Cat Intro Gone Bad?

[Glamkitty]

I am desperate...that's probably how most people posting here feel...any advice that anyone can offer is greatly appreciated.

We had two cats for eight years until eighteen months ago when J passed away. This left P, a nine year old Calico, as an "only cat." Due to Covid and wfh, P and I spend an enormous amount of time together. She follows me around the house and I am generally recognized as "her person."

Almost seven weeks ago we adopted an older orange tabby, L, who has thyroid disease but is otherwise healthy. We brought him into the house and observed the general introduction protocols for a short time. Unfortunately, my Partner and I had different opinions regarding the duration of the introduction period and P and L were put together too soon. This resulted in fighting so I separated them and started again.

After five weeks went by, things were slowly improving. I went on a short business trip and during my absence the relationship between P and L continued to improve. The weekend after my return went fairly well and on Sunday evening my Partner left for work (he often works in another State and is away for a few days at a time). Within a few hours of his departure P and L were fighting so badly that I had to separate them. The next day brought more fighting as well as some bullying which seems to go like this...

L will try to sniff P and P starts hissing so L attacks her and P runs and hides. Another variation is that L will position himself in a doorway so P can't leave the room. As a result, P is barely using the litterbox (we have three of them) and only urinating once a day and having bowel movements every few days.

They will come together for meals and will go head to head amicably if there is a box of Greenies involved. I even have a video of them taking turns eating Greenies directly from the large value tub. They will hang out in the same room for a good portion of time if I am with them but as soon as I walk away there could be a fight. If I leave them out when I go to bed there will be a fight.

So, my questions:

1. Is there any hope?
2. What went wrong? Is it because my Partner is not here? Is it because he is the Alpha and I am just another pack member?
3. Am I the problem? I am beginning to think that P is jealous of L and this was exacerbated when my Partner left.
4. How can I fix this?

This is killing me. I adore P and hate seeing her upset and scared. At the same time L is a sweet, old man with a bum thyroid and only a few teeth...who will adopt him? I recognize they will never be besties but is there any hope they will co-exist without having to separate them whenever I am not home or asleep?

 

[Furballsmom]

They will come together for meals and will go head to head amicably if there is a box of Greenies involved. I even have a video of them taking turns eating Greenies directly from the large value tub. They will hang out in the same room for a good portion of time

Hi!
Due to this, yes, absolutely there's hope.

Do Cats Get Jealous? (and What To Do About It When They Do) – TheCatSite Articles

I think for now, separate them for a while so your baby can use the litter box normally. Then when your partner gets back see if things calm down?

 

[maggie101]

Like the article says, jealousy can lead to health issues. My cat was jealous which caused stress which caused health issues. No tops on litter boxes. Is he straining to pee. Does he pee on the floor? Spend time with both cats. Lots of tlc

 

[FeebysOwner]

These are older cats, so it can take a long time for them to finally come to terms with each other. I think you are over thinking what the issue might be, and then placing some kind of blame on yourself as being the problem. Maybe your partner was more willing to tolerate 'encounters' between the two cats than you are, and so it seemed while you were gone things were 'improving'.

How long was it between when you had to separate them and start over before they were once again allowed to occupy the same space? Maybe that was rushed?

Obviously, they cannot yet be left alone together. You can also ask your partner to explain in detail how things went in your absence, just so you know.

As long as they do OK when you or your partner is present, then maybe for now you just need to continue to keep them separated when no one is available to watch over them. This could just be a matter of more time.

 

[Furballsmom]

hate seeing her upset and scared.

By the way, are you utilizing any calming products? or Cat Music?

 

[Alldara]

Hi G Glamkitty

No need to worry about "alpha" issues. This does not apply to cats. Cat's social hierarchies are complex each taking lead during situations they are most comfortable with. Some are more territorial than others and some more confident than others.

Older cats generally take longer to bond and generally take longer to introduce.

Have both cats had recent blood work? The thyroid being out of order can cause issues. Stress can also cause illness which can cause them to lash out.

Also curious to know if using cat calming music and hormones?

