Boyfriend thinks declawing is okay? :/

[minka]

So a few months ago I had an argument with my boyfriend about declawing. He said that I shouldn't pretend that we don't do things to cats for our own selfish needs, including but not limited to, spaying/neutering. I tried to explain that its for the cat's own good, and that it doesn't have lasting consequences. He said that's ridiculous, removing the s*x organs means depriving the body of the hormones associated with those organs, and thus altering the cats physical and emotional behavior.

Moving forward to today, my cat scratched me while I was trying to fix his Da Bird toy. My boyfriend said 'You should get him declawed.' I said 'Don't even go there' or something of the like, he said 'I meant only the front', and I responded with the same thing. He said something I can't remember and I replied by basically saying this isn't something to joke about. He responded by going 'oh' in a certain tone of voice that he uses when he means 'oh, that's so sad' like you might respond to a whiny person who is complaining because their iPhone is broken. (If you get what I mean.) I told him again, I wasn't joking around, and he continued to say 'oh.' Then after I replied again, he said 'I was being serious. About declawing your cat.' I ended the call and texted him saying that he was completely disregarding my feelings and being uncaring. He called back a while later after he saw the message and asked why I was being dramatic and crazy.

How do I deal with this situation? :/

 

[rosiemac]

LET'S REMEMBER THE MEMBER IS ASKING FOR ADVICE. SHE KNOWS DECLAWING IS WRONG, SO LETS HELP HER IN A NICE WAY

If you do a search in here on declawing there's lots of links you can show your boyfriend so he can be educated on the subject, but good luck and remember the cat is your baby at the end of the day

 

[minka]

Maybe I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think any links or info on the web could convince him that declawing is wrong. :/
Idk.. :[

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by Minka

Maybe I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think any links or info on the web could convince him that declawing is wrong

But you need to start with the links and the pictures that are on them. Weve had many members shocked by what they've seen, and thankfully they've changed their minds. But if the links and pictures don't have an effect on him, then unfortunately you'll just have to stick to your guns and not let him sway you?

 

[jennyr]

It is fortunately your cat and you are not going to declaw him, so the cat is safe, which is what matters. From the reports of your conversations with your BF, you have not really discussed it deeply or given him any facts, so he is probably in a position of ignorance as to what declawing really means. Many people still think it is just an exaggerated form of nail cutting, whereas it is of course amputation of the 'finger' joints. So without being too judgemental I would try and explain it to him with the help of one of the web sites that show exactly what is involved. Tell him it is now illegal in Europe and many parts of the world, even some US states. And then ask him if he would like his fingers cut off to stop him biting his nails!

But well done you for wanting for educate him.

 

[stephanietx]

From my own personal experience of being owned by a declawed cat (she came to me that way), I would NEVER do it again unless it was the absolute last resort, and even then I'm not sure I could bring myself to doing it. I am convinced that some of the behavior problems Callie had was directly linked to the fact that she couldn't defend herself because she had no claws. There were some other idiosyncrasies she had that were directly related to the declaw.

Having said that, does your bf understand that incidents like this are normal? I've been scratched by my kitties accidentally tons of times. Doesn't mean I should think about having them declawed! If this continues being an issue between the two of you, I'd get rid of the bf and keep the cats, claws and all!

 

[ducman69]

If he's an educated man though, he's more apt to realize that pads are more feet than hand, and that its the tiny dystal phalanx bone that is removed (unless using a tendonectomy or shaving declaw, which keeps the bone), which is not physiologically analogous to finger removal in humans as it is typically retracted during locomotion (else the cat would be damaging and snagging claws all the time).

His argument has some validity to it as well, as its not very pretty seeing a spay surgery performed either (its the equivalent of a hysterectomy), and there are cats that have complications from it from blindness and infection to death. Long term in many mammals (dogs, cattle, humans) there is research that shows there are some negative health effects of the hormone imbalance (loss of muscle mass, propensity for weight gain, hemangiosarcoma, etc). All in all though, it is a low complication rate routine surgery that benefits all: the cat because it gets to live in a life of luxury instead of out on the streets eating scraps, infested by parasites, and dodging cars and predators, and for the humans as it helps control populations and alters behavior such as marking and other sexually driven urges. Otherwise, we would perform less invasive vasectomies for example, which these days can be done scalpelless, but the cat would spray, cry out all the time, humping, and would be more predisposed to be hostile to other male cats due to the hormones. This would make for an unhappy human, and the relationship needs to be positive for it to be a loving nurturing home for Mr Kitty.

