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- May 6, 2024
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So this might be a long one but to summarise it at the start - we decided to give our senior some days in the lounge only (it's a big lounge!) and let the kittens/now juniors have the rest of the house (not that big!) in order to help him out with boundaries resetting and to give us time to think about what to do. Wondering if having him in that one room (sometimes on his own if hubby is at work, otherwise he's got hubby with him) for a few more days so he recalibrates from whatever he's experiencing.
Now for details / background info:
We got Milo, 12yrs old in October from my mum-in-law as she was going to have to move due to rent increase (we had just gone through that as well and God gave us a great flat with a great landlady that allows pets) and she knew what to do with the dogs, but unsure of what to do with the cat (that was his name too, "the cat"). It took him 2 weeks to get out of hiding in "basecamp" and rule the house.
In November, we got Cosmo and Malachi (9 weeks old at the time). We did the introductions as best we could - I studied everything I could (but hubby wasn't totally getting it so we had a few arguments, but all good now...) - the kittens had each other to play and would give Milo a wide berth, eventually he would start grooming and playing with them.
We thought it was all good, and we'd leave them all in the whole flat when we went out.
Around January, mum-in-law moved in with us with the there doggies (that Milo was familiar with already, he got on well with them. at her house, he had all the windows open on a ground floor flat 24/7, didn't even have a cat litter and did his business outside, didn't go very far; he'd sleep in the dogs' bed with them and now will go lie on her bed and sleep for a little while - but we can't leave her door open as the kittens will go in (which after proper intros they can do an coexist very well) and her window might be wide open, they can go in if the window is on the safety latch...
Milo seemed OK with that - Malachi struggled a bit more with the change but adjusted after a few days of hiding under my chair and started being curious about the doggies; Cosmo just wanted to see what was in that room! (btw that is where they had their base camp before she moved in, but we closed them out of it before she moved in so they wouldn't associate it with themselves - they love my bedroom/office which is the sanctuary for them and me! so all is well)
By mid-january they were 4.5 months old and their testosterone kicked in...all hell broke lose then!
to make matters worse, we had our neighbour across the road's female kitten(s) in heat in our next door neighbour's garden so all the toms and neighbourhood cats (there are many cats, more cats than people in our street!) were meandering in Milo's territory.
He started being aggressive to the kittens and redirecting aggression as well towards them - and sometimes us.
We have Feliway Friends in the three rooms they spend most of their time in (again, not a big flat) which seems to help but he was being really aggressive so we had to do reintroductions.
The vet said to leave them until Feb 14th (that was a month away still and they'd have been "hormonal" for 1.5 months at that point) for their neutering, to which we said OK, but then we thought better of it and asked them to move the date forward. They were neutered at 5 months on 1st Feb, phew!
So while they were wearing their cones of shame for a few days, and healing, we kept them separated and were already sort of keeping them separate.
Hubby has been sleeping with Milo in the lounge as he feels guilty for "segregating" him to the other room. I think Milo is enjoying the peace and quiet and the lounge is quite big, with a window open on a safety latch (he can usually go out but for the last day and a half he hasn't gone out and he seems fine with it - we played a bit and that distracted him and tired him out), he has 2 cat litters, 2 water bowls, lots of beds and places to hang out, so he's fine really...it's us projecting our feelings on him probably!
Oh! important - he wasn't eating his wet food and then we took him to the vet to discard any medical stuff that might be causing his behavioural problems as well - he is between stage 2 and 3 CKD so now on a special renal diet - although we do give him chicken, some treats, and kitten leftovers (which he oddly eats the lil' bub). So at least we found that out from our discarding possibilities venture.
He eats separately from the kittens and has food all day long, we're varying it so he doesn't get bored...he's eating Hills at the moment, but we have the Smilla brand ready if he gets bored, and also two more options - Royal Canin and Purina Bifensis - so hopefully we're past the bad patch and he'll eat better now.
The juniors are eating well and much better apart from Milo. We are improving our strategies and ways to give them their best life as we go along.
Now back to where I started:
I go by my intuition with these things (I am a counsellor and use that a lot, also worked a lot with non-verbal people and am very good at non-verbal language and sensing things which has proven well for my work and with my cats) - so I am trusting that I'm on the right track here, but having an idea of what we're doing and being not sure of what else we can do.
My rationale for leaving him on his own in the lounge for now:
- to give him space to recalibrate and rest in a quiet space away from all other pets
- to give me a chance to calm down, regroup, as it is stressing me out that he's not eating and that he's meowing and being very demanding
we can't be opening the front door for him to go out or sit there all the time - we have to sit with him if that's the case and sometimes we are cooking, resting, working, or the juniors want time there too (they will be indoor only, so we have a "catio"/pet curtain zipped up for them to look outside, they love it! - they also enjoy the occasional harness and lead walk around the garden).
We can also not be watching him all the time in case he pins the juniors down (although as they are now 8 months old and weigh the same and not little at all, they can wrestle him out of the pin-down) or hisses and chases them for no reason (most of the time he does it when they're sitting down or resting on the floor - he is a bully! we think it might sometimes be redirected aggression if the neighbour cats come into his turf and he can't get to them).
this is the big one and part of my post here for feedback/suggestions:
- if this time in the lounge helps him "forget" what he was doing before, and allows us time to think what to do (redirect, ignore, put back in the lounge or in a room the juniors are not in) when we start letting him come out again, and we stop giving him everything he asks and redirect him if he gets aggressive, etc...
any feedback/suggestions will be helpful!
