New Cat Mom With Fearful Cat Questions!

Hi all, this is my first time having a cat of my own so I've been trying to learn as much as I can about them. My cat is one year old, adopted her from a local shelter as a "hidden treasure"; she's very fearful and initially chose not to socialize. She did not like being touched at the shelter. I've had her for almost two months now and she's come such a long way, from staying hidden under the couch all day to cautiously sitting next to me on the couch and playing openly while I'm in the same room. She's always curious as to where I'm going and what I'm doing, but I have yet to be able to pet her or approach her. She does give me the slow blink so I do think she's carefully warming up to me.

I know it's all about patience and time, but the one thing I'd like to solve sooner than later is the fact that she hisses at me quite often. Just this morning, for example, she was feeling comfortable enough to sit on my bed while I was laying in it. But the moment I get up and start walking to the kitchen to feed her, I'm forced to walk in her direction and she does not like that, so she hisses constantly. She doesn't look aggressive; her ears aren't flattened and she's not posing any threatening body language, just hisses. She also does this when I'm trying to leave a room and she's sitting in the doorway. Sometimes I slowly try to walk around her without making eye contact and it works, but not all the time. Otherwise she just runs and hisses.

Is this just her still being fearful of me or is she becoming territorial now that she's grown more comfortable in my home? I honestly don't believe she's trying to harm me, I just would rather have positive responses to me as her owner feeding and taking care of her.

Any advice or personal experience would be appreciated!!

It's wonderful that his kitty found a home with such a patient person!

Cats have their own timeline for these things and you can't predict how long it will take, and it is sometimes a two steps forward, one step backward kind of thing.

Sounds like a very typical warning hiss. Basic cat communication saying I'm not comfortable with you coming near me. You're right that if she were truly fearing for her safety, ears would start to go back and there might be some growling. (That's the point where you need to be cautious because the claws come out right after that.)

There are some things you can do to speed up the bonding process, mostly revolving around food and/or play, depending on what the cat likes best.

I love this guide for socializing cats: How to Socialize Very Shy or Fearful Cats

You don't necessarily need a cage if the cat is comfortable out in the open. If she hides under couches and beds a lot though, it might be good to temporarily block off these areas and provide other hiding places like cardboard boxes so you still have some access to her.

Some cats are more motivated by play than food, in which case wand toys are excellent. Find a favorite wand toy, and only get it out when you're around to play with her, and then she'll associate you with that toy and fun times! I had a kitten who went from feral to running to the door whenever someone came in his room because that meant fun and games!

In the meantime, it's helpful for you to recognize the subtle signs that means she enjoys being with you. Cats don't like to draw attention to themselves, but everything they do is a purposeful choice. If she's in the same room with you, it means she enjoys being near you, otherwise she wouldn't be there. If she has her back turned to you or closes her eyes, it means she trusts you enough that she doesn't think she needs to watch you all the time.

Cats do appreciate that they're being taken care of, even if they don't show it overtly. I'm sure she's happy to be out of the shelter and in a home. She's just going to err on the side of caution for a while and give you warning hisses. I would just focus on whatever you're doing when you cross paths like that, and she'll learn that she's not the target of your motion and doesn't need to worry.

I like this article,
Caring for Timid Cats

but also these, too-
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat

molly92, thanks for that link! I'm sure some of those tips will come in handy, although I don't keep her in the cage, some of the exercises can be tried out on her.

And also thank you for your advice, I do take her traits as being far away from the aggression spectrum so I think these little behaviorisms are just her being cautious and nervous still. And I do sometimes try to play WITH her, but she's not at that point yet. The staff recommended the wand toy to me and I think she's only played with me once. Otherwise, she loves playing and 'hunting' her toys by herself. I'd like to get to the point where she can play with me to solidify that trust.

So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, making her feel at home and giving her the opportunities to claim her space. Thanks for the reassurance!

PushPurrCatPaws said:

I like this article,
Caring for Timid Cats

but also these, too-
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat

Click to expand...

