Wondering If We Made The Wrong Choice

[Lisa baechle]

It wasn't like that with AJ it was my fault. He ate the string in January and what ever happened 4 months later I am sure had everything to do with that string. That is why I am having such a hard time. I was careless, and because I was careless he got sick and had to die. It was all my fault.

 

[kittens mom]

It wasn't like that with AJ it was my fault. He ate the string in January and what ever happened 4 months later I am sure had everything to do with that string. That is why I am having such a hard time. I was careless, and because I was careless he got sick and had to die. It was all my fault.

And I took Kitten to a quack veterinarian and 4 months later she was euthanized because she was in liver failure. Do you believe either of us intentionally tried to hurt our cats ? Did you feed your cat the string on purpose, did I look online and find the worst vet in the state to take my cat to ? Of course not. Not in a million years. You have to start forgiving yourself for being human and sometimes for circumstances that are beyond our control.

 

[Lisa baechle]

And I took Kitten to a quack veterinarian and 4 months later she was euthanized because she was in liver failure. Do you believe either of us intentionally tried to hurt our cats ? Did you feed your cat the string on purpose, did I look online and find the worst vet in the state to take my cat to ? Of course not. Not in a million years. You have to start forgiving yourself for being human and sometimes for circumstances that are beyond our control.

 

[Lisa baechle]

Oh, Kittens mom, what would I do without all of you right now. I am not good with death. I have experienced very little of it in my lifetime and my coping skills are not so good. I took a cat to a quack vet as well, as a matter of fact, it will be a year ago next month that my 10 year old Aries died of chronic kidney failure. They told me he was doing great for an older cat and we tested him for hyperthyroidism. I gave Aries sub q's at home twice a day, blockers, potassium and fed him special low protein cat food. It only bought him a few more months and he ended up dying in the car, in my arms, on the way to the vet. But, he was 10 he lived a long good life, and I knew I had done everything I could for him, but AJ was a baby. Maybe that is why this is so tough. Everyday I seem to come up with a solution that seems reasonable. I just don't know how to get passed this. It has literally destroyed my life. I never have really had to feel regret. Not at this level and it is brutal and savage. I am debating on getting another kitten. There is an energy in this apartment that is missing. What do you think about that idea? Not necessarily for me, but for Ezmirelda. She still is not feeling much better and I worry for her. She is not happy either.
I would like to see a picture of Kitten. Would you post one please? I know your avatar is probably Kitten but do you have more that you can share?

 

[kittens mom]

Oh, Kittens mom, what would I do without all if you right now. I am not good with death. I have experienced very little of it in my lifetime and my coping skills are not so good. I took a cat to a quack vet as well, as a matter of fact, it will be a year ago next month that my 10 year old Aries died of chronic kidney failure. They told me he was doing great for an older cat and we tested him for hyperthyroidism. Maybe that is why this is so tough. Everyday I seem to come up with a solution that seems reasonable. I just don't know how to get passed this. It has literally destroyed my life. I never have really had to feel regret. Not at this level and it is brutal and savage. I am debating on getting another kitten. There is an energy in this apartment that is missing. What do you think about that idea? Not necessarily for me, but for Ezmirelda. She still is not feeling much better and I worry for her. She is not happy either.

I realized quickly that despite decades of having trusted veterinarians ONE QUACK had made me distrustful of everyone in the profession. I found a wonderful veterinarian who is a REAL cat specialist , who takes 50 hours of CE , is progressive in treatments, had excellent communications skills and maybe most important I seen her eyes tear up when we told her what happened to Kitten.
Yes the empty palatable feeling left when one is gone. Our home felt like a cavern almost unbearable to come home. And in came Mercy. AKA Fluffy. An adoption failure at the city shelter who was most likely destined to end up getting a shot, left alone to die and tossed in a garbage bag.
Over and over just on this site you will see that one of the most healing gestures you can make for yourself is bring another cat into your life. Not to replace but to honor the memory of the one that is gone. Only you can decide if you want another cat. I thought never but Mercy came home 3 days after Kittens witnessed cremation. We needed each other and Mook our other cat was a mess. and then Tera and Frog and Toad happened and you can't figure out how life works and why it's not fair but they needed us too. I'm going to be dysfunctional over what happened to Kitten the rest of my life but I have to see it for what it was and the hardest thing to do was accept it WAS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE VETERINARIAN WAS INCOMPETENT AND THERE WAS NOTHING ANYWHERE TO TELL ME THAT.

