How To Go On?

[cvelasq16]

I have posted on the health site that my Hera had CRF with blindness, and in the 40 days she was diagnosed, went downhill, but ate and was doing okay with the CRF, the blindness seemed to be getting to her as she was bumping more into things and was more confused. On Monday I made the decision to let her go in peace on Thursday afternoon, as it was going to take me a few days to work up the courage, but fate wouldn't wait. Tuesday morning she would not get off the bed( she usually would wake me up wanting to get off the bed and put into the litter box ). A little after 6 I made my husband try and put her in the litter box and knew it was time, she looked horrible, and seemed not to be able to move. I lied her on her favorite chair( those comfy lazy boy ones) and waited to call the Vet for an appointment. She never ate anymore, never acknowledged us and I was able to take her from the house, into the car and into the vet in a blanket in my arms. She never opened her eyes and was content with me kissing her nose. She went in peace and was finally away from the desperation of not being able to see. Later on I discovered she peed on the bed ( something she never would have done) and I have a feeling she would have died at home a few days later with more pain. This cat was my baby, I had her for 18 years, she slept with me, I talked to her, but over the past few months she started getting slower, and I attributed it to old age. I just am having the issue of going on. I had to clean out her things fast, because they were too painful to look it. I still cry daily and just want to be able to be in peace with her passing, because I know it was for the best. I am beating myself up because I felt that I waited too long, but I am human and this was my first time with this experience. I just wish my crazy girl was back lying in the sun and looking at me waiting to be held. I just hate this. Sorry for going on. Cheryl

 

[Kieka]

You didn't wait too long, you listened to her when she was ready. You go on because she would have wanted you to. Her little footprints will always be on your heart and the memories of her will live with you always. I am so sorry for your loss.

Lend Me A Kitten
I will lend to you for a while a kitten, God said.
For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he’s dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, ’till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and, should his stay be brief
you’ll always have his memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folk that crowd’s life’s land I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

My heart replied, “My Lord, Thy Will Be Done”
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief I’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness; we’ll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we’ve known, forever-grateful stay.
But should you call him back much sooner than we planned.
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we’ve managed your wishes to achieve.
Then in memory of him, who we loved, please help us while we grieve.
When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life.

– Unknown

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Hera, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on your mama's heart forever.

What a lovely way to leave this world, in the arms of someone you love, and who loves you, too, hearing their voice, feeling their kiss on your face! You gave her the best transition from this world to the next that any living creature could ask for! As for how you go on...one step at a time, one hour at a time. We do NOT "get over" losing a loved one, no matter how many feet they have, we just...get through it. Time really doesn't heal, but it does dull the edges. It allows the sweet memories to overtake the last, painful ones, and we reach that "bitter-sweet" stage that is, at least, livable. Until we do, we simply...endure. That's all, we endure. But you are not alone. Remember that. You are not alone.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Many of us have been right where you are now. We wonder how on earth we can carry on when our world has just ended . But we do. And Mamanyt1953 said it exactly right. As time goes on, the pain will lessen and you will begin to remember the happier times. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it's true. And whenever you need to talk about it, as she also said, you are NOT alone. You can come on here and talk about Hera all you want. No one will thank any less of you. For many, it helps the grieving process.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Run free at the bridge, Hera

 

[les26]

Oh I am so sorry that you lost your long time friend, 18 years is really good but it is never long enough no matter how long they are with us. You did the best that you could and did nothing wrong, she loved you and you her, you gave her a wonderful life here and she is now free and can see again and is probably glad to have let her pain ridden body but misses you too I'm sure, but you will see her again down the line and the reunion will be wonderful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

You will slowly feel better but it takes much time, just try to deal with it and it will ease up albeit slowly. I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you

 

[1 bruce 1]

