Worried My 3 Month Old Male Is Being Dominant/too Rough With Younger Kitten

kimmehjean

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Hi! Though I am an experienced cat owner, I am new to this site but have decided to join because I have already found so much useful information on this site. I know similar topics to this have been posted numerous times but I really wanted to ask about this issue when it comes to my cats because I want to be sure I handle the situation correctly. Thanks for your help and for understanding why I am posting yet another question about this topic.

I have owned cats my whole life but always had sibling kittens together or at least a multi-cat household until recently. In April, we adopted our male cat (about 3.5 months now, 8 weeks when we adopted him)- his name is Jalapeno. We already knew he was very young to come into our house but he was weaned and using the litter fine. His health was mostly okay except for some worms/parasites which we took care of immediately and now he's perfectly healthy. However, we were concerned about him not having a playmate/companion as he is a VERY energetic cat and playful to the extreme. The original plan was to adopt him with a sibling but we were unable to do so since someone else adopted him before we had a chance. Hence, he came to our house alone and has been the "only child" for 2 months as we searched for the right companion for him. He has problems with play aggression despite having a large area to run around and my fiancé and I trying every technique possible ("time out", ignoring him, playing with him hours every day, you name it!) and we have the scars to prove it (he doesn't rip us to shreds but we sometimes get thin scratches when his nails are too long or he gets too riled up...he also bites! not hard enough to puncture but it does hurt). We were hoping to find him another young cat around his age that had the right personality to "handle" him and enjoy his crazy play behavior.

Recently, we brought home a 2.5 month old female we have been calling "New Kitty" as we have not named her yet. She was recommended as a good fit for our insane Jalapeno kitty as she is very playful (they called her the bully of the litter) but tolerant and affectionate.

This is why I am posting- I am concerned about her wellbeing as Jalapeno has been playing very rough with her. Their initial introduction (about 3 days ago) went well and we are in the stage of having them spend some supervised time together about 2 times a day. However, now that Jalapeno has decided she is not a threat (which did not take long as he is a very confident cat), he has decided she is his plaything. I also think he is asserting his dominance as he sometimes nips the back of her neck. She is very tolerant overall but has been making distressed sounds like growling, hissing and yelping when he gets too rough. He doesn't seem to understand. As a kitten with "single kitten syndrome", obviously he doesn't know boundaries and she hisses/helps/growls and he is having trouble understanding that he needs to back off. She doesn't really avoid him, she initiates play sometimes, but I have been around cats my whole life and can tell she is overwhelmed at times with him and for good reason. He is VERY VERY rough with his playing and dominance moves. I know he's playing by his posture and chirps though. He makes no hissing noises or aggressive gestures at all.

My question is...will this improve? Can I do something different so that he is not acting out this way towards her? I do not want her to be anxious/fearful in her own home. He is literally getting fixed in like a week or so. Will this help?

THANK YOU if you read all this- sorry it's so long. I really appreciate advice/help as I have never had a cat with play aggression before.
 

pearl99

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I'm not an expert and there are many more with more knowledge than me who will respond- but a couple of thoughts: don't let Jalapeno (love the name) play agressively with you at all.
There's an article How To Stop Playtime Aggression In Cats - he may not have been taught limits growing up by mom/littermates?? He can learn more from you about boundaries.
If New Kitty doesn't avoid him or have wounds then sounds like she is okay. But you could distract Jalapeno with toys etc. in a rough session, hopefully he will take the bait of a toy to interrupt some roughness.
And I love this forum too. I've learned soooo much by reading and reading.
 
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kimmehjean

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I'm not an expert and there are many more with more knowledge than me who will respond- but a couple of thoughts: don't let Jalapeno (love the name) play agressively with you at all.
There's an article How To Stop Playtime Aggression In Cats - he may not have been taught limits growing up by mom/littermates?? He can learn more from you about boundaries.
If New Kitty doesn't avoid him or have wounds then sounds like she is okay. But you could distract Jalapeno with toys etc. in a rough session, hopefully he will take the bait of a toy to interrupt some roughness.
And I love this forum too. I've learned soooo much by reading and reading.
Hi! Thanks so much for answering! And thank you- he is a spicy kitty so it fits! lol We actually already tried all the techniques in the article. The only one that sometimes works is a "time out" for him to calm down for a second or throwing a toy and he'll maybe run after it (though 30 seconds later after we do either of these, he is chomping us again). Once he is in that aggressive "play to kill mode" as we call it in my household, it's like he snaps. We joke he is evil/possessed. He truly is an uncontrollable cat and I've never met one like him before. He is very very VERY high energy and always has been despite us giving him a lot of attention and playtime. I feel like it might be a combo of personality and not having experience with other cats as much (like you explained).
 
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kimmehjean

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t avoid him or have wounds then sounds like she is okay. But you could distract Jalapeno with toys etc. in a rough session, hopefully he will take the bait of a toy to interrupt some roughness.
And I love this forum too. I've learned soooo much by reading and reading.
Also, I'm relieved you say this. He is not drawing blood. She seems a bit freaked out and annoyed but not hurt physically.

He ignores all other toys when she is around. She is his ultimate toy in his opinion- poor thing!
 

