- Joined
- Jul 29, 2013
- Messages
- 44
- Purraise
- 31
I had to say goodbye to my cat on Friday. He had been diagnosed with diabetes and unfortunately, for some reason was very insulin resistant. I was waitlisted for an internist appt that couldn't come soon enough, and he went into ketoacidosis. I had the absolute best veterinarian on my side. We had lengthy discussions about options and what have you, and in the end given a number of facts, risks and possibilities we determined it would be the humane thing to say goodbye. And my vet even said it was the most peaceful one she'd ever done. We had him set up in his favorite box, all curled up and warm, with his mouse toy.
In the beginning of his diabetes it was touch and go, he had a bad case of hepatitis, wouldn't eat, and had to be syringe fed. And by some kind of freaking miracle he pulled through and lived and loved like a normal cat right up to the very last day, when I knew things had turned dreadfully wrong and we booked him immediately. I have no regrets about our decision, there was clearly something else making him insulin resistant, and I could see something physically amiss in him. But the grief is crippling me.
This is a cat who was practically attached to my hip. I raised him from a tiny kitten, and we were almost never apart. Even if I went on vacation for a week, I'd come home and he was waiting there, and would be glued to my side for the next several days just to make up for lost time I guess. Everyday I sang to him, danced with him, kissed him good night. He loved to watch me work. He liked to get into trouble. I always felt like he was trying to make me laugh. I said to my husband he was like a living joke, my cat always made me smile and burst into laughter. He was just plain weird in a beautiful way.
I feel his absence, I feel the energy of the house has changed, and how the routine of having him near me has been altered. I feel like my shadow is gone.
I don't want to get over him, I don't want to to not grieve him because that would be absurd. I wish it didn't physically hurt so much though, I wish the house wasn't so dark. I feel like I've gone through major surgery and lost a part of myself. I don't know the way forward. I've tried to fill my time with positive things, but nothing seems to help. I have other cats, whom I love, and each cat is beautiful and unique, but this was my child, my soul mate. I'm just so broken.
In the beginning of his diabetes it was touch and go, he had a bad case of hepatitis, wouldn't eat, and had to be syringe fed. And by some kind of freaking miracle he pulled through and lived and loved like a normal cat right up to the very last day, when I knew things had turned dreadfully wrong and we booked him immediately. I have no regrets about our decision, there was clearly something else making him insulin resistant, and I could see something physically amiss in him. But the grief is crippling me.
This is a cat who was practically attached to my hip. I raised him from a tiny kitten, and we were almost never apart. Even if I went on vacation for a week, I'd come home and he was waiting there, and would be glued to my side for the next several days just to make up for lost time I guess. Everyday I sang to him, danced with him, kissed him good night. He loved to watch me work. He liked to get into trouble. I always felt like he was trying to make me laugh. I said to my husband he was like a living joke, my cat always made me smile and burst into laughter. He was just plain weird in a beautiful way.
I feel his absence, I feel the energy of the house has changed, and how the routine of having him near me has been altered. I feel like my shadow is gone.
I don't want to get over him, I don't want to to not grieve him because that would be absurd. I wish it didn't physically hurt so much though, I wish the house wasn't so dark. I feel like I've gone through major surgery and lost a part of myself. I don't know the way forward. I've tried to fill my time with positive things, but nothing seems to help. I have other cats, whom I love, and each cat is beautiful and unique, but this was my child, my soul mate. I'm just so broken.