- Joined
- Feb 19, 2001
- Messages
- 34,872
- Purraise
- 78
Some of these I have already seen ~ some I hadn't. Maybe it will be the
same for you ~~~
Inside every older person is a
younger person - wondering
what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
----------------------------
The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
........................................................
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs.
I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
............................................................
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?
Every time I hear it, I think
I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
-Jan King-
..........................................................
A few weeks after my surgery,
I went out to play catch with my golden
retriever. When I bent over to pick
up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the
road
yelling "Hey, come back here
with my breast!"
-Linda Ellerbee-
..........................................................
Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
..............................................................
A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
..............................................................
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
.............................................................
My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being hitting my head
on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
............................................................
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
..........................................................
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-
.............................................................
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
...........................................................
Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
..........................................................
Whatever women must do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
............................................................
Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and your body starts
falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-
..............................................................
I try to take one day at a time,
but sometimes several days
attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
..........................................................
If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine Aird-
...........................................................
I'm not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
.......................................................
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb
women, but you hardly ever see
a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong-
..............................................................
If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
...................................................
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
........................................................
I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-
...................................................
When women are depressed they
either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-
...........................................................
Behind every successful man is a
surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
.........................................................
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want
anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
.......................................................
I have yet to hear a man ask for
advice on how to combine
marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-
........................................................
I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which
answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every morning,
a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late
every night.
-Marie Corelli-
.................................................
If men can run the world, why can't
they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day
by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-
............................................................
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
...................................................................
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
...........................................................
I think I have found Inner Peace.....
My therapist told me a way to
achieve this was to finish things that
I had started.
Today I finished 2 bags of Potato
Chips, a lemon pie, a bottle of
wine and a box of Chocolates!
I feel better already.
same for you ~~~
Inside every older person is a
younger person - wondering
what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
----------------------------
The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
........................................................
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs.
I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
............................................................
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?
Every time I hear it, I think
I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
-Jan King-
..........................................................
A few weeks after my surgery,
I went out to play catch with my golden
retriever. When I bent over to pick
up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the
road
yelling "Hey, come back here
with my breast!"
-Linda Ellerbee-
..........................................................
Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
..............................................................
A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
..............................................................
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
.............................................................
My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being hitting my head
on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
............................................................
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
..........................................................
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-
.............................................................
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
...........................................................
Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
..........................................................
Whatever women must do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
............................................................
Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and your body starts
falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-
..............................................................
I try to take one day at a time,
but sometimes several days
attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
..........................................................
If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine Aird-
...........................................................
I'm not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
.......................................................
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb
women, but you hardly ever see
a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong-
..............................................................
If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
...................................................
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
........................................................
I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-
...................................................
When women are depressed they
either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-
...........................................................
Behind every successful man is a
surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
.........................................................
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want
anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
.......................................................
I have yet to hear a man ask for
advice on how to combine
marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-
........................................................
I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which
answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every morning,
a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late
every night.
-Marie Corelli-
.................................................
If men can run the world, why can't
they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day
by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-
............................................................
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
...................................................................
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
...........................................................
I think I have found Inner Peace.....
My therapist told me a way to
achieve this was to finish things that
I had started.
Today I finished 2 bags of Potato
Chips, a lemon pie, a bottle of
wine and a box of Chocolates!
I feel better already.