Now for details / background info:
We got Milo, 12yrs old in October from my mum-in-law as she was going to have to move due to rent increase (we had just gone through that as well and God gave us a great flat with a great landlady that allows pets) and she knew what to do with the dogs, but unsure of what to do with the cat (that was his name too, "the cat"). It took him 2 weeks to get out of hiding in "basecamp" and rule the house.
In November, we got Cosmo and Malachi (9 weeks old at the time). We did the introductions as best we could - I studied everything I could (but hubby wasn't totally getting it so we had a few arguments, but all good now...) - the kittens had each other to play and would give Milo a wide berth, eventually he would start grooming and playing with them.
We thought it was all good, and we'd leave them all in the whole flat when we went out.
Around January, mum-in-law moved in with us with the there doggies (that Milo was familiar with already, he got on well with them. at her house, he had all the windows open on a ground floor flat 24/7, didn't even have a cat litter and did his business outside, didn't go very far; he'd sleep in the dogs' bed with them and now will go lie on her bed and sleep for a little while - but we can't leave her door open as the kittens will go in (which after proper intros they can do an coexist very well) and her window might be wide open, they can go in if the window is on the safety latch...
Milo seemed OK with that - Malachi struggled a bit more with the change but adjusted after a few days of hiding under my chair and started being curious about the doggies; Cosmo just wanted to see what was in that room! (btw that is where they had their base camp before she moved in, but we closed them out of it before she moved in so they wouldn't associate it with themselves - they love my bedroom/office which is the sanctuary for them and me! so all is well)
By mid-january they were 4.5 months old and their testosterone kicked in...all hell broke lose then!
to make matters worse, we had our neighbour across the road's female kitten(s) in heat in our next door neighbour's garden so all the toms and neighbourhood cats (there are many cats, more cats than people in our street!) were meandering in Milo's territory.
He started being aggressive to the kittens and redirecting aggression as well towards them - and sometimes us.
We have Feliway Friends in the three rooms they spend most of their time in (again, not a big flat) which seems to help but he was being really aggressive so we had to do reintroductions.
The vet said to leave them until Feb 14th (that was a month away still and they'd have been "hormonal" for 1.5 months at that point) for their neutering, to which we said OK, but then we thought better of it and asked them to move the date forward. They were neutered at 5 months on 1st Feb, phew!
So while they were wearing their cones of shame for a few days, and healing, we kept them separated and were already sort of keeping them separate.
Hubby has been sleeping with Milo in the lounge as he feels guilty for "segregating" him to the other room. I think Milo is enjoying the peace and quiet and the lounge is quite big, with a window open on a safety latch (he can usually go out but for the last day and a half he hasn't gone out and he seems fine with it - we played a bit and that distracted him and tired him out), he has 2 cat litters, 2 water bowls, lots of beds and places to hang out, so he's fine really...it's us projecting our feelings on him probably!
Oh! important - he wasn't eating his wet food and then we took him to the vet to discard any medical stuff that might be causing his behavioural problems as well - he is between stage 2 and 3 CKD so now on a special renal diet - although we do give him chicken, some treats, and kitten leftovers (which he oddly eats the lil' bub). So at least we found that out from our discarding possibilities venture.
He eats separately from the kittens and has food all day long, we're varying it so he doesn't get bored...he's eating Hills at the moment, but we have the Smilla brand ready if he gets bored, and also two more options - Royal Canin and Purina Bifensis - so hopefully we're past the bad patch and he'll eat better now.
The juniors are eating well and much better apart from Milo. We are improving our strategies and ways to give them their best life as we go along.
Now back to where I started:
I go by my intuition with these things (I am a counsellor and use that a lot, also worked a lot with non-verbal people and am very good at non-verbal language and sensing things which has proven well for my work and with my cats) - so I am trusting that I'm on the right track here, but having an idea of what we're doing and being not sure of what else we can do.
My rationale for leaving him on his own in the lounge for now:
- to give him space to recalibrate and rest in a quiet space away from all other pets
- to give me a chance to calm down, regroup, as it is stressing me out that he's not eating and that he's meowing and being very demanding
we can't be opening the front door for him to go out or sit there all the time - we have to sit with him if that's the case and sometimes we are cooking, resting, working, or the juniors want time there too (they will be indoor only, so we have a "catio"/pet curtain zipped up for them to look outside, they love it! - they also enjoy the occasional harness and lead walk around the garden).
We can also not be watching him all the time in case he pins the juniors down (although as they are now 8 months old and weigh the same and not little at all, they can wrestle him out of the pin-down) or hisses and chases them for no reason (most of the time he does it when they're sitting down or resting on the floor - he is a bully! we think it might sometimes be redirected aggression if the neighbour cats come into his turf and he can't get to them).
this is the big one and part of my post here for feedback/suggestions:
- if this time in the lounge helps him "forget" what he was doing before, and allows us time to think what to do (redirect, ignore, put back in the lounge or in a room the juniors are not in) when we start letting him come out again, and we stop giving him everything he asks and redirect him if he gets aggressive, etc...
any feedback/suggestions will be helpful!