Catnip and silvervine generously offered can help too.

Are they seeing other cats outside?

 

[Alldara]

Oh. I guess, is there anything you're noticing thats happening just before a fight? Are they battling over a bed or litter or something? Is there a sudden loud noise inside or outside the home?

 

[Glamkitty]

Thanks to everyone who has responded!

We are using Feliway plug-ins all over the house. I have not tried cat music but I will see what I can find online and play if for them.

The litterboxes don't have tops because P, the female resident cat, always hated them and, honestly, adopting L happened very quickly and without much planning (long story but when an animal shelter finds people willing to take a senior cat on meds they act fast). However, there are three of them plus one extra which is a throw away.

While I was away I thought that my Partner might be embellishing the level of peace that had been achieved. I figured it was a combination of him tolerating more bad behavior than I would and him trying to downplay what might be going on to make me feel better (my trip was for work and very stressful). However, when I got home I happily discovered that his depiction was quite accurate. P and L were getting along with minimal friction. They were eating together, using the same set of litterboxes and generally getting along. P hissed at L once or twice but they were minor expressions compared to what had been going on.

Their initial period of separation was only three days. Needless to say it was a major source of conflict between me and my Partner. After one day of open conflict I reinstated the separation and that went on for about two weeks. From there we graduated to modified separation (they could see each other but not get to each other). The whole thing has only been about six or seven weeks.

I have spent the last 72 hours keeping them separated, monitoring them when they are together and spending tons of time talking to them, cuddling with them, petting them and playing with them. As a result, I think that things are improving. I have been keeping an eye on the behavior that I perceive to be bullying and I have been inserting play or treats when I see it. I think it's been working.

I think the protocol from here and for a while will be to continue to talk/cuddle/pet/ play and supervise (I always talk/pet/play with P but she is a Calico so cuddling is on her terms if at all). I agree with all that they should not be left alone together and will work to prevent that...so this might mean some type of boarding situation for some upcoming business travel but that will just have to be.

Thanks again to everyone who responded. This is a fabulous resource and you have all set my mind at ease.

 

[Glamkitty]

Hi G Glamkitty

No need to worry about "alpha" issues. This does not apply to cats. Cat's social hierarchies are complex each taking lead during situations they are most comfortable with. Some are more territorial than others and some more confident than others.

Older cats generally take longer to bond and generally take longer to introduce.

Have both cats had recent blood work? The thyroid being out of order can cause issues. Stress can also cause illness which can cause them to lash out.

Also curious to know if using cat calming music and hormones?

Catnip and silvervine generously offered can help too.

Are they seeing other cats outside?

They both have had recent bloodwork (it's how L's thyroid issue was diagnosed) and things seem OK.

We are using Feliway plug-ins.

I am going to try music.

I was wondering about catnip and silvervine and wasn't sure about it since I have read that catnip can make some cats aggressive.

We are on the ground floor most of the time so they can see outside but I don't know if there are other cats out there, particularly at night.

 

[Glamkitty]

Oh. I guess, is there anything you're noticing thats happening just before a fight? Are they battling over a bed or litter or something? Is there a sudden loud noise inside or outside the home?

What I notice is that they are generally calm during the day and then in the evening L starts stalking P around the house. It doesn't seem to be about food or litterboxes but when it started tonight I offered treats and play and that seems to have helped.

I guess this is my new second job for the foreseeable future!

 

[Furballsmom]

For music, there's Relax My Cat, Musicforcats, and Spotify and other sources have harp music for cats

 

[maggie101]

What I notice is that they are generally calm during the day and then in the evening L starts stalking P around the house. It doesn't seem to be about food or litterboxes but when it started tonight I offered treats and play and that seems to have helped.

I guess this is my new second job for the foreseeable future!

Evening is hunt time. My adult cats are active at night. Partly why Maggie sleeps with me. Otherwise she pesters Peaches. At night Coco comes out to play with peaches since Maggie isn't there

 

[Alldara]

What I notice is that they are generally calm during the day and then in the evening L starts stalking P around the house. It doesn't seem to be about food or litterboxes but when it started tonight I offered treats and play and that seems to have helped.

