Will the feral ever trust me again? Soul Crushed

Stefan316

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I have been working with a spay and neuter program a few years now. I live in a guest house. And the main house had a bad fire years ago. At this point its close to being Noah's Ark with the amount of animals living in it.

Over the past three year I have been dealing with litters two times a year. I have trapped and released 16 cats now. If I ever get them really young I will socialize them to be adopted. A lot of them come and go. I even have one that likes to come in and sleep inside. Only to leave for the day when I go to work.

There is one mom to all these cats. I would see her every few months. And she would always run on sight. I did trap her close to a year ago. At the time Covid had the spay and neuter program closed. I did find a vast that would do it but they refused because she was lactating. I do understand why they did not want to do it. While I see every day the cost of not breaking the cycle.

I started to see her more and more but would never come close to the trap again.

So I tried to catcher with kindness. Every few days I would get a little closer while she ate. Worked to keeping me had close to the dish. And over the months she would come to me. I even got to the point where I could pick her up. I could hold her off the ground and pet her a little always putting her down to keep the trust. To put the trap outside with the plan picking her up and putting her in it.

It was a disaster. It was closer to a violent abduction to anything else. I could not get her in the trap. I had to scuff her has she fight. Both my hands were streaming blood and her not scratching me in months. I was so close but I think my fear of hurting her made me let up and she got away.

I feel terrible because I feel like I was the first person to show her kindness and love. And I took that from her in a terrible way.

Do you think I will ever get her trust back?
 

moxiewild

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If she comes back, yes.

And she most likely will come back - but there is, of course, a small risk that she will not.

Since she has been there for so long already though, I am willing to bet you’ll see her again soon, but don’t be surprised if she disappears for a few days.

You’ll need to rebuild some trust, but it goes much faster the second time around.

Just be patient. There are other ways to retrap, or you could consider birth control while you work on trust.

Thank you for helping your community cats. Your compassion is quite palpable 🖤
 
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Stefan316

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If she comes back, yes.

And she most likely will come back - but there is, of course, a small risk that she will not.

Since she has been there for so long already though, I am willing to bet you’ll see her again soon, but don’t be surprised if she disappears for a few days.

You’ll need to rebuild some trust, but it goes much faster the second time around.

Just be patient. There are other ways to retrap, or you could consider birth control while you work on trust.

Thank you for helping your community cats. Your compassion is quite palpable 🖤
Moxie I am going to look into cat birth control. If she comes back and I can get her on that. I will not feel like I am up against the clock so much. Thanks
 

moxiewild

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Moxie I am going to look into cat birth control. If she comes back and I can get her on that. I will not feel like I am up against the clock so much. Thanks
Be sure to do your research. If you’re in the US and don’t already have a vet who will work with you on stuff like this, you might have to do some Internet sleuthing to find information about it, as it is not yet approved here for that purpose (it is in other countries, though).

PM me if you have any questions.
 

fionasmom

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I have been in this situation a few times. If the cat sees your property as a source of food, she will return. I have one TRNed feral outside who despises me, but has come faithfully for food for 2 years. She sits close to the back door, almost looking as if she wants in, but when I go out with the food she hisses and spits until I put it down and leave. The fact that you could pick this cat up is a good sign; I have never been able to touch the one I just described.

Cats who are feral but have learned to trust a little bit will often react hugely to being put in a carrier, or the attempt thereof. When you feel it is time to try to retrap her you will find a lot of advice here. If you can get birth control, that would be great.
 
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Stefan316

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I have been in this situation a few times. If the cat sees your property as a source of food, she will return. I have one TRNed feral outside who despises me, but has come faithfully for food for 2 years. She sits close to the back door, almost looking as if she wants in, but when I go out with the food she hisses and spits until I put it down and leave. The fact that you could pick this cat up is a good sign; I have never been able to touch the one I just described.

Cats who are feral but have learned to trust a little bit will often react hugely to being put in a carrier, or the attempt thereof. When you feel it is time to try to retrap her you will find a lot of advice here. If you can get birth control, that would be great.
I have a vet that have racked up a lot frequent flyer miles. They will give me stuff for eyes or worms without seeing the cats this point. I will talk to them about my options.

I have a popup eight foot puppy pen with a tip top on it. I use it for sick feral's. So I can keep them isolated from my other cats. I had such high hopes for this. I was going to keep her in the pen and give me every opportunity to stay and become part of the family.

One thing I hope to do this coming year is move and bring the whole colony with me.
 

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Never give up. I know how tough it is to have one get upset after you have worked so hard to gain trust. It takes time but she may be back more quickly than you imagine. She sees that as her territory. She may hide for awhile but don’t give up. My Yhrasher has been totally feral, abused and injured. When we trapped some of her kittens she took off with the others for three months. However, she was skulking nearby for part of that time. Not only did I get all the kittens but I got her too. She lives with me now and is a very happy lady. Watching as she plays now is heart warming. She is about six or seven years I guess. Never too old or too scared to find love. You obviously give lots of love to these cats. Thank you for saving so many. :goldstar::clap2::redheartpump: Please keep us updated.
 

moxiewild

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I have a vet that have racked up a lot frequent flyer miles. They will give me stuff for eyes or worms without seeing the cats this point. I will talk to them about my options.

I have a popup eight foot puppy pen with a tip top on it. I use it for sick feral's. So I can keep them isolated from my other cats. I had such high hopes for this. I was going to keep her in the pen and give me every opportunity to stay and become part of the family.

One thing I hope to do this coming year is move and bring the whole colony with me.
That’s certainly a vet that is more likely to work with you when it comes to birth control!