Ooh, I'm definitely going to read into those. Thanks for sharing!

I have a skittish cat that has been with me since she was 6 months old. It took 2 years for her to feel comfortable enough around me to let me pet her. She doesn't like feeling trapped. She had to learn that she trusted me not to catch her and enjoyed being pet, and I had to learn how to behave around her to make her feel secure. I definitely felt like a giant monster for a while. She taught me a lot about cats!

Here is a list of things that I learned to do to help her feel confident. Much of this you are probably already doing.

1. Associate myself with good things (play/feeding/treats)
2. Establish a predictable schedule. This helped her feel like she understood and could predict how I would behave at certain times of the day, making her feel secure.
3. Teach a release command, like "all done!" This was especially important when I needed to do things that she didn't like, such as teeth brushing. When I say all done it means she gets a treat and won't be pursued by me for anything else, so she feels confident and trusts that she doesn't need to hide from me.
4. When we meet in a hallway, I will stop and wait for her to decide how she wants to move first. This keeps her from panicked fleeing. She will now often escort me when I move around the house, I think because she feels confident about moving around me.
5. I talk to her a lot and tell her she is a good girl. She seems to like this, and meows back, or rubs against things.
6. I have another cat who she loves and gets much of her emotional needs fulfilled by. I think my other cat is the reason it took her so long to seek more interaction from me (who needs a human when you have a feline buddy?) That being said, my other cat is also more confident than her and she follows his lead in situations she isn't too sure about. This really helps her adapt to new situations (such as moving) much more quickly than she otherwise would.
7. Don't stop trying to pet your cat, but do it in a way that promotes trust. It took my girl almost 2 years to realize that she enjoyed being pet. I think part of the reason what that she was young, and we all know that not all kids like massages even though so many of us love them as adults. I always hold out my hand for a few seconds and say "do you want a pet?" first before trying to pet her. It gives her a chance to move away first if she doesn't want one.

The first time she started approaching me for petting on her own initiative was almost two years ago. I have a circular end table with a lamp in the middle. She would do "drive-by" pets when I was sitting on the couch by that end table, where she would run in circles around the lamp, brushing by me a dozen times before she decided she had enough. I think it made her feel safe because she was always in the process of escaping from me while still enjoying feeling pet.

Now my girl will seek me out for petting in other spaces, but only in places where she thinks I am immobile like when working at my desk or lying in bed (or sitting on the toilet...) In two more years who knows what will happen I'm still waiting for the day when she feels comfortable enough to rub against my legs rather than the wall beside me.

Edit: One other thing, my cat loves wand toys, but felt insecure about using them at first because it brought her too close to me. For a long time I used a laser pointer so I could play with her from a distance.

Wile said:

I have a skittish cat that has been with me since she was 6 months old. It took 2 years for her to feel comfortable enough around me to let me pet her. She doesn't like feeling trapped. She had to learn that she trusted me not to catch her and enjoyed being pet, and I had to learn how to behave around her to make her feel secure. I definitely felt like a giant monster for a while. She taught me a lot about cats!

Here is a list of things that I learned to do to help her feel confident. Much of this you are probably already doing.

1. Associate myself with good things (play/feeding/treats)
2. Establish a predictable schedule. This helped her feel like she understood and could predict how I would behave at certain times of the day, making her feel secure.
3. Teach a release command, like "all done!" This was especially important when I needed to do things that she didn't like, such as teeth brushing. When I say all done it means she gets a treat and won't be pursued by me for anything else, so she feels confident and trusts that she doesn't need to hide from me.
4. When we meet in a hallway, I will stop and wait for her to decide how she wants to move first. This keeps her from panicked fleeing. She will now often escort me when I move around the house, I think because she feels confident about moving around me.
5. I talk to her a lot and tell her she is a good girl. She seems to like this, and meows back, or rubs against things.
6. I have another cat who she loves and gets much of her emotional needs fulfilled by. I think my other cat is the reason it took her so long to seek more interaction from me (who needs a human when you have a feline buddy?) That being said, my other cat is also more confident than her and she follows his lead in situations she isn't too sure about. This really helps her adapt to new situations (such as moving) much more quickly than she otherwise would.
7. Don't stop trying to pet your cat, but do it in a way that promotes trust. It took my girl almost 2 years to realize that she enjoyed being pet. I think part of the reason what that she was young, and we all know that not all kids like massages even though so many of us love them as adults. I always hold out my hand for a few seconds and say "do you want a pet?" first before trying to pet her. It gives her a chance to move away first if she doesn't want one.

