My Boyfriend & My Cat

[Britany]

Okay so I am moving in with my boyfriend and he has a cat and my cat and his cat get along fine but when I first started dating my boyfriend, he came over a couple of times &a my cat attacked his ankle and wouldn't let go. A couple of days ago, I brought my cat over to his place and everything seems to be going fine with the two cats but my boyfriend is not comfortable with being around my cat being what happened with the two. He is super emotional and I don't know what to do. The only other option I have is to give my cat to the humane society. I need help guys!

 

[danteshuman]

(Cats will live 15-20 years ... boyfriends and not all husbands last that long. So consider wisely who you are going to ditch if push comes to shove.) Step 1) have your bf become the good guy by feeding, playing & giving your cat treats (maybe you can do the same for his cat.) Step 2) why did your cat attack him? Was your cat scared of him? Or playing? Cat do not just attack to be 'mean' or because they 'hate' someone. If your cat is scared of him you need your bf to respect your cat's space and earn your cat's trust. (Your bf waits for the cat to initiate petting and learns cat body language so he knows when a cat has had enough.) If your cat was playing with him, both of you need to teach your cat toys not people. It takes time but it is very doable. ?Step 3? Make your bf binge watch my cat from hell

 

[Britany]

He rubbed up against him all lovey and then he'll just bite and attack for no reason

 

[Sarthur2]

It sounds like the bf and your cat need to get to know each other better.

You need to give this time, especially since the two cats get along!

I also think you need to stand your ground about keeping your cat. This should not be an issue going into a new living arrangement.

I agree that your bf needs to spend time investing in getting to know your cat through respectful play, petting, and feeding.

If you guys can't get through this without you having to give up your cat to appease your bf, there will be much bigger issues coming down the pike.

Will you have to give up and let him have his way every time he is unhappy about something?

Relationships, with both people and pets, involve a series of compromises throughout life.

Giving up your cat is not a compromise. Your bf learning to live with the cat you love is compromise.

 

[Kat0121]

Ok. You're already cruising towards the worst case scenario which is giving the cat away. This does not need to happen. If your boyfriend is serious about living with you, he needs to be serious about living with your cat. The two of you are a package deal. Instead of wondering how to change the cat (not gonna happen), you need to change the man (much easier to alter human behavior than feline- not just male behavior- just throwing that out so our guys don't think they are being picked on- men who love cats are THE BEST).

Your bf needs to be more involved with your cat. Hands free play time, giving your cat a yummy treat when their interactions are positive, being the one to give meals sometimes, etc. He can also talk to your cat. He can let the cat know that he wants to be friends and he didn't intend for their relationship to start off with a misunderstanding. He needs to let your cat be in charge of the relationship and he can do this by just relaxing. The cat can sense that he is uncomfortable and is picking up on those feelings. Once he relaxes, the cat will too. The cat will approach him out of curiosity and when this happens, he can extend his hand in a fist for the cat to check out.

It's great that the 2 cats already seem to get along. IMO, that's the harder part of integrating 2 lives with cats. If your BF relaxes, engages your cat in some play time with wand toys like Da Bird or laser pointers, the two of them should begin to become more comfortable around one another. All relationships have to progress. The relationships we have with our cats do too. I think that with patience, love and time, those two could end up as quite good pals.

 

[Britany]

He is so upset because I have to give my cat away but yet, he's not really comforting me. He's just sad and depressed about his decision.

I wouldn't even know how to ask him.

 

[Britany]

What do I do if my cat bites him again??? He will get super pissed.

 

[Sarthur2]

If this is where things are at, you don't need to move in with him. He sounds very self-involved, and is not considering your feelings at all.

You say HE made this decision and is sad about it. Now HE needs comforting.

Why is this solely HIS decision?

This is ridiculous!

And if you "don't even know how to ask him", you will not be an equal partner in this relationship.

You and your cat need to move on.

 

[Sarthur2]

You need to tell this guy that you are NOT giving up your cat.

You need to tell him to deal with it.

If he can't accept your cat, this should be a total deal breaker.

And do not give your cat to the Humane Society. He may get euthanized.

 

[Fatou Tandia]

If you're serious in your relationship with your bf and he too, the only option you can consider is asking your bf to feed your cat. Most cats are very loyal to the feeders. Also, You may not expect that he should love your cat too for loving you as if you love your cat. It's his choice. But you can appease your bf to get involved with your cat. Now It's your turn to make your cat understand your bf and vice versa. Little complicated but can be done if you're smart in situations. Best wishes.

 

[Kat0121]

You need to tell this guy that you are NOT giving up your cat.

You need to tell him to deal with it.

If he can't accept your cat, this should be a total deal breaker.

