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Will New Female Kitten Change My Adult Male Cat's Personality? Is It Worth The Risk?

Discussion in 'Cat Behavior' started by Kitcat2017, May 16, 2018.

  1. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
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    Long story alert: but I swear it's worth it because it's about a very nice boy.

    I have a completely indoor 14 month old male cat kid. I've had him since he was 6 months old. He's an amazing kid and has an incredibly lovely, friendly personality. He lovesss belly rubs and being picked up. He answers when I call him by his name and purrs on my shoulder. He has never pooped peed or puked in the house. He follows me around at home and makes me feel like I'm so loved. He comes to the door to say goodbye when I leave for work. When I get back home I see him waiting by the window for me. As soon as I park the car he runs to the door to welcome me back. He never scratches anyone or anything, goes to bed with us wakes up with us, eats when we have dinner and watches tv sitting in between me and his other human. Long story short he's literally the best thing that ever happened to me and he's the love of my life. He's the only one in my life that I know day in and day out will make me happy just with his one little look.

    But...we work 10-12 hours a day and are gone for 13-14 hours everyday. I used be really worried about him being lonely when he was a baby but I think he's okay now. As much as it seems like he not only prefers it this way but likes to have the whole place to himself, a part of me wonders if he gets sad being alone during the day.

    Here's my problem. I have met this 5 month old girl kitty at the shelter today when I went to drop off some donations and I can't stop thinking about her little face! She seemed nice, didn't try to scratch or bite or run away. She loved being held. I want to bring her home but I'm worried about how my boy is going to react. Is it going to change his personality in any way shape or form at all? I could never forgive myself if I lost my goofy, loving, cuddly kid for not thinking this through... Would he pick up her "bad" habits if she has any? Would he feel betrayed or happy to have a companion? Should I just be grateful for the one that I have and not risk our relationship?

    The shelter said she's getting spayed todays I could bring her home tomorrow to foster for 3 days to see how it goes. But 2 of those 3 days I'll be at work all day. What if they attack each other? I don't have the option to isolate them really...

    IF it doesn't work out is it even worth it to turn my existing kid's life upside down for 3 days? What about the new kitten? Wouldn't it be an awful thing to take her back? I'm afraid I'll make both miserable... I'm also worried about the cost a little as we get the best of the bests for my cat and with a new kitten I might have to cut back to best from best of the bests. Is it better to give one kitty a great life than giving 2 kitties a good life? I'm so torn..

    Please help? I have never had a pet before - he's my first kid. I don't know much about multi cat adjustments and I'm losing my mind..

    P.S. if I haven't clarified already - I love my existing cat with all my heart and his well being and happiness is the most important factor. I do not want him to lose his little personality traits.

    Thank you!!!
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2018

  2. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas
    No one has any suggestion for me? :( I'm desperate for guidance...
     

  3. neely

    neely TCS Member Staff Member Forum Helper

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    I think you are acting responsibly to think things through before bringing a new kitten home. Your 14 month old boy sounds like a "delight." :lovecat4: If you don't have the option to isolate them and will be gone from home for a good part of the day this would worry me. However, is there any way you could make an adjustment that perhaps you didn't consider? For example, is there someone who could stay with the cat and kitten while you are at work or keep the new kitty isolated in the bathroom until you get home? There are several excellent Articles which may be able to help you make your decision:
    How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
    Introducing Cats To Cats
    Your Second Cat: How To Choose The Best Friend For Kitty

    Obviously you know your male cat best and only you can make the right decision for him. I would suggest making a list of the pros and cons to help determine what is best for your household. Good luck, please keep us posted. :goodluck:
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2018

  4. Timmer

    Timmer TCS Member Super Cat

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    Cleveland, OH
    Well, I can tell you love your boy and I understand completely. Taking on another cat is a BIG DEAL. It really is. What I would suggest is bring that girl home on a weekend when you are home. Whenever I have taken on a new cat I've made sure I had some days off from work so that I was home to supervise.
    The only other option might be to bring her home and put her in a bedroom. That might be the thing to do anyway so that she can get used to the smells. I would wait a couple of days after her spay surgery too, that way you won't have to deal with stitches being pulled out and so forth. Don't let the shelter rush you.

    I can tell you this, and I am sure you know it already, cats sleep a lot so don't think of your boy being home alone for 13-14 hours a day just sitting there feeling lonely. He is sleeping and looking out windows. He's got stuff to do.
     

  5. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas

    Thank you!!! My cat loves looking out the window. I have live feed home security to watch him all day lol and he seems to enjoy his life.