 

[Lisa baechle]

I realized quickly that despite decades of having trusted veterinarians ONE QUACK had made me distrustful of everyone in the profession. I found a wonderful veterinarian who is a REAL cat specialist , who takes 50 hours of CE , is progressive in treatments, had excellent communications skills and maybe most important I seen her eyes tear up when we told her what happened to Kitten.
Yes the empty palatable feeling left when one is gone. Our home felt like a cavern almost unbearable to come home. And in came Mercy. AKA Fluffy. An adoption failure at the city shelter who was most likely destined to end up getting a shot, left alone to die and tossed in a garbage bag.
Over and over just on this site you will see that one of the most healing gestures you can make for yourself is bring another cat into your life. Not to replace but to honor the memory of the one that is gone. Only you can decide if you want another cat. I thought never but Mercy came home 3 days after Kittens witnessed cremation. We needed each other and Mook our other cat was a mess. and then Tera and Frog and Toad happened and you can't figure out how life works and why it's not fair but they needed us too. I'm going to be dysfunctional over what happened to Kitten the rest of my life but I have to see it for what it was and the hardest thing to do was accept it WAS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE VETERINARIAN WAS INCOMPETENT AND THERE WAS NOTHING ANYWHERE TO TELL ME THAT.

Hello,
I wrote this email to his veterinarian last night. I hope they feel my hurt...
You know the friend who was with me when AJ was put to sleep was in in Friday and not a single word of concern for me or for AJ's passing. Not a "hey how is your friend doing" or Dr. B did AJs surgery he knows Chris, why didn't he say "wow it's really unfortunate what happened to AJ is your friend ok?" Not a single word almost as if it doesn't matter or "oh another pet gone, on to the next one". It's crazy to me. No card, no ashes no nothing. I don't understand how this can be handled with level of insensitivity. I don't know what kind of customers your used to having, but where I come from our pets are family and I am not taking this lightly at all. As a matter of fact; putting AJ to sleep was the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life and it has destroyed my life. I don't sleep, I dream about him. I cry nonstop. I am full of such regret and guilt that I say things that scare my family because they wonder if I am going to be ok. Because I am not ok, not even a little bit. I am angry that more solutions weren't offered and that every solution that was offered was totally either unreasonable or out of reach.
I ask myself why the veterinarian that saved his life once would not be eager or want to save it again or see if what was going on; Exploratory surgery immediately to save a kittens life. No ultra sound was required the first time. He should have been given pain killers, antibiotics, fluids and an I will see you at 7am let's hope for the best! Hang in there. Not "oh, you have to find someone to do the ultrasound and after care bla bla bla." I was allowed to do the aftercare the first time and I did just fine with him. Why was everything made so to feel so impossible. Why!
Nobody seems to remember AJ or cares. It's just like ok...he's gone I did my job pay the bill. It's not the feeling I got at all from the first time AJ was seen and it just stinks. It really stinks that I have to live with this horrible horrible feeling that I made the wrong decision and that no one wanted to make it possible for AJ to live. No one wanted to help save his life, not even my friend who sat beside me and watched me make the worst decision of my life. He came from a shelter. He was already thrown to the wolves once! Why again? Why could this little baby not catch a break?
I think it's important for you to hear this because I think you should look out for the owners of these pets just a little more. Things can't be so black and white. People lives are really affected by this. My life wasn't perfect before this happened, but now it is FAR from perfect. Very far, almost irreparable even. I am devastated, completely devestated.