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If she is not hiding and goes back for more play they are doing fine. Right now they are learning each others boundaries and it's common for kittens to hiss and growl during play. If she is getting enough rest and food interfering could confuse them. More than likely she will stop playing if he over steps but if she seems stressed give them some time apart so she can rest.
 
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kimmehjean

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If she is not hiding and goes back for more play they are doing fine. Right now they are learning each others boundaries and it's common for kittens to hiss and growl during play. If she is getting enough rest and food interfering could confuse them. More than likely she will stop playing if he over steps but if she seems stressed give them some time apart so she can rest.
Thank you for your reassurance and input! Sometimes, she is not really able to eat or rest in peace with him around though I have seen them share a food bowl very harmoniously once or twice when Jalapeno is calm and hungry enough. We will make sure to continue to remove him at times for her to eat/rest for now while they learn each other's boundaries.

Do you think doing only supervised interaction is good for now? Or should we leave all areas open and let them be?
 
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kimmehjean

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If she is not hiding and goes back for more play they are doing fine. Right now they are learning each others boundaries and it's common for kittens to hiss and growl during play. If she is getting enough rest and food interfering could confuse them. More than likely she will stop playing if he over steps but if she seems stressed give them some time apart so she can rest.
Also, I should say that sometimes she does try to hide under things when she's had enough. Usually, we can tell when this happens because she growls and ignores his attempts to play. He doesn't relent though and will squeeze his bigger body into any space to try to get to her. He is determined! Once or twice, he did respect her space for a few moments and law down a few feet away from her.

Other times, she will "hide" and then she likes to run out and bounce/pounce at him. This usually is quiet (no growling or hissing) until he pins her and gets too rough. She will then yelp and run away and he gives chase.
 

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Other times, she will "hide" and then she likes to run out and bounce/pounce at him. This usually is quiet (no growling or hissing) until he pins her and gets too rough. She will then yelp and run away and he gives chase.
My two do this sometimes with the same result (and sometimes Waffles is gentle) and I think it's a good sign that New Kitty is wanting to initiate play with him so she's not totally terrified by Mr. Spicy Jalapeno.
 
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kimmehjean

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It's probably better to leave them free otherwise everytime you let them together Jalepeno will see her as a "new" toy and be more excited.
Good point! That makes a lot of sense!
 
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kimmehjean

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My two do this sometimes with the same result (and sometimes Waffles is gentle) and I think it's a good sign that New Kitty is wanting to initiate play with him so she's not totally terrified by Mr. Spicy Jalapeno.
lol! I love your title for him...it's purrfect! Maybe we should make that his official name!

I love "Waffles" too! That's adorable. It helps to know that other cat owners have seen similar behavior.
 

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Two young kittens can be extraordinarily rough and may sound like one or the other is being killed. Scary for us but great fun for them. And the growl or hiss from one or the other is the way they establish boundaries with one another and build their relationship. So don’t interfere unless you need to give your ears a rest and then distract them with play.
 

pearl99

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lol! I love your title for him...it's purrfect! Maybe we should make that his official name!

I love "Waffles" too! That's adorable. It helps to know that other cat owners have seen similar behavior.
I seem to like food names, my other cat is Mooshoo- the smaller black and white one in my avatar. I worked with a lady who we nicknamed "Spicy Jalapeno" so it seemed appropriate :D
 
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kimmehjean

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Two young kittens can be extraordinarily rough and may sound like one or the other is being killed. Scary for us but great fun for them. And the growl or hiss from one or the other is the way they establish boundaries with one another and build their relationship. So don’t interfere unless you need to give your ears a rest and then distract them with play.
thank you for the advice!
 
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kimmehjean

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I seem to like food names, my other cat is Mooshoo- the smaller black and white one in my avatar. I worked with a lady who we nicknamed "Spicy Jalapeno" so it seemed appropriate :D
lol love that name!
 
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kimmehjean

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Hey! Just wanted to leave an update in case anyone is interested! a few weeks later and the kitties are friends now! We call "New Kitty" Churro now ;P

Jalapeno still annoys Churro a lot but she puts him in his place when needed (it's actually adorable because she growls at him and gets really mouthy lol) and if they ever get really aggressive, we just throw a toy near them and they start playing again. They cuddle together and groom each other now too!!!! <3 <3

Jalapeno has become a calmer cat overall but hasn't lost his craziness fully. He is more enjoyable though now because his play aggression is almost all the way gone. Having a playmate is really helping him with it. He still eats trash and jumps in the shower while you're in it trying to bathe lol so he's a little monster but he's a lot more affectionate and he adores Churro. Churro is very sweet and tolerates his annoying nature. She actually enjoys his company a lot and basically follows him around like a little sister constantly wanting to be near him and lay near him.

Thanks for everyone's help! I'm looking forward to the community this site has to offer. It's already been so helpful.
Churro and Jalapeno.jpg
Churro and Jalapeno.jpg
Churro and Jalapeno.jpg
Jalapeno and Churro 2.jpg
 
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kimmehjean

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Sorry! I don't know how I attached the same image 3 times. Apologies!
 
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