    The shelter says it'd have to be tomorrow (she's getting spayed today) as if I don't bring her home to foster someone else will... I didn't even think of the stitches till you mentioned! Now I'm worried.. what can I do to keep her comfortable? Is it even fair to put her in such distress right after surgery where she has to meet another cat?
     

  6. catlover73

    catlover73 TCS Member Top Cat

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    You would definitely need a room to separate the new kitten in to give her time to adjust and recover from surgery. I had to isolate my female kitten from my other cats she was already bonded with for a few hours after spay surgery to allow time for the anesthesia to wear off. I took the day off to be with my baby. Once she was fully awake I allowed my adult male she was very bonded with to hang out in the room with us. He was scratching at the door to come in. He layed down on the bed with her and they took a long nap. I did let my other cat in the room later. I had to move a litter box, food and water into my bedroom for 24 hours because Starbuck was not allowed to jump on things.

    I am going to post some articles to give you an idea of what is involved in a proper introduction.

    How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
    Introducing Cats To Cats
    Your Second Cat: How To Choose The Best Friend For Kitty
     
    danteshuman and Kitcat2017 purraised this.

  7. Etarre

    Etarre TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    I'd be worried about getting an accurate picture of how the two cats would interact while one is recovering from surgery, coming off anasthesia, taking pain meds, etc.

    3 days is also a very short time to get a sense of whether the integration will go well, unless it goes perfectly right from the start.

    If the shelter won't work with you on finding a better way to do a trial period, I'd find another shelter. As much as they seem motivated to get this kitten adopted, which is great, rushing someone into an uninformed decision does not seem productive, and they should understand that you're (very reasonably!) worried about your current cat and his happiness.
     
    1CatOverTheLine and PushPurrCatPaws purraised this.

  8. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas
    Thank you!!! I think I am going to take 2 vacation days to be there with her/him.

    I think the only option for me would be to put her in the laundry room. There is no window there though. Do you think she will be fine? Specially if I kept her there at night as we sleep? My biggest fear is my cat will *eventually* accept her but be heartbroken over this and never trust or love me like he does now. If we do decide to keep her past these 3 days.. I think I'll have to continue to lock her up in the laundry room when I go to work? My cat has access to everywhere in the house except the laundry room. That being said the only available room and window is his and I don't think he'd ever want to share that area with her even though he's a lovely boy. He is social I think but he hates it when people come over to our house. He gets nervous and upset and hides under the couch the whole time. Her on the other hand.. they had to separate her from her sister because they were fighting too much. Do you think that's a bad sign that she would fight with her sister? God.. just the taught of Kit Cat cutting down his love/trust/interest in me just 5% less is causing me pain actually..
     

  9. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas

    Thank you! I totally agree! I think it's very short even for me as a human to get used to a new living being around me in the house, forget about a cat accepting another cat. Shelter says to introduce them within two hours or so after slowly introducing each other to their smell and noise.. how bad of an idea is this? My cat also has constipation issues so I'm worried if he'd get mad enough to stop eating or drinking enough water and make it worse..
     

  10. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas

    Thank you!! Am I allowed to hold her knowing that she has had stitches? I just called the shelter and they are saying she won't be on any antibiotics or any other medication.. is that normal? Wouldn't that be too painful for her?
     

  11. Etarre

    Etarre TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    Jan 25, 2018
    Unfortunately, I don't know much about cat integrations or spay surgery.

    If you only have one window, and are worried that the cats will fight over it, there are other ways to introduce interesting things for your cats to watch. Jackson Galaxy recommended a fish tank (securely covered) to one person, and there is a whole channel of videos for cats with squiggly strings and fish and insects and things designed to mesmerize them.

    I don't know how big the window is, but if it's tall, maybe you could get a multi-level cat tree that both could sit on to enable them to share the window...or a cat perch or two at different levels.

    I'd add that while windows are fun, cats can make anything into a toy and invent a ton of games for themselves. They are much more resourceful than humans that way!
     

  12. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas
    Would you say the little one having to be separated from her sister for fighting is a concerning sign? And my adult cat not liking when people come over? Is this a recipe for disaster..
     

  13. neely

    neely TCS Member Staff Member Forum Helper

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    Dec 22, 2005
    Regarding your questions about the spay surgery, here are 2 Articles that I recommend you read through before rather than after you adopt her:
    Spaying And Neutering - What To Look For After Surgery
    Spaying And Neutering - What To Ask Before The Surgery

    Once again as others have suggested, please don't feel rushed into making a decision especially if you think you will have any regrets.
     

