Worrisome behavior but should I worry?

[Jemima Lucca]

I’ve been on TCS for some time now so you’re probably aware of my kittens Jemima and Lucca. I’m kind of worried about the way my male kittens behavior with Jemima. He’s always been very active and rough with Jemima, but he did something that I didn’t like. He doesn’t seem to recognize how rough he is or Jemima’s signs she’s had enough. Last night she was sleeping and he walked up to her and started biting her. He held her down and had her by the front of her neck and wouldn’t let go. Lately she seems somewhat “quiet” because when she starts to play, Lucca jumps on her. Two questions: when do male kittens calm down and is this worrisome behavior towards Jemima?

 

[ArtNJ]

Was Jemima squealing a lot or screaming? How old are they, are they the same size, and have they been spayed/neutered yet? Does she avoid him outside of play? (Assuming never seen any actual injuries, but if I'm wrong, note that as well.)

 

[Jemima Lucca]

They’re both fixed. Lucca was 8 weeks because he was at the humane society and they neuter young. Jemima was 13 weeks old. Lucca is huge all the way around even though he’s 3 mths younger. He’s 10.6 lbs and Jemima is holding at 7. She is slight and petite. They’re both silent when they’re wrestling. She does try to avoid him lately and can’t seem to play without him taking over whatever she’s playing with. He was 2 mths old when we got him. Jemima was 5 mths when we got him.

 

[ArtNJ]

Oh ok, so these are actually young adult cats now, or at least the bigger/older one is, but a big size difference persists. Its totally normal for the smaller cat to like play less, to seek to disengage, and even to squeal a little bit when pinned. Its totally normal for a, something like a 1 year old?? to be incredibly active and rough in play, and for that to make the smaller kitty uncomfortable.

If there are no wounds and the smaller kitty is not avoiding the bigger cat at all times, hiding and generally acting very stressed, then this is a fairly routine thing. No squealing is also a good indication that this isn't crossing lines -- indeed, you get squealing quite often when the behavior is not especially problematic. I analogize it to an 8 year old and 5 year old pair of human brothers. The 8 year old is a jerk sometimes, and busts out head noogies, purple nurples, wet willies and atomic wedgies. The little brother calls for mom and runs. But he isn't typically afraid of big bro outside these incidents -- indeed, he wants big brother to play with him. He gets a net benefit out of the relationship. The main difference with cats is that its even harder for the human mom to modify the behavior. Really all you can & should do is give the smaller cat some alone love now and then with the door closed, and distract the bigger cat with play if the younger cat seems exceptionally uncomfortable. I don't believe you can teach a cat this age to play more gently.

Bottom line: this is a normal thing and not something to worry about unless it is causing the smaller kitty substantial stress even outside the overly rough play sessions.

 

[susanm9006]

I wouldn’t worry. Even though she may be smaller any cat with claws and teeth if really feeling threatened or even seriously annoyed by a housemate cat can put on a defense that would have the other cat backing off. It doesn’t get to that because his behavior isn’t that bad to her. So I would just let them be.

 

[Jemima Lucca]

See, that’s the thing, (it’s the other way around; the female is 9mths and the male is 6mths. I’m wondering if the male will calm down. And Jemima (female) is stressed because when I put him in the bedroom, she’s much more relaxed. She will actually play.

 

[ArtNJ]

So I think what you are saying is that she won't catch up to him in size. I assume you are concerned this could last quite a while -- and it could. However, this is still within the realm of normal cat relationships. They will get over it, eventually, as the boy ages. In the meantime, keep doing what you are doing -- a little closed door love now and then, and distracting the boy when it seems especially uncomfortable for the smaller one.

 

[susanm9006]

Yes, the male will calm down some as he ages and your female will adjust to his personality and play habits or whack him enough so that he becomes more respectful.

 

[FeebysOwner]

If you are really concerned that his behavior is negatively affecting her - and, that she isn't going to defend herself - then, you might consider putting him in a timeout. Pick him up when he attacks her and she doesn't defend herself, say 'No' or hiss at him (pick one for consistency), and then place him in another room for a couple of minutes. When you let him out, go on about your business and act like nothing happened.

 

[Jemima Lucca]

If you are really concerned that his behavior is negatively affecting her - and, that she isn't going to defend herself - then, you might consider putting him in a timeout. Pick him up when he attacks her and she doesn't defend herself, say 'No' or hiss at him (pick one for consistency), and then place him in another room for a couple of minutes. When you let him out, go on about your business and act like nothing happened.

Yeah that’s a good idea. I do put him temporarily in the bedroom but never thought about the hissing idea. I’ll definitely try this for a few days and see what happens...

 

[Jemima Lucca]

So I guess I’ll also have to watch and wait for him to get out of his teenage stage