I would use a pure logic based approach, he is a dude after all. Although there are advances in declaw, such as laser, it is still elective surgery which requires anesthesia and carries with it risks for complications, including some that are life-long if botched such as an inability to walk normally being flat footed or joint pain to other issues such as litterbox avoidance following infection. An older cat would likely notice and miss the extra dexterity that claws provide manipulating objects, and the extra weight on the pads increases risks, just as there are greater risks for late spay/neuter. The cat isn't generally destructive and the relationship already very positive, and so the risk and cost to the cat to human reward ratio is very poor and not justified by a rare unintentional scratch. Add that you have a strong emotional bond with the cat, and suggestions that you feel harmful to its welfare are thus harmful to yourself, and so he is also unintentionally hurting you the same as being critical of a child to his/her mother. Guys aren't always the most empathetic creatures after all. I feel pretty confident that such an explanation will stick, and he won't bug you again about it if you direct him to the link.

 

[just mike]

Originally Posted by Minka

Maybe I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think any links or info on the web could convince him that declawing is wrong. :/
Idk.. :[

I've read all the responses and I think Ducman has the right approach. Stick with the facts about declawing, show him some data on it. Declawing is elective and not a necessary surgery which you already know but maybe your boyfriend does not really see it that way. I would just show him the facts, remain firm (which I know you will

and I'm thinking he'll either come around or not bother you with the subject again. Best of luck Minka!

 

[mystik spiral]

Originally Posted by Minka

He said that I shouldn't pretend that we don't do things to cats for our own selfish needs, including but not limited to, spaying/neutering.

Maybe turn this back around to him and tell him it would be the ultimate human selfishness to essentially cut off your cat's fingers to avoid an occasional scratch...

Good luck!

 

[northernglow]

Originally Posted by Minka

How do I deal with this situation? :/

Declaw your boyfriend. (Just kidding).

Ask him if he can think of any reason how declawing whould benefit the cat. Then give him the basic facts what actually happens in declawing and how badly it affects the animal, physically and mentally.
You can mention the health profits cats get when spayed/neutered, and really make him come up with anything similar when declawing is in question.

You can also mention that it is illegal (animal cruelty) in many places. Is there actually other countries besides US where cats are declawed? (I don't know).

 

[ducman69]

Originally Posted by NorthernGlow

You can also mention that it is illegal (animal cruelty) in many places. Is there actually other countries besides US where cats are declawed? (I don't know).

I don't like that argument since you could also say that its perfectly legal in many places (more countries than which it is illegal), and we certainly don't agree w/ all laws of other countries such as legal waling licenses or age of consent for 13 year old girls in Japan or that plastic toy guns and kitchen knives are illegal while widespread government surveillance is legal in the UK for example. There also aren't that many places where cats are both common pets AND are kept indoors, to where claw damage is a real concern. My grandma had a lot of cats in Germany, but would never have thought of keeping them inside or have litterboxes available. And even the slow witted know its a bad idea to declaw an outdoor cat if they invest much thought. The information about it being illegal in many countries I have found is also often not factual, and almost everyone cites Christianne Schelling from declawing.org as the source for verification. Its stated that declawing is illegal in Japan for example, but while it may be in a particular city, I know this is not the case as a friend has two declawed cats in the Tokyo region and he told me he knows of at least one other. I believe its fairly common in the US, Canada, South Korea, Japan, and China, but its really not something that should be decided based on a popularity contest IMO.

 

[momofmany]

Speaking from a woman's point of view......

My first husband INSISTED that I declaw my cat. Being young and uneducated on the topic, and wanting to please my husband, I agreed to it. Worst mistake I ever made in my life. The marriage lasted under 3 years.

Enter current husband. When he first met my cat, I told him point blank that if he didn't like my cats, our relationship could never go anywhere. We're still married 21 years later. He admitted years later that he disliked cats when we first met. He respected me enough to learn to love cats.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what argument you try to use with people. If they are unable to respect your wishes, you need to question the relationship.

With that said, my argument would simply be this: I understand the dangers and issues with declawing a cat. If you don't want to take the time to learn these things for yourself, then you are showing me complete disrespect for my values.

Not to stir things up between the 2 of you. It's just that women often feel compelled to give into the wishes of the men in their lives. Do what you know is right, even if it risks the relationship.

 

[ladygananoque]

I have a declawed kitty, she was declawed by her previous owner and i have to say she is not great on her feet. She's always falling off the sofa and she cant save herself without her claws. I know kitty claws can be a pain sometimes but declawing is not the answer, i didn't realise how much it affect's their everyday life until i got stella, she has to be a lot more cautious then the average kitty. Tell your boyfriend to read up about it a bit more, im sure that would change his mind.