Regretfully and Respectfully,
Lisa Baechle
Sent from my iPhone

 

[kittens mom]

Hello,
I wrote this email to his veterinarian last night. I hope they feel my hurt...
You know the friend who was with me when AJ was put to sleep was in in Friday and not a single word of concern for me or for AJ's passing. Not a "hey how is your friend doing" or Dr. B did AJs surgery he knows Chris, why didn't he say "wow it's really unfortunate what happened to AJ is your friend ok?" Not a single word almost as if it doesn't matter or "oh another pet gone, on to the next one". It's crazy to me. No card, no ashes no nothing. I don't understand how this can be handled with level of insensitivity. I don't know what kind of customers your used to having, but where I come from our pets are family and I am not taking this lightly at all. As a matter of fact; putting AJ to sleep was the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life and it has destroyed my life. I don't sleep, I dream about him. I cry nonstop. I am full of such regret and guilt that I say things that scare my family because they wonder if I am going to be ok. Because I am not ok, not even a little bit. I am angry that more solutions weren't offered and that every solution that was offered was totally either unreasonable or out of reach.
I ask myself why the veterinarian that saved his life once would not be eager or want to save it again or see if what was going on; Exploratory surgery immediately to save a kittens life. No ultra sound was required the first time. He should have been given pain killers, antibiotics, fluids and an I will see you at 7am let's hope for the best! Hang in there. Not "oh, you have to find someone to do the ultrasound and after care bla bla bla." I was allowed to do the aftercare the first time and I did just fine with him. Why was everything made so to feel so impossible. Why!
Nobody seems to remember AJ or cares. It's just like ok...he's gone I did my job pay the bill. It's not the feeling I got at all from the first time AJ was seen and it just stinks. It really stinks that I have to live with this horrible horrible feeling that I made the wrong decision and that no one wanted to make it possible for AJ to live. No one wanted to help save his life, not even my friend who sat beside me and watched me make the worst decision of my life. He came from a shelter. He was already thrown to the wolves once! Why again? Why could this little baby not catch a break?
I think it's important for you to hear this because I think you should look out for the owners of these pets just a little more. Things can't be so black and white. People lives are really affected by this. My life wasn't perfect before this happened, but now it is FAR from perfect. Very far, almost irreparable even. I am devastated, completely devestated.

Regretfully and Respectfully,
Lisa Baechle
Sent from my iPhone

OMGosh. Everyone at the clinic knows my story they call us by first names when we walk in the door. I am glad you wrote to them even if you get no answer or a standard no committal we're so sorry. I got a card from Kitten's team signed with a personal note from everyone including the vet techs. They made me this little footprint treasure. The vet who gave Kitten the injection had tears running down her cheeks. You and AJ deserved so much more.
Your live is NOT irreparable or devastated forever but that grief will become a part of who you are and how you see the world. Let it guide you to be a more compassionate human being and not become bitter. Kitten has been gone for over a year and a half and I still cry some every single day for the life that was taken from her. Some things we will always carry with us. I put my life back together pieces at a time one step forward and sometimes 20 back. We took in our Little Mercy who has her own healing powers. Our Mook and then Tera and her babies. Not one of them can touch the crater Kitten's loss left but each one is loved with all our hearts.
I acknowledge and respect your grief. It is real , painful , tangible and it deserves respect.
Again this moderated chat would benefit you because one of the things you'll learn is that while your grief is unique and individual you are not alone with these feelings.
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement They led me out of the wilderness once.

 

[PawPawsLover]

Guys, im so sorry for all of your stories.. I didn't get to read all of the replies because I stopped halfway.. I couldn't continue to read because im totally typing this while crying. All ur stories make me imagine the day my cats will leave me... I know all meetings will always end with goodbyes at some point. I do know my cats will pass away one day too.. But thinking about it, I get so sad.. I have 3 currently, and they are my 1st cats. 1 is my sis who live together with me. the gray colour is mine, the last one cream is my hubbys. I love them lots! Especially the gray cause he really is SUPER affectionate with me. He will show me his belly and flomph on the ground when I bathe finish, greets me and send me off to work at the door. Mew to me whenever he see me. Will headbutt my hand.. And even rushing over to me when I call his name. And he looked at me with the most beautiful eyes I ever see..

The thing is... I just gotten another kitten, thinking is a good addition to the family. And getting them another little sister. She is SUPER cute! She knead on my whole body ahaha! Tummy especially! Always purring, energetic and will meowww when called/look at her. Whenever i come into the room she will meow too!