And do not give your cat to the Humane Society. He may get euthanized.

I agree with this 100%. If you give in on this, what will be next? You are your cat's only advocate. Please do not give in. If he is not willing to try to get along with the cat, he is the one who needs to go. Not the cat.

 

[danteshuman]

My question would be what did he do to get bit? Is he petting your cat all rough like a dog? Not seeing your cats tail flick of annoyance and stopping? Your cat doesn't bite you why would it bite him? Also this is all hypothetical since your cat has not bitten anyone. Scratched yes, bit no. What if you give up your cat and your bf dumps you anyways? Or gets in a car accident and dies? You can drive yourself nuts asking what if questions.
This peach cat is Salem. He was my x-husband's cat until my x abandoned him when he abandoned me. Don't get me wrong I love Salem but he is a man loving cat stuck with me. Now I view it as a love me, accept my cats kind of deal.

 

[StefanZ]

He rubbed up against him all lovey and then he'll just bite and attack for no reason

OK, so it wasnt no real attack. Exactly WHY the cat did so, I dont know, the situation is one of my riddles too. I myself happened to get this treatment with a cat I was cat sitting with living in the flat a full month. but whatever it was, it wasnt no hateful attack! Possibly some clumsy try to play. Or an overstimulation of some sort...

Anyways, I agree with the others. The cat is your "probierstone". If the bf doesnt accept the cat and or accepts some of the proposals to remedy the situation, you know he isnt no suitable partner for you.
But IF he accepts, and is ready to work on it, as long there is some meaningsful idea to follow - yes, then he should get a fair chance to become your bf and your mate.

ps. Tip him, if he is afraid, he can always carry long legs on his trousers. Or long thick socks. It wont help against a full scale vicious bite, but it will help nicely against such undisciplined play bites.

 

[Draco]

it is very possible your cat smelled your bf's cat on him. My cat attacks my friend who has 3 cats of her own because of her smell. If she washes her hands before coming in, my cat is OK.

Cats can be territorial and he was protecting his personal space, most likely.

Your boyfriend needs to step up and make some changes to keep your cat. it's not fair for him to tell you to give up your cat without giving it a shot. It may take days, weeks, months or longer for your cat to get comfortable around him and the other cat in a new home. it'll be a huge change for kitty, so patience and time is what's needed too.

 

[Kieka]

He is so upset because I have to give my cat away but yet, he's not really comforting me. He's just sad and depressed about his decision.

I wouldn't even know how to ask him.

What do I do if my cat bites him again??? He will get super pissed.

These two posts concern me. Only because they remind me strikingly of my ex and what he would have done in the same situation. Which is concerning because he was a manipulative and abusive person. It took me a lot to get out of that relationship; 3 years later I am still recovering and he still pops up randomly to try to regain control of some aspect of my life.

Cats do not attack for no reason. They just don't. There are details missing or signals missed to lead to that outcome. Your boyfriends reaction is extreme to a perceived grudge by your cat; which doesn't really exist. I would seriously reconsider the whole situation and work on improving the relationship with your boyfriend and your cat.

 

[Britany]

My cat has bit him three times already & he doesn't trust him at all. I wouldn't trust his cat if his cat bit me like he got bit. Not a chance.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Perhaps, just perhaps, your cat knows something that you don't know. It happens.

 

[Kieka]

My cat has bit him three times already & he doesn't trust him at all. I wouldn't trust his cat if his cat bit me like he got bit. Not a chance.

Cats don't randomly bite. Something your boyfriend is doing is triggering bites.

Are you present? Does your cat draw blood?

If the answer to both those is no then it isn't likely agression and there is a problem on the end of your boyfriend not your cat.

If your cat does draw blood then he feels truly threatened by whatever your boyfriend is doing. Which still makes is a problem with something your boyfriend is doing.

If you are there is it when pet? Does your boyfriend play too rough? Is your cat skittish?

There is a lot more that can be done instead of getting rid of the cat. But you need to provide more context of the situation when your boyfriend is bit.

 

[Sarthur2]

You asked for help with the situation when you began this thread, and now you are defending your boyfriend.

Find a friend or relative to take your cat since your mind is made up.

Do not turn your cat over to the Humane Society.

 

[lavishsqualor]

Let me tell you something.

Assuming that I were single, and just for the record I'm not, but let's just assume that I am.

If Brad Pitt, Chris Pine, Jensen Ackles and any other hot guy that you can think of asked me to get rid of my cat . . . well, that GUY would be gone before you could say, "Here kitty-kitty." Period. End of story.

Take some advice from someone in a very long term, happy relationship. No one who cares for you in an adult, healthy fashion would ask you do so such a thing.