The first time she started approaching me for petting on her own initiative was almost two years ago. I have a circular end table with a lamp in the middle. She would do "drive-by" pets when I was sitting on the couch by that end table, where she would run in circles around the lamp, brushing by me a dozen times before she decided she had enough. I think it made her feel safe because she was always in the process of escaping from me while still enjoying feeling pet.

Now my girl will seek me out for petting in other spaces, but only in places where she thinks I am immobile like when working at my desk or lying in bed (or sitting on the toilet...) In two more years who knows what will happen I'm still waiting for the day when she feels comfortable enough to rub against my legs rather than the wall beside me.

Edit: One other thing, my cat loves wand toys, but felt insecure about using them at first because it brought her too close to me. For a long time I used a laser pointer so I could play with her from a distance.

Click to expand...

Wow, you have a LOAD of patience to have to wait two years to finally be loved! But that's what these cats need is just that. Mine was in the shelter for a month while everyone walked by her and adopted the playful kittens first. There's love for all of them!!!

Allowing your cat to make the decision on how to proceed if you meet her in a hallway is a great idea. There really doesn't need to be a dominance war at this time. I mean, I want her to understand when she can't do what she wants like claw my couch, but I don't want to be the monster either! So I'm definitely going to try that, let her run the course for me before I run it for her.

I'll also see if the laser pointer works, too. I think since she knows I'm on the other end of the stick, she wants no part of it. She loves getting wrapped up in it alone so it's not the stick...it's just me lol. She also feels most comfortable when I'm on the couch or in bed--that's when she gets to observe me without being afraid of getting in her face. So all of these are super good points.

I very seldom do try to pet her and it's an immediate run for cover, but there have been times where she's sniffed my hand real quick or sometimes she'll playfully claw at my hand just to test the waters. I never force it on her, I just bring it into the game every now and then.

erickste86 said:

Wow, you have a LOAD of patience to have to wait two years to finally be loved!

Click to expand...

It helps that I have more than one cat, and the other one is her complete opposite. My boy is so needy and social that I actually appreciate the girl being more independent. I got her as a companion for my boy to give me a break from him, and she does that "job" amazingly well.

erickste86 said:

There really doesn't need to be a dominance war at this time. I mean, I want her to understand when she can't do what she wants like claw my couch, but I don't want to be the monster either!

Click to expand...

I don't think there's ever any reason to have a dominance war with a cat. They're so tiny and naturally fearful that if you try to control or dominate them using punishment or brass behaviour it's likely to have the opposite effect of what you want. It's really important to me to have confident pets that live their lives well rather than ones that only feel safe to live out their lives under a bed. In spite of running from me, I'm happy that my girl does move confidently around my house with her tail up in the air, and she is mellowing out with age.

For the couch I'd suggest getting a cover to protect it just in case, and make sure that you have a scratching post in the room near the couch. One thing I figured out from watching my cats is that scratching something is not only a territorial marking behaviour, it is also sometimes a non-aggressive calming social behaviour that you want to encourage (a relaxed "stretch" as well as a grooming "scratch" - dog trainers call this a "calming move"). My cats will walk into a room and scratch their post to say "hey lady, I'm just here to chill." It seems to relax them and signal to me and the other cat in the room that all is well in the world.