But... after getting the kitten, all of them hissed and growled at me, I do understand is a normal cat behavior since its like there is a little intruder in their territory. But the thing is... what made me get so upset and devastated was gray's behavior.. He actually shun me away. Doesn't want to do anything with me. Doesn't come when called, even giving him treats doesn't do the work... When he first saw the kitten, he looked at me with such sad sad devastated eyes. My hubby is constantly telling me that I am OVERTHINKING things. But I don't think I am overthinking things! Especially after what gray did to me last night. I wanted to pet him on his head. He loves that. So as I was touching his head, he glared at me and using his front paw, he placed it on my hand and pushed it away slowly while locking his eyes to mine. I immediately try to pat again but he did it again. With his behavior how can you say im over thinking things (he hating me thinking I betrayed him and doesn't want him :,( ]. And especially after reading your stories.. it made me feel I shouldn't have gotten the new kitten. I should only concentrate my love and time to my current 3 cats....

And especially after all these unhappy, ignore u and hating me behavior.. I started to feel hateful towards the new kitten, in a way, because of her, my relationship with my current cats are ruined.. And what I scared most is... How will gray and the others perceive me as? I don't ever want the way they behave with me change.. I want them to be as affectionate and nothing change... What should I do...? I did think of giving her away rather than keep her if Gray and the others will change the way they see me/think im betraying them/abandoning them/doesn't love them as much (Please don't tell me abt how to properly introduce them steps or such, I already know about it). I got so emotional on the night when we got her seeing how the current cats behave to me, I actually slept in the living room with them. I rather them not hate me than they ignore me.. So.. it really just comes down to how will they perceive me, will they change behaviors with me...? I really feel regretful and guilty to my current cats after getting the new kitty.... I even cried and said sorry to my gray.. Also cause I only have 2 bedrooms (1 for my sis, 1 for me and hubby). So currently the kitten stay in my room, whereas my current cats are always allowed to be in my room all the time.. so its like, they cant go in there since the kitten is there..

 

[kittens mom]

Guys, im so sorry for all of your stories.. I didn't get to read all of the replies because I stopped halfway.. I couldn't continue to read because im totally typing this while crying. All ur stories make me imagine the day my cats will leave me... I know all meetings will always end with goodbyes at some point. I do know my cats will pass away one day too.. But thinking about it, I get so sad.. I have 3 currently, and they are my 1st cats. 1 is my sis who live together with me. the gray colour is mine, the last one cream is my hubbys. I love them lots! Especially the gray cause he really is SUPER affectionate with me. He will show me his belly and flomph on the ground when I bathe finish, greets me and send me off to work at the door. Mew to me whenever he see me. Will headbutt my hand.. And even rushing over to me when I call his name. And he looked at me with the most beautiful eyes I ever see..

The thing is... I just gotten another kitten, thinking is a good addition to the family. And getting them another little sister. She is SUPER cute! She knead on my whole body ahaha! Tummy especially! Always purring, energetic and will meowww when called/look at her. Whenever i come into the room she will meow too!

But... after getting the kitten, all of them hissed and growled at me, I do understand is a normal cat behavior since its like there is a little intruder in their territory. But the thing is... what made me get so upset and devastated was gray's behavior.. He actually shun me away. Doesn't want to do anything with me. Doesn't come when called, even giving him treats doesn't do the work... When he first saw the kitten, he looked at me with such sad sad devastated eyes. My hubby is constantly telling me that I am OVERTHINKING things. But I don't think I am overthinking things! Especially after what gray did to me last night. I wanted to pet him on his head. He loves that. So as I was touching his head, he glared at me and using his front paw, he placed it on my hand and pushed it away slowly while locking his eyes to mine. I immediately try to pat again but he did it again. With his behavior how can you say im over thinking things (he hating me thinking I betrayed him and doesn't want him :,( ]. And especially after reading your stories.. it made me feel I shouldn't have gotten the new kitten. I should only concentrate my love and time to my current 3 cats....

