in our family. They now live with his mother (they have 2 small children) and are barely sqeaking by. I tried to help all I could but I finally had to step away because it was an unhealthy situation. And you're right, you can't continue to be an inabler. They continue to take advantage of anyone who will help and don't take responsbility for their own family. My grandmother continues to help them pay the morgage, and just bought them a brand new refrigerator when theirs broke. She can't stand the thought of her granddaughter and 2 great grandchildren to not getting by. Subsequently my brother in law won't keep a job. Why should he? My sisters family bails them out everytime.
Anyway I just wanted to say I understand that it's not simply the quickness of the wedding, but the circumstances in which they are going to be living and raising a child that is troublesome.
If you ever need to talk, I'm here. Even though I haven't been in the 'mother' position, I have been there, done that. And I know only too well the toll it took on my dad. In fact to this day he and my sister don't speak.
