As far as the clawing / scratching, take the kitty to the pet store - one that does grooming - and have the associate in the grooming area apply "Kitty Caps" on the claws. These are silicone claw covers that will allow kitty to still do all the scratching activities, but without the damage...
You are correct. Each cat is different. like people, they have their own personalities. My husband's tabby Diva is a lap cat now, but when she first came to us - re-homed from a rescue by a co-worker - she took a while to warm up to us.
Ok, not sure if this will work, try cradling her like a baby. I've done this with 3 of my 5 cats and they love it. My beauty Cali just snuggles in my arms purring and has fallen asleep this way loads of times.