And especially after all these unhappy, ignore u and hating me behavior.. I started to feel hateful towards the new kitten, in a way, because of her, my relationship with my current cats are ruined.. And what I scared most is... How will gray and the others perceive me as? I don't ever want the way they behave with me change.. I want them to be as affectionate and nothing change... What should I do...? I did think of giving her away rather than keep her if Gray and the others will change the way they see me/think im betraying them/abandoning them/doesn't love them as much (Please don't tell me abt how to properly introduce them steps or such, I already know about it). I got so emotional on the night when we got her seeing how the current cats behave to me, I actually slept in the living room with them. I rather them not hate me than they ignore me.. So.. it really just comes down to how will they perceive me, will they change behaviors with me...? I really feel regretful and guilty to my current cats after getting the new kitty.... I even cried and said sorry to my gray.. Also cause I only have 2 bedrooms (1 for my sis, 1 for me and hubby). So currently the kitten stay in my room, whereas my current cats are always allowed to be in my room all the time.. so its like, they cant go in there since the kitten is there..

My 8 month old Tabbinese Tigers slept in a big dog cage until a week ago to give my other 2 cats time to reestablish their territory. Kits are an invasive species and nave boundary issues. Generally speaking rotating areas and never feel shy about shutting the kit out so you can have YOUR time with the other cats. Mook tried to chew through the ceiling when we got Mercy and then she crawled under the blankets with me and snarled. All relationships with our pets change because change changes things. I can after many months see the positive effect the two kits have had on us and the other two cats. Because we took time their behaviors have integrated in a positive way for all the cats and us. I believe your feelings are normal and mostly from frustration. Don't feel bad find a time for your other cats without the kit.

 

[Lisa baechle]

I understand exactly how you feel. I know this sounds silly, but you could explain to your cats that this kitten needed a home just like they did. When I brought Ezmirelda into the house I did not realize that my 10 year old male cat was already dying of kidney failure. Ezmirelda loved to lick and groom Aries just like AJ, but she plays so rough and sometimes I think she was responsible for Aries early passing and I also blame her for my AJ. She would hang on to Aries back when he would get up to move and I think her rough play ultimately caused AJs repaired intestine to rupture. I almost remember exactly when he cried out. Anyways, when Aries died, I felt this tremendous guilt like I had pushed Aries out of the house and that is why he died so soon. She is the most affectionate cat I have ever known and I resisted her for three days until one morning I looked outside and she was curled up behind a flower pot on my front patio. I couldn't take it anymore, I let her in. My point is that when I let her in, my other cats were not happy about it. I explained to them that she needed a home too, and maybe it was in my head, but I tell my animals what's going on, and they somehow understand. Talk to your Gray and tell him why you did what you did and how your intentions were for good only. He will listen, believe me.

To Kittens mom... read this please...
9 Things Your Deceased Pet Wants You to Know - Sarah Petruno Shamanism

 

[Lisa baechle]

When Aries died I remember saying to a friend of mine I have to explain to Jynx and Ezmirelda what has happened. Even when a room mate of mine moved out, she said "I need to tell Aries and Jynx that I am leaving and why" When AJ died I had to tell Ezmirelda that AJ would not be back and please no more rough housing. She still looks for him and I am getting another kitten when I find the perfect Maine coon or Maine coon mix.
But today I purchased pet insurance for both my girls. I will never allow finances to even be allowed in the equation going forward ever again. I did not take care of this like I should have in January when AJ first got hurt, but I learned from that... It's a small price to pay. I have insurance and I insure my car. It only makes sense that they are covered in emergencies too. I feel better today because if it, but wish I had taken the time to do it months ago. Maybe things may have been different.

 

[oyster]

So sorry for your loss. No one other than a pet owner can understand the depth of your grief. I am currently fighting hard for my little one. His lungs are filled with fluid but nothing else is wrong. He is eating and drinking normally. And your posts made me bawl but we cannot ever give up hope for the next time and the next. Wish you the very best.