Like I said, do the research, and print out relevant information, and especially studies and articles written by vets or veterinary organizations (or forward them over email). It only helps if you show up prepared and well versed.

Here is a good site for general information -

Home

And here is an endorsement of the practice by Alley Cat Allies -

Non-surgical Contraception – A Potential Lifesaver During COVID-19

You can also find more general information if you type in a search on the forums here.

Please let us know when she comes back! Keeping a trail camera out by the food station can also be helpful to keep track of her!
 
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Stefan316

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Still no mama cat.
 

dahlia

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Hurray! You are forgiven! Now you just need to figure out how to get her fixed.
 
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Stefan316

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She lets you pet her? WOW have you tried covering the trap and let her go without food for a day?
I always use old sheets to cover the trap so they will not feel exposed going in. I live in a guest house where the main house had a fire two years ago. And it is still empty and has become a home for all kinds of animals.

It took me two years to catcher the first time. I think the only reason I did was because she was lactating. At the time the spay and neuter project ($25) was not open because of Covid. I found a vet that would take and I was ready to pay the $175 but they said no because she was lactating. And I understand that view but I also have been dealing with two litters a year for over two years. I just need to break the cycle.

It gets harder and harder to trap because of the four generations of cats that come and go. And a larger family of racoons and a few possums.

The plan was to catcher her with kindness this time. It took months of slowly building trust.

I am just not sure the next move.
 

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So glad I read to the end (well, to this point - which isn't the end!!!!)....bwcause I was very ready to see DON'T give up!!! It's VERY likely she will forgive. And as many said above -- it's often FAR faster after they've learned to trust you already (hunger & love and safety beats out crankiness and fear and worry almost EVERY time!)

S Stefan316 it sounds like you care so deeply- - -the world needs more people willing to not just care but to ACT - like you are. It seems that you're doing a lot right - and being willing to work so hard at it too. Trapping is rarely easy - but as you noted - TNR is about the only way to break the cycle. And it sounds like you're trying your hardest. (we're right there with you with the opossums and raccoons - - - they don't seem to get they're not invited to the trapping party!)

Since she does seem VERY trusting of you - - as much or more then most of us could ever hope for - - I think, if you can force yourself to do it, CatladyJan CatladyJan suggested about what I was going to suggest. Give her a few weeks of building trust back up, but then I'd start working on the trapping again soon thereafter. Maybe I missed it - what type of trap do you normally use - -- or at least what have you used with HER before? And if you CAN pet her as you noted above - can you actually scruff her and drop her into a carrier? I'd never recommend that for anyone with an adult feral -- but she sounds far more comfortable with you then most feral are with their people - so is that possible? Another thought (it may not be an option - but we've done this in one very special case): moving her food (and only hers - and only when you see her) bit by bit to somewhere - like an entryway into your home- that can be blocked off when it's time to actually try to trap her/cat carrier her. In other words - leading her (and just her if possible) slowly for a few days or even weeks with food &/or special treats (like canned mackerel, roasted chicken, etc.). It would be an even bigger effort than straight trapping (which it sounds like you know all about!), and likely means picking food up and down more than normal, plus keeping a very close eye for when she's actually there. And only then placing HER food/special treat down - - moving it closer and closer to where you might be able to "hold her" as you get her into a trap/carrier. It does sounds like you've had a very close, special relationship - not your typical "feral" relationship - - and so you may have more options like that. It also sounds like you've built up a relationship she's not going to give up on - anymore than you are!!!! So I think you'll be able to trap her again MUCH more quickly then you thought!

Two small tips - - bait the trap this time with something you've never baited with before. Even small things like that can make her think that "hey - this isn't trapping - - this is a new treat!" Also - if you've got the option to plug in a pheromone dispenser - like Feliway - near the trap, it might calm her around the trap a bit. (Feliway and other similar items can also be bought as sprays- anything that takes the fear out of seeing the trap).

I have a good feeling that she's going to trust far faster then you think - and that you'll get her sooner than you think. I'm sending happy, hopeful vibes from here! :vibes:

And moxiewild moxiewild - hadn't seen anything like that link from Alley Cat - definitely checking that out soon as possible! Covid has turned the world upside down for so many things...not just dining and football. :frown: Very interested to see what another option is!
 

mamaandmimimama

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My two cats were too smart for the trap the second time and I resorted to using a drop cage. I had to do each one separately and make sure no one else was in the area because they would run away when spooked. It took a lot of patience but I was able to pull the string and quickly cover the cage, and slowly coach them into the trapdoor cage so I could transport them back to the vet for a flea bath. Little did I know that fostering them would turn into me being their forever home. Mama even jumps in my lap and loves me to rub her belly!

Best of luck to you :)
 

maggiedemi

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She came back this morning!
Oh she's so pretty! I love her colors. I never trapped my feral Demi, I just sorta tamed him somewhat, then got him to walk into the house. I left the carrier out all the time, so he has never been afraid to go in it. But I realize you might not have time to do all this. Best of luck to you and kitty. Thank you for helping her. ❤
 
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Stefan316

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moxiewild moxiewild kittychick kittychick

I just got her. She seems a little stressed but I hope she realizes that she is safe now. I have been trapping her kids for five litters now. The first time there was three kittens. Sense then it has only been two every time. So its hard to tell if she is pregnant now. I know the last few weeks she has offered me her belly a lot. She would role around at my feet and let me pet her belly. That seemed kind of odd coming 20201229_213848.jpg from a feral cat.
 
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Stefan316

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I tried to go back and edit that post. I added the image mid sentence.
 

maggiedemi

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I know the last few weeks she has offered me her belly a lot. She would role around at my feet and let me pet her belly. That seemed kind of odd
She might be in heat. They get really friendly.
 
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