I guess this is my new second job for the foreseeable future!

Wonderful news though. I found some great cat calming music on YouTube that includes purring.

You probably already are but curtains closed at night helps.

You can certainly search videos on how to increase enrichment as well, especially food enrichment. He could be trying and failing to initiate play. But it tiring him out works, it would be helpful to both cats to give their minds something to do.

I know for my late cat, the vet recommended follow ups every month with bloodwork until they can be sure that the thyroid is at proper level and from there every 3-6 months. (You might already know this, but it's hard because we only get the snapshot of what's written! )

I would say experiment with the catnip separately first...but I find my boys use it, get rolly and then sleep. Their zoomies are pretty scheduled these days. I've never had a cat get agressive from catnip before, but I have heard tales of this. Many do get hyper and a cat will swat another cat away from their personal stash or a favourite toy (or sit on it to hide it from the other cat if you're Nobel). This might not be the type of behaviour you want to encourage right now.

 

[Tigger's Mum]

For music, there's Relax My Cat, Musicforcats, and Spotify and other sources have harp music for cats

Harp is extremely relaxing both for cats and humans. My new harp arrives next Wednesday - just in time for my introducing Oscar to the rest of the gang. I'm a beginner on the harp but even plucking a few strings is relaxing. So is playing the piano. Kira always sits on top of mine when I'm playing...then knocks my books off.

 

[Tigger's Mum]

I have a multi-cat household (now 10 cats). I've found that the least human interference the better unless things get really out of hand. Older cats do take longer to accept each other and fights can happen. Usually this is more posturing than actual serious fighting although to us humans it looks nasty but seldom are there any injuries.

At best, with time and patience they'll become good friends. At worst, they'll tolerate each other. For the humans, best thing to do is keep calm. Cats, like dogs are very quick to sense how humans feel and if you're stressed, they'll get stressed too.

I'd also get your new cat's thyroid levels checked again as this can affect their behaviour.

 

[Furballsmom]

Kira always sits on top of mine when I'm playing...then knocks my books off.

 

[Glamkitty]

Again, thanks to all for these responses.

I tried the catnip. Unfortunately, P (resident cat) got aggressive and hissed when L tried to "steal her stash" which is how someone described it earlier in this thread (still laughing over that one).

I also tried Cat Music. I can't tell if it helped or not but it was very pleasant and perfect background music for working from home.

I have kept them separate and am still supervising them when they are together. I had to be out part of the evening so they spent quite a bit of time apart today. When I got home and they were together again they went nose to nose for a sniff and there was no issue. About thirty minutes later the hissing started and L started positioning himself so P would have to get past him to go anywhere.

So...can anyone tell me how many times a day a cat needs to urinate and move their bowels? Before we adopted L, P probably urinated anywhere from 2-3 times a day and had one bowel movement (sometimes she would skip a day). Now she is only urinating once every 24 hours and I am really worried. Is this normal?

 

[Furballsmom]

Is this normal?

For her, normal is what she had been doing (some cats are different in their frequency of either). That much of a change is definitely an indication of a problem. Can you get her in as soon as possible?

 

[Glamkitty]

I can...our Vet is great and has been very supportive.

Other than the change in frequency of urination/ bm's is not showing any signs of medical distress. She is eating although slightly less than usual which I chalked up to stress over L. She is playing when she is not watching the new cat. She is hanging out with me and letting me touch her in all of the approved-by-Calico spots. I guess I trying to convey that she seems fine.

This whole thing has been so stressful and now all I can think is that my actions might have made her sick. I can't stand it. I already feel like crap for disrupting her little life and now what I did could cause major health problems for my little girl.

And...if she is sick what on earth do I do about it? I don't want to give L up but I can't imagine that it can get better...

I am so sorry to dump on everyone...

 

[Furballsmom]

if she is sick what on earth do I do about it? I don't want to give L up but I can't imagine that it can get better...

Hang in there 'til you have a chance to talk with the vet and see what they say.

I am so sorry to dump on everyone...

No worries at all, that's why we're here