 

[kittens mom]

I understand exactly how you feel. I know this sounds silly, but you could explain to your cats that this kitten needed a home just like they did. When I brought Ezmirelda into the house I did not realize that my 10 year old male cat was already dying of kidney failure. Ezmirelda loved to lick and groom Aries just like AJ, but she plays so rough and sometimes I think she was responsible for Aries early passing and I also blame her for my AJ. She would hang on to Aries back when he would get up to move and I think her rough play ultimately caused AJs repaired intestine to rupture. I almost remember exactly when he cried out. Anyways, when Aries died, I felt this tremendous guilt like I had pushed Aries out of the house and that is why he died so soon. She is the most affectionate cat I have ever known and I resisted her for three days until one morning I looked outside and she was curled up behind a flower pot on my front patio. I couldn't take it anymore, I let her in. My point is that when I let her in, my other cats were not happy about it. I explained to them that she needed a home too, and maybe it was in my head, but I tell my animals what's going on, and they somehow understand. Talk to your Gray and tell him why you did what you did and how your intentions were for good only. He will listen, believe me.

To Kittens mom... read this please...
9 Things Your Deceased Pet Wants You to Know - Sarah Petruno Shamanism

As a rule I find these lists nonsense. Kitten was deprived of her life by a quack veterinarian. What happened to her was little different than an ax murderer breaking in and chopping her to pieces alive. No different than if your neighbor had spoon fed your cat rat poison in front of you. Because she didn't wear a hockey mask of the tanned leather of her other victims as a mask their is no real veterinary warning system for pet owners. What my Kitten would want me to do is make sure everyone in our community and surrounding area knows that she is a butcher.

 

[Lisa baechle]

Your right. Temporarily it made me feel a little better which is what is was supposed to do. It was supposed to bring some relief from the guilt, but the reality is someone was irresponsible with the life of your beloved pet. I do he that. I tried to be somewhat light hearted for a change since I am always talking about how depressed and sad I am. I am sorry if it was in bad taste. Please forgive me.

 

[kittens mom]

Your right. Temporarily it made me feel a little better which is what is was supposed to do. It was supposed to bring some relief from the guilt, but the reality is someone was irresponsible with the life of your beloved pet. I do he that. I tried to be somewhat light hearted for a change since I am always talking about how depressed and sad I am. I am sorry if it was in bad taste. Please forgive me.

It was not an attack on you. It's like everyone EXPECTED me to say the correct words and act the right way because what I felt made them squirm. The world has gotten weird and no one really wants to hear you call things for what they are, and Kitten was indeed murdered. Even more asinine are the bazillion of memes that talk about forgiveness. I don't , won't and never will forgive the vet who decided at some point to just sling hash instead of practice the art of healing. What I said in my post was nothing personal to you. It's me getting mad at the people who participated in Kittens murder and did so to protect their own hides.
Some misplaced thoughts from people that this must be my first loss. I'm 60 and my life has been filled with animals. Each death I cried for them but not this.
Quite simply we have a right to be mad, even hateful to the vets who took away our cats right to live. And that, this has become a path to healing. No more pretending.

 

[gemmamiso]

I was inconsolable when we brought home a new cat. I could not stop crying and thinking that I ruined everything. I was so stressed and my cats were so stressed and it was awful. I even felt anger at the new kitten, even though nothing was his fault. Flash forward to now, my cats couldn't be happier. They are siblings, at the end of the day.

I felt exactly one hundred percent how you did, and let me tell you, you are overthinking this. Everything will settle down with time, your cats will forgive you, they still love you- they just need time. You will have a lovely new kitten. If you need introduction advice or moral support, feel free to message me!

 

[Lisa baechle]

I was inconsolable when we brought home a new cat. I could not stop crying and thinking that I ruined everything. I was so stressed and my cats were so stressed and it was awful. I even felt anger at the new kitten, even though nothing was his fault. Flash forward to now, my cats couldn't be happier. They are siblings, at the end of the day.

I felt exactly one hundred percent how you did, and let me tell you, you are overthinking this. Everything will settle down with time, your cats will forgive you, they still love you- they just need time. You will have a lovely new kitten. If you need introduction advice or moral support, feel free to message me!