I have posted on the health site that my Hera had CRF with blindness, and in the 40 days she was diagnosed, went downhill, but ate and was doing okay with the CRF, the blindness seemed to be getting to her as she was bumping more into things and was more confused. On Monday I made the decision to let her go in peace on Thursday afternoon, as it was going to take me a few days to work up the courage, but fate wouldn't wait. Tuesday morning she would not get off the bed( she usually would wake me up wanting to get off the bed and put into the litter box ). A little after 6 I made my husband try and put her in the litter box and knew it was time, she looked horrible, and seemed not to be able to move. I lied her on her favorite chair( those comfy lazy boy ones) and waited to call the Vet for an appointment. She never ate anymore, never acknowledged us and I was able to take her from the house, into the car and into the vet in a blanket in my arms. She never opened her eyes and was content with me kissing her nose. She went in peace and was finally away from the desperation of not being able to see. Later on I discovered she peed on the bed ( something she never would have done) and I have a feeling she would have died at home a few days later with more pain. This cat was my baby, I had her for 18 years, she slept with me, I talked to her, but over the past few months she started getting slower, and I attributed it to old age. I just am having the issue of going on. I had to clean out her things fast, because they were too painful to look it. I still cry daily and just want to be able to be in peace with her passing, because I know it was for the best. I am beating myself up because I felt that I waited too long, but I am human and this was my first time with this experience. I just wish my crazy girl was back lying in the sun and looking at me waiting to be held. I just hate this. Sorry for going on. Cheryl

Hi Cheryl...
Don't apologize! If she was unable to go to the liter box on her own was unable or unwilling to eat, and (most importantly IMO) was unwilling or unable to acknowledge you, the time was there and you acted.
Keep the things you cleaned out in a special out of the way spot. In a month...6 months...a year, etc., you'll be crying happy tears going through those things. It sounds impossible now but it will happen with time.
2 years, 2 months, and 15 days have passed since we lost our last, and now I can look at their vet records, their things, their "decorations" (yes we sometimes dress our pets up in silly hats or clothes!), and their last photos without crying (well, without crying sad tears anyhow). I look at their baby pictures and remember the times we had together, here and "now", and feel OK.
I thank my personal Higher Power that I was granted the opportunity and gift to be their caretaker and steward in their life here, and that's all I can do. What a gift to us that is, if we really think on it.
We kept them happy, we kept the fed and well and vetted and loved and safe and warm and dry and away from the elements to the best of our ability. When they no longer want food, or no longer acknowledge us, we're not ending their lives...their lives, as we all knew it, is over, all we do is end the suffering that remains.
As others have said here....their last breath on earth is their first breath in Heaven and I truly do believe that, and I hope you do too, or will with time.
((hugs))

 

[di and bob]

You did everything just right. She let you know it was time, and you listened. You could not let her suffer, she was frightened, she was in pain, life was existing, not living. Somehow you found the strength to give her one more act of love, you gave her mercy.
The feelings you are having are all part of grieving the loss to your home and your heart. The loneliness, the emptiness at first is unbearable, especially so when you are used to her being by your side for 18 years. I, too, had to pack everything up that was a reminder, but they turned into a precious gift years later when I could finally bear to allow myself to go through all those feelings again.
Try to keep in mind she would never want you to be so desperately unhappy because of her. She has a bond with your soul that was forged link by link of love. And love wants only the best and all the happiness for the one you give your heart to. Love is spiritual, so eternal. No one can ever take away what you shared with that sweet girl, eventually your memories will bring you comfort instead of pain, in knowing you gave her the best life she could ever want because you gave her the greatest gift she ever wanted, indeed ALL she ever wanted....your love.
Try not to dwell on the end. It is just a minute in the life that you shared for 18 years. She was in your life for a reason, to share your life's journey for a while and to teach you what true love really is. Concentrate on the good she brought, how much she meant to you, celebrate having known her at all, to have never met her would have be unforgivable. Don't let her death overshadow all those years of happiness, it is as we would all want for our loved ones we leave behind.
Her life in this world may be over, but her love will be with you always. Her new journey will forever parallel yours, she will never be far behind. It's so very hard to know we will never kiss that sweet head again in this life, but we will in our memories, and they will kiss us back on the soft breeze on a warm summer night.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of pain. It will get better, and one day you will smile at your memories and be grateful for knowing her, instead of crying with the pain of a broken heart.
Take care and be gentle on yourself, we are here to share your burden so it doesn't become unbearable........RIP precious Hera, you will never be forgotten, you will be forever held in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[betsygee]

Oh, Cheryl, I'm so sorry. I lost my first kitty in almost exactly the same way, almost 18, with CRF and she had gone blind. I know how hard it is when they've been such a dear companion for so long. You didn't do anything wrong. She told you when she was ready to go and you helped release her from her pain.

My thoughts are with you. RIP, little Hera.