 

[ritz]

Make sure your *vet* knows that under NO circumstances should your cat be declawed; and that your boyfriend under NO circumstances is allowed to consent to same.
Protect yourself; protect your cat; protect your boyfriend (although if he goes against your wishes, he shouldn't be your boyfriend any more. Just sayin....).

 

[northernglow]

Originally Posted by Ducman69

The information about it being illegal in many countries I have found is also often not factual, and almost everyone cites Christianne Schelling from declawing.org as the source for verification.

I'm not familiar with the website you mentioned, but I can tell you that I know it's illegal here in Finland, in our neighbor Estonia, and in several other countries in Europe like Germany, Switzerland and Netherlands.
And it's also 'prohibited' in most other similar countries like Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Lithuania, Austria, Greece.. can't remember the whole list. They belong to European Convention for the Protection of Pet Animals, feel free to look it up.

 

[konstargirl]

I have a declawed cat and she sometimes uses the bathroom out of her litterbox. Most of the time she's good with it. She even tried to scratch me with her paws when I hold her and she wants to be put down, but she can't.

Please don't declaw him unless there's a really good excuse why.

 

[momofmany]

I'd like to offer a reminder about the information in our Forum Rules

3. This website considers declawing a drastic way to curb cat behavior. A painful ordeal for your kitty we would suggest that declawing never be considered for any behavioral issue. Health issues are entirely different. It is up to you as a responsible pet owner to explore all the different options available instead of declawing. Your cat is dependant on you to make wise choices for her, and not put her into any more stress or discomfort. Please be a responsible pet owner and research this subject thoroughly. Understand that if you are pro-declaw in your posts, you will encounter opposition. Please learn more about alternatives for declawing here in our forums as well as on our website itself. Declaw - More than Just a Manicure. Hopefully those of you with claw-related problems will find solutions by spending time in our Behavior Forum.

 

[luvmyparker]

Me neighbors had a cat that they got declawed (not knowing at the time, the possible life long effects) she was a very short tempered/irritable cat after it was done. She could still 'hit' you with her paws, and believe me, she could hit hard but she also turned to biting. Not just a nip either, she bit to make you bleed.

For every successful declaw, there's going to be a kitty that suffered irreversible damage, causing pain and other issues.

I'm sorry your BF is being so insensitive to the situation but do your best to show him the cons can very well outweigh the pros. Maybe find a vet in your area that is against it and have him talk to them?

It is not illegal where I live but most of the vets here will not do it anymore.

 

[yosemite]

Originally Posted by Ducman69

I don't like that argument since you could also say that its perfectly legal in many places (more countries than which it is illegal), and we certainly don't agree w/ all laws of other countries such as legal waling licenses or age of consent for 13 year old girls in Japan or that plastic toy guns and kitchen knives are illegal while widespread government surveillance is legal in the UK for example. There also aren't that many places where cats are both common pets AND are kept indoors, to where claw damage is a real concern. My grandma had a lot of cats in Germany, but would never have thought of keeping them inside or have litterboxes available. And even the slow witted know its a bad idea to declaw an outdoor cat if they invest much thought. The information about it being illegal in many countries I have found is also often not factual, and almost everyone cites Christianne Schelling from declawing.org as the source for verification. Its stated that declawing is illegal in Japan for example, but while it may be in a particular city, I know this is not the case as a friend has two declawed cats in the Tokyo region and he told me he knows of at least one other. I believe its fairly common in the US, Canada, South Korea, Japan, and China, but its really not something that should be decided based on a popularity contest IMO.

As a Canadian I am hoping we'll catch up with Europe on the no declawing laws. As for South Korea, Japan and China, well cats and dogs are food in those countries so I personally wouldn't compare their countries to the Western World in this regard. They have a whole different mindset when it comes to animals and pets than we do.

One can quote all sorts of statistics and "factual" information, but that doesn't make declawing any nicer. Declawing is cruel and unusual punishment for a beloved pet.

 

[ducman69]

Just a FYI before any incensed Japanese members post, but Japanese culture is outraged by the idea of cats as food, and are overall very loving towards felines. Have to remember that Chinese and Japanese culture are no more similar than Italian and British.

In China there's a big shift, as keeping pets is just now becoming popular since the Communist government used to frown upon the idea as wasteful. But it is true there are some in poorer regions of South China (never North), but S.Korea luckily I don't think you can find anywhere that still serves cat its really just perpetuated as a joke these days at Korean's expense.