 

[Lisa baechle]

I do not forgive my vet for pushing me to let him go rather than to fight for his life. I don't know if you read the letter that I wrote to the clinic, but I hope everyone involved feels regret everyday. Every two weeks I have to call and make a $100 payment on a kitten that I no longer have and I weep uncontrollably still. Suddenly I am afraid of the dark and I truly feel there is a negative energy that took my AJ. I would do anything to have him back ANYTHING! I have never felt regret and guilt like this and I do not feel it letting up. I too feel AJ was murdered. Is it only in TV that vets will go into the office on holidays, clear their shedules and stay late? All she had to do was provide a little support. Say "look lisa I can't do the surgery today, but I have a colleague that I trust and although the bill will be roughly $6k there is a chance for AJ to live through the night, live through the surgery and recover. I got none of that and that is why I gave up. I tried to do what was best and that was to take away his pain. In hindsight I think he had such a will to live he would have endured more to be able to come home. That I feel in my heart and that is why I will never be able to get over this, Never. I understand how you felt about Kitten. I too have had many animals horses, dogs etc but I did not grieve for them the way I grieve for AJ. It is a heart wrenching pain that is unbearable. My tears are the biggest I have ever seen and I weep. I don't cry, I literally weep. I would do anything for another chance and to go back in time. Nothing, nothing in my whole life. I just want my bright eyed, soft and sweet AJ to be laying on the top of the couch every day when I get home from work. I want that more than anything then I have ever wanted in my entire life.

 

[kittens mom]

I do not forgive my vet for pushing me to let him go rather than to fight for his life. I don't know if you read the letter that I wrote to the clinic, but I hope everyone involved feels regret everyday. Every two weeks I have to call and make a $100 payment on a kitten that I no longer have and I weep uncontrollably still. Suddenly I am afraid of the dark and I truly feel there is a negative energy that took my AJ. I would do anything to have him back ANYTHING! I have never felt regret and guilt like this and I do not feel it letting up. I too feel AJ was murdered. Is it only in TV that vets will go into the office on holidays, clear their shedules and stay late? All she had to do was provide a little support. Say "look lisa I can't do the surgery today, but I have a colleague that I trust and although the bill will be roughly $6k there is a chance for AJ to live through the night, live through the surgery and recover. I got none of that and that is why I gave up. I tried to do what was best and that was to take away his pain. In hindsight I think he had such a will to live he would have endured more to be able to come home. That I feel in my heart and that is why I will never be able to get over this, Never. I understand how you felt about Kitten. I too have had many animals horses, dogs etc but I did not grieve for them the way I grieve for AJ. It is a heart wrenching pain that is unbearable. My tears are the biggest I have ever seen and I weep. I don't cry, I literally weep. I would do anything for another chance and to go back in time. Nothing, nothing in my whole life. I just want my bright eyed, soft and sweet AJ to be laying on the top of the couch every day when I get home from work. I want that more than anything then I have ever wanted in my entire life.

While there was no hope Kitten was going to recover I can say that I honestly know exactly how you feel. I once posted after losing Kitten that I had no idea humans could make the kind of sounds I do when I weep. We are not grieving. We are destroyed. You have to accept that no matter how unfair you cannot undo what is done. What if's don't count. You have to release yourself from the guilt and give it to those that deserve it and then live your life. I will never trust anyone again the way I did before Kitten. I am not a victim or a survivor. I am a formidable beast.
If you truly in your heart feel the vet forced your hand and did not present all the possible treatments based on their decision if you were able to pay you might have a legitimate complaint, maybe through your SVB. That's something only you can decide and you can't be guided by emotion but by the facts and the laws set forth in your state for veterinarians.
Understand that for veterinarians legally euthanasia is an acceptable form of treatment.

 

[lmdisalle]

I was inconsolable when we brought home a new cat. I could not stop crying and thinking that I ruined everything. I was so stressed and my cats were so stressed and it was awful. I even felt anger at the new kitten, even though nothing was his fault. Flash forward to now, my cats couldn't be happier. They are siblings, at the end of the day.

I felt exactly one hundred percent how you did, and let me tell you, you are overthinking this. Everything will settle down with time, your cats will forgive you, they still love you- they just need time. You will have a lovely new kitten. If you need introduction advice or moral support, feel free to message me!

I needed to hear this today!! Thank you!