  14. PushPurrCatPaws

    PushPurrCatPaws TCS Member Top Cat

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    (I highlighted some of your post in blue... ^)

    In my view, first and foremost, consider your relationship with and responsibility towards the current, settled and happy kitten in your household -- please do think this through and don't make anyone rush your decision! Meeting new lovely kittens at the shelter can pull at your heartstrings, but always remember you must take on the full, 'forever home' commitment -- and you just met the new kitten. Forever commitments don't jive well with impulsivenes.

    :grouphug: :goodluck: :hugs:
     

  15. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas
    Thank you. I totally agree! Would you say it's rather best for me to take her back after 3 days rather than *hoping* it'd work out? I don't want to be impulsive and make decision out of guilt... which I'm already feeling. I'd hate to watch them both live a miserable life. I have never felt so torn and confused before...
     
    PushPurrCatPaws purraised this.

  16. Kitcat2017

    Kitcat2017 Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

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    Jan 20, 2018
    Texas
    The shelter is saying she won't be on any pain medication or antibiotics when I bring her home.. is this normal??!!

    I'm going to get a new litter box and food bowl for her and put them in the laundry room. I'm supposed to pick her up Friday after work. Do you suggest I lock up Kit Cat in the morning before I leave for work? Because kid will be out and about when I return home with the new kitten!
     

  17. KarenKat

    KarenKat Kitty on the half shell, tortie power! Top Cat

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    Apr 4, 2018
    Burlingame, CA
    Regarding if your male cat kid will change personality, I think any person or cat added to a family will definitely change the dynamic, but it doesn't mean in a bad way. I am working on my very first cat integration with my boyfriend Randall's cats Gohan and Trin, and a neighborhood kitty Olive that really needed a home. All three are adult cats. Gohan has been bonded with Randall since he was a tiny feral kitten. They are inseparable. He comes when Randall says his name, he only cuddles in Randall's lap, he "nurses" from Randall's elbow (one day he will break through that skin for that sweet, sweet elbow milk ...). Since we adopted Olive, he's actually gotten more cuddly and affectionate with Randall. He's definitely showing signs of a little more stress, so sometimes he is a little feistier than normal. I would say their dynamic changed, but their bond is as strong as it ever was. I think no matter what happens, your cat will love you.
     

  18. PushPurrCatPaws

    PushPurrCatPaws TCS Member Top Cat

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    May 22, 2015
    I think you are going to have to take some time to write down or think about the pros and cons of either keeping the status quo or choosing to have a household with another kitten in it. Remember, both pet and human relationships are part of a system of interacting and reacting to each other. They can create a LOT of new joy but a lot difficulties too -- if things don't go as planned. And sometimes the roll of the dice gives you a cat with health or behavior issues that may need more-than-normal vet care and $$$. That's part of the commitment.

    I think you might need some input both from people who have many cats, and from others, like me, who --for their own reasons-- have chosen to just have one cat at a time. I personally would never get another cat to specifically be a "companion buddy" for a current cat -- I guess I would get (more than) one essentially in order to save a cat's life and to give it a good, commited home. I feel that putting expectations on another kitten or cat to be a friend and companion to a current cat could possibly end up in disappointment and frustration IF THE CATS DO NOT GET ALONG. It could go really well, or really badly -- or, of course, somewhere in between. Wrapping your head and heart around that and accepting it is half the battle. It will always be up to you, what you decide. I just know that I like having one cat at a time because I really enjoy the closer bond that isn't "diluted", in a way, by having more cats at once. And my cat is pretty dominant, so she probably doesn't mind ruling our household by her royal self anyway!

    You have to know what kind of person you are, and what kind of "purrson" your current cat is -- that will help you to decide on the way forward.
    :redheartpump:
     
    Kitcat2017 purraised this.

  19. danteshuman

    danteshuman TCS Member Top Cat

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    Mar 27, 2017
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    I would ask the shelter if I could try her for a month. If it doesn't look like things will go well I would return her (heart breaking I know) and then look for a nice young kitten. Cats accept kittens eassier than an adult cat. By young kitten I mean 2-3 months old.... 4 months max. Small, annoying and nonthreatening. I would also say the kitten or new cat needs a room of their own. If it doesn't work out you can wait a year or five and then get a kitten when you have a spare room to house the new cat. I can tell you that though my punk annoys the heck out of my sweet baby bear Salem (who used to be an only cat) that Salem does derive comfort, companionship, annoyance and play with his obnoxious younger brother Dante.

    I hope everything works out. Fingers crossed.
     

  20. maggiedemi

    maggiedemi TCS Member Top Cat

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    Mar 26, 2017
    Upstate NY
    My boy cat loves other cats, so maybe yours will too.
     
    danteshuman purraised this.

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